Still, I could not be sure of what was, and what wasn’t, true. I had to know though. I needed to make her feel safe, and totally secure in our relationship. Who knows, maybe I would get an e-mail from Sara and find out I was the one with the paranoid fantasies. I really hoped that would be the case – and then I could also ask about this Latino guy she allegedly was making out with.
After my attempts to run everything through my mind I got up and went to join Nicole in the kitchen. I apologized to Nicole and promised I would explain everything about Sara. I again suggested, “Maybe we can discuss things in the sun, okay? I still would like to head to the beach for a day of escape.” Nicole turned to me and smiled. She reminded me, “What about the dinner I wanted to prepare? Can we at least get home in time for me to try out a recipe for calzone that I found a few days ago?” I put my arms around her and said, “Absolutely!”
Nicole took some meat out to thaw and began to take inventory of ingredients for the dinner she was planning. I wanted to leave so I suggested we hurry up if we wanted to get a nice and secluded place to work on our tans. I even hinted, “Nicole, if you hurry we can have a bit of private fun in nature!” At that she sat her recipe aside and replied, “You get ready and I will get some blankets in the garage!” She went out the door while I gathered whatever else we might need. Yet just after she went into the garage I heard a loud crash. I rushed out to see if she was okay. She was fine, but she had accidentally spilled a bunch of odds and ends on the floor. Fortunately there appeared to be no damage to her or any of the items that had collapsed. I asked her to just leave everything and I would clean everything up later when she was fixing dinner.
It wasn’t until lunchtime we actually left the store, so of course we ate half of what we had bought while on our way to our destination. While I drove I explained why I had never told her anything about Sara, and how she had hurt me by not being there for me when my mother had died. Nicole seemed not to be all that concerned, at least she didn’t show it while eating. She just asked, “I can’t believe someone would be so ignorant, why do people like that even exist anyway?” Her comment caused me some concern. I wondered if Sara did exist anymore – at least how I knew her…alive! However, I had to play along, act like I had no clue.
Once we arrived at the park, around 2pm, we hiked past the main section. I made a joke, “Just to answer your question, from earlier you know, whether we should be in the hetero or homosexual areas of the beach? How about we just find our own area?” Nicole laughed and agreed.
Once we were far away from anyone on the far eastern side of the island facing the Columbia, we found a cozy little spot on the beach. It was tucked away in some trees that looked more like driftwood than anything alive. We spread out our blanket out on an area of sparkling sand, undressed and finished our lunch. We both laid down and stretched ourselves out on the blanket. It was really comfortable with soft sand feeling almost like a natural mattress. I turned over and looked at Nicole, who probably didn’t notice since she had placed her towel over her face to avoid too much sun. As I looked at her I thought about who I was next to. I knew what she was capable of, and I even suspected she was capable of far worse, but for some reason I felt strangely closer to her than usual.
I rested on my elbow and caressed her. I didn’t say a word...I just put all of my worries out of my mind and focused on Nicole. I used my finger to playfully make little zigzagging motions, starting at her navel and working my way slowly up her abdomen to her chest. I teased her a bit with my touching until she finally pulled the towel up and looked at me with a huge smile on her face and giggled.
I don’t know why but I asked, “Nicole?” She pulled the towel off completely and looked at me as I continued, “How far would you go for love? I mean…I am not sure how to ask this but would you kill someone if they threatened to take me away from you?” She was silent for a moment, staring at me with her seductive yet predatory vampirish look before answering, “Melanie, right now I would rip someone’s head off if that’s what I had to do to keep you. You are my life!” I looked at her in silence, rolled over onto my back but then, not knowing what primitive force came over me, I twisted my body up, grabbed her by the back of her head and kissed her with every ounce of energy within me.
I had once heard someone say there is nothing as violent as love. I pinned Nicole’s arms down with my hands and pulled myself over her. I could feel her try to wrestle out of my embrace, perhaps to catch her breath, I could not tell and I didn’t care. Maybe I was trying to show dominance. Or perhaps the mere knowledge that someone would actually go to the ultimate extreme and kill a rival for their love’s attention triggered my darker drives. All I did know was that the only two people who mattered at that moment were her and I. A tour group could have walked by and I would not have stopped – not for anything.
