by LJ Byrne
No. I can’t have Jasper fight my fight. I don’t need to be saved. I can’t… I won’t be weak again. I inhale sharply as my eyes rake over Vanessa, Kiana, Ashley, and even Astrid. I climb on top of the table and the entire room falls silent.
“Listen up,” I say loudly, hands on my hips. “You know who I am.” I wait deliberately. “This year, I ask every one of you to reject the concept of Elites. Most of you are aware of the Dollar Club.” I chuckle lightly, gauging my audience carefully. “Sounds like a bad discount store chain, don’t you think?” Laughter ripples through the student body, and I take that moment to glance at Vanessa. Vanessa’s fury is unmistakable, but I’m observing the boys’ reactions carefully, too. “This summer, Vanessa Valentino was ejected from the Club for behavior unbefitting a student of Highbury Academy and unbefitting for a member of the Club. Now, she is like every one of us. No more, no less. Going forward, this is my decree for our class and my hopes for all students here. There will be no more bullying. The Elites brought us down and shamed the school. Look at them, look at their petty wants and needs. Is that who you are? Are you nothing more than a caricature? Or are you something more? Because right now, the world looks at us and laughs at us. That’s the legacy your Elites have brought you. But we can change that. We can be the ones to break free. We don’t have to abide by some antiquated rules. We don’t have to make ourselves feel better by making someone else feel worse.”
I extend my hand to Jasper; I am deliberately cruel. Or angry. Most likely I am angry. Jasper tosses Lucas a mocking smile before taking my hand and joining me; when Jasper looks at me, his eyes glitter. He loves causing people pain and he loves Lucas in pain most of all. Lucas pales – I am being cruel – but he hides quickly behind a mask of indifference.
At my nod, Jasper continues, “We have eyes and ears, but we ask everyone to police yourselves and help others. You have bent to the Elites’ will in the past.” He points specifically to Vanessa. “You were called plebeians, losers, names that I will not foul this air with. Take a good look at the ones who have belittled you. They aren’t so frightening anymore, are they?” He grins at the rumble of agreement. “I, for one, have learned my lesson.” He turns to me and you’d think we’d coordinated this beforehand. “BSGirl didn’t just speak to those excluded by your so-called Elites. She spoke to us every time we strove to be perfect. You see, we don’t have to be perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist. It’s as fake as the notion of Elites.” He sweeps his hand to indicate Vanessa.
“Will you join us?” I shout it out as a challenge. Vanessa’s anger is plain to see and Ashley’s stupefied expression is priceless.
Charles starts the chant, followed by Bruce and Katrina. Katrina grabs Mason and Brock. Soon, the whole dining hall is chanting Bullies Are Bullshit. Jasper climbs down first then grabs me by the waist to swing me down. The move is deliberately intimate. I raise my brow at him. “All hail the Queen of Highbury Academy,” he whispers as our eyes meet. Lucas takes one look at us and storms out.
“You shouldn’t goad Lucas so,” I tell Jasper as he, Katrina, and I work together. “I shouldn’t have goaded Lucas so. I was angry,” I finally admit.
Jasper’s smile is both bitter and compassionate. He entwines his fingers with mine. “In another reality, I think you would have picked me. You would have fallen in love with me and we would have taken the world by storm. You see me for me, and it doesn’t scare you. We’re similar, you and I. We have the same crazy drive. We’re both restless spirits.” He shrugs. “I’m a realist, Elena. I believe you love me in your way. But you’re not in love with me.” He straightens in his chair to look me in the eye. “I’m your darker side. I’m what you would have become if you’d started with the world at your feet. I’m your sidekick—”
“Wingman,” I interrupt. “You’re my wingman, Jasper. Between you and Katrina, I think you’re both my best friends.” We sit quietly for a few seconds. “You’re okay with that.”
“Because I care about you, I can be okay because you need me to. I won’t lie. My ego’s bruised, but I’ll survive. And I’d like to think I’m your backup plan. But I’m not the one you want to choose.” His cyan eyes are far too perceptive. And perhaps that’s why he enjoys Lucas’s pain so much.
