Suffering Jordon

by D. J. Manly

  “No,” Chase finally replied. “Go to bed. I’ll be fine. I’m sorry I grabbed you like that.”

  “You were half asleep,” he muttered.

  Chase traced the outline of Jordon’s body in the dark. His heartbeat quickened a little. What in the fuck is wrong with me? Can’t I think about anything else but sex? There was absolutely no reason for his body to be reacting like this, as if he were starving and Jordon were a big piece of juicy steak. Hell, he didn’t even particularly like the guy.

  “Well, good night then,” Jordon said. “I’ll close the door.”

  “Thanks, night,” Chase said, breathing easier as soon as he’d left. Immediately, Chase leaned over and switched on the light. He stood up and went to stand at the window. Please Cassidy, get out of my head. Give some peace. He needed to sleep, but he couldn’t keep draining Amanda’s liquor cabinet to do it. Maybe he should take Amanda’s advice and go and see someone, or get a prescription for sleeping pills…or something. With a sigh, he pulled on a pair of jean shorts and went downstairs. The clock told him it was a little after three. Looked like Jordon had had a late night. Anyway, it was nothing to him. He unlocked the patio door, and stepped outside. When he saw Jordon sitting there in one of the deck chairs, he turned around, ready to go back inside.

  “Don’t run away on my account,” Jordon said. He was sprawled out in the chair, a drink in his hand.

  “I just came out for some air,” Chase said, looking up at the night sky.

  “Me too, although I don’t know if you can call it air in this city.”

  Chase laughed a little. He came over and took a chair beside him. He looked at the drink in his hand and then away.

  “Want one?” Jordon offered.

  “No…thanks…I don’t drink…usually.”

  “Ah,” Jordon said. “That night in my bed was an exception.”

  “I’ve been having some problems sleeping lately and I…”

  “It might be your line of work,” Jordon replied lazily, the ice clinking in his glass.

  Chase looked over at him. He looked so beautiful in the moonlight, his shirt open to the waist. Chase’s sarcastic comeback suffered a little in the deliverance. “It…ah…has nothing to do with that.”

  “And Cassidy? Does it have something to do with him?”

  “How do you…?”

  “Amanda and I do talk you know. We may like to pretend we can’t stand each other, but it’s more of a love/hate thing.”

  “I see. So you know.”

  “I know your lover was shot.”

  “He wasn’t my lover…well…at least not…really.”

  “You were fucking him in front of my sister, weren’t you?” He took a sip of his drink.

  “Do you have to be so crude?”

  “Forgive me, I didn’t know you guys were so sensitive,” he smirked. “Ah…let’s see you were his partner in the sexual entertainment industry. Is that better?”

  “Not really,” Chase told him.

  “How would you describe your relationship then?”

  “It’s a good question,” Chase replied. “I guess we didn’t like each other that much when we first met. He was cocky and well…not the kind of guy I’d go for. Then we got closer, especially after his ex-boyfriend came around.”

  “The ex-boyfriend was trouble obviously.”

  “He was hooked on drugs, desperate, some dealers were on his ass for money. He threatened Cassidy, threatened both of us. I drove him off a few times, then in the end, I…well…” Chase stopped. He drove his fist into his hand.

  “You what?”

  “I was late that day from school.” Chase looked at him. “And yes, I was in school, finishing a college degree so I’m not as stupid as I look.”

  “Did I ever insinuate you were stupid?”

  “No, but you…anyway…never mind. I had some rather good news that day. I was finishing my counseling degree and my teacher was recommending me for a job.”

  “Great. What happened? What are you still doing here?”

  “That’s over now,” Chase shook his head.

  “Why?”

  “Because,” Chase said bitterly, “when I got home, Jude had taken Cassidy. I found them in the park and…”

  “Jude shot Cassidy. Chase, that wasn’t your fault,” Jordon said.

  “You don’t understand,” Chase said, tears streaming down his face, “it was my fault. Jude had the gun aimed at me and Cassidy grabbed it and turned it around and…”

  “The gun went off,” Jordon finished for him, putting down his drink.

