The After Wife

by Summers, Melanie

  “Sorry. I have to do a stupid reflection essay about a field trip we went on today.”

  “That’s no problem. We can pick up our game another time.”

  His face lights up. “Yeah?”

  “Definitely. I’m here for another few days.”

  A slow smile spreads across his face. “Cool.”

  Cool. I’m cool Auntie Abby. I love that. I return the Wii remotes to the basket they’re stored in and follow Christopher up the stairs.

  When we reach the top, he says, “Hey, maybe I can come see you next summer? You know, stay for a couple of weeks or something.”

  I grin. “I would love that.” Then I remember and my face falls. “But, actually, there’s a chance I’ll be moving.”

  “Oh,” he says, his eyes shifting to the floor.

  Crap, now he thinks I don’t want him to come. “But wherever I end up, you should definitely come—”

  My brother’s voice booms from the top floor of the house. “Christopher, essay!”

  “Okay! I’m going!” he shouts back. Then he looks up at me. “Do you think you could look at my essay for me? I suck at them, and thought maybe since you’re such an amazing writer …” He gives me a smile meant to win me over.

  It works. “I would love to help you.”

  I help myself to a glass of water while he disappears into the mudroom to retrieve his homework. Upstairs, Kaitlyn and Graham argue about whose turn it is to brush their teeth first and Chad hollers, “Knock it off, you two!”

  Chuckling, I mutter, “He got that line from your grandpa.”

  Christopher lowers his voice. “Did he also say, ‘Keep going and I guarantee you won’t like what happens next?’”

  I laugh at the familiar phrase. “No, that was all Grandma.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, she was a real harda— I mean tough bird.”

  Christopher’s eyes grow wide. “I know what you were going to say!”

  “No, I would never speak in such an unladylike fashion.”

  He grins at me, then squints his eyes a little. “Can I tell you something?”

  I slide into a chair next to him at the table. “Sure. What’s on your mind?”

  “It’s just that—I don’t want to offend you or anything, because I’m trying to say something nice. And I don’t want you to think I didn’t like Uncle Isaac, because I did. He was always really nice and I’m sorry he died.” He pauses and takes a breath finally. “I just … I kind of like you more now. You’re better. Kaitlyn and Graham think so too. We didn’t know you were so fun, but you really are.”

  “Aww, thanks, buddy,” I say, even though I’m sort of hurt.

  “Yeah, before, you mostly hung out with our parents, and you didn’t really seem to want to talk to us much. But now, you’re like, playing Wii, and giving my dad a hard time, and you came to watch my basketball game.”

  “Thank you. You guys are really terrific human beings and it has been an absolute pleasure getting to know you.”

  My brother’s heavy footsteps on the stairs have my nephew scrambling to open his binder. His words sit heavy in my brain and I try to recall the way things used to be. What was I like before? I’m not even sure I would like that person if I met her right now.

  * * *

  I fold my new jeans and drop them in my suitcase. In three hours, I’ll be on an airplane, and another twelve hours and one connection after that, I’ll be back in Cape Breton, where I’ll have to face reality again, and face the man and little girl I’m about to abandon.

  My dad knocks at the open door to my old bedroom. “Hey, Abby, you all packed up?”

  I nod and stare at him for a moment, grateful he’s still so young and healthy.

  “Good stuff. We’ll have to get going to the airport.”

  “I’ll be ready in a couple minutes. How’s Mom?”

  “A little weepy.” I can tell by his face that he didn’t want to admit it at the risk of making me feel guilty.

  “Me too, if you can believe it.”

  “It’s sure been nice to have you home.”

  “It’s been nice to be home.” Nice. What a dull word for what we’re trying to say. Yet, somehow it works perfectly when you’re hoping to keep your emotions at arm’s length.

  “It feels like we finally got our daughter back this trip.” His eyes glisten and he clears his throat. “Anyway, I’m really proud of you, Abby. I hope you know that. Not just your writing or saving that girl, but how you’ve managed to pick up the pieces this past year.”