Mason, Brock, and Lucas choose that moment to show up. Of course, here I am cozily holding hands with Jasper, and Katrina sitting idly by in attendance. It probably looks a lot more romantic than it is if the boys’ eyes are any indication. Brock and Mason both widen their eyes before glancing at Lucas warily. Lucas’s mask is in place, but his jaw clenches so hard that I’m surprised I don’t hear teeth cracking.
“Exactly why did you take so long to push Ashley off your lap?” Jasper’s question is deliberately cruel.
Lucas’s eyes drop to where Jasper still holds my hand. “I was taken by surprise.”
Mason and Brock come to Lucas’s defense. “It’s true. She just sat on his lap when you walked in.”
I shift to look Jasper in the eye. Jasper. My protector. My monster. A darker version of me. He’s right: had I grown up more like my father, we’d be perfect for each other. My plans, his brand of justice – we’d be unstoppable, relentless, terrifying. We’d be happy together in our deluded righteousness. If we ever saw past our delusions, we’d drive each other insane. On some level, Jasper is aware of this. He flirts and teases. He’s aware of his feelings for me, but he never pushes for more between us. We both perfect and imperfect for each other. I’ve made decisions and choices in a ruthlessly focused manner. Yet I’ve clung to things my father chose to do without. Friends – perhaps friends I never deserved – and family who have held me together. In that respect, I am unlike my father, and that is why Jasper and I would not work. Jasper doesn’t want any encumberments. He just wants me. Because Jasper and I are so alike, I think this communicates across our silent bond. In the way Jasper acknowledges my look, I think he knows.
Lucas’s hands clench as he watches us. Without a goodbye, he leaves, taking the emergency stairs instead of the elevator. Mason and Brock exchange another look before warily turning their attention back to me.
Jasper helps me stand as Katrina says quietly, “You don’t have a king per se. But you have chosen, haven’t you?”
I bite my lip as realization dawns on Brock’s face. He’s not angry or jealous. There’s a hint of disappointment followed by acceptance.
“He’s hurting, Elena,” Mason chips in ruefully. “He knew from the moment he saw you that you were going to change him. It scared him, but he couldn’t stay away.”
“A good queen knows when to give and take, Elena.” Jasper takes a step back. “I have some work to do.” He winks at me and saunters off.
I suppose that’s my cue to look for Lucas.
CHAPTER 4
I’m rather self-conscious as I make my way to Lucas’s room. When I knock on the door, I hear him curse.
He swings the door open, saying, “Leave me the fuck alone!” Then his gray eyes widen as he sees me standing awkwardly.
He takes two steps back. I take two steps forward. “Do you talk to all your friends like that?” I ask casually, strolling in as if he’s invited me in. It’s an act. I’m not calm, and I wonder why I’m struggling to piece myself together again.
His room is larger than mine. I peer out the window for a moment. “Is that what we are? Friends?” His question is harsh and bitter.
I don’t face him. “Ashley.” I don’t say anything except her name.
“Look, she came over and sat on my lap.” He exhales sharply. “I wasn’t planning on letting her stay there. I may have hesitated, but I was about to push her off when you showed up with Jasper mauling you.”
I give a short laugh. “Jasper doesn’t maul. You may have hesitated?”
“Why do you care?” Lucas doesn’t give me a chance to answer. “Since you’ve joined the Club, it’s clear you don’t need me anymore. Or want me anymore. I’m useless to you, I suppose. I don’t
have the financial means to throw my weight around. Now that you’re with Jasper, I’m sure he’ll do whatever you want.” He laughs bitterly, resting his hands on his hips. “I never did ask you what the conditions were for the one mil you borrowed from him.”
I finally turn, a brow raised. “I promised to let Jasper visit at least twice a year, wherever I am.” I shrug.
Surprise and maybe even pain flickers over his face as he swallows. “I hesitated because a part of me wondered if you cared that Ashley was on my lap,” he admits. “But I guess it backfired. Because I can’t tell if you care.”
“And how am I to believe you or trust you?” I cross my arms. “My understanding is that you’ve never been faithful to anyone.”
