by Lexi Wilson
I slipped my purse off my shoulder and sat down at my desk with a sigh, looking at the stack of papers Jace had left for me to go through. I had grown used to the routine in just a few days, but that didn’t make me any more enthusiastic to go through the stack with the situation I had just experienced. I felt tired. I didn’t want to go home, but I didn’t want to get back to work, either.
I wanted to do something, but I didn’t feel there was anything I could do. I felt the familiar feeling of just existing in a world that wasn’t fair. A world that I wanted to change, but one I felt trapped in. There was nothing I could do but try to help where I could and let the rest of the world do what it may.
The door to Anthony’s office opened, and he walked out, going over to give a few things to Molly. He noticed me sitting at my desk on his way back, and he stepped over.
“Where’s Kellie?” he asked. I told him what happened with the nanny, and what the girl had said about taking a nap.
“Kellie said she wanted to go to your house, but the woman said she was going to take her back to her mother’s. I’m not sure where they actually went. Kellie said it was fine for her to go with the woman, and I didn’t want to cause another scene after what I did this morning.” I smiled, and he nodded.
“It’s fine, she knows who she can go with and who she can’t, but I’m not happy about this. I pay that woman good money to take care of her when her mother isn’t around — which, as you can imagine, is most of the time.
“Anyway, thanks for taking her out to get the ice cream. I hope you didn’t feel too degraded with the nanny event.” He looked at me with raised eyebrows, and I shook my head, assuring him that I was none the worse for the wear.
“I thought she was rather entertaining, actually. I had never met anyone who was so bad at what they do and yet was so confident they were the one in the right,” I said with a laugh. He chuckled, though not much.
“Well, you’re going to run into that if you stay in the publishing business very long. Anyway, I’m not going to let her get away with that. I want you to start looking for a new nanny right now — find someone with excellent credentials and reviews, then send me her information. I’m going to handle the other one myself.” He looked up at me, and I nodded, promising I would get on it immediately. With a final nod of affirmation, he turned and walked back to his office.
I couldn’t help but let my eyes linger on him as he left. He had such a good figure, I was captivated. I had never imagined I was going to end up working for someone who was so good-looking, yet here I was. Briefly, what Kellie had said in the parlor crept back into my mind, and I felt a wave of uncertainty wash over me.
The thought of getting involved with my boss terrified me. I knew it was a bad idea, and I didn’t want to even consider the possibility. But, at the same time, I had to admit that every time I saw the man, I thought about how good looking he was. And there had been times I had let my mind wander to things I was embarrassed to admit to.
I quickly began my search on the computer. Sure, it was for Anthony, but that wasn’t the only reason I was determined to find the best of the best. That little girl deserved the best of what the world had to offer, and I was going to give it to her.
No matter what.
Chapter 7
“I wanted to stay with you this weekend! Why do I have to go to Mom’s?” Kellie asked. It pained me to listen to the whine in her voice. I couldn’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to be in her position, that was for sure. But as the agreement stood, she was going to be forced to spend more time with her mother than with me, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“I’m sorry, baby. You know that I want you to stay with me, but we have to do what the judge said says right now. I’m going to find a way for you to stay with me even more often, but that’s going to take some time.” I didn’t expect her to fully understand the situation, but she nodded, and I felt she understood more than she let on.
She was wise beyond her years, and I wished I could give her the world. But I was just as bound by the situation as she was, and in spite of my wanting her to stay with me, she was going to have to go back home. The nanny had finally given in and had taken her over to my place the day before, and she’d stayed the night, but I’d received several drunk texts from her mother early that morning wondering where Kellie was — and demanding I bring her home.
“I had fun with you last night, though, kiddo,” I said with a smile. We had gotten pizza and stayed up late, watching movies together and just enjoying each other’s company. It was pure bliss as far as I was concerned, and a moment that I’d never wanted to end.
If I could live my life with her in my apartment, forever in this vibrant state she had finally managed to achieve, I would be happy. The uncertainty of the future plagued me more than I wanted to admit. I hated feeling like something terrible was going to happen that would tear us all apart eventually, and I didn’t know how to shake it.
I didn’t want to think about what would happen if the cancer were to take a stronger hold on her. I didn’t want to think about it, at all. I just wanted to focus on the happy, and that’s it.
We were on our way out to Manhattan and did my best to keep the conversation flowing as best as I could. I knew she was dreading staying with her mom as much as I was dreading leaving her there again, but I didn’t want to focus on that.
“Just think, it’s only going to be a few days, and we’re going to be with each other again,” I said cheerfully. She looked at me and nodded, though I could see in her face she wasn’t thrilled. “Cheer up, honey; your mother loves you, too.”
“Does she?” Kellie responded.
