That last day at the coast I sought the solitude of the shower. I thought about what I could do to implicate Nicole in Sara’s probable death. Again, this posed the problem of Nicole, even though safely behind bars for the rest of her life, could become resentful of me at any time and cause my imprisonment. As much as I trusted her, I wondered what kind of deal she might make to get out early. I quickly discounted that option. So maybe there was only one way to insure Matt lived a long life as well as me being at his side. And as much as I hated that option, it was not as if she was any more innocent than some of the people we had killed. I remembered Cindy on that rain-drenched evening where I had been forced to kill her to make sure she and Daniel would not torture her before finally ending her life. And there was the image of that red-headed hippy girl who died at my hands, but with Nicole basically forcing me to do it.
As Matt and I shared our last breakfast together that day I knew that there was little chance that Nicole had left anything behind anyway. That would mean it was my responsibility alone to prevent the deaths of any more innocent people. Did I have the courage to end the life of someone I cherished so much? I looked at her ring and just said, “Why?” to which Matt looked at me with a puzzled look. I just said, “Sorry. I was thinking out loud about our having to be away from each other.” He seemed satisfied and said he might have an option that I would be pleased with, but he would wait to see before saying what it was. I should have been more inquisitive, but at the moment my mind was occupied with planning – planning for something that would tear me apart.
Chapter 20
I actually experienced true happiness when Matt and I arrived at his sister’s house Monday afternoon. Matt’s sister came out and greeted us with an extremely inquisitive look. Suddenly she gasped and a huge smile appeared on her face and she grabbed my hand to ask, “Are you two…” I nodded my head yes and she threw her arms around me and told me how happy she was. Matt’s brother in law heard his wife and came out, “What’s this commotion going on out here?” When his wife informed him of the news he grasped Matt’s hand and congratulated him. “This calls for a celebration!” his brother in law proclaimed.
It was a fun evening at a nice Italian restaurant. However, I knew that sometimes a person’s mind can remember something if they are in a setting similar to an event in the past. I realized for at least the immediate future I would have to keep my hair style as it was – at least until her memory dissipated with time.
It was nearly ten when we arrived back at Matt’s sister’s house. His sister insisted I stay overnight, but I had to get back as I had told Nicole I would be back late on Monday evening. They insisted that I needed rest but I said I would be okay driving. I did, however, as where an all night store with a pharmacy might be. Matt and I walked to the car. It was getting cold and he held me close as we approached my door. He joked, “I should have pulled your starter cables when you weren’t looking.” I looked at him and said, “Well, why didn’t you?” We laughed and I knew he had to drive back to Salt Lake, and I needed to hurry back to Portland. I asked, “When can we see each other again? You know, I would be willing to drive to Salt Lake if you like.” He said he had to check on some business opportunity and that he would be unable to do anything for at least two weeks. We embraced and expressed our feeling for one another. Then I reluctantly got into the car and left my soul mate behind.
As I was driving I started thinking of my other soul mate. I had some plans coming together in my mind. It was strange, I realized that away from Matt it was easier to contemplate the final act in my relationship with Nicole; one that would end our association in a most symbolic closure.
I walked into the store and first grabbed some energy drinks for the long drive. Then I bought some razor blades, gauze, and a first aid bandage, all in cash of course. I was now set. As I approached my car I looked around to make sure nobody was looking. I opened the trunk and took a loose fitting skirt out of my suitcase – tight jeans would not be something a person would wear just after the operation Nicole thought I had come to Seattle for. I quickly changed. Once that was done I turned the light on in the car, opened up the sack with my supplies and took out a razor. I had looked up the several procedures used in sterilization and I had to make it look as if I had gone through with it. Of course I knew it was going to hurt a lot, but I pulled down the skirt and gritted my teeth. I made a small incision below my navel that was deep enough leave a mark but hopefully shallow enough to avoid any scar. The pain was intense, and I quickly placed the gauze over my wound to stop the bleeding. I think I exhausted every curse word in the dictionary.
