The Lies We Tell

by Butler, Brittany

  I read the short blub a dozen times. Is her past worth a second chance? Natalie is known for her surprises in her books. She doesn’t mention saving the marriage in her blurb; only her past. Waiting to hear what my future holds, I put my phone in my lap and open the book.

  For my haunting past,

  you deserve all the chances in the world

  I flip to chapter one and begin reading. This book can’t be about the divorce. She sent him packing without ever looking back. This has to be about me.

  Glancing in the parking lot, I wondered why there was an opening mid-year. The building was newly constructed, and the campus looked inviting. In two weeks, I will begin teaching at a new school. As much as I hated to leave my students I’ve been teaching for years, I needed to be in Dallas.

  My phone chimed, pulling me from staring at the building. It is probably my mother, checking on me for the thousandth time, but I check anyway.

  Tabatha: She’s ready. Red Door @ 8.

  Four hours from now, I would find out if Natalie still has feelings for me. If I am right, her book is about me, and she still has feelings. If I am wrong, I’ll be a club, so I’ll get hammered and forget about her for the night.

  That’s a solid plan. Either way, I am golden.

  I chose him. There was no other option in my story. When you give your heart to someone, you are forever wed to them whether you want to be or not. He has a piece of me that I will never be able to take back. This was never about a choice. The point of my wild thoughts is that maybe some stories don’t get a happy ending. No matter how hard I tried, the cards were always stacked against me.

  Her words are as haunting and confusing as she is. I can’t stop thinking about the confusing message. Her books are never easy to read and decipher, and yet, I read everyone, trying to find a trace of hope that she still cares. She chooses her husband, but she isn’t happy. The book ends, and she’s stuck with her husband, miserable.

  I can never tell what’s going on in her mind; no matter what she thinks. She’s a free spirit, always changing her mind. That’s what I love most about her. I’ve always been responsible and sensible, and she’s been the one to keep me grounded; she always reminded me to have fun. Even when she wasn’t with me, I did things she would approve of.

  Four hours later, I am fighting my way through a crowd. It is thirty minutes past eight, but I expect nothing less from Tabatha and Natalie.

  Walking to the bar is a chore. I hold my hand up, catching the bartender’s attention. She smiles at me and walks over.

  “Two beers; bottle; surprise me,” I yell over the music.

  She hands me the beer, I pay for them and stuff a tip in the jar.

  “I get off at two,” she shouts, leaning over the counter. She looks up at me, batting her fake eyelashes, waiting for my response. If the love of my life shoots me down, maybe

  “I am supposed to be meeting someone here,” I yell back. I hold the beers up, nodding with thanks.

  There’s a table open near the bar. I walk to it, setting my drinks down. It is close to the dance floor, and its way too loud, but this is where Natalie would be if she were here.

  Natalie.

  “Wanna dance?” I hear a small shout.

  I look over finding a girl leaning over my table. Her dress is cuts of mid-thigh, and her tits are sitting near her chin. I notice this because she’s initially pushing them in my face.

  “I am waiting for someone,” I say back to her. She nods and leaves me alone. Shit, at least I know I look good.

  She’s here. I feel it. I search the dance floor, coming up short. I look around the bar and finally turn toward the entrance.

  Natalie.

  She’s leaning with her back against the wall, one leg propped up. The slit in her dress is showing me everything. I raise my hand, but I already know she’s watching me. She doesn’t look mad; she doesn’t even look surprised.

  She walks toward me, hips swaying. I will take her in the bathroom if she let me. Her bright dress sways with each movement, opening at the bottom. I shift in my seat, knowing I need her. It has been years, but she still has that effect on me. Looking around the place, she has that effect on every guy here. She is simply gorgeous; like no other girl, I’ve ever seen before.

  She pulls her purse to her side as she takes a seat beside me. Her mouth is twisted to the side, but her eyes are lit with excitement. She will never admit she’s happy to see me.

  "See something you like?" I ask. She dips her head down, not facing me at first.

