by René, Dani
“You’re never alone. We both love you so much.”
I nod. “I know. I love you both too. Right now, all I want to do is sleep. I feel exhausted, but JD can come inside,” I tell her, and she reluctantly releases my hand before she heads to the door. A few whispers pass, and then JD is on the threshold of my room. He looks like he’s been awake for days.
“Hey, you.” He smiles, but I can tell he’s restraining himself from rushing for me. “I missed you so much,” JD tells me.
“I’m going to grab some coffee. Would you like one, JD?”
“Yes, please.” He grins at my mom before we’re left alone in the room. I lift my hand, gesturing for him to come closer, and when he does, our fingers touch.
“Thank you for saving me,” I tell him, my voice thick with emotion that’s captured me, holding me hostage to the feelings that race through me.
“I can’t even explain how it felt knowing you were gone. Knowing that asshole had you. I spent my time with the team scouring the warehouses for you until I could hold you again.”
I recall the warehouse but shake my head to clear my mind of the image. “Your dad . . .”
JD nods. “Yeah, he was murdered while working undercover.” His voice is pained. “I don’t even know how to feel about it. For years we were at odds, and as much as we fought, he was still my dad, you know?”
“Parents are always going to fight for what’s best for us.”
“But he forced me to leave. He sent me away, and all I wanted was you.” There’s an urgency to his voice, one that tugs at the strings of my heart. “I wanted you to be mine. Nothing would’ve made me happier than to have you as my girl. To be able to walk hand-in-hand with you.”
“Perhaps fate has given us a second chance?” I offer with a shy smile. When he leans in, I close my eyes for the kiss, but the moment our lips touch, the coldness from them returns with a vengeance, and all I see are the men’s faces. I push JD away from me, and I don’t miss the hurt that streaks his face. “I’m sorry. I—I need time.”
He nods slowly. “I get it. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t. It’s my mind playing tricks on me.” Tears burn my eyes as I watch JD move away from me. I don’t know how long I’m going to need, and all I can do is pray he’ll wait for me.
His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he pulls it out, tapping the screen before scanning whatever message he’s just received.
“Shit,” he curses. “I have to go.” His gaze lands on me. “I’ll wait forever for you, songbird. Until you’re ready, I’ll be here.” His promise warms my chest, and I can’t help but smile.
“I love you,” I remind him.
“I love you too.” He doesn’t lean in to kiss me again, and I don’t blame him. My heart aches for what I just did to my best friend, my first love. All he offers is a smile before he turns around. And then he’s gone, and my eyes flutter closed as exhaustion takes hold of me.
I’m shoved into the room with a grunt. The door shuts behind me. But the commotion outside is enough to have my ears prickling. Every sound makes me jump. I need to stay quiet, but it’s difficult when fear has a hold of you.
The place we’ve been brought to is beautiful. I can’t deny that, and thankfully, I haven’t been violated, but the way the clients grab at me . . . and my stomach is still aching from not being fed for I’m not sure how long.
I’ve lost count of the days.
The girls in the room with me are also bruised, one of them bleeding, but I don’t know what happened because she’s too scared to even look at the rest of us. She’s huddled in a corner.
“They’ll be taken to the mansion to work.” A rumble comes from the other side of the door, and a chuckle follows it. The cramped position I’m in hurts my stomach. Music blares to life from somewhere, and I’m not sure where they’re taking us, but I close my eyes and pray.
The rest of the girls I saw were hidden in other rooms within the large house, and I’m not sure where they are, but I don’t chance moving in case the men open the door and get angry.
But the moment the whoosh comes, the man walks in. I don’t know him, I don’t recognize his smug expression and a coil of fear tightens around my stomach, squeezing.
The stranger is dressed in an expensive suit and a white shirt with a bright red tie. His gaze rakes over us, each one. But when it lands on me, he stills, and a smirk forms on his face.
“This one is special,” he speaks, but he doesn’t look at the man beside him. Instead, his focus is on me. A shiver wracks my body when I’m hauled to my feet and tugged along behind them.
My heart has been turned to stone, and my soul is fractured.
I’m fearful every time my eyes open in the mornings. And I have a feeling the calmness that surrounded us girls will soon be gone. The language the men shouts has become familiar, even though I don’t understand it. It’s only when he walks in that they speak English.
I close my eyes and think of JD. It’s the only thing I can do when it becomes difficult. His eyes, his smile, everything about him keeps me calm.
I’m pulled down a long, dark corridor until I’m forced into the room where the clients come to. The club. Suddenly, I’m shoved against the wall, held by three men. The wealthy man turns to look at me, the evil glint in his eye sparkling like diamonds, but they’re not beautiful — they’re sinister.
His hand drops to his zipper, and I scream.
“NO!”
Shooting up in bed, I glance around the room, my throat burning from the word wrenched from my mouth, and I find my mother and JD both on their feet, one on each side of my bed.
“What’s happened?” I realize the sun is shining. I’ve been asleep all night.
