by René, Dani
“I’ll leave you both to talk,” Momma tells me with a conspiratorial wink. These two have been working together to look after me, to ensure I’m getting well, and to make sure not only my body heals but my heart as well.
Once my mom is gone, JD settles himself on the desk chair, but his gaze is on me. I know I’ve been difficult to be around, especially for him, but looking at him now, I want him to hold me.
“I wanted your mom to give you and me some advice on how to venture through this.” He speaks slowly, his voice low, a calming whisper. “I’m so fucking angry; I can’t find it in me to forgive myself for letting you go through what you did. But then I look at you, and I know I managed to find you, and I’m happy. I’m torn in two, and I don’t know how to find myself again. The only time I feel real, feel whole, is when you’re here.”
“First, what I went through has nothing to do with you, and I don’t mean that in a horrible way. What I mean is, you weren’t here, and you had no clue what your mother was doing and that the man would come after me.”
JD shakes his head. “I saw her before they took her away, Autumn. She told me she knew about us long before my father ever did. Because of her relationship with Marlin, she figured you’d be collateral she could use against Dad. Against me.” He looks at me, the guilt and remorse burning in his gaze. “I should never have sent you that video.”
“That video was what helped me survive the nightmare,” I tell him. Setting my mug down, I push off the bed and pad over to where JD is sitting. Slowly, I sink to my knees, holding onto his thighs. This is the closest we’ve been in a long while. When they found me, he carried me to the car, but that was it. We didn’t touch, we didn’t hug for so long, and now that my hands are on his thighs, I feel the connection I sorely missed.
“All I wanted was to keep you safe, but I left. I knew I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye, without telling you how much I love you.” His voice, his words, they heal my heart, and I feel it right down into my soul.
It’s been so hard for me to find that part of myself. The one that loved him more than life itself. Most people would say it’s not healthy to love so much, to love so deeply, but with JD, I had no choice.
“Can we take it slow?” I ask, peeking up at him. There’s so much we have to do in life, so many experiences we still have to go through. I have college, he has his new job, and I know that we can survive this if we try.
“Like I said earlier, I’ll wait forever for you. Fractured, broken, shattered, you’re mine. And all those pieces you feel like you’ve been torn into, I’ll hold them close until you’re whole again.”
I lean in, laying my head on JD’s thigh, the scent of him enveloping me. I feel safe for the first time in a long while. It’s been so long since I’ve felt him near me, I feel like I’m dreaming and I’m about to wake up to him gone again.
But his hand strokes my hair, his fingers slowly massaging my scalp, and I can’t help but allow my eyes to flutter closed. The feeling is calming, relaxing, and I allow myself to breathe deeply and calmly. My heart doesn’t slam erratically against my chest. It’s merely thrumming at his touch.
“I don’t know how long it’s going to take,” I admit.
“I don’t care. As long as you don’t leave me again, I’ll be here.” His voice is confident. Filled with the surety that I’m his and he is mine. I knew it the moment I looked into his eyes all those years ago. Ten long years I’ve known him, I learned who he was and what his dreams were. And over that time, I knew that I was always in his plans.
Now that I know he’s more than a friend, I find my heart filled with the love I’ve always felt for him. After everything I’ve been through, JD has been patient and kind, like I always knew he was. But more so now that he’s watched me hurt and offered me the salve I needed with his presence. I’m smiling because I know we’re here together.
For a long, long time.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Autumn
It’s only been a couple weeks since the move. Over the past few days, we’ve grown closer. Kisses, hugs, and tonight, I want more. I think I’m ready, and I want him to see me as a woman now.
I don’t want to be weak.
And I certainly don’t want to be the girl who loses herself after something that was never in her control. I’ve been talking to a therapist after classes every day since we moved. She’s given me a lot to think about. I shouldn’t feel like a victim, but a survivor.
And as she says, survivors are warriors.
The man I love is slowly overcoming his pain as well. I know the heartache he suffered from losing his father and then having to look for me has taken its toll on him. His strength is there, lingering under his fear that I could just walk away.
Allowing him into my brokenness has been a challenge, but I’m here, and I need him to know I’m not leaving. I’m certainly not walking away from him. He’s been good to me. Giving me space when I need it and being close when I yearn for it.
The sun warms my face as I look up at the sky. Being in Virginia is so different from New York. And as much as I miss my mom, I know I need to be here for JD and me. Our relationship means so much to me.
My stomach grumbles, reminding me to eat. This happens every day, each time I focus on my writing. Journaling my thoughts and emotions have helped, but I also need to do my schoolwork, which has been difficult to focus on. I need to grab a snack or something before I dive into my project for next week, which is waiting for me.
Trying to get my life back on track has been difficult. It’s felt like an uphill climb, but at least I have my mother and JD who are here, alive and healthy.
JD has his work, and I have my studies, and together, I hope we can find common ground to work at our relationship.
The door whooshes open, forcing a scream to fall free from my lips. But those eyes, those emotion-filled eyes, lock on me.
“Shit, I’m so sorry,” JD says, racing toward me as I shiver at the thought of someone breaking in. It’s stupid. I’ve been away from that place for weeks, but I still have this innate fear that he’ll find me. Even after they locked him away for multiple life sentences.