  Chase put his face in his hands.

  Suddenly Jordon was there beside him. He had gone down on his haunches. He took Chase’s hands away from his face. “He saved your life…”

  “And gave up his!” Chase sniffed.

  “Yes, because obviously he cared about you, and obviously he believed that he was responsible for all that…not you. He gave his life, Chase, and the way you honor him is by giving up yours?”

  The words stunned him, then he exploded in anger. “How can you say that? You don’t understand? You weren’t there. You didn’t see his face…what was left of it and…”

  Jordon didn’t react to his anger. In a soft voice, he asked, “Did you love this guy, Chase?”

  Chase paused a minute, swallowing. “That’s just it…I never got a chance to…find out. I might have. He could have been the love of my life.”

  “You can’t live your life with ‘what could have been,’ Chase,” Jordon said, shaking his head. He stood up. “You can only live your life with ‘what can be.”’

  Chase sat back in the chair and closed his eyes. “Doesn’t matter now. I’m here with Amanda, and it doesn’t matter what you think of me, I’m staying.”

  “What do you care what I think of you, Chase?” Jordon turned around and looked at him. “Anyway, it’s not you I’m concerned with. It’s my sister. She needs to stop being so afraid of love, and find someone who will truly love her.”

  “I do love her.”

  “Maybe you do, but I mean to love her passionately…in a way that makes your pulses race when you look at her…like they did tonight when I was in your bedroom.”

  Chase’s eyes widened. “Wh…wh.at?”

  “Chase, I’m not naïve. I felt it tonight in your room.”

  “You are more arrogant than I thought you were initially. If you think I have a thing for you in…”

  “Chase, grow up. I’m not imagining you’re in love with me. I just see a qualitative difference in the way your body reacts to my presence than to Amanda’s. One day you’re going to fall passionately in love with a man, and you’ll leave her, just like Scott did.”

  “No chance of that,” Chase scoffed. “I’ve given up on…”

  “On life?”

  The words cut through the air like a knife.

  Chase got up out of his chair. “I will stay here with Amanda. I won’t desert her. Maybe I can never love her exactly in that way…but…I will love in every other way.”

  “Just two pathetic human beings in a co-dependency relationship, both afraid to really love,” Jordon muttered.

  Chase got up and came to stand in front of him. “And what about you, Jordon?” he challenged, his voice tinged with bitterness. “Where’s the great love of your life?”

  “I don’t know,” he shrugged. “It’s a good question.”

  “Isn’t it?” Chase agreed, then turned around and left the patio. “Maybe you should sleep on it.”

  “I will,” he smiled.

  Chase shook his head, waved his hand in the air as if he were waving him away, and went back inside. Finally, he fell asleep just before the sun rose in the sky.

  Chapter Three

  When Chase came downstairs the next day, it was lunchtime. Amanda was sitting outside eating a lunch of her usual endive salad. Jordon sat opposite her, dressed in a light blue suit and pinstriped tie. He had a briefcase sitting next to him. He looke
d up briefly and nodded when Chase appeared, then went back to eating his salad.

  Chase leaned down and kissed Amanda on the cheek. “Join us,” she said, “I’ll tell Sally to bring you some lunch.”

  “No, it’s okay. I saw her on the way out here, and she’s bringing coffee.”

  “You have to eat,” Amanda insisted.

  “I will.”

  “Too early in the morning?” Jordon asked, looking up at him now. Those blue eyes looked bright and alert. He obviously slept well.

  “I see you’re all dressed up. A late afternoon business meeting, Jordon?” Chase took his seat, his voice filled in innuendo.

  Jordon smiled at him. Chase felt his body betray him again. His heartbeat thudded in his chest. His stomach felt a little faint, probably hunger. “Maybe I will eat something,” Chase said, when Jordon didn’t bothering answering.

  “So how is it going?” Amanda asked Jordon, looking up as one of the servants brought a fresh pot of coffee. Chase asked her to bring him some toast and jam.

