Twice Shy

by Sally Malcolm

  Inside, he found a small reception area with a counter staffed by a teenage girl. Behind her, the auto shop stretched back a hundred feet or so. He could see his own car sitting forlornly toward the back.

  “Morning,” the girl said, looking up from the car magazine she’d been flicking through. “I’m Danita, how can I help you this morning?”

  Ollie smiled to himself; her script sounded not unlike his own at the call center. “Morning, Danita. Is Alfie around? He asked me to stop by and talk about my car.”

  “He’s out back.” She slid off her stall. “I’ll get him.” Her gaze drifted down to Luis, who was looking angelic this morning and nothing like the teething monster he’d been this past week. “Hey, cutie, aren’t you gorgeous?”

  Luis, taken by a fit of shyness, tucked his head into the side of the stroller. Ollie laughed. “You’re making him blush.”

  Smiling, Danita disappeared into the shop behind the counter and a couple minutes later Alfie strolled into the reception area cleaning his greasy hands on a rag. He was an impressive guy even in his overalls, with a friendly smile and a smattering of dark stubble across his jaw. Not exactly Ollie’s type, but undoubtedly attractive. “Hey,” Alfie said. “Thanks for stopping by.”

  “Are you kidding? Thank you for keeping my car here and…” He shrugged, not sure yet what Alfie might propose about fixing it.

  Alfie jerked his head back toward the shop. “Let’s go take a look.” He glanced down at Luis. “Will he be okay if you leave him here? Dani can keep an eye on him.”

  “Sure,” Danita said, coming around from behind the counter and crouching in front of the stroller. “What’s his name?”

  “It’s Luis.”

  “Hey Luis…” She picked up the board book attached to the stroller by a piece of curly plastic cord. “What’s this? Is this your book? You wanna read it?”

  Luis’s shyness abated, and he said, “Book,” and grabbed it with his chubby fingers. “Book…”

  “Yeah, it’s your book…”

  Ollie glanced at Alfie. “Shall we take a look?”

  His battered car looked pretty much as he remembered, the front fender crushed in so far that the metal was digging into the tire. “The thing is,” Alfie said, “the impact has bent the frame. You can see here”—he tapped on the driver’s window—“where the inside paneling has been pushed up. I could straighten the frame but…”

  “But what?”

  “But it would probably cost more than buying another car. Sorry, man.”

  Ollie sighed heavily. “Right.”

  “I’d be willing to make you an offer for scrap value, if you like.”

  Running a hand through his hair, Ollie nodded. “Thanks, that would help, I guess. I just— Getting the cash together for another car right now is—” He blew out a breath and stopped himself; this wasn’t Alfie’s problem.

  After a pause, Alfie said, “Is that Joel Morgan’s car you’re driving?”

  “Ah, yeah.”

  “I thought so.” Alfie smiled at him. “Don’t look so shocked, he charges it here sometimes. And I serviced it when he first bought it back in the summer. I’m not so familiar with electric cars, so it was a learning curve. Interesting, though. The way of the future, I guess.”

  “I guess.” Not that Ollie wasn’t concerned about carbon and particulate emissions, but right then he was more concerned about the conclusions Alfie might be drawing. “Joel, uh, loaned me his car for a while.”

  “You guys are friendly, huh?”

  “We’re—” Heat crept into his face. He wasn’t used to lying about this stuff. In fact, he’d made it a point of pride never to lie about it. “That is—”

  Alfie cut him off with a raised hand. “Hey, none of my business, man. Sorry, shouldn’t have asked. Joel Morgan seems like a decent guy. I don’t know him well but… Well, good of him to let you borrow his car.”

  “I can’t borrow it forever, though.” Ollie stared morosely at his own car. “But if this isn’t fixable…”

  “I didn’t say it wasn’t fixable. I could work out an installment plan for payments, if that would help.”

  “That’s…” Ollie glanced at him. “Unusual for an auto shop.”

  “Hey, everyone needs a break sometimes, right? I believe in paying it forward.”

  Touched by the kindness of this man who was virtually a stranger, Ollie felt his throat tighten. “That’s pretty decent of you.”

