Fractured

by René, Dani

  My mother kept me back from boys, from dating, and from doing all the things other girls my age did when they were much younger. But I decided that today is the day I finally tell JD how I feel.

  I can’t wait to see him. For me to keep my emotions a secret for so long has been difficult, and even though he’s never tried to kiss me, I know he feels something between us.

  On my sixteenth birthday, I was almost sure he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. We’ve been close but never as close as I imagined us to be. Momma likes him, she thinks he’s a good boy, and she told me that once I’m old enough, she’ll give us her blessing, but it’s not her I’m worried about—it’s JD’s parents.

  For years, I had a feeling something was going to happen, that JD would be forced to do something he possibly doesn’t want to. And he wouldn’t have a choice. JD’s dad has expectations of his son. Being friends with him would only anger his dad, so we’ve always kept it a secret. We’d meet at school or my house, but never at his place. The sadness of not being accepted still lingers, even though I’ve become accustomed to it.

  JD is nothing like his dad, and I know he would never abandon me. But we still need to be careful because Mr. Montagu, JD’s dad, is scary.

  “Happy birthday, sweet girl,” Momma says as she enters the kitchen. Her smile is bright; she’s holding a big box.

  “Thanks, Momma,” I say, kissing her on the cheek, and she pulls me into her arms. It feels like a sad moment as she looks at me with her glossy eyes. It’s almost as if she’s going to say goodbye, and I think briefly of my dad. My chest aches, the reminder of losing him so suddenly, knowing in my heart I wouldn’t survive losing my momma as well.

  “I’m so proud of you,” she tells me. “All I ever wanted was to see you become a woman, and now that you’re eighteen, I would like to take you down to the club, and we’ll sing together tonight.”

  She shifts the large box toward me. My heart leaps into my throat. Excitement bubbles in my chest at the thought of singing where my mother first stood on stage.

  It’s an old jazz club, and I’ve been begging her to take me for a few years. “Thank you, Momma,” I squeal. “I’m so excited.” I’m pulling at the box when a knock sounds at the door.

  “I’ll get that. You open your gift,” she tells me and leaves me in the small dining area as I tug at the lid. Inside is a sleek, gold dress with sparkles in the material. It shines under the soft light streaming through the window.

  “Happy birthday, songbird,” JD says as he enters the room. He looks so good dressed in a pair of dark slacks and a white shirt, and his short, black, spiky hair is sticking up in all directions. He’s grown into a man, with a dark dusting of stubble on his jaw, and his deep-brown eyes shining with affection. He’s twenty-one now, and he looks it.

  “I didn’t know you were coming so early,” I tell him. He pulls me into his arms, wrapping me in his cinnamon-and-apple scent. His cologne has always been my favorite smell. I found solace in his arms, comfort in his embrace, and in his words, I found happiness.

  I didn’t know it then. It took me years to figure out that I fell in love with James Dylan Montagu when I was only eight years old. And I plan on telling him today.

  “I wanted to see you before I head to a meeting with my father. He wants to see me for something. Not sure what.” My stomach drops, and my gut churns with anxiety. There’s something off about his words. I don’t like the fact that he’s going to see his father, because the last time he did, JD was told he would follow in his father’s footsteps and join the navy.

  “Why? I thought you were going to meet with Jackson and interview for a job with Cole Security?”

  “Dad wants me at his office first,” JD tells me. “But I’ll see you tonight, don’t worry,” he assures me, but even as he says the words, the tension in my shoulders tightens, and my throat has a lump so big I can’t swallow past it. Fear grips me at the thought of losing JD. Not that he would leave me, but the thought of not seeing him again has me worried. More worried than I ever thought I’d be.

  “Okay.” Even though I try to sound confident, I can hear the falter in my voice. The crack of emotion that drenches the word.

  JD cups my cheeks, swiping the pads of his thumbs along my face. His touch is gentle, but it sparks to life every nerve in my body. “Don’t be afraid, songbird, I’ll come and listen to you sing.” He sounds so sure, so confident. That’s JD. He has never had any doubt about our friendship, whereas I have questioned why he stuck by me all these years. It made no sense that someone so perfectly beautiful could want a girl like me.

