Low Country Christmas

by Lee Tobin McClain

  “And you don’t?” Rita asked, keeping her voice mild.

  Norma glared.

  “Appreciate your men, that’s all I can say.” Ma poured a thin trickle of vanilla into the pot on the stove, then pulled a pan of pecans out of the oven and slid them onto a cutting board. She rocked a big knife over them, chopping them, and then stirred them into the pot. “Got that base ready for me?” she asked Norma.

  “Sure thing.” Norma pushed the pan toward Ma and she poured the creamy mixture over the top, spreading it out with a spoon until it coated the graham crackers.

  Rita sliced the last of the pecan sandies, reflecting on what Ma had said. It was true; she needed to appreciate Jimmy. Although he was annoying her with his reaction to Taffy, it was just possible that her issues were her own, that he was the one with a normal concept of how independent you should be when you were in a relationship.

  They worked, chatting companionably, for another hour and then Cash and Pudge arrived home, the big man looking wan and pale. He forced a smile for Rita and apologized for not notifying her he’d be gone, and then Cash quickly helped him back to bed. Cash emerged and Ma went back into the bedroom and shut the door.

  “How is he?” Rita asked her son.

  Cash shrugged. “He wouldn’t tell me and he wouldn’t let me go back in to see the doctor with him. I don’t know.” He moved his shoulders as if they were tight, looked out the window and then did a double take. “You brought Taffy! Mind if I go out and see her?”

  “Help yourself,” she said, although she’d have preferred Cash stay inside and talk with her.

  But as she watched him jog out to the pen, release Taffy and throw a stick for the ecstatic pup, she had another flashback.

  She remembered Cash throwing sticks for another dog, when he was much smaller.

  Her memory was coming back. Which should have been a good thing, a thrill.

  Only this time, the sweet picture of a boy and his dog was tinged with terror, a looming bad presence.

  Orin.

  * * *

  CASH KNOCKED ON the door of Holly’s apartment Wednesday night, and while he waited for her to answer, he found himself straightening his collar and checking his teeth in his phone’s reverse camera. He hadn’t been this nervous picking up a woman in years.

  And it wasn’t even a date, or at least, it wasn’t supposed to be. It was the parenting class’s Christmas party, the one for which they’d prepared the photo booth last week.

  Just the thought of that experience made Cash sweat. He shouldn’t have kissed her, he guessed, but he’d wanted her badly. Still did, and for more than kissing. She was a beautiful woman with an unconscious sensuality that gave a man all kinds of ideas. But she was also kind, and good, and fun to be with.

  He’d have called her wife material if he’d wanted a wife.

  The door opened, and there was Holly. The color in her cheeks was high, and well it should be because she looked hot. She wore a green sweater-type dress that showed her sweet curves. Her hair was down, not in its usual ponytail, and was styled in waves that made him want to touch them, they looked so soft. She was just of average height, but her legs looked a mile long in high boots.

  His mouth went dry as more sweat broke out on the back of his neck. “You look great,” he blurted out.

  “Thanks.” She gave a half smile he couldn’t interpret, and he felt awkward, like he’d said something inappropriate. “I’ll get Penny. She’s not quite ready so...you may as well come on in.”

  “I know I’m a little early. I’m sorry.” He followed her inside, sat down on the edge of the couch and drummed his fingers, and then stood again when she came out of the back bedroom with Penny. “I just thought we should be on the early side since, you know, we made the photo booth and all—”

  “I remember,” she interrupted.

  What was that expression on her face? Was that a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth and laughter behind her big grey eyes, or was he imagining things?

  She was fussing with Penny now, adjusting something on the shoulder of her dress. “This outfit is so cute, and it’s adjustable so it can kind of, like, grow with her. But it’s hard to get these buttons done up right.”

  Penny struggled and twisted, causing Holly to lose what progress she’d made. She said something under her breath and started over.