  “No problem. How about I get prices for parts and put together some figures—including how much I could pay for scrap value. And then you can decide what you want to do.” His face scrunched into a frown. “To be honest, we’re looking at after Christmas at this point, though. That okay? You going to be able to use Morgan’s car until then?”

  He nodded. “I think so.” As long as you need, Joel had said.

  Joel, who was kind and caring and had left his bed in the middle of the night to avoid rumors about the nature of their relationship.

  “Cool. I’d work on it this weekend, but with the Callaghan’s Christmas party on Saturday…” Alfie gave a broad grin. “Sunday’s gonna be a write-off.”

  “Oh, you’re going to that?”

  “You bet.”

  “It’s a good time then? The PTA committee got invited this year, so I guess I’m going too. They’re all super excited.”

  “It’s always a blast. Sean and Tejana are awesome hosts. But…” He flushed, his smile turning pleased but self-conscious. “Me and Leo kinda got together there, so for us it’s extra special.”

  Ollie couldn’t help but grin, pressing a hand to his heart. “That’s adorable.”

  “Yeah, I know. Hopeless romantic. It drives Leo nuts.”

  “I’m sure it doesn’t,” Ollie said, with a twinge of envy. How could being so openly, unabashedly adored drive anyone nuts? To cover his reaction, he said, “So what’s the dress code? I don’t have much more than smart-ish jeans.”

  “Anything goes. Plenty of people dress up, but only because it’s a good excuse. You’d be okay in jeans.” He gestured to himself. “That’s what I’ll be wearing.” Another indulgent smile softened his face. “Leo’s kind of a dork, though, so he’ll probably wear a jacket and one of his hipster bowties.”

  A squeal of laughter from Luis drew Ollie’s eyes back toward the reception area where Danita was playing pat-a-cake with him. The interruption allowed his mind to wander. What would Joel be wearing to the party? Not a bowtie, but he looked sexy as hell in the expensive suits he wore for work. Sexy and remote. No danger of them making romantic memories, Ollie would be lucky if Joel got within touching distance with so many familiar faces around. The thought was dispiriting. But, if romance was off the agenda for the night, perhaps there was something else Ollie could do at the party?

  Luca Moretti would be there.

  And wouldn’t the party be the perfect opportunity to speak to him again? Much better than rocking up at the Majestic Hotel like the prodigal son expecting to be welcomed into the family home. There were always opportunities to get people alone at parties.

  His heart skipped at the thought. Was he really going to do it?

  Yeah, he realized, he really was. He had to. Rory and Luis deserved a family, and he owed it to them to try and build one.

  Chapter Twenty

  The Callaghan Christmas Party, Saturday December 21st

  Most days, Joel was happy cycling wherever he needed to go. But not when he’d spent an unreasonable amount of time grooming himself so that he looked his best for the Big Conversation he planned to have with Ollie. Not to mention the sub-zero temperatures that had howled in from the north east during the week.

  Naturally, he could have asked Ollie for a ride, but how would that have looked? Like they were a couple, that’s how, and tonight was not the night he planned on coming out to half the town. One step at a time. Tonight’s step was big enough without revealing his sexuality to all the movers and shakers of New Milton.
>
  So, he’d taken a cab.

  This was the first time he’d been invited to the Callaghan’s shindig, and—if he was honest—the first year he’d have wanted to attend. As he climbed out of the cab, giving a generous tip because it was a cold night and close to the holidays, he couldn’t deny that he was impressed by the house. A stately red-brick affair lit up with tasteful Christmas lights twinkling around a front door that bore a generous festive wreath. From the windows, golden light poured out across the large driveway, glinting against the many cars parked there. His eyes picked out his own car immediately and his stomach danced with the knowledge that Ollie was already inside.

  They hadn’t seen each other since the night of the market, although they’d messaged a few times. After his session with Amy, Joel had needed time to think about the conversation to come. And now he was ready. Nervous, but ready.