  I walk over and wrap my arms around him, resting my cheek against his shoulder, and he hugs me back, the two of us trying to pack years’ worth of hugs into this one. I’ll always feel small and safe here, no matter how old I get.

  He kisses me on the cheek and his voice cracks when he says, “I missed you, kiddo.”

  * * *

  Apparently, I have an entourage to see me off. Chad, Tammy, and the kids showed up at the airport just after I checked in. The sight of them caused me to burst into tears, but lucky for me, Chad was quick to mock me, and I managed to pull it together before things got too out of hand.

  Now we’re sitting in the cafeteria at two tables that have been pushed together. Thankfully, the children are holding up the conversation for everyone as we sip our coffee and try to hold it together. My heart aches at the notion that I’ll be so far away from them again and, depending on how long it takes to sell the house and find my way back home, the kids will have grown and changed by the time I return. I try to drink in my last few minutes with them, hoping to remember everything about this moment and telling myself I need to call them more often.

  I look at my watch and sigh. “I better go.”

  We stand, our chairs scraping the tile floor. Chad collects the empty cups onto a tray and hands it to Christopher to dispose of, then we move the tables back into place. Soon there is no evidence of my little surprise party. I turn and walk out of the cafeteria, unable to bear the thought that it’s already over.

  When we reach the security checkpoint, I turn to them, unable to hold back my tears. “Thanks, everyone, for coming to see me off.”

  I run my hand over Kaitlyn’s cheek and tell her to hang in there and that her braces will be off before she knows it.

  I ruffle Graham’s hair. “Don’t go growing up on me before I get back. I like you this size.”

  “Too bad. I’m gonna be taller than Dad by the time I’m ten.”

  “Well, you’ll need to eat your own vegetables from now on,” I say with a sideways grin.

  Christopher looks down at me. “Hey, maybe if you start eating your greens, you could grow some more.”

  “Very amusing, pal!” I give him a light punch on the shoulder. “Don’t forget your transition statements when you do your next essay.”

  “Or I could email all my assignments to a certain famous writer I know who loves working on persuasive essays.”

  “Sure, I’d be happy to …” I pause, glancing at his parents, then back at him. “…edit them for you. Wink wink.”

  Chad raises one eyebrow. “Not happening.” Turning to me, he says, “Thank God you live on the other side of the continent. I had no idea what a terrible influence you’d be.”

  “Oh, don’t worry,” I say, giving him an evil grin. “I’ll find a way to influence them from there.”

  The next minute is filled with kisses and hugs and tears and promises to call and assurances that we’ll see each other soon. Then it’s time for me to go. My throat is thick with sadness as I wind my way through the ropes to the security checkpoint. Once I’m on the other side, I turn back to see my mom leaning her head on my dad’s shoulder, and him with his arm around her. The sight of it breaks my heart at the same time that it fills me with gratitude. I’m thankful they have each other. I’m thankful I now understand what I’ve been missing out on all these years. I’m thankful that I’ll never be alone in this world as long as I have my family.


  I’m almost to my gate when my cell phone rings. It’s my mom calling. Doing my best to sound breezy, I answer with, “Miss me already?”

  “Yes,” she says, her voice cracking. “But, listen, Abby, I just had to say that if you change your mind, Dad and I will both be there with you every step of the way.”

  “Oh, Mom, please don’t …”

  “I don’t want to upset you and I’m not suggesting you should change your mind, but you know what? There are no guarantees, you know. What if he beats it? What if you two could have a long and happy life together? Wouldn’t that be worth the risk?”

  I close my eyes and hold the phone away from me for a second. When I bring it back to my ear, she’s saying, “If you do, you won’t be alone this time. I promise.”

  Epilogue

  The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.

  ~ Audrey Hepburn

  “Are you ready?” Liam smiles at me, and his eyes are more brilliant than the shimmering water surrounding the boat. We’ve just left the safety of the harbor as we head out to sea.