  Finally, she lifts her sight back to me. Her light eyes are bright even in this dark room. Her dark hair is a stark contrast to her milky skin.

  "I do. And I see many, many others that like it as well,” she says. She moves one chair over, sitting directly beside me. She’s flirting with me.

  "I don't care about them,” I say, honestly. How could anyone look at another girl when Natalie Conner is in the room? Her mouth shifts to the side, unimpressed. She’s good at this game.

  "When I am in the same room? How convenient," she says, smirking at me. I smile at her, really looking her over. How can I convince this girl that no one would ever compare to her?

  "I was just sittin' here thinking about you," I say, leaning in closer to her. She smells as good as she looks. “I was wondering when I might run into you.”

  "Is that so?" She asked, laughing at me. She doesn’t believe me; she doesn’t know how perfect she is.

  “Yeah,” I say, nodding.

  “And just how would you know you might run into me?”

  “I moved here last week,” I say, and her mouth hangs open. She composes herself, letting her face go back to her natural features.

  “You’ll love it here,” she says, unfazed. She looks everywhere except at me.

  This is it.

  "I couldn't find a reason why we shouldn't get back together," I say, watching her reaction. I could’ve waited, but we aren’t traditional.

  "We're having this discussion in a club? I can't think of anything more romantic," she says, laughing.

  She grabs her small purse, pulling a cigarette container out. My brows shoot up, but I don’t ask questions. She goes through her phases; she will work herself out of this one. She slipped a cigarette between her lips, lit it up, and took a puff. If anyone in this world could make smoking look sexy, it is her.

  “You know you never liked romance," I say after she’s had a few puffs of her cigarette. I know she’s calmer now.

  “I am the maker of all things romance,” she says, looking anywhere except at me. She’s either bored or trying to pretend like she isn’t happy to see me. She’s hard to read.

  I’ll test her.

  “Would you prefer me to take you out for a nice dinner? Write a sweet letter? You tell me,” I say, grinning. She finally looks at me. Her eyes are lit with amusement.

  "You're serious?" She asks. I nod and slip my hand over to hers. "Fuck it," she says.

  Her smile is contagious. She throws the half- used cigarette in the tray before walking away from me. I watch her walk off, confused. Regardless of what she wants, I catch up to her. She’s shoving her phone back into her purse, ignoring me.

  “Where are you running off to now?” I ask, playing it off as a joke, but the thought of her out of my sight scares the shit out of me. She has left me too many times for me to be comfortable with letting her go tonight.

  “Back to my place. Are you coming, or not?”

  I follow her out of the club, watching her get into the back of a car. I grin, knowing I am going regardless, but hoping like hell this isn’t a one- night thing. I can’t lose her again. She’s made me more vulnerable than I would ever admit to anyone.

  I slid in the back seat with her. Grinning, she grabbed my hand. When she looked at me, I knew she was as deep in this as I was. Maybe we both never moved on. I never dated anyone, and her marriage failed; that wasn’t a coincidence. This story is supposed to have a happy meaning.r />
  The car stops, and she drags me outside. Without saying a word, she pulls me into her building in the empty elevator.

  He lips crash into mine. She grabs my back, pulling me closer. I pull back, feeling like a bitch, but I have to know.

  “Is this a onetime thing, Natalie?”

  “No! Shut up,” she says, pulling me back to her mouth. I laugh, but I give her what she wants.

  The elevator dings and I pull her up, holding her. She wraps her legs around me, and I open the only door in front of me, hoping it is hers.

  I inched down the hallway; it was hard to do with her lips on my neck. Finally, I found a bedroom. Instantly, she was flat on her back. I nestled on top of her, between her legs.

  My lips graze hers before traveling down her neck. Her breath speeds up. Her fingers dig deep into my back; I grin, knowing I am driving her crazy. She needs this as much as I do. I haven’t been with this girl in years, so I take my time.