Lucas’s mouth twists in frustration as he paces in front of me. “I haven’t been with anyone I’ve cared enough to be faithful to. What are we, Elena? I don’t know anymore. I thought – maybe you wanted me. I thought I still had a chance. But you pulled away the moment you joined the Club. All summer…” He closes his gray eyes. As he bends his head, a lock of blond hair slips across his forehead. A strange sound escapes his mouth. “I wanted to hear you missed me, wanted me, needed me. You’re still pulling away and I don’t know what to do. You say you’re not with Jasper, but it doesn’t seem that way to me.”
I glance at my hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” I finally say. “It used to be so clear. Take you all down, take the girls down, take the Club down. I used to wear a mask so I could hide. And now I wear one all the time.” I sit gingerly on the corner of his bed, rubbing my hands together. “There’s so much noise, Lucas. I keep closing doors, but the sounds don’t go away. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be.” My words are jumbled, confused. What if I’m more like my mother and my father than I want to be?
Lucas stares at me in confusion, like he isn’t sure if he should say something or do something. “You’re…” He stops. “You sound lost.”
I tuck my knees and wrap my arms around them. “I feel lost.”
Lucas takes my hands. “You don’t have to be anything. Just you. The girl who beats me in academics every time. The girl whose music takes my breath away. You’ve never wanted the finer things in life, Elena. Wealth has never impressed you. And yet I find myself thinking about all the things Jasper can do for you. As much as I hate it, he’s right, too. He’s never bet against you. He’s loyal. And if he’s who you want, I’ll – step back.”
“Jasper’s important to me. He’ll always be a part of my life,” I whisper. “In another life, he might have been the one for me. You’re right that wealth has never impressed me. And I don’t know if he’d be Jasper without that fat wallet.” I bite my lip. “There’s only one person I know who’s had money and had it taken away. And yet he remains who I want him to be.”
Lucas catches his breath, sitting on the bed at a discreet distance. “Then why are you pushing me away?”
The truth hits me harder than I expect. I’ve been aware of it for some time. I’ve found every excuse to turn the other way. But I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to hide behind a mask anymore. “Because I don’t want to need you, Lucas,” I admit reluctantly. “I hate being weak. I hate being needy. The last time I was weak, I lost control.”
Before I can protest, Lucas drags me onto his lap. “It’s not weak to want someone. It’s not weak… to love, Elena.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “To want. To desire.” His fingers tighten around my waist. “When I fell in love with you, I knew it would change me. I’m still in love with you, Elena, and I want you to need me. I want you to want me.” He rolls his eyes a little. “I sound pathetic.”
“No, not really,” I whisper. There’s a strange contentment that bubbles inside me. It’s a type of peace that is unfamiliar but not unwelcome. My fingers stroke the curve of his neck and jaw. “I think it’s always been you.”
Lucas freezes for a second, his gray eyes filled with a mix of pleasure and surprise. He shifts me so I’m lying down on his bed. “Is this okay?” he asks quietly, his fingers tracing the line of my jaw.
I kiss him instead of replying directly.
“I don’t want to be someone famous,” I tell Lucas sourly an hour later. We’re still cuddling in his bed, his fingers running through my hair repeatedly, while I listen to his heartbeat. “I hate it. I know I have only myself to blame… I want to give it up.”
“Then do it. Walk away.” Lucas cups my chin so that I look at him. “Don’t let this destroy you. You’ve already changed the school. You’ve done more than most do in a lifetime.”
“What if I don’t know how to stop? What if I can’t stop?” I’m afraid.
Lucas kisses my furrowed brow. “You can. And I’ll be there to help you.”
Our fingers line up. A promise.
CHAPTER 5
With all the rumors swirling about me and Jasper (and me and Brock), Lucas decides to make it absolutely clear to everyone that we’re together. PDA? Check. Terms of endearment? Check. Acting jealous? Check. If I’m a little annoyed, Bruce and Charles assure me that territory marking is perfectly normal among cocky, egocentric guys and wolves. I see neither hide nor hair of Ashley or Kiana, which is good, but Vanessa glares at me whenever she walks by.
My relationship with Jasper shifts and changes. He is still ever-present, watching in the background, but he lurks rather than engages. If I had to guess, I would think he is plotting something.