  “Let me help.” He hurried over, knelt down and held Penny still while Holly worked on the buttons. “It seems like she’s getting more active and energetic all the time. Speaking of which...I’m sorry I acted like you were neglecting her needs, that day she was crawling backward. You do a terrific job with her.”

  “Thanks!” As she worked on the buttons, she flashed him a smile that took away his breath.

  She smelled incredible. Cash really, really wanted to pull her into his arms.

  “Anna got her this dress.” Apparently oblivious to his desires, she nodded down at the red-and-white confection. “So cute, and you can tell it’s really well made. She must have spent a fortune on it.”

  “It’s pretty.” Cash could hardly focus on what she was saying, he was struggling so hard not to reveal his intense attraction to her. This close, the fragrance of her perfume was mingling with some flowery shampoo she used, and when her hair swung his way, he drew in a slow, delicious breath.

  She glanced up at him. Had she noticed?

  But no, she looked back down at Penny and was now putting a little pair of moccasins on her. And oh, man, she was wearing makeup. That was what made her eyes look so huge. Unlike most men, he didn’t mind a little makeup on a woman, especially if she knew how to use it.

  Holly did.

  “Oh, and that reminds me,” she said as she finished with the outfit and rose smoothly to her feet, leaving Cash feeling a slight chill. “This woman named Chelsea gave me a bag of clothes for Penny. She wanted me to make sure you knew it was from her.” She waved a hand at a shopping bag standing in the corner of the room. “I haven’t had time to go through it yet. And even though I’ve got Penny set up in her own bedroom now, it’s tiny and space is tight. Maybe you’d like to keep those clothes at your place?”

  He was still having trouble focusing. “Where’d you say they came from?”

  “From Chelsea,” she said with emphasis, as if he was a little slow. “Miss Vi thought she probably was someone you’d dated before, or someone who wants to date you.”

  “Chelsea...oh, that Chelsea. Wonder why she gave you clothes.” He shrugged. “Are you ready?”

  “Heartbreaker.” She shook her head, smiling a little. Then she handed him her coat.

  He helped her into it, wondering about Holly. She didn’t act experienced with men, didn’t act interested for the most part—although that kiss had been an exception, at least for a minute—but she expected a man to treat her right, to help her with her coat and hold the door.

  He liked that. She had confidence, and now that she was settled into Safe Haven, it was showing more and more.

  Ten minutes later, they walked into the women’s center, Holly holding Penny and Cash holding the diaper bag. Sure enough, they were the first ones there, except for Norma and her friend Stephen, who were moving tables and putting up crepe-paper decorations. The big poodle they seemed to be raising together, Snowball, was lying glumly on the floor in the corner of the room, head on paws, looking ashamed of her antler headpiece and bedazzled green coat.

  “I’ll go help,” Holly said, turning toward them.

  “Holly.” Cash didn’t know what made him put a hand on her arm. “Don’t.”

  She lifted an eyebrow. “Pardon me?”

  Now how was he going to justify that request? Should he tell the truth: that he wanted her by his side? Even though she’d as much as told him she didn’t want to be there?

  A look at her skeptical, quizzical face s
uggested not. “You work too much. We put together the photo booth.” Lord help him, he’d almost called it the kissing booth. “Just sit down and relax.”

  “You sound like Tiff,” she said, and a bleak expression flashed across her face. She pulled out a chair at one of the long tables and sat, Penny on her lap but struggling to get down.

  He sat beside them, grabbed a blanket out of the diaper bag and spread it on the floor, then set Penny on it. “Did Tiff tell you you needed to relax more?” he asked as he dug in the diaper bag for toys that could keep Penny entertained.

  She nodded. “All the time. She was definitely the happy-go-lucky one.” She looked at Penny, then reached down and placed a hand on her back as if she needed the comfort. “Which was great, until it wasn’t.”