  She tugs on the hem of my shirt, and I let her pull it off and throw it to the floor. I start overthinking this like I am a fucking girl. What if she leaves? What if she’s mad in the morning. Pissed the fuck off, I press my lips into her, determined to silence my thoughts.

  After lifting myself up, my hands slid down her thighs, stopping at the hem of her dress. I yanked on it and her hips bucked. I pulled it up over her head and threw it on the floor with my shirt.

  She’s perfect.

  I stared at her for what felt like an eternity. She isn’t wearing a bra, but her bottom half is covered by a black thong. I kick my pants off and tap on her thighs. She pulls the last piece of clothing between us to the floor.

  I grip her thighs, grinding into her as I deepen our kiss. I’ve been thinking of this moment for years, and it is finally here. She wraps her legs around my waist, and I know she wants this as much as I do.

  Hovering over her, I pushed my fingers in her, making sure she was ready. I’ve done this a thousand times before, but it is different with her. When I know she’s ready, I pull my fingers out and replace them. With a thrust of my hips, I am inside her. Her breathing speeds up, and I pump into her faster.

  Needing to be closer to her, I pressed my mouth against hers. She kissed me in unison, wholly engulfed at the moment.

  I trailed my fingers downer her body, stopping when I got to her most delicate spot. I circled her spot until she trembled underneath me.

  “Look at me, Natalie,” I say; my voice is hoarse.

  She pries her eyes open, fighting to keep up with each thrust. Slowly, she catches up to me as her pleasure subsides. My movements become jerked and rigid before I collapse on top of her. Sooner than I intended, I lay beside her panting for breath. Fuck, that was too soon.

  She wraps her arm around me; I can feel her naked body against me, and that does it for me.

  “I love you, Natalie. I never stopped.”

  “I love you, Jack.”

  That’s all I needed. I silence my doubts, but I still can’t help but think she may be gone tomorrow.

  I even my breathing out and wipe her head with her sheets. I begin kissing down her body, I kiss past her neck, stomach, and stop when I reach my target. She squirms uncontrollably. She gripes the sheets, and I smile against her. No matter what happens tomorrow, she will never forget tonight.

  Let’s see another guy compete with this.

  Panic; the walls are crashing into me. Without any sudden movements, I lift the arm that is laying across me just enough to move from his reach. Bad decisions were made last night. It is tough to run when the person you’re running from is in your house.

  The sun is shining through my bedroom window. I close my eyes, hoping that once I open them, I will be alone. My luck fails me.

  He’s still here.

  I look at the other side of the bed. Jack is stretched across the bed. My dark sheets wrap around his waist, leaving his chest exposed. His dark blonde hair is scattered on his forehead. He doesn’t look like the boy I fought with all of those years ago. He looks different—peaceful even. That still isn’t enough for me to stay here.

  I push my sheets back to grab the pieces of scattered clothes that line my bedroom floor. My face heats with embarrassment as I do this. I tug on my shirt and my skin- tight skinny jeans.

  I pace the hall like a caged animal, thinking. This was a bad idea. I just got divorced. I need to get out of here; I need to think. I am just going for coffee. Nothing shady; I think, attempting to lie to myself. I push my sunglasses on my face when I leave the building. My phone chimes and my stomach is in knots. Sighing, I see it is not him.

  Tabatha: Let’s meet up…

  Natalie: I’m going to the coffee shop outside of the complex

  I feel…weird; like I have the scarlet letter branded on my shirt. The sidewalk is loitered with people leaving a strangers apartment. But none of these people probably just had a one night stand with the man they left at the altar. I shake my thoughts and walk into the first coffee house I see.

  The bell chimes when I walk through, some people look, but others are consumed in what is in front of them. Art scatters the wall, indie music blares over the speakers, and the booths are filled with writers and their chorus of clicking, and girls drinking mochas in oversized sweatshirts. This area has turned into a college scene.

  “Next!” I look up and find a girl frowning at me. I wonder how long I’ve been staring at the place and the people in it.