For our Halloween costumes, Katrina thinks we need to make a statement by dressing similarly. She comes up with the theme of a royal court. Both Katrina and I get gowns similar in design: hers is in gold, mine is in silver and ivory. Brock, Mason, Jasper, and Charles dress in tuxes. Lucas and Bruce wear formal tuxes – the one with the tailcoat – and their cummerbunds match mine and Katrina’s respectively. Around my neck, the moonstone and sapphire necklace is the only jewelry I wear.
For the party, Jasper rents a large house decorated to the nines. A ghoulish butler greets us at the door. The catering folks are dressed as witches and warlocks as they pass out hors d’oeuvres. No cocktail wienies here. For the fishy folks, caviar delicately positioned on mother-of-pearl spoons are nestled among finely crushed ice next to a tray of toast points and freshly made blinis – there’s a witch making blinis on demand. There’s mini-tacos, a buttery mushroom spread, beef tenderloin on crisp potato wafers, and a dozen other dishes I never get to.
“No expense spared?” I query to a smug Jasper. I note that Katrina has already found the glasses of champagne.
“For your reign, only the best,” Jasper purrs, kissing my fingertips. “I want this to be a night to remember. Do share her a bit tonight, Rhodes. She’s really the only one I want to dance with, after all.”
Lucas makes a sound of discontent while glaring at the other boy. Jasper cocks his head to tell me it’s time. They’ve set up a small stage for me. Brock has already taken his spot and he sits with a slight smile waiting for me. My dress is complicated enough that I need Lucas’s help to get onto the stage. Once there, the sea of students waits with quiet anticipation as Brock begins the first notes on his guitar. It’s Lucas who insists I sing tonight. The thought is pretentious at best, but Lucas begs adorably, and I relent. Brock and I choose to Walk Off the Earth’s I’ll Be There. I can’t help but consider this group of friends I’ve come to depend on. I pay attention to Katrina, Charles, and Bruce – my first real friends. Mason’s grin is faintly rueful as our eyes meet. I linger over Jasper, who gives me a wicked smile, and then Lucas. As Brock sings his lines, our eyes meet. There is still that connection between us – not romantic but born from music.
After the polite applause, Brock, on my cue, holds one note as I launch into my cover of Echosmith’s Follow You. I change the line Green eyes that fix it all to Gray eyes that fix it all. I hold Lucas’s gaze through most of the song, enjoying the way his gray eyes go from surprise to warm pleasure as he realizes that I’m singing it for him. It’s deligh
tfully cheesy, and when I’m done singing, Lucas swings me down and kisses me. Mason groans, complaining that he misses sullen Lucas. Katrina elbows him before Bruce leads her to the dance floor. Lucas follows with me on his arm. Together, with my best friend, we open the floor for dancing.
Once the party is over, I swear I’m ready to crawl into bed. Since Jasper rented the entire house, he set up the guest bedrooms so we could crash overnight. “This was the best idea ever,” Katrina moans, kicking off her shoes. We’ve congregated in the master bedroom – Katrina and I are on the bed still in our ridiculously fancy gowns. “I will never wear heels again.”
Mason, draped on a settee, snorts. “You say that every time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything but heels when you’re not wearing your uniform shoes.”
Katrina doesn’t even bother to look as she launches one of the decorative pillows in Mason’s direction. A shout from Brock indicates she missed.
Lucas removes his coat, cummerbund, and tie before coming to lie beside me. He’s grinning in a carefree manner.
“If you two start making out, I’m throwing my shoes at you,” Jasper says from the floor. He may have had one too many drinks. “Unless you plan to invite me.”
I roll my eyes at Jasper’s threat. “Jasp, stop being gross,” I grump. I hear him mumble under his breath. The chances of Jasper even standing right now aren’t great.
Ignoring Jasper's threat, Lucas lazily kisses me. “You won’t believe who called me this morning,” he whispers to me aware that everyone in the room can probably hear him. At my raised brow, he says, “My father. As if I want to see him again. He says he wants to talk.” His lips twist bitterly.
I need to tread carefully. “Did he tell you what about?”