  “Well NASCAR is really excited about the new model. This car will be used in half the races in 2007, and all of them by 2009.”

  “Is it a lot faster than the older models?” She asked him, pouring some cream in her coffee.

  “Well, the major focus is on safety of course, but the new model is designed to reduce dependence on aerodynamics. There’s a detachable rear spoiler. This is a feature penalized since its use in Dodge Charger Daytona and Plymouth Superbird in 1970, but it’s now making a comeback.”

  Amanda looked at Chase. “Do you have any idea what he just said?”

  Chase grinned.

  Amanda shook her head. “It’s all Greek to me,” she told her brother. “I went to a race once that Jordon was racing in,” she said, “and I thought I’d have a heart attack. What was the speed you were going at again?”

  “One hundred and eighty eight miles per hour,” Jordon laughed.

  “Yes, that was it…a Dodge Charger.”

  “Do you miss it?” Chase asked him suddenly.

  Jordon shrugged. “Sometimes, but…” he said, getting up from the table, “not enough.”

  Leaning down and giving Amanda a quick kiss, he said, “I’m off. Have fun.”

  “Will we expect you for dinner?”

  “Not tonight,” he said and left through the side gate.

  Chase watched him go, then turned to Amanda. “What are your plans today?”

  “Oh, I have to go to some god awful function for some charity. Do you want to come?”

  “Think I’ll skip it.” The servant brought his toast and jam. Chase picked up a piece and took a bite

  “Well, speaking of it, I’m off. Are you up for something tonight, darling?” She touched his hands. “I don’t know if it’s the heat or what, but I’m feeling randy as hell.”

  “Whatever you want, Mandy,” Chase said.

  She smiled at him and stood up. “Well, the driver will be waiting. See you for dinner at seven?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’ll make sure we have something special for dessert.” She winked and was gone.

  * * * *

  Chase decided to take a drive later that afternoon. He took one of the cars and drove around with the top down. Finally, he pulled into one of the city libraries. Inside, he went looking through the computer archives for newspaper articles. Finally, he found what he was looking for. There on the front page of the newspaper was a picture of the car. It was on fire and had been pushed to the edge of the track. Beside it was a picture of Jordon Nash, and below was Evan Donaldson. The headline read: Donaldson drives Nash deliberately off the track?

  Chase scrolled down to the article on page one. According to the article, Donaldson and Nash were good friends. They had been seen skiing in the Alps just a few months before the incident. The propulsion of Nash’s car off the track was described as “malicious and inexplicable.” Nash was already several laps ahead of Donaldson and going into the final. Even with Jordon out of the race, Donaldson would have come in seventh. The article went on to say, “Luckily, Nash was able to crawl out of the vehicle before it exploded into flames. The injuries to his back however have been reported to be extremely serious, and some sources say he may not walk again. Several hours after the incident, Evan Donaldson was arrested by Alabama Police. There is a chance that he could be charged with attempted manslaughter.” The article went on to talk about Jordon’s career in racing, which ranked him as a first class champion racecar driver.

  Below the article were some pictures of Donaldson and Nash together. The caption read, “In Happier Days.”

  Chase studied the pictures a few minutes. Jordon looked pretty much the same, younger of course, but with those same blue eyes and that killer smile. Donaldson was a few years older than Jordon, a strong and handsome man, with black hair and a short cropped beard. Were they lovers? And if they were, what in hell had Jordon done to make Donaldson viciously try and kill him? There were lover’s spats but this was heavy duty.

  He stared at the pictures a long time before he left the library. On the drive home, he had to ask himself why he had bothered to go to the library at all. Maybe it was boredom. Maybe it gave him something to think about besides himself.