  Cash blew out a sigh. He knew what she meant. The Tiff he’d known had seemed fun-loving and carefree, definitely not the type to read child-raising books and go to a parenting group like Holly was doing. “I don’t know if I told you this,” he said, “or if I told you enough, but I’m sorry for what happened. With her, you know, getting pregnant.”

  “It takes two. Tiff knew what she was doing.”

  “True. But it must have been pretty surprising for her to find out she was expecting, especially since she was on birth control and everything.”

  Something changed in Holly’s face and he tried to interpret it, rewinding what he’d just said. “She was on birth control, wasn’t she?”

  Holly bit her lip. “I don’t... I just don’t know. We weren’t the kind of sisters who shared all the details, unfortunately, and when she was pregnant and giving birth, we were estranged.”

  “She told me she was.” Cash was sure of it, even though the conversation had taken place at a bar, where they’d both had a couple drinks more than they should have. He prided himself on always having that conversation before things got too heated.

  Holly nodded and got very busy rubbing a spot of something green on Penny’s sleeve.

  She was acting weird, and Cash’s gut twisted just a little. He’d had a situation once before where a woman had claimed to be on birth control and wasn’t, and had threatened a paternity suit on him. Just someone else trying to get at his money. Fortunately, or so he’d thought at the time, she’d miscarried, or said she had; in fact, he wasn’t sure the pregnancy had ever been real.

  Now that he had Penny, his perspective had changed entirely. He wasn’t a crazy bachelor who just wanted freedom at all costs. He’d held his own flesh-and-blood child, taken care of her, come to love her.

  If that long-ago fling had conceived a child with him and miscarried it...it could have been another Penny.

  He swallowed hard, then picked up his daughter and held her close against his chest.

  Her life was precious. He’d fight to the death to protect her.

  And the idea of casually, carelessly hooking up with women held zero appeal for him now. The potential of an unplanned pregnancy was so real, as real as the sweet child in his arms.

  Not just that, but how would he like a man to treat his daughter the way he’d treated women over the years? Oh, he’d never been unkind, never made promises he couldn’t keep. But had he been loving and honorable and chivalrous, the way he’d want a man to be around Penny?

  He looked up and realized Holly was watching him and Penny, a tender look in her eyes.

  His lack of desire for casual flings just might have something to do with her, too. He didn’t want to treat her that way, and he had the feeling she wouldn’t stand for it, anyway.

  But he did want her, more and more all the time.

  People were starting to drift in, so any chance of pursuing the conversation about Tiff went away. Which was okay. He’d come to realize how different Holly was from her sister. Even if Tiff had deceived him about birth control—which didn’t make sense, since she’d been the last person to want a baby—it had nothing to do with Holly.

  “Look, Cash,” she said, leaning closer so they wouldn’t be overheard, “Tiff made some mistakes, a lot of them actually. But her heart was in the right place. Whatever she did wrong had to do with the people she was running with.” Her expression darkened. “One in particular.”

  Her voice shook when she said it, and he opened his mouth to ask more, but suddenly Christmas music blared out loudly, along with squeaky feedback from the old-fashioned sound system.

  “Turn it down, Stephen!” Norma called across the room.

  Penny started to cry, and a couple of other babies joined in.

  He stood, Penny still in his arms, and held out a hand to Holly. “Should we mingle?”

  “Yeah. Good idea.”

  As they walked over toward the other members of the class, he touched her back to guide her, and she didn’t move away.

  The Christmas decorations and music, the small group of couples with kids they’d started to get close to—it felt like some mushy holiday movie to Cash, and he was usually too cynical for that sort of thing. But as people greeted them and exclaimed over Penny’s cute outfit, as he watched Holly laugh at someone’s joke and accept a cup of hot chocolate from Norma, a deep sense of rightness settled into his soul.

  All the years he’d spent chasing money, all his business successes, had felt nothing near as good as this moment. In his town, with his daughter, with his friends. With Holly.