“You’re safe,” JD assures me. His gaze is soft, filled with love I haven’t seen in a long while. It’s the way he’s always looked at me. His hand soothes mine with a gentle touch, so warm, so tender, tears fall from my eyes. “You’re just having a nightmare.” His voice is calm, reminding me of why he was my rock when I was taken. JD silently lifts his hand again when my mother comes toward me with the water.
“Here’s something to drink, darling,” my mother tells me as she hands me the plastic cup, and I take long sips.
“I’m sorry.” My mumble has my tears tingling at the corners of my eyes. The heartbreak has taken hold of me, and all I want is to be Autumn again, but it feels as if I can’t be.
“Listen to me,” my mother demands. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re safe, and we love you.”
“I should be the one apologizing,” JD tells me. “There are a lot of reasons I say that, but the main one would be that if it weren’t for my father’s job and my mother’s involvement, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Your mother?”
JD nods slowly, his gaze on mine, and tension causes his shoulders to rise, and he straightens his posture. His handsome face is pained. “She was behind Christopher’s operation. Because of my father’s connections, my mother was able to feed information to Marlin, and that’s how he knew about you.”
My stomach bottoms out, and my heart sinks. In the space of weeks, JD has lost his dad, and now he’s just found out his mother is a criminal.
“This is not your fault,” I tell him. “You saved me.” I realize we’re both hurting in different ways, and deep down, my chest aches because I’m scared this will only leave us both broken.
But then he lifts his gaze, his eyes locking on mine. A small glimmer of hope sparks in his eyes, and I reach my free hand out to him. We hold each other like that for a long while. My mother stroking my hair back, her gentle touch, along with JD’s strong hold, makes my soul lighter.
Perhaps all we need is time.
Chapter Twenty-One
JD
I’ve been so tense around Autumn, and now that we’re at the funeral together, I notice just how much she’s been with me even though she’s hurting.
It’s like I c
an feel her agony, and it’s twisting me up inside. Losing my father was one thing, but knowing my mother is a lying bitch who cheated on my father with a criminal is something else. And knowing that I failed Autumn when I swore to protect her is another thing altogether.
Her eyes are not on me, not at the moment. She’s standing beside her mother with her eyes cast down on the coffin. Each day that passes, I see a little more of Autumn coming out, but she’s still not herself.
My focus is so glued on my girl I don’t notice Jackson sidling up next to me. The rest of the team is here, as well as the feds who worked with my dad.
I remember how much he would tell me how his funeral would be the biggest party with all the people he held dear to him. The only one missing is my mother.
Autumn glances up, and she offers a sweet smile. But she’s still a ghost of the girl I knew as a teen. The moment I saw those eyes when we found her in that room, I broke. My heart cracked, and those fissures kept widening, leaving gaping holes where there once was love for the girl I lost.
“Hey, JD,” Jackson murmurs in my ear. “How is your girl doing?” His question forces me to turn away from her, and I meet my boss’s enquiring stare.
“She’s coming out of her shell, even though I can see her still lost in thought at times,” I tell him honestly. “I still feel guilty. I mean, I should’ve been here, and none of this would’ve happened.” Even though we’re boss and employee, Jackson’s been here for me through everything. Since I’ve become a permanent part of Cole Security now, I’m considered one of the team. It feels good to have a family. Even if they’re not blood.
“You haven’t failed anyone, JD,” he tells me, slapping me on the back in a show of camaraderie. “We all have people in our lives who go their own way for a while, and if we’re meant to find them again, we will. You found her.”
“I love her.”
“Then show her. Take the lead. She may be hurting, but it will be your strength that gets her through.” He’s right. I need to man-the-fuck-up and claim my girl. Each time I touch her, I notice the wince, but I need to show her it’s me, not some asshole’s hands on her.
“Thanks, man.”
“We’re heading back tonight. You let me know when you’re ready to come back,” Jackson tells me, gesturing with his chin toward the hole in the ground being filled. “No rush. Losing your father isn’t easy.”
“I’ll give you a call tomorrow. Thanks again for everything,” I acknowledge before he walks off. I turn my attention to the mound of dirt. I don’t cry. I can’t. Once the grave is filled, I’m met with handshakes and condolences from people I don’t know.
When the crowd thins and I’m left alone for a moment of reprieve, Autumn joins me. She doesn’t touch me, but I feel her all over. It’s always been like this with us. A connection that wasn’t severed, even in the dire circumstances we’ve survived.
“I’m sorry,” she says, but she doesn’t look at me. “I know how you feel.” She does. Autumn lost her father when she was a child, and it doesn’t matter what age you are, it hurts all the same.
“Thank you for being here,” I tell her. Taking a chance, I slip my hand in hers, and for the first time in a while, she doesn’t wince. She doesn’t pull away from me. “Jackson has offered me a full-time job with Cole Security.”
A gasp falls from her lips. “That’s exciting. I’m so happy for you,” she congratulates me, her eyes on my face. But I don’t smile. “What’s wrong? You seem unsure.”
I take a long, deep breath because I know what I’m about to tell her is going to be the challenge we will need to face together. As much as I want her to say yes, I also don’t want to force her into anything. “I want to move, get out of New York.”
“You’re leaving?” The crack in her voice has me turning my full attention on her. The pretty eyes that have always held me hostage do so now. The questions that dance in them make me ask her.
