Black Ice

by Camille Mackenzie

  Sage

  I exhale and we’re moving backwards, with the air blowing against us. My body fits perfectly into his, with respect to our height difference. Yuri keeps me tied to him with one arm around my waist. He lifts the other to drape up around his neck while he rests his chin to my shoulder. For as long as I can remember, I’ve harbored a secret desire to compete in pairs figure skating. And I always knew who I wanted my partner to be the first time I ever saw him skate. Yuri was it for me. The music surrounding us as we float around the rink reminds me that he still is.

  Well I’ve heard there was a secret Chord

  That David played and it pleased the Lord

  Without a word, Yuri unravels me. I spin softly out of his arms. Before I’m out of reach, he catches me by the hand.

  Well it goes like this,

  The fourth, the fifth.

  The minor fall, the major lift

  I smile at him and he releases me so that I can skate into a double turn. We meet matching each other in pace, like we’re one.

  Your faith was strong, but you needed proof

  You saw her bathing on the roof

  Her beauty and the moonlight over threw you.

  Maybe it’s the hold he places on my waist. Or intuition. But I can feel the lift before it happens. I know what he wants without him having to ask. So, I start with a small jump. He uses my momentum to get underneath me, pushing me higher into the air. Over his head, I use more of the energy he’s added to push off his wrist. As I leave his hands, my body twists into the air position. Just like I’d seen growing up watching my Mom. My body stays angled and three turns later I’m falling.

  Hallellujah

  Hallellujah

  Hallellujah

  Hallellujah

  I’m caught in Yuri’s strong hands and placed on the ice. We look at one another and he pulls me back to him. I feel safe here. This was how it was supposed to be. If he had stayed with me, it would have been like this every day.

  Love is not a victory march,

  It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah.

  We catch our breath while holding on to another. Yuri cups my face softly. I look up into his eyes and the pad of his thumb slides over my cheek.

  “You’re still hurting.” He whispers. “Let me help you.”

  I pull back from him, shocked by the fresh tears in my eyes. He isn’t supposed to know that my heart was torn to shreds that night. That he made it hard for me to trust anyone again.

  “You can’t.” I mutter.

  He moves his lips closer to mine and whispers. “I want to try.”

  Before there is time for either of us to speak the music stops suddenly. Heavy clapping from the side of the rink draws our attention. It’s my Aunt Carrie and my cousin Aspen. I feel Yuri’s body tense up against mine. Auntie Carrie doesn’t play any games. If she thought for a second Yuri was more of a distraction then a help, she’d have him gone within the hour. He must know it too.

  He releases his hold on me and we separate quickly. When I go to skate away from him, I feel Yuri’s hand at the small of my back. And when I look up, he’s there moving toward my aunt with his famous deep-set frown. According to Dean, my uncle brought Yuri in a week ago. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has already had a fallen out with her. Auntie Carrie isn’t the easiest person to get along with.

  I hold my breath and count to three. For the love of God, let this meeting be brief. A whole year could go by and I wouldn’t care. So long as I didn’t have to deal with her and her impossible demands.

  “Surprise!!” She grins with her fake glee, hugging me over the short barrier wall.

  I hope my smile is more convincing. “Hi, Auntie. You didn’t tell me you were coming.”

  “That’s the point of a surprise, Sage.” She tilts her head at Yuri. She scrutinizes him while still talking to me. “You know how much I love watching you.”

  Actually, I don’t. Auntie Carrie is my Mom’s older sister. She and my Uncle Roy officially took me in after my mother died. She never cared to watch my competitions. But she was always there to stand in front of a camera and tell of all the sacrifices she and Uncle Roy made to get me here. My love for figure skating is a heavy financial burden. My mother and father weren’t wealthy. Mom got sick before drawing up a life insurance policy. And my father, he just left.

  I had nothing when the state dropped me off with Auntie Carrie. Nothing but a picture of my parents and my mom’s skates. Auntie Carrie already had two children when I showed up. My cousins Ramone and Aspen. I came to live with them when my mom got sick and it became too hard for her to take care of me. Ramone was a senior in high school and didn’t really bother with me. But Aspen and I are a year apart. We were never close and I blame Auntie Carrie for that.

