by Lexi Wilson
I was shocked to find Matthew on the other side. He shuffled his feet when he looked up at me and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
“Uh, hey,” he said.
“Hey,” I answered slowly.
“Could I...” He paused and cleared his throat. “Could I come in, please?”
I stepped aside, and he nodded as he passed inside. I closed the door behind him, and we stood in the entryway silent for a beat before I walked around Matthew towards the kitchen.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked him.
“No, thank you,” he replied.
“Do you mind if I grab something?”
“Go ahead. Um, is it okay if I have a seat?” he asked, gesturing towards the couch.
“Sure,” I nodded. I watched him walk off before I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with some ice and then water before joining him.
“So, you wanted to talk I assume?” I prompted Matthew as I sat across from him.
“Yeah, yes, talk,” he stuttered. He looked down, wringing his hands before he looked back up. “I’m gay.”
I was taken aback by his announcement and sat back in shock. “Excuse me?”
“We never met after I moved to town, but Evie and I, well, she taught in the classroom beside me, and we became fast friends. In fact, she’s my best friend. I’ve never had a friend like her before, one that accepted me with open arms and didn’t even bat an eyelash when I told her my sexual preference. When I told her that I was run out of my last church, she took me herself and introduced me to your pastor and started taking me with her to church. Everyone was so nice and accepted me as I was. They didn’t ask questions about my sexuality, and they don’t push when they ask about my love life, and they don’t try to set me up on blind dates which is awesome. It was all just really refreshing. When things started to turn bad between you two, she confided in me, and since I hadn’t met you because of how much you were gone working, well, I didn't hold you in very high regard if I’m honest. Regardless of that, though, it didn’t feel right now.”
I was stunned, to say the least. He was gay. I was processing his words as we sat in the silence and then I looked up at him with a start. “What do you mean it didn’t feel right now?”
“I know that you think Evie and I are together.”
“Because the first time I came to the house after I got home, my daughter came bounding down the stairs calling for you. And then, when you appeared, you moved around my house like you owned it.”
“I’ve been to your house a lot, more so after you were captured. Evie needed a friend, she needed someone to be strong for her to keep her from breaking down, and I was there for her. I wanted to be there for her because she was there for me while I adjusted to my new life here, and she was trying to adjust to her new normal. I know people gossip about us. I’m sure you’ve probably heard those rumors too.”
I frowned. “Yeah, I’ve heard some.”
“Well, I just thought it was time you knew the truth. I’ve told Evie that she needs to tell you herself over and over since you got back, but she doesn’t listen. She’s stubborn and has her mind set, and when she does, there’s just no changing that sometimes.”
I chuckled. “Sometimes it’s Evie’s world, and we’re just living it.”
“I think you still love her.”
“I do.”
“I don’t think you ever stopped,” he added.
“I didn’t.”
“I think she’s a big reason why you’re here now, that she’s what helped you get through whatever torture you went through in Syria.”
“All true,” I agreed.
He nodded. “So not only am I gay, but I’m a gold-star gay.”
“A gold-star gay?” I repeated.
“It means I’ve never been with a woman sexually. Ever,” he stressed.
I blinked several times as his words sank in. He’s never... “Wait,” I started. “If you and Evie aren’t, you know, then you’re not the baby’s father.”
“Correct.”
“Then who is?”
Matthew sat back on the couch and looked at me with an are you serious expression on his face. “Brett, where were you about six months ago?”
“Egypt and Syria,” I replied.
“What about just before that?”
I scowled. “Signing my divorce papers.”
“Mm-hmm. Anything interesting happen that night?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and giving me a look that says I’m a moron.
A flood of memories hit me. Of Evie and I reminiscing. Of Evie and I drinking several bottles of wine. Of Evie and I kissing. Of Evie and I... “Oh shit!” I exclaimed, jumping out of my chair. “I'm the father?” Matthew just tilted his head and gave me a look. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because she needs a push, to see the proverbial light, if you will. I whole-heartedly think she’s still in love with you too, Brett. It’s probably not my place, but I can’t keep letting you think that I’m the father, that me and her are together. It’s too much, and it’s out of hand, and it all just has to stop.”
“But why wouldn’t she just tell me herself? How could she keep this from me?” I demanded, getting up to pace the living room, my anger beginning to grow.
“Brett, think about it from her perspective. Look, I’m not saying what she did was right. By being here I’m basically saying how wrong I think she's been, but I do understand why she hasn't told you. Have you stopped to consider her reasons for not telling you?”
