Unwanted

by Mari LaRoche

  To get to the marina, they needed to walk to the end of the street and then down the main road; it was perhaps a mile away. Easy and fast at this pace, perhaps fifteen minutes, and better than paying to leave the car nearby.

  The high-end outdoor clothing Donal had provided was warm and light, worn in layers. It was also surprisingly comfortable and in pleasant shades of red and yellow, so she revised her opinion of his taste. The pajamas still annoyed her.

  Amir had dressed in a similar style, carrying an extra windbreaker with a duffel bag. As they approached the dock, the sound of gulls crying and the surf made Viv’s heart slam against her ribs. That tightness in her chest made it hard to breathe, and tunnel vision set in around the pier and the boats moored to it.

  A deeply tanned, dark-haired man waited by the gate to the dock. Viv paused, wrestling with fear and reluctance.

  If she followed, this would be the very first time she'd ever gone out into the Gulf. Her mind, sensibly terrified of the water that would certainly kill her if she fell into it, warred with her body, stopping her from stepping forward. As if…she could just plunge into the water if her legs decided to take the wrong step, sinking forever, drowning in the chilly darkness, becoming one with the deep. Some portion of her yearned toward that thought. Viv wrapped her arms around herself, and she shivered. Her stomach churned.

  Crossing the Harbor Bridge was difficult; this verged on impossible.

  She was afraid because Ušum had died by drowning. It was not her experience or her fear. She repeated that and breathed slowly, trying to calm her racing heart.

  But she had to do this. She would do this.

  The thin cry of the gull wheeling above pierced the air, sweet and high. She never found their sounds raucous. A cool breeze swept around her, lifting her hair, bringing with it the smell of salt and rotting fish on the clear,

  Staring at Amir, who hadn’t dropped his hand, she extended her own.

  He spoke softly. "Come on. It's easier if you do it all at once."

  Vivian squared her shoulders and stepped through the gate. Her knees trembled, and she walked slowly as they proceeded down the concrete walkway, past row after row of boats moving gently with the waves. She swallowed, as nausea rose. Amir had not let go of her hand and walked beside to her, his presence an odd comfort. It wasn’t as if he could save her if the waters rose up to drown her once they set sail.

  They turned and walked down the gently swaying boards to a yacht docked at the end of the pier.

  “Here’s the Rán.” The young man gave her a practiced smile. “All aboard!”

  She squeezed Amir’s hand. He let her be as she struggled internally, giving her back some of the dignity she’d lost. Irrational fear loomed like a tidal wave, and she concentrated on breathing and counting to get past it.

  The boat before her gleamed white and had three masts. Large to her eyes, though she had no idea how it compared to other sailing boats. Two more men waited on the deck watching as she hesitated. None of the three seemed anything other than human.

  She forced herself forward to the metal ladder. The rungs, cold and wet, stung her hands as she climbed to the deck.

  Standing, avoiding looking at the water surrounding them, Viv controlled her breathing, trying to still the trembling that kept hitting her hands and knees. The captain of the Rán came to greet them, introducing himself and welcoming her aboard, and she focused on his words as if her life depended on them.

  The captain, a ruddy man, whose skin was sunburned almost as red as his hair, looked the part of a captain from every television show she’d seen, down to the white cap. He shook her and Amir’s hands with vigor.

  “You’ve met the deckhands; let them know if you need anything. They’ll take you to your staterooms while I get us underway. Our chef will have breakfast ready in an hour. We’ll be in a good fishing area in about four hours; red snapper for supper tonight. Enjoy the morning!” His infectious laugh lingered in the air as he left.

  8

  Viv clamped her hands together, channeling her nervousness into the grip. The yacht rocked. The other deckhand, blond but still tanned, younger than his coworker, caught her death grip. His brow furrowed and he gazed up at her face intently, as if he were trying to remember something. The he shrugged and gave her a wry smile.

