Wild Heart

by C. R. Jane

  A silent tear made its way down my cheek. “I stayed with him forever because he was my true mate. He did awful things, and I never did anything about it. Not until someone basically paved the way for me to get out of there.”

  “You met your true mate,” she gasped, her own eyes glistening with unshed tears. I looked away from her and closed my eyes, remembering for the one billionth time what it had felt like for him to reject me. I let the pain roll over me, over and over again, looking for any signs that I’d healed at all.

  And to my surprise, I had. The pain was still there. It would probably always be there, an open wound to remind me the moon goddess had forsaken me. But while the pain used to be like a hot knife slicing and carving its way through my skin until I thought I would die, it now felt like a dull punch. Noticeable but not life-destroying.

  “My true mate rejected me,” I told her.

  She stared at me for a long moment, heartbreak in her eyes. “See, total badass,” she finally whispered.

  I opened my mouth to immediately object, because that was what I did—I resisted any attempts people made to compliment me or pull me from my self-pity.

  Then I stopped. And I actually thought about what she’d said and the wonder in her voice.

  I’d heard of some people almost dying when they’d been rejected. It was the story whispered around the campfire, the nightmare single shifters tried not to think about as they waited to find their mate. It was considered the worst thing that could ever happen to you. An act so hideous, that you would exist as half a person for the rest of your life.

  Yet here I sat.

  I had issues, plenty of them. But after being an abused doormat for years, I had pulled on my boot straps and my metaphorical lady balls, and I’d escaped. I’d even carved my mate’s eyeball out to access his safe. And even though I was basically trapped in this town, I was still surviving. I had somehow survived several terrifying encounters with a mysterious beast, I’d found a job, I’d made at least one friend, and I’d opened myself up to the most mind-blowing sex I’d ever had with the two most gorgeous men I’d ever seen.

  I wasn’t thriving, but I definitely wasn’t sucking at life.

  Maybe…I actually was a badass.

  The thought was life-changing for me. It was like years of self-torment and self-disgust were lifted from my shoulders in that moment. A giggle escaped from my mouth, and soon, Miyu and I were both laughing, although I wasn’t sure she actually knew why we were laughing.

  “I’m kind of a badass,” I shouted with glee, springing from my seat and dancing around the room.

  Miyu jumped out of her chair as well, pressed a button on the wall, and music suddenly started. Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” blasted from speakers in the wall.

  We danced and laughed, and I allowed myself to dream about a life that didn’t include Alistair or any thoughts of him. I allowed myself to dream of a life where I laughed and danced with abandon, where I lived life without fear of the past or the future. I allowed myself just to be.

  It was one of the best moments in my life. And the happiness sparking inside of me…I welcomed it like an old friend that I hadn’t seen for a very long time.

  And it welcomed me right back.

  We danced for nearly an hour and then finally settled back into our chairs, where Miyu went back to work on my nails. I felt closer to Miyu after my revelation, like me letting go of my self-hatred had made room for me to actually be the kind of friend that I wanted to be.

  “I slept with both Wilder and Daxon this week,” was the next thing I decided to blurt out.

  Her eyes widened. “Girl, you are goals,” she said, beaming as she knocked the pink polish away and grabbed a bottle of deep red. “I’m painting your nails red because you are the freaking goddess of sex. Now tell me everything.”

  So I did…with the exception of my suspicions about Daxon. If I could really call them suspicions at this point. I also left out the emotions that had been exchanged and the whole mate thing with Wilder. That felt a little…too private.

  Basically, I stuck with dick sizes and sexual prowess in my story.

  “Who was the best in bed?” she asked with a grin after I was done.

  I shrugged, unable to answer. They’d both been equally mind-blowing in different ways.

  “Lucky bitch,” she exhaled as she painted another nail.

  “So how are you and Rae?” I asked, feeling bad that we’d done nothing but talk about me this whole time. Miyu just had this air about her that made you want to curl up and tell her all your secrets. It was the perfect gift for someone who owned a salon. All her clients basically got to engage in a therapy session every time they came in.

  “Ugh, I guess he wants to marry me or something,” she said like she was annoyed.

  I raised an eyebrow. “And that’s a bad thing why?” I asked. She and Rae were basically the cutest thing ever. He seemed to love every ridiculous and wonderful part of her, which sounded pretty great if you weren’t super damaged inside about relationships like I was.

  Vulnerability shone in her gaze for a moment, and she looked away.

  “Hey,” I said softly, leaning in since I couldn’t reach out and touch her while she was still working on my nails. “What is it? Are things not good?”

  She smiled sadly. “Things are wonderful. He treats me like a freaking queen. And he loves me. He really loves me.”

  “But…?” I pressed.

  “But he’s not my fated mate. And what if his fated mate, or my fated mate, suddenly appears years from now, after we’ve been happily married for years. What if we have kids and that happens?” She bit her quivering lip to stop from crying. “We would be ruined. I just… My dad was married before he met my mom,” she blurted out. “He was out grocery shopping, getting something his wife needed for dinner, and he saw my mom. She was his true mate. He and my mom tried to resist the bond. But no matter what my dad told himself, he couldn’t ever feel the same way about his wife after that. And she couldn’t stand to know that every time he was with her, he was longing for my mother. It destroyed her. And my dad still feels the guilt even twenty-something years later!” Miyu let out a shivering gasp. “What if that happens to me?”