She didn’t look at me, and she didn’t say anything else. But then, she didn’t have to. I could hear in her voice exactly how unenthused she was about going back with her mother, and nothing I was going to say would make a difference. But then, I couldn’t blame her for how she felt. Her mother was one of the hardest people get along with, not to mention the fact she seemed to be especially hard on Kellie.
She didn’t like Kellie’s style. She didn’t like the way Kellie would require things to be a certain way before she could be happy. She didn’t like the way Kellie would choose me every time she had the option. She didn’t like being a mother. There was no doubt in my mind somewhere that woman had to love our daughter. I refused to believe there was a parent on the planet who didn’t love their child.
But, at the same time, I would agree with the thought Maisie would have chosen not to be a mother if she could have. Or, at the very least, that she would have chosen not to be a mother of a child with cancer.
“Tell you what; when you get back we’re going to do something fun, okay? Let’s go out and do something. Instead of watching a movie inside, we’re going to go out to the theater and find something there. You can even pick where we sit,” I said with a grin. She smiled.
“I know you’re trying, Dad, but you really don’t have to. It’s okay, really, it is.” She reached over and patted my knee; then she turned her attention back out the window.
I felt a flurry of emotions run through me. There was a part of me that wanted to scream. There was a part of me that wanted to throw things and punch a wall. There was another part of me that wanted to wrap this angelic child in my arms and just cry, holding her and taking away all her pain.
But, I could do none of those things. I was trapped in the life I lived, and I was going to have to face that fact. I had to make things work, just as much as she did.
That was life, and we had no say in how it turned out.
I tried to make the goodbye as simple as possible, but it was difficult with her mother standing in the doorway, smoking a cigarette and staring at us. She had the good sense not to bring up the money issue in front of Kellie, and I was surprised she didn’t say anything about lawyers, either. I was cordial with Maisie, as always, but I was glad to be back in the car and on my way out of there.
My day was
now free, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t want to go home. There were still a few of Kellie’s things about, and I knew it would just make me miss her. At the same time, I didn’t really want to go out and do anything. I had been hitting the gym hard lately, but even there, I was losing interest.
There was a pile of things I needed to go through at the office, and though it was a Saturday, I knew I could get a lot of it done if I went in. As I neared downtown, I shook my head. I may as well do something productive with my time.
The office was quiet and dark, just like I liked it. There was light coming in from the windows, but with the overhead lights turned off, it had a different feel to it than it did on a Monday morning. I liked it. I settled into my desk and got to work, eager to see how much I could get done that afternoon.
It would be quiet, but it would do a lot to free up my Monday, which was what I really wanted.
As I worked, my mind became so consumed with what was on the screen in front of me, that I was startled when I heard the sound of something in the other room. I had locked the door behind me, and there was no one else in the office. Confused, I hoped we weren’t going to have more problems with mice. The restaurant below us had issues with them, and there were times when they came up into my office.
I had set traps around the place last summer, but I had hoped we were beyond all that now. I walked out into the other room, but it was Stella who jumped in surprise when she saw me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here,” she said quickly. I hardly recognized her. She wasn’t wearing one of her god-awful suits. Instead, it was just running pants and a t-shirt. She was beautiful, and I felt myself looking at her in a whole new light.
“I came in to catch up on things that needed to be done,” I said with a smile. “You look nice.”
“Hardly. This is how I dress on the weekend,” she said with a smile.
I laughed. “I think it’s an improvement over those suits you’ve been wearing all week.
She shot me a look. “Those suits are all I can afford. I’m sorry, but I’m doing the best I can — and for your information, I’m going to keep wearing them!”
I looked at her in surprise, wondering why she was so angry. I had only been teasing, but it was clear she hadn’t taken it that way and wasn’t in the mood to even consider the possibility. For the first time, I saw another side of her. I wasn’t sure I liked it.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. I felt the best thing to do would be to change the subject. I didn’t want to say anything to make the situation worse, though I felt she was the one who was overreacting about the suits. It wasn’t a big deal, and if she had needed some help with office attire, I would have been more than happy to get her something. I wasn’t a mind reader, and she hadn’t said anything about it.
How was I supposed to know?
“I forgot to grab something before I left yesterday, and I came back to get it. Don’t worry, I found it. I’m on my way out now.” She smiled as she waived something in the air on her way by. I didn’t see what it was, but at the same time, I didn’t care. I didn’t mean to offend her, and I could see she was leaving angry.
I found it annoying, and though there was a part of me that wanted to stop her, there was another part of me that felt I didn’t have time for this kind of shit. I had to deal with it enough with Kellie’s mother. I wasn’t going to try to play guessing games about how Stella was feeling.
“Alright then, I’m glad you found it.” I said. She nodded and headed for the door. “See you Monday.”
She paused and looked over her shoulder at me for a second, then she turned and pushed her way through the door. Again, I wondered at the look. It felt like I was missing something in the entire conversation, and I really wasn’t sure where it had all gone wrong. I hadn’t meant anything by what I said, and I saw no reason for her to get so upset.