“It’s okay,” I whisper as JD’s arms wrap around my shaking body. It’s not really okay, I hate that he feels like this, guilty each time he walks into the apartment. I don’t want him to feel like he needs to tread on eggshells with me. Not anymore.
Memories attack me when his hand reaches for my hip. The phantom pain is still there, the coldness of the chains that bound me in that cell still grips me, and I tug away from him.
JD flinches at my action, and immediately, guilt fills my chest with agony at just how broken I am. I’m fractured. And I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to fix me or if I’ll be able to fix myself.
“I was going to make something to eat,” I tell him, hoping to shift his focus from my reaction to the here and now.
“Okay.” He nods, watching me for a silent moment before he says, “I’m just going to shower. I’m sorry.” The last two words linger between us, hanging on the edge of the pain that’s so clearly broken us apart. Tears fill my eyes at the heartbreak in his dark eyes. JD turns and heads down the hallway, leaving me to watch his retreating form with guilt gripping my heart.
Sighing, I enter the kitchen and grab some items from the fridge. With my mind turning a million miles a minute, I make a sandwich and slowly eat it while standing at the counter. I can’t taste anything but remorse for what’s going on between us.
The sound of the shower echoes through the apartment, and I set the sandwich down. With my mind made up, I walk down the hall and into the bedroom. The scent of his cologne fills it, and the sweet memories of our life before I was kidnapped infiltrate the darkness that’s already there.
When I make it into the bathroom, I watch him from the doorway. His body is lean, toned, and chiseled. I’ve never seen him naked, and the sight is beautiful, breathtaking. His tapered hips point down toward
the thickness of him that hangs between his muscled thighs.
His abs tense and contract with the movements of his hands as he soaps his smooth, tanned skin. His shoulders are broad, his jaw set. He’s handsome. Beautifully so. I’m a lucky girl that a boy like him wants me, even after what I’ve been through.
It takes him a long moment to realize I’m standing here. His gaze locks on mine. He watches me with passion and affection, so much so that my breath is stolen when he turns fully toward me. His hands flat on the glass door of the shower.
He doesn’t speak. Neither do I. Tentatively, I take a step deeper into the room. The moment I reach the shower, I place my hands on his. On the glass. The heat of it warms me from the inside out.
I want to say something. To tell him, I love him. That we’ll be okay. But I can’t find the words. They’re stuck in my throat, choking me with their promise that I can’t give him just yet.
My heart thuds against my chest, my ribs aching from the attack. I lower my hands to the hemline of my top and slowly pull it up. When the material hits the floor, I push my shorts down and step out of them. I’m standing before him in a bra and panties. They’re not sexy lingerie, they’re basic cotton in a soft peach color, but I feel like a princess when his eyes hood with desire.
“Songbird,” he murmurs over the sound of the water. Nothing else matters. Not the shower nor the steam billowing from the doorway. It’s just us. Like it was always meant to be.
I shed the rest of my clothes, the underwear that hid me from him. Even though the bruises are all gone, and the cuts from the metal chains and cuffs they used on me are healed, I still have the scars on the inside. In my mind, in my soul, but the way JD is looking at me makes me feel like I’m flawless.
He pushes open the door. It’s an invite. He’s not demanding, not ordering me to get in with him. JD is allowing me to choose. And I do. When the water hits me, I can’t stop the gasp of surprise that falls from my mouth.
“You look beautiful,” he tells me. Affection searing me from those dark eyes. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.” The rawness of his voice turns my stomach upside down, and it tingles all through me.
“I want to be here,” I tell him. Not meaning only in the shower, but in his life, in this apartment. He nods slowly but allows me to speak. “I am tired of being controlled by the past.” I breathe deeply and exhale as if I’m allowing the horrors to leave me. “I want to be with you, like . . .”
My cheeks heat with embarrassment, shyness taking hold of me. JD offers a hand to me, which I accept. His fingers lace with mine, and he pulls me closer. Our bodies are flush as we stare at each other. It’s as if we’re seeing the other for the first time.
Perhaps that’s it.
Maybe this is a new beginning.
Chapter Twenty-Four
JD
Her body feels like heaven. It feels like everything I ever wished and dreamed about. I’ve wanted to feel her for so long that, for a moment, I think I’m dreaming. But I’m not because her whimpers are far too real.
My hands trail over her body, over each curve and every dip. The smooth flesh under my fingertips makes my cock thicken. Autumn’s gasp when I reach her ass is music to my ears.
“You’re perfect,” I murmur. Even when she was bruised from her ordeal, she was perfect, I have never seen anything more exquisite. I hated seeing those blue and purple circles on her flesh, but it showed my girl is a survivor. And that’s what makes me want to love her more, hold her longer, and make sure she never has to go through anything like that again.
She’s been through hell and come out on the other side. The fact that she’s here, naked, inside the shower with me tells me that she’s trying. And that’s all I can ask of her. I meant what I told her, that I don’t want her to feel obligated to touch me, to allow me to touch her.
