Melanie's Awakening

by Michael Cross

  Chapter 11

  I was really in no hurry to go back to civilization, even after five days. I was where I wanted to be, in my true element, the place I wished I could stay forever. I thought to myself that when I died I would like my body to be placed in nature, to be there and not some manicured graveyard in the city. In fact, the idea hit me that if I were really old, but could still get around, I might do what some elderly members of Indian tribes did when they knew their time was almost up and go off into the wilderness to die, the elements of their bodies integrating again with the soil, recycled back into the circle of life.

  When we got up that morning Nicole noted we had not had a real shower in a week, and that we were starting to look a bit, well...French. She then asked if I was serious at all about our joking around in the car – about a change in my look. She said it might be cool to play around with the gender thing and asked if, when we returned home, she could re-style my hair – or more precisely, chop it off. The idea was interesting, I had not really aged in my appearance for the last five or six years and had not changed my hair style at all. Maybe I could experiment with a more androgynous look. After all, it would save lots of time getting ready in the morning if shampooing and styling so much hair, or even shaving my body, weren’t part of the routine anymore. If Nicole liked the idea then I was open to experimentation. Maybe it was time for a new, edgy, radical identity – even if it was to conform to someone else’s desires. Besides, it struck me that if it violated society’s image of how a woman should appear then maybe that was enough reason to make a change.

  I said I would try it and she giggled a bit and said she looked forward to the new me. It was pretty evident that Nicole wanted to transform me into something different than I was, but I did not care that much. I had connected to her on this trip more so than I could ever have imagined. If she liked my being more masculine then, since it didn’t really bother me, then so what? Besides, without my mom I no longer really had any human frame of reference of who I was except Nicole. Still, I wondered if what she wanted was for me to totally assimilate into our lifestyle: to identify with the lesbian model so I would be less likely to want to leave her...and maybe even drift away from more feminine desires, like motherhood. I told her, “Oh well, at least I can give it a try” To which she said, “Cool! I can do your hair when we get back home!” I just asked her, “Make sure to take lots of pictures before we return since I’ll probably never look the way I look ever again.”

  On this day we would explore more remote trails. I felt more isolated from the world than maybe at any point in my life. I realized if anything happened to us up there nobody would ever know. Yet however strange it might sound to some, that isolation brought me a sense of liberation! It was so primal, so untouched by mankind. I felt surrounded by the artwork of life. I felt a spirituality that could never be rivalled by any artificial creation erected by humans to worship God. Here, I felt at one with the universe and with the power that organized it. I decided not to discuss this with Nicole though – I did not want her to think I was becoming religious or anything.

  Towards lunch time we rested at a vista and looked to the north and wondered where the Canadian border was. I wanted a good panoramic scene but it seemed the trees were in the way of the perfect shot. Soon Nicole and I found a trail that branched off the main one we were on. I thought maybe I could get a better picture if there were some place with a view that was unhampered by trees. It wasn’t much a trail but we were there to explore after all. After maybe a quarter of a mile we were surprised at finding a fresh footprint in the soil. It was a print made by a large bare human foot. We wondered who was up there, and decided to take a look to find who was invading our private playground.

  Then we heard some voices – for some reason Nicole called out, “Hello?” and then a female voice answered back, “Hello, we are over here”. We walked around a spot with large, dead trees and found a man and woman camped on the edges of a little meadow.

  The man called out, “Hello fellow travellers, what brings two of my sisters up here?” I had heard hippies use this sort of talk before, and I always was annoyed as it implied being part of their community. And while I didn’t mind talking with counterculture types in the springs, I did not see myself as being one of them.

  “We are just exploring!” I answered, not giving our names. The man answered, “That’s really fantastic, welcome to our corner of Nirvana.” He motioned for us to come have a seat which we did – on a large fallen tree which was so dried out that we were careful not to get splinters from its gray, barkless surface. The couple we had encountered seemed to be caricatures from the 1960s, so much so I wondered if they were from Eugene. He was maybe in his mid-50s but in really good shape, as was evident from his musculature, which one could easily observe as he was only wearing a leather Indian-style loincloth. He had long dark hair and a beard, with streaks of gray running through it. The young woman, clad only in a silk-like skirt, was maybe in her mid to late 20s. She looked like an Indian maiden except for her bright red hair which ran down her chest like a shawl, almost covering up her bare breasts. Maybe it would be interesting to talk for a few minutes I thought.

  The couple was not from Eugene after all, she was originally from Canada and he was from Montana. He introduced himself as Jason and her name was Breena. We all talked a while and it was not long before the small talk gave way to the gentleman offering something kind of green and purple from a bag. He said it was marijuana and that if you grow it at higher elevations it turns the leaves sort of purple. We turned down the offer. We talked more – he told us a story about seeing a Bigfoot a couple of years back, I thought maybe he did or maybe he was high, who could tell? Breena started asking me about what I thought of the mountains and if I felt the energy from nature, while her boyfriend was still busy telling Nicole of his adventure with Bigfoot. Nicole seemed more interested in his story than I was. They got up and he started pointing over to the end of the meadow in the distance, giving more details of his “forest friend” He then asked Nicole if she wanted to go with him to see the area he claimed Bigfoot had taken off to. She surprised me by agreeing. She opened her pack to get her water, but in the process she spilt some of the contents, including the knife on the ground. However, what caught my attention was when I noticed she had her revolver in the pack. I rushed over and closed the pack without picking anything up. I did not want these people to spot our weapon. I looked at Nicole and said, “You didn’t tell me you brought what you did.” She smiled and shrugged her shoulders before replying, “You didn’t ask.” And at that she departed with Jason on the trail.