  “Sage, you won’t believe who called!” Auntie Carrie suddenly bursts.

  It’s not my father. It never is, but there is always this glimmer of hope that it could be. Like one day he’ll wake up and realize the terrible mistake he made and then he’ll come for me.

  “Who?”

  “The people at Nabisco. They want you to do an Oreo cookie commercial. And that’s not even the best part.” She beats her boney hands on the wall. “Drumroll please.—Lexus called too. They want to do a commercial with you.”

  I let out a sigh. “That’s great.”

  “Oh hell, girl. Smile. This is a big deal. Especially after the Grand Prix fiasco last year. You should count your lucky stars that you still have sponsorships and advertisers rolling in.”

  I feel Yuri take a protective stance beside me. It’s nice of him to want to protect me, but nothing can save you from Hurricane Carrie. You just have to buckle down and ride it through Besides this is the way I pay my family back for all the financial burden I’ve placed on them. I can’t work because of training and school. And living with Dean and his family is no longer an option. So, I had to get my own place. Which added more to their load. Believe it or not the twenty-five thousand you get for winning gold at the Olympics only goes so far. Especially after taxes. In figure skating, sometimes you put more in than you get out.

  I worry my bottom lip. “What do I have to do?”

  “I’m not sure, what Nabisco wants but the Lexus commercial sounds like a mini movie. Oh, it’s exciting. I think it’s going to air during the Super Bowl.

  “A mini movie? They should have Aspen do it. She’s got the acting skills of the family. I suck in front of a camera.”

  Aspen looks up and smiles at me. Her face beaming more than I’ve ever seen. I’m so happy to see her face light up that the idea sounds more and more plausible in my head.

  “We could send one of her audition tapes. We look alike—"

  “Child please, you’re a good five shades lighter than your cousin. And don’t nobody want Aspen in that commercial. They asked for you.”

  My heart hurts as I watch Aspen deflate. Now I regret saying anything at all.

  “I don’t have time right now. I have an exam next week and training, Grand Prix is a month away.”

  “You’ll have to make time. I’ve already told them you’d do it and you’re expected on the next flight to LA.”

  “The next flight?! Auntie I can’t.”

  “Training is more important than commercials.” Yuri cuts in, towering above us all.

  Auntie Carrie looks him on directly. “Yuri Meshkov. The skater my husband found for Sage.”

  “I found him.” He corrects.

  “That’s right. And why did you do that exactly? You used to be glued to my niece and the last time we saw you had to be about a year ago.”

  Everyone looks at Yuri now. He doesn’t seem bothered by their intense gazes.

  “I’d heard he was looking for a Pairs skater and I offered. Sage and I know each other well and that’s important when competing as a team.”

  “I’m sure it is.” She says condescendingly. “Do you know what else is important when competing? Money.”


  “It’s necessary. I wouldn’t place more value on it than that.”

  “Of course, you wouldn’t. Money isn’t an issue for you is it?”

  “It is all you care about.”

  “It’s all anyone cares about. Yourself included, Mr. Meshkov. You ain’t here out of the kindness of your heart. I got a bank statement that says so.”

  Thanks for the reminder Auntie Carrie. Yuri didn’t come back without a price. I step away even further now and focus on my aunt. She’s getting worked up and the fall out won’t be good. Aspen and I know this all too well. Yuri doesn’t. They’ve only met briefly a hand full of times. He doesn’t truly understand the mistake of getting on my aunt’s bad side.

  Auntie Carrie steps closer to the short wall dividing us. Her gaze is locked in on Yuri. She’s ready to blow.

  “You need this second chance as much as Sage does. Let us not forget that.”

  “Mom.” Aspen tugs her mother to her. “Let Sage finish her lesson and then we can talk about this after my audition.”

  Auntie Carrie shakes her off. “Shut up Aspen. I want to know where this boy gets off looking down his nose at me.”