At some point later Nicole pulled away and asked, “Hey, can I catch my breath for a few minutes?” We both began to laugh in a semi-exhausted manner and I replied, “Of course! I can go for a little break as well.” Our bodies were both drenched in sweat and sand since we had rolled off the blanket. Nicole’s hair was tangled into a mess and we both sat up and used our towels to wipe ourselves off. We straightened the blanket out and I positioned myself onto my back. She cuddled up next to me and rested her head on my chest before sighing and saying, “Hey Melanie, your heart is beating really fast!” She then started tapping my chest with her finger like she was playing drums – keeping the rhythm of my heart. Then she smiled, closed her eyes and fell asleep. I held her there for maybe an hour, I wasn’t sure, but when the color of the sky was starting to take that late afternoon look I nudged her to wake her up.
We got dressed and left our little beach. The water was so blue that day, the air warm, but with that little hint of coolness that was telling us summer might be running out of time. I noticed a few cottonwood trees had leaves that were already a little yellow. I wondered, what would next summer be like? Would I be with Nicole still? Would it be Matt? I did not know but a lot was going to depend on the next two weeks.
Just as we rounded the corner of the island, and got ready to remove our shoes to cross the shallow water between us and the parking lot, Nicole pointed to several guys going off into the bushes. She tapped me on the shoulder and asked, “You know what they do over in those bushes, don’t you?” I answered, “What we did just a few minutes ago?” She laughed, and then made a most interesting comment, “You know, they probably just throw their used condoms down when they are done. You realize how someone could use one of those?” I said, “Well, I hope not to get pregnant!” She answered, “No, but maybe we should come back here before the summer ends and find a couple fresh ones that we can freeze and use – you know, to leave some contents at a crime scene!” It was pretty apparent Nicole was planning for a future killing. Neither of us had mentioned the topic since that fateful excursion at Glacier Peak and I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to ever hunt for a victim again. However, I did ask, “Nicole wouldn’t that mean that the police would arrest the poor guy who used the condom, if they have his DNA on record?”
Nicole shrugged her shoulders, and said, “Well, if his DNA is on record he must be a bad guy anyway.” I disagreed, “What if he had been a sperm donor or something?” Nicole asked for us to talk about it later, but I suddenly thought of something funny I had read, “Hey Nicole, I read once that some lady had oral sex with her boyfriend and then ran into the bathroom and impregnated herself – then she sued for child support years later.” Nicole shot back, “What a bitch!” I agreed, about the child support, but maybe she was just desperate and creative at the same time. The attempt at humor still did not do anything to ease my suspicions, which had been magnified by Nicole’s suggestion. She had a talent at preparation for messing up crime scenes. And here she appeared willing to contemplate framing some guy who was dumb enough to have sex with his boyfriend and then toss his condom on the ground.
As we drove home I was stil
l hoping that I would get some message, some mail, from Sara so I could put my suspicions to rest. I desperately did not want to discover Nicole had killed her. I mean, how could I trust Nicole ever again? And what about what she said earlier about ripping someone’s head off? I had not really thought about that while in a sexual state but now that my mind was clear and focused I became really concerned for Matt. I had to find some way to call him when Nicole wasn’t listening and have him use one of my other e-mail addresses. For all I knew Nicole might have found a way to get my password, and if she discovered our relationship was stronger than I had let on then he might be in terrible danger. I had not been able to save Mark but I was not going to allow Matt to die.
When we got home Nicole asked if I was okay with her going ahead and making the dinner even though it was late. I said I was and then volunteered to put some of the stuff in the garage and pick up the things that she had accidentally spilt onto the floor. She asked me to take my time so she could try to get everything prepared and surprise me with a fantastic meal.