  I nod and smile. I’m frightened and excited and happy in a way I’ve never been. I wrap my arms around Liam’s waist and give him a long kiss, thoroughly loving the taste of his mouth on mine. Olive has run back into the cabin to get Liam’s captain’s hat, and we have a moment alone on the deck together.

  It’s a beautiful Monday morning in late May. The sun is warm, and we are about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime. Our little family, Walt, Olive, Liam and me. Olive’s been buzzing with exuberance since Thursday when we told her we were pulling her out of school a month early. We’re going to sail all the way to the Bahamas and back over the next four months, stopping wherever we want, and at some point, when the moment is just right, we’re going to have a tiny wedding ceremony on a beach somewhere. Just the three of us, two witnesses, and a minister. Maybe Walt, if he’ll agree to get off the yacht by then.

  We’ve agreed not to tell her what’s coming until we get home. Liam doesn’t want to taint this moment for her, or for us, and even though my hatred of what will come can be vicious at times, I’m doing my best to allow myself to just be in this achingly beautiful moment with them.

  I’m determined to make these days the best he’s known, because of anyone I’ve met, Liam deserves this. He deserves to be carefree and peaceful and happy. He deserves to bask in the sun and see new places and taste exotic foods. He deserves to be taken care of now, and that means setting aside my own fear and sadness, and exchanging it for moments of being truly alive with him.

  Because he is here for now. He is real and alive, and I love him completely. I love him for who he is and how he loves. I love him for the oceans of compassion he has inside his soul. I love him for his music and the magic he brings to this world. And I won’t ever stop loving him, even long after he’s gone. And the pain of losing him will remind me that I am alive and that I chose to live fully for once, accepting the end, instead of hiding away and missing out on everything wonderful this life has to offer.

  Olive’s footsteps cause us to break our embrace. She says, “Gross!” but the grin on her face says she’s happy to see her dad in love.

  He squats down and she places the cap on top of his head, then gives it a solid pat before spinning in a circle with her arms spread wide. “I am the luckiest girl ever!”

  Liam waits until she stops spinning to ruffle her hair and say, “Why’s that?”

  “Because instead of sitting in boring Mr. Peter’s social studies class right now, I get four whole months off. In kid years, that’s like an eternity.”

  Nodding, Liam says, “Damn straight it is. And we’re going to drink in every precious drop of this life, my girl. Starting today.”

  I have to fight the urge to give in to sorrow, and instead, plunge myself into Olive’s elation, focusing on her pure joy as she dances and spins in the breeze. I’ll have to keep drawing on this moment, on her happiness and her wonder to see me through.

  “Do you want to drive for a bit?” Liam asks her. Olive nods and slips between him and the wheel, taking hold of it firmly with a look of pure joy on her face.

  I pick up the camera off the bench seat and focus on the two of them like this, as he covers her hands with his and helps her adjust our course. I quickly snap as many shots as I can before my eyes go all blurry again.

  “That’s it. Just like that. Keep her steady.” Letting go of her hands, he puts the captain’s hat on Olive’s head. It falls down over her ears and pushes on her wild hair. “Here we go, love! We’re off on our great adventure.”

  She cranes her neck to look up at him. “Dad. I was just thinking. Maybe we could keep going. Instead of coming back in time for grade five, we could just keep going for years and years and see the whole entire world!”

  There’s a twinge of pain in his face, but he recovers almost instantly in that way that only a parent can. “I’d love to, Olive. In fact, there’s nothing I’d love more than to do just that. But I want to leave some parts of the world for you to discover on your own.”

  “But I don’t want to explore without you and Abby.”

  “And that is a perfectly natural feeling for someone who’s eight—”

  “Eight and two-thirds.”

  “Them too. But the thing is, you get your start with your parents, then you’re meant to go off and explore for yourself when you’re all grown.”

  “That’s stupid.”

  “No, it makes perfect sense. If you had all your adventures at the start of your life, there’d be nothing left for you to experience when you fall in love.”