  “Okay, I said okay,” I finally respond, hoping to sound excited rather than wary about what’s coming. I have always had a sixth sense. I could tell when something bad was going to happen, and this time, it’s no different.

  “Good.” He says with confidence. “Do you want to walk with me in the park before I go?” The corner of his mouth quirks into a small grin, and my stomach flip-flops. Perhaps he’ll finally kiss me. When JD releases me, he steps back, and I’m suddenly cold, missing the heat he emanates like a cologne.

  “Momma!”

  “I’m right here, sweet girl.” My mother comes down the hallway. I can hear her heels clicking on the wooden floor. She’s dressed for work, looking beautiful as she smiles over at us.

  “I’m going to walk in the park with JD. He’s going to meet with his father at the offices.”

  “That’s fine,” she says, then glances at my best friend, my first love, and hopefully, my only love. “Will we see you tonight?”

  “Of course, Ms. Starling. I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” JD says, offering a tip of his head. “I can’t wait to hear both of you sing.”

  “Did you tell him before you told me, Momma?” I question her, my gaze swooping between the two of them.

  “I needed someone to tell the exciting news to,” Momma teases, winking at me before she heads into the kitchen.

  JD glances at me, a sly smile on his lips, and I realize when I asked him last week what he wanted to do for my birthday and he couldn’t give me a straight answer, that’s what he was hiding. “I had to keep it a secret.”

  I grab my phone and keys before calling out, “Bye, Momma, see you later.”

  “See you later, kids,” she calls to us.

  “Can’t wait, Mrs. S,” JD shouts, and I grab my coat, shrugging it on with the help of JD. “It was so difficult keeping it from you, songbird,” he teases in my ear, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.

  “Ugh, both of you,” I grunt in frustration that they were conspiring against me. Even though it was a good surprise, he knows I hate them.

  “You know you love me,” JD says suddenly, causing my heart to lurch in my chest. The door shuts behind us, leaving us inches apart in the hallway. We’ve been alone before, but this feels different. It feels like more.

  There’s love between us. He’s just said it. JD’s eyes are locked on mine. He doesn’t seem perturbed that he just admitted to knowing I love him. He doesn’t even look like he regrets it because there’s a relaxed expression on his handsome face. Full, pink lips part slightly as he breathes. His sharp nose, angular jaw, and the dark dusting of stubble on his face make him look mature.

  But it’s his mischievous eyes that make him seem playful, friendly. They shimmer under thick, black lashes. I want to lean up and kiss him right now. But I don’t.

  The air is heavy with promise, with the truth. It’s now or never, and if I don’t say it now, I don’t know when I’ll find the courage to ever mutter it again. So, I take my chance.

  “I do,” I finally admit.

  It takes him a second to realize what I said, and then a smile appears on his face. The corners of his mouth tilt upward, offering up a view of his perfect, pearly-white teeth.

  He captures my face in his hands, stopping us as we stand there, grinning like crazy people. His eyes shine with so much affection I’m breathless when he finally leans in
, and his lips mold to mine.

  My first kiss.

  It’s soft and tender as JD’s tongue sweeps along my lips, and I open them for him. We taste each other slow, savoring every single moment. My hands tangle around his neck. We’re inches apart, and I wish we could get closer. He’s warm, comforting, and I never want this to end.

  After long moments of tasting him, kissing him, feeling him harden against my stomach, he breaks us apart. Those eyes that I’ve come to fall in love with look down at me with admiration that makes my heart skip multiple beats.

  “I love you,” he admits in a whisper heavy with emotion. My eyes burn with tears as I look up at him.

  “And I love you. I always have.” I finally voice what I’ve wanted to tell him for so long. It’s as if the dam has broken and all the emotions that were locked up flow from me and I can’t stop giggling.

  “Now, let’s go for our walk before your momma comes out here to kick my ass for kissing her little girl.” With a cocky wink, JD laces his fingers with mine, and we head down the hallway.

