The Miracle of Saint Lazarus

by Uva de Aragón

  I swear I didn’t plan it. It’s true that there were moments when I wished El Oso would disappear from our lives, even that he’d die. At the same time, he was the only person that I had in my life, and our relationship wasn’t bad. In our own way, we loved each other. He didn’t tell me everything that he did and I didn’t ask. We didn’t live in luxury, but we also didn’t go without. How would you and I manage alone? I tried to think about how we could get out, how to change our name now that I knew how to falsify documents, and how to begin a new life where he wouldn’t be able to find us.

  Other times I knew that regardless of where we went, that bloodhound would find us for sure, even if we managed to escape. More and more the random meet ups when they would give you some toy became more frequent. “Who’s going to suspect a little girl? The plan is sweet,” he told me later with cynicism. I needed to save you from that kind of life, but I didn’t know how.

  One Sunday he woke up in a very good mood and told us to get dressed up nicely because we were going to catch the Staten Island Ferry to go meet a very nice family that had kids your same age. By now he’d already burned all bridges with me; I didn’t believe anything that he told me, everything frightened me, but there wasn’t a good enough excuse not to go.

  It was a cold day. I don’t remember the date, but you must’ve been about three years old. Maybe younger. I had dressed you in your prettiest little outfit, one that I had made for you from leftover swatches in the factory. It was made of wine-colored velvet with a little matching jacket. It’s funny how we remember the most absurd things. On the walk there, El Oso gave you a lollipop. I was furious because I didn’t like you eating at the wrong time, plus I feared that with the rocking of the ferry that you’d choke. We finally got to the house, which was very pretty and much more luxurious than any that I’d ever seen. There were lots of kids, so many that I didn’t think they could all be from the same couple, because they were all more or less about the same age, between three and six. They were well dressed, clean, and had expensive toys, but there was something that I didn’t like, but I couldn’t put my finger on. We were sitting down snacking on some pastries, and you had sat down facing me, beside El Oso. At that moment, the man of the house got up to look for something and, before he returned to his seat, he stopped in front of you. He took your little face in his hands and gave you a kiss on the cheek that, to me, looked like it was on your lips. He turned around to your dad and said, with a devilish look: “She’s an adorable girl. You should bring her around more often.”

  Sole, I felt like they had stuck a knife in the middle of my heart, like I was listening all over again to my mother talk to that lowlife that she sold me to for five thousand dollars. I knew that nothing good was going to come out of this. I had to go to the bathroom and throw up.

  When we got back, it was already dark because in New York when they change the clocks it gets dark really early. Frankly, I didn’t know what I was going to do, but there was no doubt that we had to get out.

  As luck would have it just as we got to the dock, the ferry seemingly bumped into something and made a sharp movement. El Oso was beside me, leaning on the rail, looking at God knows what. He lost his balance and tried to hold on to me. I swear that I didn’t plan it like this, it was just a survival instinct, but instead of helping him, I pushed him with all my might. Since we were the only ones on the deck, nobody saw me. Well at least I thought so but they did, however, notice that he went overboard. I prayed that he wouldn’t make it out alive because if he did, he’d kill both of us, or at least me, and God knows what he would’ve done with you. We had to get out of there, but it was impossible right at that moment. Divers, police, and ambulances immediately arrived. May Heaven forgive me, but when they said that he was dead, I felt like a load was lifted off me. As much as I tried to avoid it, I had to give them our names, and they even took a picture of us and then we appeared in the newspapers. They told me that I could go to the morgue and identify the body and that in the morning we should go to the police station to fill out the paperwork. I heard someone say that I could get some money out of the company that operated the ferry.

  I went home, packed our bags, and took every cent we had. I held you tight and told you everything would turn out ok and that you needed to be very brave. You consented with your big eyes that seemed even bigger since you were afraid. I drove until fatigue got the best of me. We stopped at a motel near the town of Valdese in North Carolina only for one night, but we stayed three years.

  Chapter 31

  Day 38—Wednesday, December 9, 2015

  Maria was so focused on reading that it took her a few minutes to realize her cell was vibrating. When she saw that the call was from her boss, she answered immediately and moved a few steps away from the group so she could speak with him. She returned shortly thereafter and the frustration must have shown on her face because Fernandez asked:

  “Is something wrong?”

  “It was Keppler asking what time we’re due to arrive because we have to be in court at nine in the morning for the Homestead case.”

  Detective Duquesne was doubly annoyed because there was no way to avoid returning to Miami and because, despite her jotting down everything in her agenda and adding reminders days in advance, she had completely forgotten about that unavoidable appearance in court. She knew that her testimony was important and that it was impossible for her to stay in Tampa.

  “What’d you tell him?”

  “That we would be there…well, after we see Alexis tonight. We can head out after that, even though we’ll be beat when we get back.”