  There’d been a time when he’d been at ease in this kind of social environment, networking with a ready smile and a glass of champagne in hand. That, along with everything else, had been knocked out of him when his mental health had collapsed, and tonight he felt like he was seeing his old world through new eyes. Sean Callaghan and his wife, Tejana, were the kind of people he’d known before. Charming, wealthy and smart. They wore their prosperity easily, but it was there for all to see. And once it would have snared him, captivated him, but tonight it felt as insignificant as dust. Tonight, his eyes sought out one person only—Ollie Snow, who was neither wealthy nor sophisticated but who drew Joel in like an enchantment.

  Ollie stood talking to Alyssa, smiling and bright-eyed. Joel couldn’t have said what he was wearing, his attention fixed only on the face that had, over the past couple months, become dear to him. Ollie’s was the one face he sought in a crowd, the smile that touched his heart and made him happy even when happiness terrified him. Ollie lit him up like nobody ever had and it was an effort not to rush across the room and tell him so, right there with the world watching.

  But he did smile when Ollie glanced over with a twinkling grin. Charmed, Joel crossed the room to come and stand at his side. “Hi,” he said, smiling into Ollie’s eyes for as long as he dared, then turned to Alyssa and Cam. “Hey, how’s it going?”

  “Awesomely.” Alyssa grinned. “Have you seen the buffet in the kitchen? It’s amazing.”

  “The champagne’s not bad, either.” Cam slipped an arm around Alyssa’s waist. “I’m trying to keep this one from drooling all over Finn Callaghan.”

  “Oh, stop it.” She slapped lightly at his chest, smiling up at him. “He’s not all that.”

  “Uh-huh.” But he was smiling too, with the same besotted look in his eye that Joel was afraid might show in his own.

  He glanced at Ollie who gave a cautious smile. “Think I’m gonna check out the buffet. I deliberately didn’t eat dinner tonight.”

  “I’ll come with you,” Joel said, checking his hand which had involuntarily reached for Ollie.

  The kitchen was busy and the buffet generous. Joel was glad he’d had a light lunch. “Is Nia babysitting tonight?” he asked as he followed Ollie, plate in hand, around the large kitchen table.

  “Yep. Like Cinderella, I need to be home by midnight or I’ll turn into a pumpkin.”

  Joel laughed. “I think it’s the coach that turns into a pumpkin.”

  “Then, I guess I’ll be leaving a sneaker behind for a handsome prince to find.” He glanced up and flashed a smile. Too aware of other people around them, Joel looked away, embarrassed by the heat in his cheeks. Ollie sighed. “Now I just need to find the handsome prince…”

  And Joel had probably deserved that. He sighed, too, internally where nobody could hear. What he needed to do was get Ollie alone and say his piece, ask him about Moretti and put himself on the line—talk about where he hoped their relationship might go, and why it terrified him.

  He followed Ollie out of the kitchen and back into the elegant living room where people were sitting and standing around, talking and eating and generally getting into the festive spirit. Ollie made his way toward the gaggle of other parents from the PTA, but they weren’t the only people there Joel recognized. He spotted Dee talking to Alfie Carter and his boyfriend, Leo Novak. Awkwardly he waved with the hand holding his drink and Dee waved back, then leaned in and said something to Alfie who laughed and glanced over with a wave of his own.

  Joel didn’t dare imagine what Dee might have said; the odds of her being the town gossip were high.

  By the time he reached the PTA group, Ollie had wedged himself next to Jackie on a sofa, balancing his plate on his knee and laughing at something she’d said. Joel stood awkwardly nearby, wishing he could perch on the arm of the sofa next to Ollie and join in with the laughter and knowing that the only person stopping him was himself.

  His frustration wasn’t helped by the sight of Luca Moretti and Theo Wishart standing near the darkened French windows, talking to Josh Newton. Or by the number of times Ollie’s gaze darted in their direction. At least, he thought bitterly, it would make raising the subject easier. Whether he wanted to hear the answer to his question was another matter entirely.

  At the other end of the large room, where the lights were dimmer and the music louder, people had started dancing. He was surprised to see Finn Callaghan bopping away with the visibly pregnant Liz Benton until he remembered they’d briefly dated a few years ago—before Finn had surprised everyone by running off with Josh Newton instead.

  Would that be how it was for him, if he came out and started openly dating Ollie? Easy, casual acceptance of his bisexuality? He thought not. Finn was a bigshot TV actor, he didn’t take people’s kids for homeroom. People like him could get away with anything and still be accepted.