  “No one is looking down at you, Auntie.” I hurry. “He’s just worried about my performance.”

  “I bet he is, tossing you in the air like a rag doll…You aren’t a Pairs skater, yet.” She grabs me by the forearm. “ You could have gotten hurt. Then what? All the money Sage. All the time we put in to you. Your Uncle is breaking his back right now trying to make sure we have enough to pay for this season and what do we get?” She yanks my arm forward and the wall cuts into my ribs. “We get a selfish, brat telling us what she will and won’t do.”

  Yuri jumps between us right away. He pulls me free and tucks me behind him while glaring at my Aunt. I can feel the heat rolling off of his body as his chest heaves up and down.

  “That is enough. Get out!”

  “Boy have you lost your mind?”

  “I said get out!!” Yuri roars. His voice echoes through the arena and causes us all to tremble. “Now!”

  “Yuri please.” I touch his back.

  “Mom.” Aspen shakes. “We should go.”

  “No, I—”

  “Mom!” Aspen says nudging to her left. Dean approaches the rink. He looks less than pleased to see my family here. The sight calms Auntie Carrie down immediately. One thing she won’t do is have others think bad of her, including Dean. Even if they can’t stand one another. Aspen told me that’s it’s because Auntie Carrie was in love with Dean when they were younger. Even tried to break up his marriage right before I was born. But my Mom stopped her and she resented her for it. Standing between them now, it’s clear that there are some unresolved feelings. As usual I’m the one caught in the middle.

  Chapter 8

  Sage

  They’re all arguing. Dean with Auntie Carrie. Auntie Carrie is arguing with Aspen. No one is making sense. It’s all words and accusations being hurled at each other. I can’t stand it any longer. I wish they would all shut up. Every last one of them. I wish they’d all stop talking.

  “We’re going to be late to my audition.”

  “—She needs more practice! I can tell that she isn’t ready.”

  “You don’t know a damn thing about skating Carrie.”

  “Mom! Can we just go to my audition? We can handle this later.”

  My heart is racing out of my chest. I reach for him and it’s a sure thing. His hand is right there waiting I give it a firm squeeze. Then I give in to the way he tugs me closer to his frame. It feels good. Just his touch and I’m mentally being transported to a safer place. When I was fifteen, he’d held me like this at the World Junior Figure Skating Championships. He’d held me to him when my gear went missing and someone had spray painted the n-word on my locker. I wanted to go home. I didn’t care how upset Auntie Carrie would be. Or how disappointed Dean would be. I just wanted to run. Yuri wouldn’t let me.

  He was nineteen then. My big brother. He held me while I cried. We sat together for a long time in silence before he kissed my forehead and forced me to the ice. He said that I had to compete no matter what. I couldn’t let them defeat me. At first, I hated him for making me go out there. But I was glad he did. I won gold that night. The newspapers wouldn’t hear about the hate I’d endured. But I knew it and with Yuri I was able to overcome it. That’s how it was with him. It was like I could do anything with my friend at my side.

  “Get out of here!” I hear Dean yell.

  Aspen pulls her mother’s arm. “Let’s go. I really don’t want to miss this chance.”

  “Aspen there is no god damn audition!”

  “Mom?” Aspen gasps. Her eyes dart around as she makes a connection of her own. “I thought you said…of course. I should have known.” She adds dejectedly.

  I’m more confused now than before. “Should have known what, Aspen?”

  “Wow. I-I can’t believe I fell for that. God, I’m such an idiot.”

  “Fell for what? What’s going on?”

  “Like it really fucking matters.” She bites back.

  I push my mind to think. Auntie Carrie has a heavy fear of flying. She wouldn’t have left Texas to fly the eight hours to Detroit on her own. She only flies non-stop and with someone. Otherwise, her feet aren’t leaving the ground. Aspen has been working tirelessly to get gigs. She wouldn’t have just up and left with her mother. So, it makes me wonder what lie she told her daughter to convince her to fly down to Detroit. Whatever it was, it’s a big one. I can see the effects ripping through my cousin’s dark brown eyes.