  “Venti coffee, black,” I say.

  Like my soul, Jack would say.

  She ran my card and hands it back to me. I accept my card and coffee and walk outside. I find a table and set my things on it. I collapse in the chair, thinking.

  I can’t even entertain the fact that Jack will always have a piece of me that I will never get back. I know that I have wounds that will be open for a while. I can’t start anything until the thought of Collin doesn’t make me sick. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for him, we didn’t need to be together, but the lies and betrayal isn’t something that I can just turn off. It may be with me for the rest of my life. How can I give myself to Jack when I know I will never trust him because of my past?

  My phone buzzes like crazy. I won’t answer it. I won’t even look. I am selfish. I hate myself. I told Jack that it was more than one night because I just wanted a few hours with him. It will never be enough. In fact, last night probably fucked us up more than we were before. I swipe a tear before it falls under my glasses. Since when am I a crier?

  “Natalie,” Tabatha says. I look up, confused for a moment. She seems upset.

  “Oh my god, I am so sorry for blowing you off last night. I…” I start to make excuses, but she holds her hand up, cutting me off.

  “There’s something I need to tell you. I should’ve told you a long time ago,” she says. She sits next to me at the table, scooting closer. She looks nervous as she repositions her shades on her face. Her blonde hair is piled high on her head, and her shades cover all of her face. Still, she’s beautiful.

  “You’re starting to freak me out,” I say, laughing once. I am always awkward with encounters like this. She doesn’t smile, in fact, she grows even more uncomfortable.

  “I promise you, anything you’re thinking…this is way worse,” she says, looking down at the sidewalk below our table.

  “Tell me!” I grab her arm, demanding her to tell me what happened. I am starting to worry that there was an accident, and someone is hurt.

  “I knew Collin cheated,” she says, still looking away from me. The air is knocked out of me. I rack my brain, thinking of what to ask first.

  “How?” I ask. I try to keep a level head. Maybe she knew it was a onetime thing, and she didn’t want to hurt me. Perhaps she was thinking of a good way to tell me. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

  “It was me.”She looks up, removes her glasses and focuses on my face.

  “Uh, what?” I ask. I am confident I didn’t hear her.

  “I saw h
im at a signing right before I came to see you…we were so drunk. He told me you guys had been separated for months, and we went out after. Honestly, I intended to help save you two, but one thing led to another…I wanted to tell you that weekend. I am so, so, sorry, Natalie.”

  “So, you came here and acted as you cared afterward?” I ask, glaring at her.

  “It wasn’t like that. I messed up big time, Natalie. But I know you and Collin are meant to be, and you’re my best friend,” she says.

  She starts crying now. I am not sure that I hear her. I see her causing a scene. Tears are streaking down her face as she explains herself. My world stops. I can handle Collin cheating. I can move on from that, probably. Best friends are different. You can never replace them.

  “Stop talking,” I say, quietly. I honestly don’t want to know. I hold my hands up when she opens her mouth again. She doesn’t listen though. She still blabbers on, thinking that one of her words can make this right.

  “I just want you to know, it wasn’t done to hurt you. I wasn’t even thinking about you when it happened, Natalie,” she says.

  “You weren’t thinking about me while you were screwing my husband? How nice of you,” I say, viciously. I am beyond hurt.

  “I’ll make it up to you…that’s why I called Jack for you when it didn’t work with Collin. You deserve all of the happiness in the world. I hope you can forgive me,” she says, looking at me hopefully.

  “I’ll try to forgive you…one day,” I say. Honestly, I mean that. More than anything in the world, I hope one day, I forgive everyone who has ever hurt me. But today isn’t that day.

  “Natalie, I am so, so sorry,” she says, tears still streaking down her face. “I want you to be happy. You deserve all of the happiness in the world.”

  “I used to envy you. I thought you had the best life…but now, I see things for how they really are,” I say, staring her in the eye. She flinches and sniffles.

  “I can never apologize enough,” she says.