She didn’t reply when I said I would see her the following week. Even if I had offended her, I didn’t see why she would be so rude. Shaking my head, I walked back to my office, sitting down at my desk with a sigh. Women were confusing. I honestly believed many of them didn’t know what they wanted in life, so they were easily angered.
It was annoying, and I didn’t know how to deal with them much of the time. As though my day couldn’t have gotten any more stressful than it already was, now I had to deal with the fact Stella was evidently mad at me.
I didn’t have time for this shit.
Chapter 8
Just be cool. This doesn’t have to be a big deal. She’s sick, and this is going to mean a lot to her. Just stay for dinner, and you can leave. It’s not a big deal.
I gave myself a pep talk as I walked up to the door. I had finally found the right apartment number, and my heart was pounding in my chest. I had gone to the office the day before to find Anthony’s home address. I thought a lot about what Kellie had said when we were having ice cream, and I had decided it was a good idea to come to dinner.
Not that I wanted to pursue the idea that there might be something between the girl’s father and me, but because of what she said about me being a good mother. I knew she needed a mother figure in her life, and though I didn’t want to overstep my bounds as being that person, I knew I could offer some support.
I hoped it wouldn’t be weird after what had happened in the office the day before. I had thought about asking him what time I should be over, but at the same time, I didn’t want to really go into it when I was there. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I really didn’t want to put a label on what this was. I was going over to his place for dinner. It was plain and simple. It didn’t have to be anything else.
Besides, I could convince myself I was doing this for Kellie. She was the one who had invited me, and though I knew it would have been proper to get the details worked out with him, I didn’t know how to go about doing it. This got me out of my own house and away from my mother, so as far as I was concerned, this was a good idea.
But it was going to be awkward at first, and I really hoped he wouldn’t bring up what he had said about the suits. I shouldn’t have gotten as mad as I did, and I wanted to apologize, but at the same time, I didn’t want to get back into it. The fact of the matter was I was embarrassed that those were all I could afford. I didn’t like looking like a Barbie doll out of the nineties. I wanted to look like a sleek, modern professional.
I tried finding black, tailored suits at the second hand stores I frequented, but since I was tall and slender, it was difficult to find anything that didn’t look like I was swimming in them. I often felt like a freak trying them on.
Instead, I was wearing suits bright enough he felt he could bring them up in casual conversation. I took a deep breath, trying to get up the courage to knock on the door. It was a nice building, and these were nice apartments. I had triple checked the number I wrote down the day before and knew without a doubt I was in the right place. I just didn’t know how things were going to happen once I opened the door.
I raised my hand to knock on the door, hesitating for a brief moment before I made myself do it. There wasn’t anything inside for a brief moment, when suddenly I heard the sound of someone walking to the door. Anthony opened it in nothing but his boxer shorts, and I felt my cheeks turn red.
He looked at me in surprise for a moment. “Stella, what are you doing here?”
“I’m… I’m sorry. This was a mistake.” I said as I turned to go. I didn’t know what else to do, and in the heat of the moment, I panicked. I was going to run back up the hall and disappear around the corner, then do what I could to forget about everything I had just seen.
“No, don’t worry about it; what are you doing here?” he asked once more. He reached out and grabbed my arm, stopping me from bolting, but at the same time sending a jolt through my body. I could feel immediately how strong he was, and he made me blush deeper.
“I- Kellie invited me over
for Sunday dinner. She said that you had wanted me to come, but didn’t know how to ask. I didn’t want to upset the girl, so I thought I’d show up… But I see now this is all a big mistake, and I’m very sorry to have bothered you.” I stammered as I spoke, unable to keep his eye contact. He was looking at me as though I were crazy, but once I explained to him the situation, I could see his face change.
He pushed the door open a little further. “Why don’t you come inside, and we can talk about this a little more?” he asked. I felt my cheeks burning, but I couldn’t turn back now. I should have thought about this before I came over, or at the very least, I should have said something to him the day before when we were together in the office.
He had said he would see me Monday, and at the time I had wondered why he didn’t mention anything about today. That would have been the best time to ask him, but I was angry about the suits.
I stepped inside, following him but doing my best not to look at him. I had never before seen a real V on a man, and I wanted to touch it. I had noticed that the man clearly took care of himself, but I hadn’t before noticed how ripped he really was. I wondered how much time he spent in the gym, but considering it was on the ground level of his apartment, I didn’t think it would be hard for him to get there.
He was muscular, with defined arms and abs. He had a perfect body, and I noticed an intricate tattoo on the inside of his bicep. I had never seen his arms above the wrist and had never before considered that he might have a tattoo. But, there it was. I tore my eyes away from it, trying to focus on what was happening.
I felt embarrassed, and I was surprised to see that he didn’t seem too shocked about that situation. It only made me more confused, but I was going to stick it out. I was in too deep. I couldn’t turn back now.