  JD is not just a cute boy anymore.

  He’s a breathtakingly handsome man.

  Chapter Six

  JD

  My father looks at me with those eyes that seem to pierce right through me. He doesn’t know what he’s just said. The curveball he’s thrown into my life will not only break apart Autumn and me; it may push her away for good.

  I spent two years ignoring the fact that my father wanted me to join the forces, and now that he's telling me I’m going, it has only broken me down.

  He doesn’t say anything more. His expression is filled with snide satisfaction. He’s proud of himself; he likes seeing me hurt, angry. Even though he’s meant to be good to me, to ensure my happiness and safety, he’s been nothing more than a man who lives in the same house as me.

  I push off the chair and look at him from my full height, needing it to fight for what I want. We came to an agreement a while ago that I would be able to choose my career. And now that I can, now that I’ve finished studying, I’m being forced into something he wants. “I want to work for Jackson. Cole Security is my future.”

  “Your future is to do as I say.”

  “What the fuck, Dad?” I bite out, pacing his pristine, modern office. The view of Central Park greets me every time I walk to the left of his desk, and when I turn to the right, all I see are dark, wooden bookshelves filled with spines that offer up reference books rather than fiction.

  “Language,” he warns in his no-nonsense tone. I may be twenty-one, an adult, but my father still sees me as the little boy he rules over like a king over his subjects.

  “You know what I planned. This wasn’t part of it.” I spin on my heel as frustration takes hold of me. He’s doing this on purpose. I don’t know why, I have no idea how a father could hate his son so much, but my father hates me. I know he does.

  “I’m doing what’s best for you, James. You’ll thank me later in life. You may not understand it now, but you will.” The stern tone of his voice tells me I’m not to argue, but I want to.

  “You promised the moment I was old enough, I could find my own way.” I meet his stare, hoping he’ll see I’m right. When I was eighteen, I asked him if I could work for Cole Security. He knew what I wanted; now he’s going back on his word. He promised to let me be when I came of age. In his eyes, that was meant to be twenty-one.

  “You will follow in my footsteps and that of your grandfather’s.” He pushes up from his desk, rounding it to stand in front of me. There’s tension in the room, it’s got a hold of me, and I know it’s not going to let go for a long time.

  The problem is, he wants me to leave tonight, and that means I won’t get a chance to see Autumn before I leave. On her birthday. That is unacceptable, and my father knows it. Suddenly, my mind flits with recognition. That’s why he wants me to leave tonight. He knows about Autumn.

  We’ve hidden our friendship for so long. For years, we had to meet only at school, until her mother allowed us to sit and do our homework in their dining room.

  And this morning, I should’ve been more careful. It was stupid of me to think my father wouldn’t have me followed. We walked through the park, hand-in-hand, and I thought nothing of it because we had finally admitted our feelings.

  But if he only found out today, how would he have figured out it was her birthday within the time she left me to the time I walked into his office? That was nothing more than five to ten minutes at the most.

  “Please,” I plead, trying a different tactic. Perhaps if I calmed down, he’d see reason. I meet his eyes, the same ones I have, and yet, I see no affection in them. They’re nothing like mine.

  One thing I learned early on about my father is he’s nothing more than a cold-hearted bastard.

  “I’ve made my decision. You’ll leave tonight, and I also want to warn you, that girl you’ve been gallivanting around with, she’s not to come near you again. Do you understand me?” His tone turns dark, foreboding, and I know I shouldn’t answer him, but I do.

  “She’s my best friend. You cannot—”

  “I can, and I fucking will. If you want to know that she’s safe, you’ll stay away from her. Am I understood, James Dylan Montagu?” he bites out through clenched teeth. His jaw ticks with frustration and I’m tempted to punch him, to call his bluff, but I know for a fact my father has far too many contacts that could do something to Autumn.