  Her dad’s story was one of the saddest things I’d ever heard. As a shifter, you weren’t even guaranteed that you would meet your fated mate. So for her dad to have met his…after marrying someone else, that was pretty devastating.

  I hesitated before I said anything, unsure of what to say. A love expert, I was not. Suddenly, an overwhelming feeling of peace passed over me. For just a second, I just knew with perfect certainty that everything with Miyu would be all right.

  “Wow, babe. Are you all right?” she said anxiously, yanking on my arm.

  My eyes flickered open, and I shook my head, feeling like I’d just been underwater or something.

  “You just went scary still and your eyes rolled to the back of your head,” Miyu went on, continuing to pull on my arm like she was afraid I was going to disappear.

  “Yeah, that was kind of weird,” I murmured, firmly pushing whatever had just happened into my ‘save for another date’ pile that was rapidly growing.

  “Miyu, I may be the last being who should be commenting on love or fated mates or anything like that at all actually. But I can tell you I know from experience that your fated mate isn’t always your be-all and end-all. They aren’t guaranteed to be the most amazing person you’ve ever met. So if you think you have met your person in Rae, I don’t think you should let that go. If you feel right about Rae, you shouldn’t let fear get in the way. I think it’s all going to work for you, Miyu. I don’t know why I think that, but I really do.”

  She looked at me hopefully, and once again, I was floored with how much this girl seemed to value me as a person and what I thought. I just hoped I’d given her the right advice.

  “Thank you,” she breathed.

  “No, thank you,” I whispered back. We d
idn’t talk for a few minutes as she finished putting polish on my nails, each lost in our thoughts.

  “Ugh, what other deep conversation can we have?” Miyu finally said with a watery chuckle after she’d finished my last nail.

  I had to admit, they looked great.

  Daxon’s face filled my head just then. Since we were all about discovery today, might as well find out more about him.

  Miyu got up and grabbed us both some Diet Cokes from a fridge in the back room and then came back with cups loaded with pebble ice. I freaking loved this woman.

  “So what was Daxon like when he was young?” I asked as we both sipped our drinks. All I needed now was a Swig cookie. I’d happened upon one of those places during my road trip and that place was the bomb.

  Miyu crinkled her nose as she thought about my question. “Daxon’s always been larger than life. The popular kid. Always the golden boy.”

  I snorted when she said that, thinking of my nickname for him. It probably wasn’t very original.

  “But…” She trailed off.

  “What?” I asked, taking a long sip from my straw.

  “It always seemed kind of fake to me, ya know?” she finally said.

  I cocked my head, surprised that she had seen anything amiss. He’d certainly fooled me.

  “He was just always on, ya know? Besides the whole mess with Arcadia…and I guess his thing with Wilder lately…”

  I flinched at the reminder of his ex.

  “He has just always seemed too perfect to me. And especially with some of the rumors about what people heard at night—”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, my craving for a cookie now forgotten.

  She gave me an apologetic look. “People would hear screams coming from their house. Like someone was being tortured…like Daxon was being tortured.”

  My gaze widened, and my heart ached for him. Something told me Miyu probably wasn’t that far off the mark, judging by the darkness I saw hiding in Daxon’s gaze.

  “But he always seemed so freaking put together at school, it just never felt like any of that was real. I heard sometimes the police were called by the people that heard the screams, but they never saw anything amiss. And I mean really…was anyone going to go up against the alpha and really accuse him of anything? It was practically suicidal that some people called the police in the first place since the police work for the alphas.”

  Cold fury rushed through me at the thought of Daxon’s father hurting his son. “What happened to Daxon’s father? And I guess Wilder’s for that matter?”

  Miyu pursed her lips. “It all was kind of strange. I mean, I was pretty young when it all happened. But I know Wilder challenged his father and won. And Daxon’s father just disappeared. They found his body in the woods, ravaged by bears or something, I guess. And that was that.”

  My mouth dropped in shock at what she’d just said. But before I could ask anything else, since I had about a million questions, Rae walked through the front door.

  Miyu immediately jumped from her seat and launched herself at a surprised and honestly relieved looking Rae. “Baby,” she squealed, peppering his face with kisses.

  I had a feeling I was probably going to be attending a wedding in the near future. I decided it was probably best to give the happy couple some time to themselves, since Miyu looked like she was about to start stripping.

  “How much do I owe you?” I called out.

  Miyu continued to kiss Rae’s face and waved a hand at me distractedly. “On the house, babe. It was good practice for me,” she said between kisses.

  I shook my head and slipped some money next to her drink before sliding past them to get to the front door.

  Neither of them even noticed I’d left. Yep, I was thinking Miyu and Rae were going to be just fine.

