She seemed depressed. Maybe I was looking to help myself by helping her – it was, after all, ironic that I was worried about how she had been yet had barely talked about myself; which was rather unusual I suppose. I asked if maybe we could do something fun and go hike up to one of the springs after the funeral. I said I could get all the paperwork done and we could then re-live the “good old days”. She looked at me and asked, “Everything?” which I thought meant our unique activity and I whispered, “Quiet, I do not think my aunt would like to know she was related to a real-life killer” Nicole laughed and said it was okay, she could resist the temptation for now.
The next few days were like any other I could share with a friend. I did not see any reason to bury myself in depression. I wore the same black dress I had worn at Nicole’s wedding – I saw no need to shop for anything new for such an occasion. At the funeral I greeted the guests and did my best to hold up in front of all my mother’s friends – the last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of people I really did not know, or cared little about if I did know them. I missed my mom, but I wanted nobody’s pity. The minister was from Gerald’s church and gave a good eulogy. It was strange how he spoke of my mother and Gerald like he was their best friend…I felt really resentful of his act. When the rituals were over, and we drove out to the cemetery, it began to rain. As the caskets were lowered into the ground, a part of me felt lost – it was almost as if someone had sliced the feelings of my mother holding me close as a child out of my brain. The realization hit me that soon the mother who held me would now be buried under the soil – to decompose into organic material for the benefit of the grass and trees next to the plot. My childhood was gone. I knew that once the dirt covered the casket that I would end a chapter of my life. I was left with an emptiness where at least once there had been a spark of something. Nicole was on one side of me, while Debra was on the other as people filed past me to give their departing respects as just before going back to their cars. Just then Nicole took my hand and commented, “If you need me at all please let me know.” I turned to her and smiled. A moment later Debra announced, “Okay, I suppose it is over and we should go now.” As I walked away I stopped, turned to the site, covered with flowers getting soaked in the rain. I noticed some workmen waiting…waiting I assumed to finish the act of sealing up my mom in the cold earth. I sighed and walked to the car Debra had rented.
On the way back to the house nobody uttered a word. I wondered what Debra was thinking of me at that moment – not that I cared, I was just curious. As for Nicole, I at least hoped we could have a lasting friendship after all. I also wondered what she would think if I told her about Sara. I figured that could wait a while, as I was unsure if I wanted that relationship to continue. Strange though…I realized that if Sara had bothered to show up I would have had to explain everything to Nicole right then. Maybe it was best she had been too busy – not that I forgave her though.
Chapter 5
After the funeral was over my aunt announced she would be leaving early the next day. I was more than happy to give her a ride to the airport. After dinner her and her friend went to their room to pack while I asked Nicole if she would still like to go to the hot springs afterwards – we could just leave directly from the airport.
Nicole liked the idea so she gathered what she would need in her backpack and promised not to say anything to Debra as it might seem somewhat inappropriate to her that her niece would go hiking with a friend the day after her mother’s funeral. It is not that I cared what she thought about me, I just did not want to go through the hassle of dealing with anything – a rude comment, a nasty look, it was just better to be discrete. That evening Nicole and I watched TV and I barely said a word to Debra before finally going to bed.
The next morning we headed out just after breakfast. When we arrived at the airport I thanked my aunt and her boyfriend for all they had done. I suspected I would never see them again as I rushed back to the car. Now I could spend some time with Nicole and not feel as if I had to worry about someone overhearing us.
We had barely left the airport when I asked Nicole about her and Daniel. I really wanted to know why she was so unhappy. She asked, “Melanie, I thought I had come up here to comfort you yet it seems you are trying to get me on your psychologist’s couch instead. You are the one who I thought would be hurting more.” I commented, “Yeah, it does hurt but I don’t know, maybe I am good at filing my pain away.” Nicole said she understood that concept real well.
I then asked, “Are you and Daniel happy?” I was surprised when she admitted, “Not really.” I asked why and she explained, “Daniel treats me as a piece of furniture – he ignores me unless he wants something done around the house – and then he criticizes me for not doing a task as well as he thinks it should be. Melanie, he is not the same person he was in high school – he has evolved into someone, or something, else.” She elaborated as if I was the first person she was able to open up with, “He is so controlling that he demanded I quit college. He also insists that I take part in his church activities even though I really feel uncomfortable with the women there.”
I asked, “Did you feel out of place in Georgia?” She shook her head and replied, “I never once had a day I felt at ease, or that I could feel at home.” She continued about how the people were friendly, but that they were different than what she had expected – she did not go into detail about why.
I asked if she felt California would be different. She said it might be but she did not like the area they had to live in, but they did not have the money to live in a better place for now. Then I asked, “Why does Daniel seem to dislike me all of the sudden?” Nicole was silent for a moment and then seemed to choose her words carefully, “Daniel just wants to forget what his past was, and what he did. I think you remind him of everything. Maybe he thinks you will bring out the worse in me again.”