  Once Jason and Nicole were gone, I told Breena how much I loved the outdoors. We started discussing our shared fondness of all that is natural, even the mystic feelings one can get from nature. She then asked me to wait and she walked over to a little bag hanging from a tree and took something out. She came back and handed me a necklace and commented in her almost child-like voice, “I made this myself. It has the most beautiful blue amethyst crystal in my possession. See, I even used natural hemp thread. And I performed a special blessing to bring the owner love and protection. Please, take it as a gift from me to you.” She put it around my neck and said, “Now you will never forget me. We are spiritual sisters from this moment on.”

  I thanked her and we continued discussing the beauty around us. At that moment Nicole came back and said that we had been invited by the man to take a look at his “special garden.” I shrugged my shoulders and said I wasn’t interested, but she could if she wanted. Nicole and Jason looked at each other as Nicole said, “Lead the way!”

  As we returned to talking Breena took out something else from her bag. It was purplish but not marijuana; it looked more like a tiny mushroom. She asked, “Since we are kindred spirits, sisters of creation, I would really love to offer this to you as well. Please, we can trip out together and really experience a higher level of consciousness as we connect to the cosmos!” I tol
d her I didn’t use drugs, thinking she would put it away, but instead she said, “Cool!” and then put some of the substance in her mouth. I was curious to see what this drug would do since I had read of psychedelic mushrooms in one of my classes dealing with drug addiction. The only drug I had ever personally seen people use was marijuana in the hot springs.

  She started laughing and spinning her head around slowly, her hair looking like a delicate brush as it moved across her body. She muttered something and then suddenly seemed back in a state of reality. She stood up, threw her skirt off and started dancing around a large dead tree, bright silver in the sun, which had refused to crumble to the ground even in death. It was an interesting performance and it reminded me of pictures of wood nymphs or fairies I used to collect as a child.

  I started to reach for my camera, thinking this could turn into an awesome photo shoot, but then she stumbled to the ground and looked like she was going to pass out, only to suddenly get up and begin dancing again with an incredible intensity. As she spun her body around in a rhythm only she could hear, she starting singing. She ran over to me…her face full of excitement and she moaned, “Join me!” as she took my hand and motioned for me to stand up. She appeared to want me to participate in her Pagan ritual, but I was not into dancing so I smiled, shook my head and said, “No, not now.” She pouted and asked, “Do you think I am pretty?” I nodded my head to convey she was. She pointed to my camera and smiled, which indicated she would be okay with me taking pictures, so I picked it up and set the focus. She then returned to her very energetic, perhaps symbolic dance...rapidly spinning around and then slowing to a more trancelike state, only to then pick up the intensity of her movements. Again she spun around with her arms outstretched like some nude whirling dervish before stopping and, in a loud voice, exclaiming, “You are pretty Melanie” before looking at me and repeated the words, “You are really pretty.” And at that moment she suddenly collapsed on her back laughing and staring at the sky.

  This was truly fascinating, I thought, as I watched her entrances and exits from reality. Her exits seemed to be getting longer though. I sat back down, and she got up on her knees and said, “You are special! Would you and your friend like to spend the night camping with us?” As she said this she slowly ran her hands down her chest and then her thighs while she looked into my eyes with a drunken stare. However, I was not into experiencing a night of “hippie sex” with her and her friend, so I said Nicole and I had to start heading back that day. She continued staring at me, and repeated the motions with her hands, which indicated to me she may not have even understood my answer. She giggled, “We can come together and share in the ecstasy of life. We can all enjoy the evening together and connect to higher levels of existence under the stars.” Apparently she had not understood my answer.

  My amusement was beginning to turn to annoyance. I was also starting to get impatient with Nicole – she was the one who initiated contact with this couple and I wondered what was taking her so long to return. We had to leave soon, and I hoped she realized that. My naked fairy friend started dancing around again and then returned, sat next to me, smiled and suddenly passed out…falling into my lap!

  As I was moving her aside, Nicole ran back to camp. She stopped abruptly once she arrived next to me, slumped over and was trying to catch her breath. She looked up and pointed to the forest nymph who seemed oblivious to the world, stretched out on the ground and asked in a loud, nervous manner, “What’s with her?” I replied, “She took some sort of psychedelic drug and passed out. What’s wrong? What happened?” Nicole coughed and tried to catch her breath as she announced, “Melanie, we...we…we need to talk, now!” I wondered what all the excitement was all about and then Nicole shocked me, “That guy, the Jason guy, he…he’s dead!” She continued gasping for air as I quickly rolled Breena away from me. Nicole repeated, “He’s dead Melanie!” as if to emphasize the point. I sprang up and grabbed Nicole’s shoulder, “Are you serious? Please tell me you are joking!” She shook her head as I collapsed back to the ground in shock next to Breena and asked, “What happened?”