I could still feel sand penetrating crevices of my body but I decided to clean up the mess in the garage before taking a shower. I began to pick things up off the floor – most were odds and ends of Nicole’s. It’s strange but maybe that is why I remembered how Nicole had come up with the idea of killing Daniel in the first place. Suddenly, I noticed, buried in the debris there was the small blue backpack that had belonged to Daniel. I had completely forgotten it was there. I looked around and, convinced Nicole was busy in the kitchen, I opened it. This time, as I pulled the school photo album out, I found were his debate awards and little trophies from high school, and a few other odds and ends. I opened the year book for some nostalgia, and to see Mark’s picture – mostly to see how similar he and his brother looked. And as I flipped through the pages three cds fell out onto the floor. I bent over to pick them up, figuring they probably only contained music, but I became somewhat curious. I figured that since Nicole had probably meant for these things to be thrown out anyway I could put them in my pocket. After looking at Mark’s picture, and then my own, I quickly put the contents back and placed the pack on the shelf.
That evening Nicole treated me to a fabulous dinner. She had set out candles, turned on some Celtic New Age music and we experienced an incredibly romantic meal. When she served some ice cream for desert she presented me with a folder and set down next to me. I opened the folder and it was filled with pictures she had reprinted for the internet of New Age and Pagan weddings. Nicole asked, “You like?” I could only reply, “They are absolutely beautiful!” She then said, “Look, here, I like these a lot!” She had copied three pictures of weddings with female couples in various nature locations. I found one, with a couple getting married under a huge oak tree, both women dressed in white gowns, barefoot and with flowers decorating their hair. I leaned forward to get a closer look, “I like this one a lot Nicole” She smiled, and responded quietly and with a voice that sounded like a little girl’s whisper, “I realize our marriage doesn’t really get counted by the law, but it will be special. And you know, there isn’t much time left this summer so I thought we might consider looking into this really soon.”
I asked Nicole if maybe we could wait until spring, perhaps the first day of spring, and noted I had not been able to shop for a ring for her. She nodded her head and said we could see. Nicole and I sat in the living room and channel surfed for a while. She said she was tired and I volunteered to tuck her in but I told her I was wide awake and would join her later. Actually, I was anxious to see if Matt had used my alternative e-mail account, oh, and also to see if Sara might have written.
I checked and sure enough he had written. He again apologized for his lack of contact and hoped I would forgive him – again. I wrote back and said if he wanted total absolution for his sin he had to agree to meet me in eight days and be prepared to hang out for at least a week. I sent the mail and quickly erased the message. I went to my regular e-mail and saw no letter from Sara. I sent her a message asking how she was, and called her cell phone and apartment phone as well – nothing. “Just great” I thought.
I walked past our bedroom and Nicole was completely passed out. I returned to the computer and inserted Daniel’s discs. The first one loaded and it was nothing but pictures of him and Nicole the first year they were living on base. I doubted Nicole would want them anymore. The second disc was some game he had downloaded. I figured the third would be just as trivial but then, I was in for the ultimate shock! He had files titled “personal reflections over Mark”, “Pictures from a nightmare” and “the secret place”
Of course I opened up the pictures first. Apparently, at some point nobody would ever know, Daniel had scanned the pictures from the cave Mark had shot while the lawyer was eaten alive. These were gruesome – an overweight guy with ruddy skin stripped of clothing and tied down like the woman in the forest: my first kill. ´The pictures were taken at intervals and showed the rats Mark had released tearing at the most tender portions of the guy’s flesh. I thought to myself that all of Mark’s subsequent killings paled by comparison in creativity as well as brutality.
The second file was merely a series of maps. Along with them were detailed directions on how to get to the cave! At least now I knew it was near Sisters, Oregon.
The third was a document was basically a journal, with the entry dates being at various times in the autumn of our senior year in high school. I read his thoughts of Mark. Apparently he saw Mark as a father figure? That seemed odd to say about someone you would eventually murder! Then I read, “This Melanie Johnson really annoys me in so many ways. She seems to have caste some spell on Nicole that I can’t quite understand and I think this is dangerous. I have to tolerate her just because Mark and Nicole are so fond of her.” Well, it seemed he wasn’t a big fan of me after all. I thought to myself that at least now I knew he was aware of the feelings Mark had for me as well as the bond between Nicole and I. Of course I continued to read later entries, “Mark seems totally infatuated with Melanie. This could cause everything to fall apart. I hope he can control himself at least until graduation.” Oh my God, why didn’t Mark just tell me? That really hurt but I kept reading.