  “I can’t promise you that she’ll be ready to see you. Maybe it’s better if you give her a little time to digest all this and then come back. Besides, everything is in this letter. She doesn’t know anything else. What do you want from her?”

  “Permission for a DNA test to prove her identity.”

  “Why the rush? Have you located her family?”

  “We can’t confirm that without the test.”

  Smith started gathering the papers.

  “I should be with my wife. It’s best if you guys return to Miami and I’ll tell you when she’s calmed down.”

  Fernandez was the one who asked:

  “Do we have many pages left to finish the letter?”

  Smith looked at his folder.

  “No, there are just a few more.”

  Fernandez took a quick glance at his phone and looked at the two of them.

  “There’s a flight to Miami at a little after seven tonight. I can call the office so they’ll book it for us. Meanwhile we can finish reading the letter. You can return to your wife in less than an hour, and, if you think that she’ll agree to see us before we have to head out to the airport, we’ll come by the house. And if that isn’t the case, we’ll stay in touch. You should help us convince her to agree to the test. One shouldn’t go through life not knowing who you are…even if just for her own medical history and her daughter’s.”

  As soon as Smith agreed with a nod, Fernandez contacted the departmental secretary to get them seats on the flight, and he went up to the registration desk to tell them that they’d be leaving in a few hours but they needed to vacate the rooms a little later than the noon checkout time. Since the hotel wasn’t very full, and the truth is that hotel staff always treat the police with deference, they assured them that there wouldn’t be a problem. With that settled, Smith gave them the third and final part of Soledad’s letter to her daughter, written with still another different colored ink and handwriting that was shaky in the early paragraphs but became more legible as it progressed.

  Forgive me, mijita, I had to interrupt this letter again. I’m going to try to be brief because I have very little strength and because I’ve already told you the worst. Let’s see where I left off… I know. By pure coincidence we spent the first night near Valdese. I think it was becaus
e I was trying to avoid the highways in case they were looking for us and I was a little lost. Or maybe it was the work of God. The next morning we went to have breakfast in town with the intention of continuing on. I thought about heading to Miami since I knew it well but while I was sitting in a McDonald’s with you, I realized that Miami would be the first place that they’d look for us and the only place I couldn’t go. All of a sudden, I saw a sign that said, “Help wanted.” I’d never worked in anything related to restaurants, but I was willing to do anything for you. The first thing I thought was, who’s going to take care of Sole for me while I work? Where will we live? I asked to speak with the manager. It turned out that he was of Italian origin, like many in the town, where there were only two other Hispanic families. He suggested that I go to the church, where they helped the recent arrivals. They couldn’t have been any nicer. In a few months we had rented an efficiency apartment in a big house with its own entrance. We had everything we needed. In the end, I didn’t work for McDonald’s. Instead, I cleaned the church, which wasn’t Catholic, but it doesn’t matter. They had a kind of daycare there where I left you during my work hours. When I had to work nights sometimes I would take you with me, and you would sit on the floor and color or read your books, as quiet as a mouse. Other times the pastor’s wife, who was very fond of you, would offer to take care of you. I improved my English a lot since there wasn’t anyone to speak Spanish to. I learned to crochet and made all kinds of placemats, coasters, and other things that sold in the annual bazaar in November. My customers liked them so much that throughout the year they placed orders with me. You seemed to flourish in such a healthy life. You started going to daycare and then first grade. Immediately you started reading. I wanted to achieve more so I could help you with your assignments, and I began checking out books from the library, and I even took home the newspapers that the pastor received, and I flipped through them to keep up to date with what was going on in the world and in town. Later an American woman wanted me to teach her Spanish, and she bought some books. I didn’t know anything about accents or verbs or any of that, but with the book, I think I learned more than my student. I don’t know how much you remember about those years which, for the two of us, were very happy. When you were six years old, they started little league soccer and you insisted that you play. I gave you everything you wanted that I could, and even some things that I couldn’t, because in one way or another in that town, everyone helped one another. It was at that time that Mariela came on a school trip with her mother. They lived in the same building as the lady who took care of you when we lived in Queens. They were very happy to see us and said that Odalys missed you very much, asking how we could had left without saying goodbye or leaving a trace. You, with the innocence of a child, wanted Mariela to come home and play with you, and you told her that I worked at the church and the name of the school you attended. The truth is that I had never asked you to hide anything, nor had I falsified any documents to disguise us, because with a last name as common as Garcia and in that town that was so gringo and so small, I felt like nobody would ever find us.

  I panicked and once again treated terribly everybody who had helped us because we took off like fugitives at first light. At least I left without owing anything, and I wrote a thank-you note saying that we were leaving due to a family emergency. I always wanted to take you back to that little town where we were so happy, but now you see it would have been impossible.