  She supposed he wasn’t used to people looking like they were walking to their doom rather than an enjoyable vacation out on the water. Otherwise, he might have commented on her expression.

  He took them to their cabins, situated opposite each other. Small but comfortable, each had a full-sized bed and small storage area with an attached bathroom. She smiled on autopilot, thanked her escort, shut the door, and collapsed on the bed, rocking back and forth. It had been hard to conceal her anxiety.

  The calm welled up again from deep within her, and she welcomed it. A phantom scent, bittersweet like a memory of a perfume came with it. The boat rode the waves, and the motion sent new shudders down her spine. She jumped when a warm blanket wrapped around her, and a gentle hand rested on her shoulder as the bed dipped.

  “You can get past this, Viv. I’m here. You’re safe. Just focus on my voice.” Amir’s low voice, gentler than his usual crisp tone, offered her a lifeline.

  The fear of exposure to others vanished for the moment, and she hugged him, taking comfort in the contact. When the initial fear abated, she broke away to gaze out the window. Always confront the fear, it’s a thousand times worse if you try to hide from it, she reminded herself.

  Looking down through the cabin window, she could see creatures watching them in the water below. Like horses made entirely of seaweed, they swam by the side of the boat, pacing it, their eyes fixed on the porthole as if they sought a way within.

  The engines purred as the boat’s motion changed.

  Viv turned her face away from the window, back toward the room. While small, it was furnished with exquisite taste, the walls paned in light wood, the fixtures modern and polished to a bright sheen. Donal had spared no expense in setting the trip up.

  Amir released her hands. “Better?”

  The bathroom would have no windows. “For the moment. I’m going to shower again.”

  Inside, though small, it was luxuriously appointed. Viv stroked a white fluffy towel before shedding her clothes and turning on the shower.

  With the blast of hot water, Viv discovered the shower on the boat had better water pressure than the one in Amir's house. Expensive plumbing, perhaps. Shampoo and conditioner were already in the stall. She hurried through the shower. Once she turned the water off, she took a moment to enjoy the lavender and chamomile scented steam, letting the scents soothe her as much as they could.

  Emerging from the stateroom with her newly conditioned hair ruthlessly disciplined into a braid, she peeked out on the deck, holding the door frame. The sails were out and full of wind. The sensation of moving under wind power was less unpleasant. Amir stood in quiet discussion with the captain. He spotted her and waved.

  The older deckhand walked over and smiled at her.

  "Have you ever Gulf fished before?"

  Vivian shook her head. "No. Not this time either, thank you. I don't know about Amir. What kind of fish do people normally catch?"

  "Depends on where we are; around here, we often get red snapper. Captain Wilson knows all the good fishing areas. I’ll set up an extra line, in case you change your mind." Giving her a friendly nod, he moved on to his tasks, wrestling gear onto the deck.

  She retreated and sat on a chair in the lounge, as close to the middle of the ship as she could get, and watched the activity on the deck.

  The sun climbed higher, and the walls and comfortable chair diminished her anxiety. The fear settled enough that exhaustion snuck up and swallowed her whole.

  * * *

  Her eyes opened to a desert-hot wind kicking acrid dust into her throat. Something was hidden in the desert, something that needed to be found, something that wanted her to f
ind it. She had no idea what. She stumbled backward as water closed around her ankles. The briny scent enveloped her, stalking her, and terror ripped through her. She splashed into the water, and it engulfed her; the bitter taste of salt coating her tongue as she was pulled underwater. Something bided here as well. Another thing that desired to be found. Vivian thrashed, trying to get to the surface, then back to the safety of land. The water gently caressed her, and she fought even harder, knowing that to succumb to it was death. Her lungs burned. Light danced on the water’s surface…so close but so far.

  * * *

  Vivian woke with a shuddering gasp, sitting upright and staring around her. The blond hand stared at her with a startled expression. Had she made a noise? Amir hurried over.

  "What's wrong?"