“Make me feel,” she pleads, looking up at me as the water sluices our naked bodies. Heat sizzles under my skin, desire and hunger for her taking hold of me, but I know I need to restrain myself.
I lean in, pressing my lips to hers. The kiss is chaste, even though I’m dying to dip my tongue inside her mouth. Moving my lips, I kiss along her neck, slowly teasing my way down to her breasts.
Sucking a nipple gently, I lave at her, enjoying her flavor through the spray of water. Bliss-filled whimpers tumble freely as she shuts her eyes, but it only makes me pause my actions.
“Look at me. Watch me.” My words come out husky, yearning drenching them. Her gaze locks on mine as I move my way down her body.
I drop to my knees, nudging her body until her back is flush with the smooth tiles. Her eyes are hooded as she looks down at me. Gently, I push her legs apart and kiss the silken skin under her belly button. The smoothness ensuring my dick is now throbbing.
When I reach the apex of her thighs, I’m enraptured by the small strip of dark hair leading to her clit. Fuck, she’s perfect. I kiss her thighs, teasing my tongue along them until I finally latch my mouth onto her pussy.
A scream of pleasure rattles in her throat and escapes her plump lips when I graze my tongue over her clit. She’s shaking as she grips my head, her fingers tangling in the strands as she holds me hostage. Her hips undulate. She’s taking control of her pleasure, and I smile against her slick flesh.
My hand reaches for my cock, and I grip it hard, praying I don’t come from just watching how beautifully erotic she is as she moves her body against my mouth. My tongue darts out as I taste the juices that drip from her entrance.
The flavor of her arousal bursts on my taste buds, making my body tense with my impending orgasm. I’m slowly inching closer to the edge. It’s been so long since I’ve jerked off I squeeze myself again, praying I don’t come too soon.
My hands go to her thighs, my fingers teasing her slit while my thumbs hold her open. A smile graces her lips as I flick the tip of my tongue over her hardened nub.
“I want to be inside you,” I tell her. “I need you like I need my next breath. I’ve never felt like this before.” My honesty scrapes my throat, words I’ve never said to anyone before. She’s always been it for me. But she doesn’t realize what I’m saying to her.
“I want you too.” Her admission has my fingers dipping into her tight heat and slowly teasing her until I hit the barrier. She really is mine. Not that I doubted her, but just feeling the evidence of it makes my chest swell with pride.
I nod. My movements hasten as I lick and tease her clit until she cries out, “I’m coming.” And seconds later, her body convulses around my fingers. I drink up all she has to offer. Her pussy is dripping on my hand when I pull free my fingers.
By the time I’m standing in front of her, her eyes have opened, and they’re locked on mine. I cup her face with one of my hands, and with the other, I bring my slick fingers to my mouth and lick her juices from them.
“JD . . .”
Gripping her ass, I lift her against me. Her legs wrap around my waist, and she looks deep in my eyes when I pin her between me and the wall. My cock nudges her entrance, and I watch her tense.
“I’ve . . . I’ve never . . .” I know what she wants to say. She’s admitting her purity is in place. But what she doesn’t realize is so is mine.
I shake my head slowly, but I keep my gaze locked on hers. “Neither have I,” I tell her earnestly. Emotion thick in my tone.
Her brows furrow together in confusion. “What?”
“You were my first love, and you’ll be my last. And in between, there was nobody else,” I admit in a whisper.
“Are you serious?”
I nod. My hips roll, and the tip of my cock nestles inside her, just enough to show her how thick it is and just how much I’m about to spread her open. “Are you sure you want this here, in the shower? Because I would love to take you to bed.”
A smile graces her lips, and she nods. “Yes,” Autumn hisses through clenched teeth. “Right here. I want it under the spray of water.” Her plea makes
my dick jolt against her, and I bite my tongue as I slowly slide into her, hitting her barrier. “Just do it, please,” she pleads, and I can’t hold back. My thrust is fast and deep, breaking through her. Pain slices across her face, and I still my movements. Her nails dig into my shoulders, and she groans as her body slowly gets used to the intrusion.
I have never felt anything more perfect than her body swallowing mine. Her tightness accepting me and opening for only me. She’s no longer just my best friend. She’s my love, my partner, and she’s the girl I’m going to love forever.
Her eyes lock on mine, and she watches me for a moment before she smiles. “More. I want more.” I pull out, causing another wince to crease her expression, but she nods. I move, drawing out and thrusting in. Making love to her body as gentle tears trickle from her eyes.
“If you want me to stop—”
“No, please don’t stop. I need you. I need this.” Her mumbled words filter through the water, and I do it. I claim her, gently at first, but by the time my orgasm is seconds away, my hips move faster, and I slide into her deeper and deeper until I grunt my fill of her.
Moments of silence pass.
I stand in the shower as it grows colder and pull her into my arms, holding her. And when she opens her eyes again, she grins. “How about we try that again where it’s warmer?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
JD
By the time I get to the kitchen at six in the morning, I find Autumn wearing my tee and a pair of pink panties underneath. She’s singing along to something as she fries eggs in a pan along with bacon in another.
“You’re chipper this morning,” I observe, causing her to spin on the balls of her feet as she meets my hungry stare.