  “It does. Aspen, it matters to me.”

  “Hard to tell.”

  Heartbroken, I watch tears well into Aspen’s eyes. She looks away and I’m ready to get off the ice and race to her side. But Auntie Carrie holds me back. With her back to her own daughter she chooses to focus on me.

  “Now wait a minute, Sage.”

  She reaches over the wall to fluff out my curls, as if she couldn’t care less about the pain Aspen is in. But my heart aches for my cousin.

  “All that twirling left your hair a mess. I’ve got my curler in my purse. I just need a min—”

  I draw a deep and harsh breath. “I’m not doing an interview. If that’s where this is going then you can stop now.”

  I know her MO. She only fusses over my appearance right before shoving me in front of a camera.

  “Yes, you are. The world needs to know that you’re competing in Pairs now. Get that buzz going.”

  “I’m not, competing with Yuri and I’m not doing an interview.”

  She continues to do what she does best, ignoring me.

  “You should have asked me first. And could you please, just stop messing with my hair.”

  “No, Sage let her fuss over you.” Aspen mutters miserably, making her way out. “It’s all she ever does.”

  “Aspen, hold up. Don’t—"

  “Just let her go. She’s being dramatic.”

  “Jesus, Auntie, what did you do?”

  “Girl, a little white lie ain’t going to kill that child.”

  I’m not able to stand her hands on me a second longer and push off the wall. My blood feels hot beneath my skin. The woman uses everyone like they’re pawns in a game. It’s not right and it’s not fair.

  “When Princess Sage has had enough of you, I’ll be waiting in the car.” Aspen says over her shoulder.

  “Aspen, wait!” I shout after her, but she keeps moving.

  That glimmer of hope I’ve held on to for so long vanishes in an instant. My cousin and I will never be anything more than rivals pitted against each other. As long as Auntie Carrie has it her way, Aspen and I will never be close.

  “Look what you did!” I yell.

  Auntie Carrie wrinkles her brow, but her polish grin never wavers. “Calm down, Sage. I just thought, it would be good for you to get a little more exposure ahead of competition season.”

  “I don’t want expo
sure, right now.”

  “Sweetheart, you’re on the verge of a big comeback. I know how important it is for you to show that to the world.”

  “You are shameless, Carrie Ann” Dean hisses.

  Her neck swivels to him like she’s got no bones as she snaps her words together. “And you’re pathetic. But you don’t see me putting you down.”

  “Pot calling the kettle black. Living vicariously through your dead sister’s daughter. You’re toxic, for her.”

  My stomach constricts. I feel nauseous. My head is one minute away from imploding.

  “I’m toxic? You are a despicable human being. My sister couldn’t see it then, but I always knew you were trash.”

  I can’t breathe. It’s like a match has been lit in my diaphragm. My lungs are burning. When I glance up at Yuri, his hand closes over mine again. The half wall keeps our touch a secret. We were just touching moments ago during the dance. But this, this feels more intimate. He squeezes my hand, like he knows exactly what my mind and body is going through.

  “Sage,” Auntie Carrie turns on me suddenly. “Go put on one of your better skate dresses. There’s a reporter coming in ten minutes. You need to be ready.”

  Dean combs his fingers through his hair and chuckles. “You can’t be serious.”

  “As a heart attack.”

  Leave it to Auntie Carrie to make executive decisions over things she has no right to. I, being one of those things. Trying to explain that to her is like asking a brick wall to write out the date. Honestly, you’d have a better chance of getting the wall to comply. In her world, Auntie Carrie believes she has every right when it comes to me. It wasn’t going to be any other way from day one. I was in debt to her the moment the social worker dropped me on her doorstep.

  “I invited Samantha Bryant. She’s a wonderful journalist and she’s a fan of yours.”

  Dean has had all that he can take of my aunt. He puts himself in front of her and stares her down.

  “You can’t waltz in here and make that call. I say who she talks to or doesn’t talk to. I handle the media. Not you.”

  Dean turns to me. “You don’t have to do this now. We can work it out for another time.”