I responded, “I assure you, I have not killed anyone recently. I have been too busy with schoolwork.” We both laughed and then Nicole suddenly asked, “Do you miss it, I mean the thrill of the planning, and of course the execution?” I was silent for a moment as she asked, “Come on Melanie, nothing makes you mad enough to wish you could kill? Be honest.” This was weird, the reason Nicole was here was due to death and now she was discussing killing in less than 24 hours since my mom’s funeral?
I answered, “Okay, yeah, there has been a time or two that I have thought about it, but then I think about the innocent people who died when we were in school. It just does not seem worth it. Besides, what if we were caught? There were times we could easily have been stopped by a cop and then we would both be in jail right now, or worse.”
Nicole nodded her head and responded, “Yes, the innocent people who we killed – like Cindy and Mark.” I corrected her, “Hey, Mark killed himself – that was his choosing so I do not think we have to take responsibility for that one!” Nicole said, “Well, I guess not, in a way I mean…perhaps not totally.” I continued, “Look, he did not have to commit suicide!” Nicole said, “Maybe he…Melanie, can you pull over the next chance you get? I have to tell you something.”
What an odd request I thought! My curiosity was at a peak and I wondered what was so important. I took an exit to a gas station and pulled over to the far end of the parking lot. “Melanie, there has been something on my mind for a long time. I just do not know how to tell you this.” I looked at her, yet she turned to look out the window instead before continuing, “Melanie, what if I told you that Mark was not as bad off when we found him as we thought? What if I told you that he was still viable, still alive in all respects, but was merely passed out from the car fumes?”
I grabbed her shoulder and forced her to look at me, “What in the…what are you saying?” Nicole was silent, looking around in all directions as if trying to find an exit. “Melanie, I, uh, well, Daniel admitted to me after we went to Georgia that Mark was not as bad off as he had told us. He was suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning bu
t would probably have made a full recovery.” I responded in a monotone, emotionless manner as I glared at her, “Why?”
Nicole explained, as she stared at her hands twisting the straps of her purse, “Daniel was worried that if Mark was trying to commit suicide that once he recovered he would still be emotionally unstable. If he had to go to the hospital how would he explain why he tried to kill himself? And once authorities started investigating Cindy what would happen then? Daniel felt that Mark’s sacrifice was necessary and that it also provided a perfect means to get rid of Lamb and blame him for everything.”
I was angry, so angry that I actually felt like hitting Nicole – partly because she was a convenient target, but mostly for keeping something like this from me for so long. I quickly got out of the car, slammed the door and just stared at the cars racing down the highway. If this were indeed true then Daniel had been responsible for taking Mark away from me. Daniel was the blame for ruining a future that could have been so wonderful, where I could have achieved happiness and been with someone who shared the same passions, the same outlook on life. I did not want to even look at Nicole, not then.
I stood there, lost in my analysis of the events and wondering why I had not suspected something all along. I walked to the other side of the car, opened the door and screamed, “Get out!” to Nicole. She exited the car in the manner of a child knowing she is going to get punished by a parent. “Nicole, so Daniel murdered Mark?” Nicole, shedding a tear, said “Yes.” I stared at her, “And why am I the last to know this? Why didn’t you tell me once you found out?” Nicole tearfully replied, “I only learned the truth after we moved. One night Daniel admitted the truth to me. I did not know how to tell you if I ever had the opportunity.”
Nicole stepped closer to me and looked down, as if trying to observe my feet. I reached out to her and she rushed to hold me, “I am so sorry to have to tell you this.” As I held her it felt as if I was reliving Mark’s death – now I had to deal with him all over again, as well as my mom’s death. For someone so young I had experienced enough loss to last a lifetime. I looked at Nicole, “Everyone in my life has betrayed me and everyone has died, except you. Promise me you will never die.” She started crying, “Okay.”
Once we arrived at the springs we were pleased we were the only ones there. It was like old times as we removed all our clothes and eased into the hot pools. The sun began to beam through the moss-covered trees, surrounding us in a sea of green – it was as if we were back in some primordial forest, a Garden of Eden of sorts. We hoped the weather report for rain was wrong – but in this place it did not matter that much. Nicole then asked me the strangest question, “So what do we do now? I mean, about Daniel?” I looked at her inquisitively, “What do you mean? What do you want to do?” She looked away in thought again, “I would be lying if I said I cared for him anymore. He has made my life miserable, and I cannot trust him. He drinks, he controls my every movement, he even said that this would be the last time he would allow me to see you.”
We both sat there in silence for a moment. She looked so vulnerable half submerged in the water. For a brief moment I re-connected to the past…the short time we were lovers. I wondered if she felt the same. Maybe that is why I asked, “Why did you marry him Nicole?” She took a deep breath and replied, “There seemed no other alternative. For one thing, what if he deteriorated mentally – he might have jeopardized our secrets.” I asked, “Do you really think he would say something that would have resulted in our being arrested?” She replied, “If he is as bad as he is with me, who knows what he would be without me. Besides, I truly thought the love we had for each other would return, and that we would be as close as in high school. I was wrong – it has been pure hell!” I reached out to her with my hand but she shook her head. I leaned back and tried to think of something to say. However, what she said next would change the context of our lives forever.