  "Horrible dream."

  It confirmed what they’d been telling her. She was a seer.

  Amir’s hand hovered over her shoulder. "What about?"

  "I dreamed I was searching for something. I was in the desert. Then it was in the sea. And everything was trying to kill me." Vivian shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself. "It was hideous."

  Concerned lines deepened on Amir's face. "Locations? Or actions?

  “Both.” Vivian concentrated on her breathing as Amir waited.

  When she gazed up at him again, his smile was a blend of sadness and hope. “Later, we can try to figure out the location. You’ll probably need to dream it several more times. Try to focus on distinct features, if you can, to make finding them easier."

  Easier said than done. He knows that.

  You’re back?

  For a little while. That was a true dream, the location of the Queen’s key. Finding it isn't easy, and many people will want to know what you saw.

  I’d figured that out. Viv couldn’t keep a dry note out of the thought.

  I think being on the water triggered the vision. More will follow. Weariness pervaded the voice. I think Donal and Amir are both right; you are mage, and physically human but I think the reason you were born that way is so that you could use your magery to transform yourself to the dragon you actually are in your soul. I wish you’d had a chance to practice; you might have been able to give me a body sooner.

  Since I have no idea how…

  Yes. And contrary to Donal’s expectations, practice here in magery will be difficult since your visions have started. I’ll return later.

  Wait…Viv had so many questions, but the presence slipped away. She felt she could trust Ušum to a point, but fear of her identity eroding had joined her other anxieties. Ušum sounded so strong.

  The boat jerked, and activity sprang up on deck. The deckhands took one sail down while the other flapped and lazily filled with air, moving until they tied ropes, stopping the sails from flapping.

  “This is a good spot to fish.” The dark-haired hand beckoned Amir. “You said you wanted to set up tackle?”

  Amir and the younger deckhand settled in chairs to fish. Moments later, he laughed in triumph as a fish landed on the deck, attached to his line. His companion scooped it up before it flopped back over the side.

  The rest of the day crawled as fresh breezes cooled the heat from the sun. The deckhands periodically tried to coax Vivian to the deck, and she steadfastly refused. A portion of her wanted to go out there; the rest of her was too aware of the deeps lurking just below the inviting surface. The knowledge that it wasn’t actually her fear annoyed her, and as the afternoon marched on, she went out on deck to stand by Amir.

  He smiled at her. The warmth of his expression helped contain the anxiety, too. She liked to be near him.

  If only he wasn’t so near the water…she swallowed and counted the rise and drops of the boat to distract herself from the sight.

  After a few moments of companionable quiet, Amir put his hand over hers. Pleasant tingles ran up her arm, a physical reaction that was new. She made a mental note to ask if the sensations—or earlier lack of them—was something to do with Ušum.

  Here was a neutral third party who could also talk about her previous self. Amir had always been scrupulously fair.

  Viv spoke softly, continuing to enjoy his touch. “Tell me about the Seer?”

  His arm tightened for a moment. “She was different from you in many ways.” He answered the unspoken question. “You’re organized, responsible, conscientious. She was a free spirit, always looking for something new to do or experience. She was hazy on the concept of personal property when it came to others’ belongings and very possessive of her own. We met when I was sent to kill her.”

  Viv twisted to stare up at him in surprise.

  Amir’s expression was pensive, though the corners of his mouth turned up.

  “Why were you sent to kill her? Were you punished for not doing it?”

  Amir shrugged. “She was a powerful creature who was associated with the NightQueen. My elders decided to try to curry favor with our father by killing her. The task was far more difficult than I’d planned, and we ended up talking instead. So, we came to an agreement and remained friendly afterward. I’d been expected to die trying, so I never went back to my clan while that leadership continued.”

  “You have since?” Viv asked. She missed her family and didn’t wish that feeling of isolation on him.