  I headed south because I knew that life was easier where the winters weren’t harsh. When we got to Florida and I studied the map, I don’t know why I decided to go to Tampa. I wanted to be near the sea, and it seemed that on the west coast it would be harder for them to find us. That’s when I told you the first big lie. Up to then I had hidden many things from you, but I had not lied. I made up a story about your birth registration being incorrect and now that we were moving, it was the best time to gather all of our papers. You were six or seven, so you didn’t understand, plus those things just didn’t matter to you. I didn’t want to remove the name Soledad but I did add Alexandra. I thought the two of us would change our last name to Maldonado. It’s pretty common in Puerto Rico, and I was convinced that they were looking for me as a Cuban. In the end, I kept Garcia, but changed other details. I made all the false documents before enrolling you in school, looking for a job, or getting a new driver’s license. Also, I’m ashamed to say, I stole social security numbers for each of us. I knew it was fraud and for several months, I lived with the anxiety that they would find us out, but as time went on and nothing happened, I felt more confident. Besides, I never tried to get government benefits. I feared that if I had, they could investigate and find out the truth. I also told you that Soledad was a hard name for Americans, so it would be better for them to call you by your middle name, Alexandra, but I don’t know if it was because it was too long or what, but you said that your name was Alexis and it stuck. I was the only one who kept calling you Sole. I swear that since then, I haven’t broken any laws.

  You already know the rest. At times, I worked up to three jobs so that you could have a childhood and an adolescence that were happy. I don’t think you lacked anything, just the truth. My sacrifices paid off well. You always got good grades. There was never a complaint about you from the school. Your behavior and your attendance were perfect. You kept playing soccer and stood out. You won trophy after trophy! I never missed a game even though I had to beg to get a coworker to switch with me. The happiest day of my life was when you graduated with honors and told me that you had received a scholarship to study at Notre Dame. I thought my work was done and that it was time to tell you the truth. For the first time I began thinking about your family and it even occurred to me that you might have brothers and I thought about the danger of you meeting each other and falling in love. I had read about things like that. More than once I was about to tell you everything and I always lacked the courage.

  You insisted that I move to Indiana with you, but I chose not to. I had my work and my life in Tampa. Only when they diagnosed me with cancer did I agree for you to bring me here, because I thought that it would be easier for you and because I wanted to be near you in my final days.

  I like Nicholas a lot. I think you two were made for each other and I know that you’re going to be very happy with him. I regret that I won’t live to be by your side when you graduate from college or on your wedding day, that I won’t be able to make your wedding dress as I once dreamed, and that I will never know my grandchildren.

  Maybe when you’re a mother you will understand me and forgive me or perhaps you’ll hate me for the harm that I caused your real mother, who I don’t know. I don’t even know who she is, or I would tell you. I do know that you were born in Miami in August of 1992 and that your father’s name was Alberto Gonzalez, although I think he used another name too. He came to the United States through Mariel, and now I remember that one time he referred to his wife as Gladys and he said she’d come from Cuba on a raft. Mija querida, I ask again for your forgiveness for everything I’ve done and I hope that when you read this letter that you’ll search for your mother. Because of me she didn’t get to see you grow up and now I’m sorry even though you have been my whole life. I hope that you find her. When I am no longer here, repair the harm that I have done. Ask her to forgive me. I believe that’s the only way I can rest in peace.

  I don’t have much advice to give you. You are sensitive, smart, independent, and beautiful. You’re going to go far in life. At least I can die peacefully knowing that I raised you well.

  I love you very much, mi Sol,

  Mami

  Chapter 32

  Days 38 and 39—Wednesday and Thursday,

  December 9 and 10, 2015

  When they finished reading the letter, Maria and Fernandez gave it back to Smith, who placed the copies back in the original envelope. He immediately stood up and, as they were shaking hands, he said:

  “Y
ou know this is off the record… I’ll call you as soon as Alexis is calmer… I’m going to go be with her now.”

  “Nicholas…”

  This was the first time Maria called him by his first name. He turned around and, as if he were reading her thoughts, said, “I agree with her mother, meaning Soledad, that she should look for her real mother. I’ll try to convince her to let you do a DNA test. Give me a few days.”

  The detectives stood up quietly to gather their luggage and they met up at the counter to pay the bill.

  “I already reconfirmed the flight. We still have a few hours. What do you know about Ybor City?”

  “Only the stories my dad told me about how Marti would get the workers all riled up at the tobacco factories with his speeches and how they helped him with funds for the war in Cuba,” Maria answered her colleague.

  “Well, let’s head over there. We aren’t getting anything done sitting here.”

  “It’s just that I…”

  “Come on, Maria, stop racking your brains. The case is already solved and, as soon as the girl gives her permission, which she will, and her identification is proven, there will be a huge party in Hialeah.”

  “It isn’t going to be that simple…”

  “Whatever happens later, whether they hit it off or not, isn’t part of our job anymore. In a few days we’ll be slammed with other cases.”

  “I’ll never forget this one.”