  9

  Daxon

  “Please!!!!!!” The dead man’s cries rang through the air, the perfect soundtrack if you asked me. This was the third enforcer in the last month that Rune’s ex had sent. It was the busiest my little cabin had ever been. I was kind of hoping her ex’s pack had a limitless number of people to send. A guy could get used to this. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to get addicted and end up spending all my time down here.

  I smiled to myself. Nah, that wouldn’t happen. There was nothing in existence I could be addicted to more than Rune. At this point, she wasn’t just an obsession, she was something I needed in order to keep breathing. If she ever got away from me…

  Whoops. I couldn’t think about that.

  I’d accidentally stabbed my babbling prisoner in his femoral artery at the thought of Rune leaving, and blood had begun to gush everywhere.

  Well dang it. I’d been trying to work on my knife carving skills with this one, see just how thin I could make the cuts as I peeled the guy’s skin off. He’d kept trying to wolf out on me, but as soon as I would make a slice, his magic would putter out, and he’d return to human form.

  I guessed this was going to be over quick. I sighed and wrapped a tight bandage around the wound to try and stop some of the bleeding, but I’d stabbed way too deep. I mean, the guy’s leg was close to coming off.

  I’m sure there would be more where this one came from.

  I sighed as I slit the guy’s throat, pissed that I hadn’t made his pain last longer. I at least should have made it as painful as what he and his alpha had in store for my girl.

  My betas had caught this one lurking right outside the town border, a veritable trove of pictures of Rune in his car. Evidently, a lot of the members of Rune’s pack had a hard-on for her. This one especially. I doubted Rune would have made it back to him. His alpha really should be smarter when choosing people to send.

  Better yet, he should come himself.

  Just the thought had me salivating. I’d been planning Alistair’s death for weeks. Rune had let his name slip, and I’d been obsessed with learning as much as I could about my competition as possible. And he was competition. No matter what he did to her, as long as he was alive, I would be competing with him for her heart. Rune could hate him more than anything, and it still wouldn’t completely sever the ties that the moon goddess, in her stupidity, had created.

  That’s what made being rejected by your mate that much worse. Because even when you should have been rid of them, there was always a part of them with you, no matter what you did.

  Which was why Alistair was a dead man. I would just bide my time. Rejected or not, I knew for a fact he was obsessed with Rune. And he was never going to have the chance to get her back again.

  It was bad enough that Wilder was sniffing at her…and sleeping with her any chance he could get. I would have killed him off if I hadn’t known how much she liked the asshole. I could feel my mating bond somehow forming any time I was around her though. I wasn’t sure how that was happening, but I wasn’t about to push back on it.

  Rune Celeste Esmeray was the most perfect creation I’d ever stumbled across. And I was never going to lose her.

  I forced myself to concentrate on the clean-up I had ahead of me. Rune never strayed far from my thoughts though. She’d become the focal point of my world.

  After cutting the guy into pieces and placing him on the tarp I’d use to drag him to my very well-fed pigs, I began to head up the stairs. Thank goodness for my shifter strength, since this guy had been a heavy motherfucker.

  I’d just reached the top of the stairs when I heard a knock on the front door.

  I rolled my eyes. This place and my pasttimes were a secret. But there was one person who I’d made the mistake of trusting my secret with…a long, long time ago. And I’d regretted that as soon as the words had left my mouth.

  I didn’t bother cleaning the blood off of me. If she was coming here, it meant that she needed a reminder of just what I was capable of.

  I swung the door open, and there she was, the bitch of my existence.

  “Arcadia, what a surprise. I would say it’s a good one, but you know I don�
�t like liars.”

  Arcadia’s face fell. I stared at my ex. I’d used to think she was the kind of beauty men fought wars over. She’d come into my life at my darkest moment, and I’d worshipped at her feet like she was an angel sent to save me.

  I’d never been more wrong about anything in my entire life.

  Now that I could compare her to the perfection of Rune, I wanted to punch myself, somehow travel back in time and tell that guy to wait. That being lonely and miserable would be worth it, because someday, Rune would come into town.

  I tried not to have regrets in my life. I tried to think of everything as a learning moment.

  Arcadia was a lesson I’d give almost anything not to have learned.

  She was dressed to kill, so little clothing on that she might as well have been wearing nothing.

  Her eyes were devouring me, the blood covering me doing nothing to lessen her appetite.

  “I thought we could talk,” she purred, reaching out to touch me before thinking twice.

  “You thought wrong,” I told her, beginning to turn away. Arcadia panicked, and this time, she reached out to grab my arm, the blood on me making her fingers slip against mine.

  “Daxon, please. What will it take for you to forgive me?” she asked brokenly.

  I sighed, thinking of the date with Rune I needed to get ready for and the body I still needed to feed to the pigs. Not to mention the rest of the mess still waiting for me in that room.

  “There’s no forgiveness necessary,” I said coldly. “I don’t care enough about you to need to forgive you for anything.”

  The words sliced through her, and she withdrew her hand like she’d been burned. She rubbed at her chest, her lips quivering and tears threatening in her gaze as she looked at me like I’d broken her heart.

  When was she going to realize that I knew it was impossible for that to happen because she didn’t have a heart to begin with.