I shook my head, and Matthew continued. “Put yourself in her shoes. Here she is with a husband she never sees who has let her down more times than she can understand. So, even though deep down it isn’t what she wants, she divorces him. Then you get captured by terrorists, and no one knows if you’re alive or dead. Then she finds out she’s pregnant, with her prisoner-of-war ex-husbands baby. She has to adjust to that. Then, when she does, you turn up alive and come home, but she’s so used to you coming and going and flitting out of her and Hannah’s lives so easily that she thinks it is going to be that way again. You left over and over again; she’s protecting her heart. It really is that simple.”
I sat back down with a sigh. “I need to think about all of this,” I said, wrenching my hands through my hair.
“Sure, I understand,” Matthew replied quietly as he stood.
“Thanks for telling me,” I muttered. “I know that couldn't have been easy, being Evie’s friend and all.”
He nodded. “I can show myself out.”
I stayed seated until I heard the front door open and close. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. That’s when the flood of thoughts overtook me.
I’m going to be a dad again. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that last night with Evie, the one that got me through many a dark night during my capture, resulted in something so beautiful. A baby.
Unfortunately, my thoughts turned dark a brief time later, and I wondered if Evie was ever going to tell me the truth, or if Matthew hadn’t shown up if she would have just let me keep thinking he was the father. I wanted to be mad at her, to call her and yell at her for keeping this from me but I couldn’t. Matthew had a point about why she hadn’t told me, and I guessed I could see why. I was gone a lot in the last few years. I hadn’t made time for Evie or Hannah. I had taken one job after another, and when I was home, I was barely present. I recognized that now and it was a big part of why I was trying to so hard to be a better man. I felt like this was my second chance at my life, and I needed Evie to see that too.
I needed Evie to see how I had changed, and how hard I was trying for her. I wanted to confront her, but I knew what I needed to do. It was going to be hard, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
I had to wait for Evie to tell me. I had to wait for her to trust me again.
I didn’t see Evie when I picked Hannah up from school Wednesday, and she didn't show up at choir practice. I didn’t expect t
o see her when I dropped Hannah at school the next day, so when I didn’t see her, I wasn’t surprised.
By Friday though, I had had too long to think about what Matthew had told me and I was ready to confront Evie about it. In my head, I tried to go over what I would say so that I wouldn’t upset her but everything I went over in my mind came out snappy and angry and confrontational. I didn’t want it to come across that way; I wanted it to be a conversation about our future and where we would go from here.
I knew if I pushed too hard too fast that it would only send us into a fight and a fight was not what I wanted. I wanted to understand where Evie’s head was at, and I wanted to be a part of everything going forward. Most of all though, I wanted my family back again, under one roof, to live out our happily ever after.
As I made the drive to Evie’s that night to pick up Hannah for my weekend, I did everything in my power to keep myself calm and level-headed. I didn’t want my anger to get the best of me and start a fight. I just wanted to have a conversation with her. A peaceful conversation between two adults and not adversaries.
That was my hope at least. What would actually go down between us remained to be seen but I was going to cling to hope because it was the only thing I had.
Chapter 24
Evie
After our tiff in the cafeteria, it was four days before Matthew and I spoke again. He had shown up at my door the previous Sunday night bearing a pizza when I opened the door.
“I thought I’d bring a peace offering,” he said with a small smile.
“What kind of peace offering is it?”
“Ham and pineapple.”
My stomach rumbled in response and we looked at each before bursting out in laughter. “Come in,” I told him, stepping aside and ushering him inside.
We headed for the kitchen, and I called for Hannah who took two slices back to the living room where I let her watch a movie, so Matthew and I could talk privately.
“I’m sorry about the cafeteria,” Matthew started. “I shouldn’t have said those things at school. I could have done that more privately.”
“So, you’re not sorry for what you said, just where you said it?”
“That is correct.”
I nodded. “I see.”
“Look, I’m sorry, but you need tough love right now, girl. I want you to think that I have your back a thousand percent, and I swear I do, but I also think you’re making a huge mistake and I can’t sit idly by and watch you make it.”
“I know you would always have my best interest at heart, Matthew. And I know that you would never say anything to intentionally hurt me. I am being stubborn, and if the roles were reversed, well, I’d give it to you the same.”
“So, does this mean you’re going to tell Brett the truth?”
“I know that I need to tell him. I’m just still trying to psyche myself up to it.”
“I’ll come over and be your cheerleader if you need me to.”
“Thanks, Mattie, but like you told me before, it’s time for me to woman up.”
At school the next week, I was still acutely aware of what felt like stares and whispers in my direction. I knew that telling Brett was one step, but once I told him, and after the baby was born, I would have to face everyone else, and the stares and whispers would start fresh. Matthew tried to calm my fears by telling me that no one was gossiping about me or my situation, but I could tell.
On Wednesday I tripled checked to make sure Hannah had everything she needed so that when Brett picked her up from school, I could send her out to the car rider line alone. I wasn’t ready to see him yet and avoiding him seemed like a good plan. I wanted to go to choir practice that night, but I stayed home, again so I could avoid him, but also because I didn’t know if I could keep it together if I saw Monica flirting with him.