  He stopped by the cemetery before returning home. Cassidy’s grave stood there as always, looking lonely and forlorn, in spite of the beautiful angel shaped stone, and all the flowers. He stood there for a few minutes, looking down at it, before turning and going back to the car. Did his body actually react to Jordon when he came into a room to the point where Jordon was aware of it? Of course, last night, he’d been half asleep and he’d been naked in his bed and… Chase sighed, starting the engine. He could rationalize all he wanted. The truth was he found Jordon Nash attractive. Well, so? He was attractive, a hunk even, great body, nice eyes, beautiful face, but that didn’t mean anything. He found a lot of men attractive. So what? He put it out of his mind and drove home. He was wondering who Amanda had in mind for them tonight.

  * * * *

  Rico was a handsome enough fellow, a dark skinned Latin with a machismo that one would either find sexy or overbearing. Chase chose to look beneath it to his charming smile and enticing accent. Amanda seemed mischievous tonight. She went on and on talking about the city and all the great places to dine and dance. Chase took note of how patiently Rico sat at the table listening to her go on, but his eyes were on Chase’s. Chase found Rico’s obvious attraction to him flattering and a definite turn on.

  When Amanda’s conversation turned to sexual proclivities, Rico sat forward and took a greater interest.

  Chase took the time to give him a closer inspection. He was probably no more than twenty-two but he gave the impression that he was much older than that. He looked as if he’d had it rough growing up, and probably knew his way around a fight. He had a faint scar going from his left eye to the corner of his mouth but it didn’t detract from the beauty of his face. It was a strong face with deep liquid brown eyes. He wasn’t tall, probably no more than five-eight or nine, with a thin sinewy body covered in luscious brown skin. If you were to separate him into parts, he might not be so attractive. It was the overall picture that compelled you.

  “So there’s nothing you wouldn’t do, Rico,” Amanda was saying now, taunting him some.

  “Nothing, Senora,” he said, flashing Chase a smile. “Anything that pleases.”

  “That’s what the agency told me,” Amanda grinned. “What do you think of my Chase? Now, be honest.”

  There was a second when he looked flustered, but he quickly regained his composure. “Well, he’s the kind of man who would make you stop in the street and turn around. Not many men can make me do that.”

  “What exactly is it about him that would make you turn around, Rico?” Amanda inquired innocently.

  Rico raked him over once with those liquid brown eyes. “His body first, so tall and hard all over.” He licked his lips. “After that, I’d get arou
nd to looking at his face.”

  Chase laughed.

  Rico smiled. “And I’d notice that I could die looking at that face.”

  There was a silence, then, Amanda said, “lovely. Tell me Rico. Would you prefer to fuck him, or be fucked by him?”

  “I’d like to possess him,” he said, meeting Chase’s eyes now. “But to fuck a guy like that, you need to know how to submit, because even if it looks like you are in control of him, you’re not really. Then later, I’d want to completely surrender to him.”

  “Sounds like you want it all,” Amanda laughed lightly. “Interesting observational powers you have,” Amanda said. “I’d like to see how that plays out tonight.”

  Chase hid a little grin. Yep. Amanda was in one of her ‘anything goes moods.’ He liked that because he always felt freer to do what he wanted, and with this one tonight, he suddenly wanted to be free to do that.

  Rico was on his feet.

  “Raring to go, aren’t you honey?” Amanda giggled. “I can see by the bulge in your pants, you’ve been ready awhile. How about you give Chase and me a little show? Take off your clothes, lover.”

  Rico immediately began to strip down. Chase folded his arms across his chest, and watched through half closed eyes. He would have preferred to have undressed him himself, but Amanda was the boss. The clothes came off a little too quickly, but the end result was nice. Rico had a nice well muscled chest and stomach, a substantial cock, and an ass you could have bounced pennies off. He hoped he would get to fuck it.

  “Nice Rico. You like, Chase?” Amanda asked.

  Rico looked over at him eagerly.

  “Very nice,” Chase murmured, which caused Rico to strut around a little.

  “Take Rico into the playroom, Chase, but keep your clothes on until I get there. I want to be there when you undress.”

  Chase stood up. He walked to the playroom. He could feel Rico close behind him, too damn close. When he walked into the room, he put some distance between them.

  “Whoa,” Rico said, looking around, “a real palace of sin you got here, man. So how does a guy get a gig like this?”