  “We should dance,” Alyssa said, returning from the kitchen with another glass of champagne. “Anyone want to dance? Ollie? Cam never dances.”

  “I don’t,” Cam agreed with a tipsy smile.

  Alyssa tugged on Ollie’s arm, pulling him to his feet. But Ollie shook his head, looking distracted. “Maybe later? I need to…”

  Alyssa didn’t wait for the reason. “Mr. Morgan,” she said, teasingly. “I’m sure you won’t let a lady dance alone?”

  “I—” He glanced over at Ollie, saw his gaze once more directed toward the French doors and Moretti.

  “Come on,” Alyssa tugged on his arm. “I love this song.”

  Ollie wasn’t watching. He was biting his lower lip in a way that would have been endearing if it hadn’t been directed at another man. Joel’s stomach cramped, and he felt a sudden overwhelming sense of relief that nobody knew about his feelings for Ollie. This was exactly why he couldn’t tell anyone; if nobody knew, he could ignore the flash of pain. He could tuck it away and nobody would look at him askance.

  He took Alyssa’s hand. “Lead the way.”

  Joel was a terrible dancer, but it didn’t matter because Alyssa just wanted to do her own thing and he bobbed about nearby while she danced like no one was watching. Or, maybe, like everyone was watching. Either way, she was having a good time. He envied her freedom, that ability to just let go. It wasn’t in his nature and had never been his habit.

  When the music slowed, Alyssa put her arms around his neck, breathless and smiling. “Whoo,” she said, laughing. “I haven’t done that in ten years.”

  “I’ve never done that,” Joel said, smiling along with her. “I’m kind of jealous.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Not really.”

  She laughed again and batted his shoulder. Then she frowned, head cocking as she looked at him. “Everything okay with you, Joel? You seem…tense?”

  “I’m afraid your husband’s going to come over and threaten pistols at dawn.”

  “Yeah? Or maybe there’s someone else who might be jealous?”

  He stilled, felt the blood drain from his face into his toes and fingertips. “What?”

  “It’s okay, you know.” They weren’t dancing now, just standing there w
ith Alyssa’s arms around his neck and his hands on her hips. “I mean, if you wanted to talk to me about him—”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  Despite the tipsy tilt to her head, Alyssa’s eyes were sharp and knowing. “Come on… I’m not blind. And you guys are freaking adorable the way you eye-fuck across a crowded room.” She put an astonished hand to her mouth. “Shit, I think I’m drunker than I realized. Forget I said that.”

  Stiffly, Joel said, “I think we should go back to the others.”

  He started to turn away, but Alyssa stopped him. “Hey,” she said, “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I just want you to know you’ve got my support, if you need it.”

  “I—” Denial was on the tip of his tongue but looking into Alyssa’s knowing eyes he feared it would be pointless. “Was it you?” he said curtly. “Did you start the rumor?”

  She pulled back, dropping her arms from around his neck. “Excuse me?”

  “Someone’s been spreading rumors about me at school. Jackie cornered me, asking about them. Was it you?”

  Alyssa’s eyes flashed. “No. I haven’t said a thing to anyone. I’m no gossip.”

  “Well, someone’s been spreading”—he couldn’t bring himself to say ‘lies’—“stories.”

  “Don’t look at me. I was just trying to be a friend.” Her chin lifted, offended. “I’m going to go get another drink.” She stalked away from the dancers, leaving him to watch her go with his skin flushing hot under his suit.

  Great. Good work, Joel. Now she thinks you’re an asshole.

  He took a step to follow and apologize, but before he could his eyes landed on Ollie and the sight stopped him in his tracks. He stood at the far end of the room, close to those tall dark French doors, talking intently to Luca Moretti. Joel’s heart stopped, then raced, his fingers tingling with sudden anxiety, stomach cramping. He couldn’t see Ollie’s face, but he could see Moretti back off and knock his shoulder into the window. Words were exchanged, Ollie’s fingers plowing nervously through his hair. After another moment, Moretti looked around, then said something, gesturing toward the kitchen, and they both walked quickly away, leaving the room.