“Will you come with me?”
Autumn’s mouth opens, then closes. She doesn’t respond right away, and I’m sure she’s about to refuse. I’m asking her to leave her life here and move to another state just to be with me. It’s unfair to her, but I want nothing more than to hold her every night and wake up to her each morning.
“When are you leaving?” she asks instead of answering my question.
Jackson said not to rush, but I would like to get to work as soon as possible. I want to focus on something good, helping people, rather than looking back and seeing the darkness my life has become.
“I’m not sure. Perhaps at the end of the week. Jackson said I should let him know. He understands that burying my father isn’t easy, and I have to pack up the penthouse, make sure it’s secured until I decide what I’d like to do with it.” I never want to step foot inside that place again. It’s brought pain and heartache, and I’m tired of it. “I want you in my life, and I’ll take anything you’re willing to give. I don’t want to force—”
“Yes,” she interrupts me suddenly, the one word a salve to my aching soul. “I’ll go with you.” A small smile dances on her lips, and this time, she’s the one who leans up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to the side of my mouth. As much as I’d like to deepen the connection, I don’t. She needs to be in control, and I’ll allow her that.
For now.
Because I want her.
And I will make her mine.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Autumn
Since JD asked me to move with him, he’s been around every day, taking me out, walking through the park. But most of all, he’s been patient with me.
I know he would never hurt me, and being home again keeps me calm, but there are times I’m still haunted by what happened. We’ve taken it each day at a time, and now that I’ve packed and we’re about to head to the airport, I know it’s the right decision for me.
When I spoke to Momma and told her, she gave us her blessing. JD offered for her to come along, but her life is here. The man, Christopher Marlin, has a court hearing in a couple of weeks, and even though he’s locked up, along with JD’s mother, I still have this innate fear that one day I’ll come face-to-face with them again.
Jackson told us that there would be no way they’ll get out on bail with the evidence stacked against them. And that puts me at ease, just a bit.
I have a feeling JD is hurt that I haven’t allowed him close to me. But I know that once we’re settled in our new home, I’ll be able to put this behind me in a way that allows me to let him in. I want that more than anything because I yearn for his closeness.
I think a fresh start is what we both need to attempt to move on. Our relationship is still new, and we’ve overcome challenges that most couples don’t have in the early days of confessing their love, but I believe we’re strong.
At times, I feel like JD still blames himself for what happened. And as much as I want to tell him it’s not his fault, he’s stubborn. Hopefully, with New York in our rearview mirror, we’ll be able to do that.
I don’t blame him.
I never did.
My bedroom door slides open, and my mother enters holding my favorite mug. When she sets it down on the nightstand, I notice the marshmallows floating on top.
“How are you feeling?”
“I miss being me.” My answer is honest. Raw. The pain in my throat that’s nearly healed is a reminder of what I experienced, and I just want it all to go away. Pain makes us stronger, and after my ordeal, I should feel like superwoman.
“I have to be honest with you, sweet girl. You’re more than what you experienced. I know it takes time to heal, to overcome, but I know you will. I’m happy for you and JD. I think a new city and a new adventure is what you both need.” My mother’s words are a salve to my wounds, those internal scars that seem to haunt me.
“I just don’t know how to let him back in,” I tell her honestly. “I want us to go back to the time before he left, before I was . . .”
“Listen to me
.” Momma looks at me with the stern expression she keeps hidden and only allows out when she needs to get my attention. “A long time ago, your father and I broke up. We were apart for six months. In those months, I was dating someone else. A guy I thought would love me. He certainly showed it.”
I’m shocked, but when Momma looks at me, she offers me a sad smile. I didn’t know my parents were ever apart. When Dad was alive, he always looked like he doted on my momma. I knew she was his first love, and I honestly thought my dad was the only one for Momma.
“I was frivolous in my choices, and I ran off with a musician who offered me the world.” The break in my mother’s voice slams into my chest. I know something bad is coming, it’s clear, but I don’t interrupt her. I want to hold her, to tell her it’s okay, but I need to hear what she’s telling me.
She sighs, and I can tell there’s disappointment in her heart. My mother has never looked so torn. I wonder briefly if she’s considering not telling me what happened.
“I thought love was what I was experiencing. I stood by him when he did things I never wanted him to do. He touched me in ways I wasn’t ready for. Your father never did, he respected my wishes, but . . .” She pulls in a deep breath, her eyes closing for a long moment. “When I found my way back to your dad, I was broken,” Momma tells me, meeting my gaze. “I couldn’t stand his fingers on my hand or his lips on my cheek. Everything he did reminded me of the violence that I suffered.”
“Momma—”
“But over time, your father was there. He waited patiently. It took a while for me to love his touch, hunger for his kiss. But I needed to work through it on my own time, and he understood that.”
“Are you trying to tell me that JD will wait for me?” I ask before picking up my hot chocolate and stealing a marshmallow, then popping it into my mouth.
“I’ll wait forever for you,” JD says from the doorway. He’s dressed in a pair of black combat pants, heavy black boots, and a tee that’s a snug fit showing off his muscled body.