“I felt totally helpless. Why couldn’t I have arrived just a few minutes earlier and saved Mark? Why did he have to resort to something so drastic? I know that his brain was gone when I went to Lamb’s house and pulled that trigger but how could he put me in that situation? My spirituality will never be the same from that moment. I may as well have died that evening as well.” I could not believe what I was reading. How could he have written this and have intentionally taken Mark’s life to get revenge on Lamb? Unless? I did not want to read any more, but I had to. And several other times his journal made references to feeling helpless to save Mark.
I suddenly broke out in a cold sweat. I sat there paralyzed as I realized the unthinkable – Nicole must have lied to me from the very start! She tricked me into eliminating her husband, but why? Was it so she could be with me? And if she was capable of manipulating a situation to the point of drowning Daniel could it be that she was responsible for Sara’s disappearance? Could she have been in Seattle the same time I was Matt taking care of an innocent woman who she perceived was a threat to her? After all, Sara was nowhere to be found. Was her body somewhere out in the wilderness, slowly decomposing or being torn apart by scavengers – the same fate as the hippie couple in the mountains? And then my thoughts turned to Matt. Was he next? Was she capable of killing anyone who could prevent her from being with me? I felt my heart rush, and I even felt a bit dizzy as all these thoughts rushed through my head. Yet what could I do? I was terrified of what was facing me. And what if she found out I had met with Matt behind her back? I could not bear to see anything happen to him.
I knew I had a tough choice facing me. I mean, a part of me didn’t want to believe Nicole had killed Sara, yet now I knew she had deceived me into helping her kill Daniel. Then that crazy
thought came back to me that if she had actually killed Sara, as much as Sara was a sweet, innocent young woman, it was somewhat sensual that Nicole loved me so much, and wanted me so badly, she was willing to murder any competition. I actually felt a burst of passion, similar to that had taken hold of my senses earlier at the beach, take hold of me. At that moment I suddenly wondered what kind of mind I really did possess.
So what was I going to do? Well, for one thing I was going to hide the discs and make sure all computer files were carefully deleted. And what was I going to do about Matt? Oh, I was still going to meet him, it would just become more urgent to hide any evidence. And as for Nicole, I had no clue what I would do there. I had to seriously ponder that question. The one thing I did know was that I had to show absolutely no signs of questioning our relationship. After all, who knows…maybe someday I would be the one floating face down in some lake, and that was certainly something I wanted to avoid.
I hid the discs in one of my textbooks and went in to our bedroom. Nicole stirred a bit and woke enough to say, “Hey, you coming to bed?” I crawled in and put my arm around her. She snuggled up close to me and I held her tight as she fell back to sleep. It was really a strange feeling, it felt nice to hold her, but at the same time I felt uncertain of my own safety – maybe it was what holding a ferocious beast would be like.
Even as I held Nicole close to me my mind wrestled with what course of action I should take. I knew I had to do something, but what? I fell into a restless sleep until her stirring woke me the next morning. Maybe it was part of my wanting to discount all my worries, or maybe I found the idea of her devotion incredibly exciting, but as she woke up I took hold of her and for the rest of the morning we re-lived our experience at the beach. Perhaps that allowed me to clear my mind again since I did not even remember when I passed out that morning. It was not until around 1pm that my eyes opened and focused on the clock, and then Nicole sitting there with a plate of leftovers she had warmed up from the night before. When I sat up she commented, “Melanie, I love you with all my heart!” She handed me my “breakfast-in-bed” and, without either of us saying a work to each other, she caressed my legs, sometimes looking up approvingly as I enjoyed the meal. Despite any of my concerns I felt incredibly close to her that moment – the thought even crossed my mind that if I could go back through time I would erase ever meeting Sara or Matt if events would still had led me to sitting there with Nicole.
Melanie's Awakening Page 25