  I can’t hold back my tears now, and I turn back to the shore to hide my face. Cape Breton is growing smaller and I imagine myself leaving my sadness there, on a faraway dock. It will be there when we return. I let in a deep, shaky breath, then another, this time stronger.

  I can do this. I know I can. I will be broken-hearted again, but today, I’m alive in a way I never have been. And so is Liam. When I turn back toward them, I hope my nose isn’t a shade of giveaway-red, but from the look of understanding in Liam’s eyes, I turned too soon.

  “Olive, be a love and go check on Mr. Whitman,” he says. “See if he’s ready to come up on the deck yet.”

  “He’s probably still curled up on my bed, the silly bean,” she says, rolling her eyes even though she’s clearly delighted to be Walt’s favorite source of comfort.

  She disappears into the cabin and Liam gestures for me to come in for a hug. I cross the deck and he wraps his arms around me, protecting me from the breeze as he kisses my forehead and holds me close. “You okay?”

  “No.”

  “Me neither,” he says, his voice cracking.

  I pull back and look up at him, needing to make him feel better. “Kids have a way of cutting your heart up into pieces like a chef with a set of Ginsu knives.”

  Grinning down at me, he says, “Evil little creatures, aren’t they?”

  “Extremely. But we love them anyway.” I lift myself up onto my toes and give him a lingering kiss, telling myself to remember this moment, like I do almost every moment we’ve shared in the past months. I spin around and take the wheel. “Where to?”

  Liam presses himself against my back and intertwines his fingers over mine. “Anywhere the lady wants to go. Your wish is my command.”

  “Somewhere with really good French fries,” I say. “Oh … and thick milkshakes.”

  “God, you’re high maintenance.”

  “What happened to my wish being your command?”

  Nuzzling my neck, he says, “I was just trying to be romantic so I could get you into bed later.”

  Leaning back against him, I look up over my shoulder. “Well, then you better captain us all the way to a burger joint.”

  Chuckling, he asks, “So that’s how it’s going to be, then? No sex until you get what you want?”

  “You know me, once I get my mind set on something, I almost neve
r change it.”

  “Almost being the keyword,” he says, leaning down and catching my mouth with his.

  He turns me to him, and we smile through our kisses, soaking in the sunshine and freedom of this day.

  I pull away suddenly. “Oh, I think I just came up with my next book. The Captain and the Countess.”

  “So, I get to star in another one of your stories, then?” he asks with a smug smile.

  “What do you mean another one?”

  “You’re trying to tell me Ian White wasn’t a thinly veiled version of me?”

  Shaking my head, I say, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Oh, I think you do.”

  “You know, I may be high maintenance, but you’re awfully conceited, Mr. Wright.”

  “As one tends to be when romance writers base their heroes on them.”

  The cabin door slides open and Olive comes up, carrying Walt awkwardly in her arms. She sets him down on the deck and I expect him to dart back inside, but then she sits down next to him and crosses her legs, and he decides to curl up in her lap instead. Liam gestures toward them with his head and we both grin as Olive starts telling Walt all about where we’re going and how much fun he’s going to have and how she’ll be right beside him if he ever gets scared or hurt or needs anything at all.

  The sails flap as the wind pushes us south to warmer waters. I inhale the salty air deep into my lungs, filling them with all the possibilities that will open themselves to us along the way. These are the moments—the simple, precious moments that make up an entire life. And they make up for every ounce of pain that the tide washes in.

  About the Author

  Melanie Summers lives in Edmonton, Canada, with her handsome husband, three sporty nerd children, their adorable one-eyed dog, and one tiny puppy with a cute little brown nose. When she's not writing, she loves reading (obviously), snuggling up on the couch with her family for movie night (which would not be complete without lots of popcorn and milkshakes), and long walks in the woods near her house. Melanie also spends a lot more time thinking about doing yoga than actually doing yoga, which is why most of her photos are taken ‘from above’. She also loves shutting down restaurants with her girlfriends. Well, not literally shutting them down, like calling the health inspector or something. More like just staying until they turn the lights off.