  Nicole told me that he had taken her to his marijuana patch. Nicole explained that after he bragged about the quality of his plants, and again offered to share a joint with her, she politely turned down the offer. To change the subject she asked if there were some place she would get a panoramic view of the mountains. She claimed he laughed and said, “How’s that?” and pointed to a nearby spot, overlooking a nearby cliff, where one could get the perfect picture.

  She walked over to the spot and was getting ready to take some pictures, and Jason came up and stood right behind her. While she was setting up the shot Nicole’s voice turned from desperation to anger as she described how he reached around her and grabbed her right breast. When she protested he laughed and wrapped his arms around her like in a bear hug and continued his aggressive sexual overtures. Nicole claimed that she refused, and demanded to be let go, but he persisted. However, once she realized he was not going to take no for an answer she told him she might consider it. She suggested the going for it right where they were standing, next to the ledge of the cliff. She explained how she put her camera down, and began to take her shirt off as he untied his loin cloth. And at that stage of the drama she removed her shirt and threw it to the ground while pointing to his garden saying she wanted to check something out. He stood there naked and waiting while she walked over to his plants. She then yanked one up, sprinted back and hurled it over the cliff before breaking out in laughter. He instantly ran over to Nicole, pushed her out of the way, and as he was looking over the cliff to see where his precious weed had landed she called upon all her strength and kicked him in the back with such force that he flew over the side.

  I could not believe it! I again stood up and asked, “So are you sure he is dead? Are you absolutely sure?” She said there was no doubt. I looked away and took several deep breaths, and thought that it was remarkable that even when we did not seek it out, death seemed to just follow us. I asked, “Okay Nicole, now what?” She looked down at the unconscious woman, and she did not even say a word, I knew what she was thinking. “You’re joking right? I mean, she hasn’t done anything to us at all!” Nicole looked at me sternly and asked, “Melanie! Is she worth our going to jail?” Then Nicole said something that really pierced my soul, “Come on Melanie, you killed Cindy and she was your friend! You don’t even know this girl. This isn’t all that different.” I did not think her bringing up Cindy was fair. I shot back, “So, you think that was easy? It was a matter of self-preservation.” Nicole answered “So is this!”

  Nicole tried to take me in her arms but I pulled away angrily responding, “Leave me alone, okay?” She froze and looked away. Of course deep down I knew there was probably no alternative, but I still asked, “Isn’t there some other way?” Nicole replied in a combination of sarcasm laced with anxiousness, “Well, what do you want to do, take her home with us? I suppose you could have her as a pet in the basement but you would be responsible for feeding and cleaning up after her.” I could only look at her and reply, “Just shut up!” I knew she was right, that there probably was no other alternative, but then I looked at the woman lying there, “There has to be some other way. Maybe if we tell her what happened and…” Nicole interrupted me, “Right, and risk her bringing in the police, and then they notice Daniel died a few months ago…and maybe there is something on file about high school – for all we know some investigator starts to get suspicious and then that’s the end of us.” I did not want that, but I also did not want this innocent young woman to die. I continued arguing, “Come on Nicole! Her only crime was to be involved with a jerk unwilling to control his urges, if you are being completely honest about what he did.” Nicole yelled out in anger, “You think I am lying? I am telling you what he did, every detail! He was going to rape me!” It seemed her expression conveyed that she was telling the truth. I replied, “Of course I believe you, why would you make such a thing up
? That doesn’t change the fact that his girlfriend is innocent.” I chose not to tell Nicole of the girl’s sexual overtures that had taken place earlier.

  As we were debating over the future of the girl, who we thought was peacefully oblivious to what was going on, perhaps stuck in some drug-induced dream, we were startled by her suddenly jumping up and darting into the woods! Nicole jumped for her backpack and was trying to unfasten it to get her gun I assumed. She screamed in desperation, “Go after her, quick!” I panicked and instinctively grabbed Nicole’s knife off the ground at my feet and started the pursuit.

  At first I lost sight of her, but then I heard the snapping sounds of wood nearby and in direction of the sounds. Apparently she had been hiding behind some brush, but once she spotted me coming she darted out like a scared deer. Running after her was difficult in the dry undergrowth, mixed with twigs, even with my hiking boots on – and she was naked and barefoot! Apparently she had heard our discussion and knew she was running for her life.

  I was beginning to catch up with her despite her struggle to escape. I could even hear her breathing hard, crying and, when I would hear a piece of wood snap under her feet, she would let out a scream of pain. We reached a spot that was going uphill and just as I lurched forward, trying to grab her, she slipped away and thrust herself rapidly up the trail. At that point, I feared she might actually get away and expose us. I noticed a small stone in front of me so I quickly dropped the knife and picked it up. It was just big enough for me to tightly squeeze it with my hand. My body was on automatic at this point and I focused squarely on my target and hurled the projectile. It hit her dead center in the back of her head and bounced off. She let out a scream of pain and fell to the ground. I retrieved the knife and rushed to her.