She confessed, “I cannot take it much longer. I want Daniel out of the picture once and for all – I will do the job myself if necessary.” I had almost forgotten what Nicole had said about Daniel murdering Mark. The idea of revenge was in my mind, but more for what he had done to Nicole at that moment. I moved next to her and asked if I could help her to make sure she was successful so she did not wind up a victim of Daniel or the police. She cried and I held her tightly in silence. I believe she knew that I would assist her. It would take a lot of planning but I was up for it. He had killed the object of my desires, he was causing pain for someone I cared for, maybe even loved, and I had seen his erratic behaviour at the wedding. It would be weird to take his life, but it was Daniel who justified killing Cindy for being a threat to us. His own rationalizations justified his demise in this case.
Nicole asked, “Well how should we go about it?” Just then a group of four people arrived at the springs to interrupt our private meeting. I moved away from Nicole and warned, “Quiet Nicole, the last thing we need is for these people to overhear our plans for Daniel. We will have to plan this out well you know.” I released Nicole and curled up my knees until I noticed the newcomers had totally undressed. Then I asked Nicole not to mention the topic while we were there. We could find time to discuss options once we were far away from any possible witnesses to what we were destined to organize.
As we sat there that day my anger towards Daniel intensified. I thought about the way he treated me at the wedding, as well as thinking back to how I had felt when Mark died. I started fantasizing about ways to eliminate him, to punish him in the most cruel and painful way possible, yet I had to remember that this was Nicole’s husband and she might not harbour as much hate for him as I did, even though she wanted him dead.
We were both getting hungry and we left in the afternoon. It was not a long hike but it was far enough perk me up and counteract my desires for food. I took Nicole by the arm and asked her to sit on a log that had collapsed next to the trail. There was nobody around and I needed an answer to the question burning inside of me – was she absolutely serious about killing Daniel?
I posed the question to her and she went into her quiet, shy persona. She nodded her head to indicate she was and I asked, “How?” Nicole looked around and gave her idea. “Okay Melanie, there are two things Daniel really enjoys, whisky and being out on the water in a boat. That is a good combination, don’t you think?” I thought I knew what she was getting at. She continued, “With all the stress Daniel has been under a doctor agreed to prescribe him some very powerful tranquilizers. I ground one up in a glass of alcohol and it completely dissolved, and did not change the taste at all. So all we have to do is get him out on the boat, put some of the drugs in his beverage, and then wait until he passes out. After a few minutes in the water it will all be accomplished.”
I had to admit I liked the idea. Of course I could think of a several more creative ways, slower ways, that would make him beg to die and go to hell for relief, but this was probably best. The idea of him dying in an apparent accident was likely the best way to get away with it – and it would be easy to believe that he mixed prescription tranquilizers and alcohol together and drowned. After all, people died this way every day.
I asked how Daniel would agree to have me out on a boat with him. Nicole assured me she could work something out. Then I asked how we could explain to the authorities how neither of us would be able to pull him out of the water – I mean what, they would believe we just sat there and watched him drown? Nicole said that after he was dead we would both have to drink enough to send our blood alcohol levels high enough to be convincing that we were so drunk we could not save him. I was not happy with that suggestion at all. I had never had a drop of alcohol in my life! Nicole said it was necessary or else the plan might not work. Apparently she had this all figured out and it seemed like it could work.
I reluctantly admitted this seemed like a good way to eliminate him while never having to worry about any investigation. I asked when we should undertake the task and she suggested in a few we
eks, perhaps on Memorial Day weekend. She would let me know if Daniel was open to letting me visit.
For the next couple of days the topic came up sporadically but it seemed only to confirm our intentions to go through with it. The rest of the time we hung out and did the same things we did in high school. Nicole said she missed Portland and suggested that when everything was accomplished maybe she might move back – she could be close to her mother and to me. I asked about her finances as well as if Daniel had an insurance policy. She said he had a small one they had bought just before the wedding and it was current. It would be sufficient to at least survive long enough to get established, which of course made the “accidental” death seem all the better as the option..
When Nicole had packed her car she said she would be in touch through e-mail, but that under no circumstances was anything to be said about the plan. She would use the next two weeks to get things organized and ask if I could come down for a visit. She warned it would be best if I stayed at a nearby hotel though. I said it would be fine. We hugged for a moment and knew it was time to say goodbye. This created an awkward moment though as we looked at each other, inches apart. I wondered if she was thinking the same thing I was. Then she commented that it really was time to get into the car and head out so she could avoid having to stay overnight in a hotel. I gave her a hundred dollars and insisted she not drive non-stop. She thanked me and assured me she would get a room on the way back. As she drove off I suddenly wondered what I had agreed to. I was far from hesitant to carry out the plan, but I did not want years of education to go to waste. We had avoided getting caught in high school. I just hoped our luck would hold out – the idea of sitting in a jail cell for the rest of my life did not appeal to me at all. However, it was a chance I was ultimately willing to take to settle the score with Daniel.
Melanie's Awakening Page 6