Matthew came over on Wednesday evening and cooked dinner to try and help distract me and over dinner he steered the conversation to light topics. He didn’t bring Brett up once which I appreciated. Instead, he waited on me and made me relax and just let go of everything on my mind for the night.
On Thursday I tried to go over in my head what I thought I might say to him. I played out scenario after scenario, trying to guess what Brett’s reaction would be. It made me feel even more anxious as Friday loomed which did nothing to help me.
When Friday dawned, I awoke to a pit in my stomach. I knew it was now or never with Brett. I had put it off for far too long and I had accepted that this was going to go one of two ways: Brett was going to be really happy and gloss over my choice to keep him in the dark, or he was going to be mad that I had been keeping this from him when he had been back for close to six weeks.
Since it was Brett’s weekend with Hannah, and he would normally pick Hannah up from school, and school was not the place I wanted to have this conversation, I needed a reason for him to pick her up at home. So, I made one happen.
Hannah forgot her favorite stuffed animal at home this morning. Can you pick her up from home instead of school?
What time?
Four? I need to do a few things here before I leave for the day.
That’s fine. I’ll be over at four.
Thanks for being so understanding.
Anything for my little girl.
I smiled at his words. Regardless of how I had felt neglected, I could never deny that Brett was a good dad to Hannah. He always had been. Even during the times when I felt like he could have been better, looking back now, the truth was he was there, just in his way. Maybe I hadn't agreed with it, but he cared for us, and he cared for us a lot.
At the end of the school day, I collected Hannah from her classroom and hurried through the things I needed to get done so we could go home and wait for Brett. We got home at three forty-five, and I sent Hannah upstairs to collect her stuffed animal and to wait while I paced the living room awaiting his arrival. With Matthew’s words replaying in my head, I tried again to find the words to tell Brett the truth about the baby, but I was only making myself nervous with every passing minute.
I was stopping in my pacing to check out the front window for Brett to pull into the driveway every two minutes it seemed. I was trying to be patient, but as the clock ticked by, I realized he was late, and I felt myself growing anxious. I felt like I was going to vomit, and I was pulling out my phone to call him when I saw his car start down the street.
Immediately I began to feel hot and sweaty, and my heart began to race, thudding in my chest. When Brett stepped out of his car, an SUV, I had to swallow down the lump that formed in my throat. He was so handsome and seeing that cherry red car brought back so many good memories of the Chevy Nova he had had for years, the one he had taken me out on our first date in. He had been driving the SS ever since he got home from Syria, so he must have just gotten the Audi SUV in my driveway.
I tore myself away from watching Brett from the window to meet him at the front door. I swung it open and waited there as he approached.
“Hey,” I smiled shyly.
He grunted back a greeting, and I was taken aback. This was the first time since he came home that he hadn’t been friendly, and I called for Hannah as we stood there in silence. When Hannah appeared, clutching her stuff unicorn that she made with her father, Brett’s face changed and lit up for her with a warm smile.
“Hey, Hannah Banana, you ready to go?” he asked, crouching down to her level.
“I am ready, Daddy” she replied cheerfully.
He nodded as he straightened. “Is that hers?” he asked me as he pointed at Hannah’s duffel bag nearby.
“Yes, that’s hers,” I said quickly, grabbing it and passing it to him.
“Thanks,” he said. “We’ll see you Sunday,” he added quickly as he let Hannah lead him to the car.
Words failed me as I watched him walk down the driveway and I knew if I didn't speak up that he would get in his car and drive away, and I’d have let this whole thing get put off again, and I couldn’t let that happen
. It was time to be truthful and honest, no matter what happened after.
“Brett, wait,” I called out, stepping outside.
He looked back at me. “What is it, Evelyn?”
The air was knocked from my lungs. He called me Evelyn, not Evie. I started to lose my nerve and was about to tell him never mind when I thought of Matthew’s disapproving face, and I steeled myself.
“I need to speak to you, privately please.”
He nodded and got Hannah loaded into his car and said something to her. I could see her nodding solemnly to him before he closed the door and came back up the drive towards me.
His features had changed, and his smile for Hannah had been replaced with a scowl for me. “What did you need to talk about?”
“I…” I stammered out. He looked at me expectantly, and when I made no move to speak, he did, and it cut me.
“Is it my baby, Evie? Is it?”
I stared at him wide-eyed as I began to panic internally. It was real now. This was happening. I had no idea what would happen next, and while I had been trying to control everything for months now, it was all about to be completely out of my control. My mouth opened and closed several times, but no sounds came out, and I blinked rapidly as I tried to make the words form.