  “Yes, that clan head got too aggressive and was killed in a fight with goblins. He forgot arrows have a long reach, and goblins have strong arms. Even those who fly can be killed.” Amir didn’t sound sad.

  “The seer had a huge store of knowledge. She collected facts and information like a magpie and pretty objects too. Like you and your collections of rocks and books. And pens. We’d meet on the shore and talk about what had happened, poetry that humans had created on the land and politics in the sea. She loved to try to detect the patterns within stories and had strong opinions on what was good or bad in them. But a loose grasp of morals, as I said.”

  “Did she ever tell you about her visions or how she found the keys? What exactly happens during the Reckoning?”

  “The Reckoning? It’s a nervous time when the God and Goddess walk among us and survey their creation. The ambitious among the kins, like Morgan and her daughter Brigit, push for Their notice in the limited time They can walk. The energies They shed are hard on the fabric of reality—natural disasters and plagues afflict humanity. To a lesser extent, the other dominions as well, but They prefer to walk here. It’s hard to describe Their sheer presence—many people lose their sense of identity and only want to please Them. Even the strong-willed obey when they order. I usually avoid the places where they manifest, to be honest; I like being my own man.”

  A flood of dry amusement and exasperation welled up within Viv. Ušum was present.

  “That said, it also gives all Their children an opportunity to have grievances redressed, if they’re bold enough; the creators can mend tears in the fabric of reality with their excess energy, repairing the dominions. They can do marvels of healing and creation and battle, depending on their mood. Ušumgallu said that their walking was a needed balance, and so when she received the visions, she went about making sure the pieces of the NightQueen’s key were collected and assembled. Nor did she try to interfere with the Seers for the DayKing and their key.”

  As he spoke, flickers of half-seen images flitted through Viv’s mind. First, an image like the one she’d dreamed, then another, more definite, and another, until she could clearly visualize every aspect of the location. An area of the beach was overlain with a moonlit shimmer as if a gigantic luminous pearl were barely concealed beneath the sand.

  Then a flash of Donal, naked and erect. Viv squirmed; she couldn’t close her eyes in her mind. She felt a drift of warm laughter as the image vanished.

  “Did she ever tell you how she found the pieces?”

  Amir shook his head. “She said it became evident with time. That the dreams became more and more clear. I think that will happen for you, too.”

  Viv drew a deep breath. �
�Could you have killed her?”

  The feeling within could only be described as a disbelieving huff.

  Amir’s laugh combined amusement and startlement. “Probably not. She was the NightQueen’s daughter, and the waters were her home. It was one of the traits that made her hard to kill; breathing water isn’t the easiest skill to learn without practice.”

  “I wasn’t aware it could be learned at all.” Viv’s tone was dry.

  She watched the water and glimpsed transparent people, composed entirely of water, gathered around the Rán. Curious faces marked with hunger, their large, lidless eyes watching her. Long-fingered, narrow hands caressed the waves.

  “What are those?”

  “Elementals; they move back and forth between their realm and this one. It means we’re close to the passage into one of the sea-dominated dominions.” Amir nodded. “Good. If Brigit turned someone on the boat, they’ll likely act soon. And now we have a confirmed escape route. If nothing else, we dive for the water, and I open a gate to the sea realm.”

  Worried, Viv remembered the deck hand’s strange look earlier. She hated wondering what people might be hiding.

  9

  The bell rang for the evening meal as Viv absorbed Amir’s statement. She wanted to know more but couldn’t ask… The thought of going into the water still made fear rise. She hurried into the salon ahead of Amir, who was securing the tackle. There had been a picnic lunch at midday, but the supper that followed when she and Amir were seated was a marvel. The fish he’d caught, meltingly tender in a sauce, was served with creamed spinach and tiny potatoes.

  Pff. Vegetables are what food eats.

  A fanciful dessert mostly composed of chocolate and cream had sealed her full approval.

  The chef, a rail-thin young woman, came up when requested, smiling when both of them praised the delicious meal.