  “Just allow me to say goodbye,” I beg. This time, I fucking plead. I can’t just walk away. She’ll think I don’t love her, but I do. When she said, "I do," earlier, agreeing to the fact that she loves me, I knew I couldn’t walk away from her. I knew she would always hold my heart. No matter where I was or what I was doing, Autumn would own that part of me, and my body and soul as well.

  I gave her my heart when I was eleven years old, and I never plan to take it back. Even if she tells me she doesn’t want me in her life anymore. I’m hers. I always will be.

  “There will be no goodbyes. You’ll go home and pack, and if I hear that you broke my rules, I will ensure that your little friend never sees the light of day again.” The threat is clear, the warning ringing in my ears, but I don’t respond. I turn and storm out of his office, slamming the door so hard it reverberates through the rest of the space beyond.

  Anger moves me forward. I don’t look at anyone around me; my focus is on the elevator. I will get a message to her. And he won’t know what I’ve done. I can’t just walk away without even letting her know I’m being forced out.

  I don’t know how long my father has known about my friendship with Autumn. Perhaps he’s known all along. Maybe he watched from a distance until he knew there was no longer anything stopping us from being together. She’s eighteen, of age. I’m twenty-one. Nothing could come between us—except my father.

  When I finally step out onto the street, I stop for a moment, breathing deeply as my father’s town car pulls up to the sidewalk. I’m tempted to tell the driver I’m taking a cab, but I know if I did that, Dad would know I’m going to see Autumn, and I can’t risk her safety.

  “Take me to the house,” I tell the driver as I slip into the back seat and pull out my phone, but I don’t message her. I know he’ll have tapped my phone by now. One thing I know about my father is he has connections, and he’s resourceful. He will be watching me closely over the next eight hours.

  I’ve wanted nothing more than to work for Jackson Cole, the owner of Cole Security. They’re a team of retired Navy SEALs that now offer security services, and I’ve wanted to join the team since I turned sixteen. I believed my father would allow me to live my own life, but being a Montagu, I realize now he will never allow me my freedom.

  As the car makes its way to the Upper West Side, I focus on the need to call Autumn. My mind flits to the orders given to me by the man I’ve allowed myself to trust with my future. The thought of moving away, of not seeing Autumn for I don’t know how long, it makes my chest ach
e.

  When we pull up to the house, I’m out of the car and heading to the door without taking leave of our driver. Inside, I slam the door shut and lean against it. I should’ve grabbed a burner phone somewhere, but he’ll have eyes on me.

  Racing up the stairs, I make it to my room and grab my suitcase to pack. Once it’s open on my bed, I stand back and stare at my closet. My heart isn’t in this. My mind isn’t even in it. Frustration burns in my veins when I think about my father’s cold words. My phone buzzes in my pocket, and when I pull it out, I see my girl’s name on the screen. It would take a second to respond, but I know the moment I do, she’ll be in danger. So, I don’t open her message. I don’t even look at her words because I’ll get myself into trouble. And I’ll put her in the firing line.

  Instead of opening the message, I focus on packing. But even as I move around my bedroom, the glaring phone sits on my bed. Shaking my head, I pull out the clothes I think I’ll need. No suits and shirts, no fancy shoes. I’m heading to training, so it’s jeans and tees along with sneakers I’m not bothered about getting dirty.

  My gut churns with every alert on my phone, and soon enough, I pick it up and open the first message.

  Autumn: How did it go? I was thinking about getting a milkshake before the show. Did you want to join me?

  Autumn: Where are you?

  Autumn: Is everything okay? Did your dad give you grief about wanting to meet with Jackson?

  Autumn: You’re scaring me now, JD. Please tell me you’re okay. All day I’ve had this bad feeling in my stomach. If you don’t respond, I’ll know it’s because he’s making you ignore me.

  Each message, every word slices another gash into my chest. But it’s the last one that breaks my heart completely, and I know she’ll never forgive me, and she will always hate me.

  Autumn: I guess our friendship has finally come to an end. I didn’t think it would end with you ignoring me. Even after I spilled out my feelings like an idiot. I should’ve known better. Take care of yourself, JD. Remember, you’re nothing like him. Goodbye.