  They chatted and ate small plates of decadent food and admired all the other children. Holly got talked into attending a meeting of a local entrepreneurs group. Santa came, and half the kids, including Penny, freaked out at the sight of the big bearded man in the red suit, so Holly and Cash weren’t alone in soothing a screaming baby. Penny calmed down, and they got a picture in the photo booth that, when he saw it, made his breath catch because they looked like a real family.

  Cash wanted it to be a real family. His family.

  His phone was buzzing insistently in his pocket, and finally Holly told him he should just go ahead and take it. He checked and saw that the call came from an unknown number. “I don’t need to—” he began, and then realized he had a bunch of work messages, too.

  “Go on. We’re fine.” She smiled up at him. “You know you want to.”

  Thing was, he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay right here with Holly and Penny, but it was probably smart to get a little distance before he ended up sinking down on one knee and proposing to her.

  He shot a group message to all his business texts and then clicked into the voice mail that had come from the call.

  The message he heard chilled him. Deeply, like his very bones had turned to ice. “Hey, um, Cash,” it said. “Give me a call at this number as soon as you can.” There was a long pause, and then... “It’s your father.”

  * * *

  HOLLY HELPED PENNY eat a couple of the crunchy cookies specially made for babies—no peanuts, no eggs, no possible allergens of any sort—and then wiped her face. She accepted a second piece of amazing chocolate-pecan fudge that one of the other mothers had made, and enjoyed the jazzy, hip Christmas playlist in the background. As she talked to the couples from the parenting class, she realized she was starting to consider them as friends. Liam and Yasmin came in, and they almost felt like family.

  Heady stuff for a girl who’d never belonged anywhere.

  She tried to stay focused on Penny and the other party guests, but it was impossible to keep from glancing over at Cash every couple of minutes. He’d gone out into the hallway but was still visible through the open door.

  He was so handsome, real movie-star material, with his dark hair and blue eyes and sexy build, all wrapped up in a cashmere sweater and Italian leather shoes. Talking on his phone, he looked like an important rich guy, just as he had when she’d first encountered him. But she knew him so much better now, and she knew that beneath the suave exterior was the heart of a small-town boy.

  �
��Are you and Cash married?” one of the women asked. Her daughter, Bianca, was three years old and wore leg braces that barely slowed her down. Now, Bianca’s mom caught her by the shoulders and helped her turn back toward them. Bianca caught sight of Penny, grabbed the toy out of her hand and started jingling it in Penny’s face.

  “Gentle, Bianca,” the mom said. “Sorry. It’s like impossible to have a conversation. And I was probably being too nosy, anyway, asking about you and Cash.”

  Her words made Holly blush for some reason. “No, we’re not married,” she said.

  “See? I knew it. You guys are way too conscious of each other to be married.”

  Norma approached in time to hear the remark. “That’s how husbands and wives should be—attentive,” she said.

  “We’re not even dating!” Holly said and then looked away. She could tell that both women wanted her to confide about her feelings for Cash, but those were too new for her to even consider revealing to people she barely knew.

  Fortunately, Cash strode back toward them just then. He greeted the other two women and took Penny from her arms.

  He was still acting the devoted father, but his face had changed completely, from warm and open to hard and closed. As soon as the others’ attention was diverted by an announcement of some door prizes, she leaned closer to him. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, why?”

  “You look upset.”

  He shrugged, looked away.

  “Bad business news?” she persisted.

  “What? No, no.”

  Obviously he didn’t want to talk about it. She should accept that and let it go. Prying would mean she wanted to get closer, to be more in his life.

  I do want that.

  The thought made her heart flutter. She’d never wanted to be deeply involved before. She’d actually avoided involvement. Was this real?

  A deep, shaky-but-settling feeling in her chest suggested that maybe, just maybe, it was real.

  She plunged in again. “Cash, if you’re having trouble, I’d like to know about it. We’re friends.” She tugged him toward two side-by-side folding chairs in a corner of the room, where there was no one nearby to overhear.