By the time I was through I was rather proud of the resulting cover over the wound. It looked as good as if a doctor had done the job. I carefully pulled up my skirt, put some pain pills containing caffeine in my mouth and washed them down with a large energy drink. I was certain I could make the trip.
On the way home my fond memories of the past several days were consigned to a place for safe keeping in my mind. They were just like Matt’s ring which I safely placed in my wallet. I could retrieve the ring, my memories, any time I wanted, but not at that very moment.
As I approached Portland a strange thought came into my mind – a part of me was actually considering the possibility of avoiding the difficult task I was contemplating. Perhaps, just perhaps, there was a less sinister explanation for Sara’s disappearance. Maybe Nicole was indeed not a threat to Matt and maybe…No! I knew Nicole had lied to me about Daniel in order for me to help her kill him. I could not let sentimentality, or love, prevent me from what I had to do. I had a stop to make before arriving back home – a short detour to a darker part of Portland, a place I could obtain some items for my solution.
I did not arrive back home until after four in the morning. The light was on in the living room and when I opened the door, quietly so as not to wake Nicole, I noticed she was asleep on the couch, the only sound the static from the TV. I walked over to turn it off and Nicole stirred and sat up, “Melanie, I waited up for you but I, uh, guess I fell asleep.” I walked over to her and gave her a loving kiss, but even as we held each other in that delicate embrace, even as I could taste her lips against mine, I was reminded of Judas. Like him, my kiss hid the true intentions in my heart. Of course, in order to carry through all my plans I had to make sure she suspected absolutely nothing – setting the stage for the ultimate betrayal. However, as she slid her hand under by blouse I pulled back and asked if we could get a some sleep first. She reluctantly agreed but asked if I had anything planned for the next day. When I said I didn’t she smiled and said, “Well now you do then!”
I told Nicole that I still had bleeding from the procedure, and that we would have to be careful. She hugged me and thanked me for my expression of devotion to our relationship and asked to see the wound. I sad it was ugly and pulled back the bandage slightly, not enough for her to be able to see the absence of stitches, and hoping it was convincing enough. She asked, “You don’t have any regrets, do you?” I shook my head and replied, “No, of course not. I’ll be fine, really!”
At that moment, even though I was exhausted, Nicole surprised me. She said, “Melanie, I have a surprise. I contacted some New Age priestess and found out how to go about a wedding ceremony, or at least an exchange of vows. I thought maybe planning to go to Ireland would be too complicated and all. And guess what! She said we could arrange the ceremony as early as October! I thought you might like that since we became friends in the fall.” I smiled and took her hand without saying a word. She seemed wide awake now as she continued her enthusiastic planning, “Multnoma Falls would be a fantastic location, right? We could perform the ceremony early in the morning before any tourists show up” I had to admit the image of what she was proposing was beautiful – I even entertained the idea except, well, there would be something that was going to interfere with those plans…her dream, I was certain, was never going to come true.
As I lay in bed, embraced by
Nicole, I was somewhat worried about her excitement level. My plans had counted on being able to say she had been depressed. If too many people saw her in an elated state suspicions might arise. I would have to convince her not to tell her family any of her joyful plans.
Nicole woke me up the next day and greeted me with a cinnamon roll and a large glass of ice tea. I told her she was spoiling me. I took a couple of bites and she started to remove the t-shirt she had been wearing and crawled under the covers pressing her nude body against mine. As she made good on her promise the night before, I worried that in intimacy something might betray there was someone else involved in my life. Worse yet, what if she could detect my ultimate intentions were far from what a lover should contemplate? However, nothing seemed to alert her, and perhaps my mental attitude was what prevented any “disclosure” as she was still my friend and lover no matter what. I would shower her with the affection she deserved from me until the end.
In the afternoon we awoke again and held each other. Nicole looked at me and said, “Melanie, no matter what I will do anything for our love – and I swear to be there for you forever.” I didn’t say anything, I just held her close.
I was hungry and suggested we get up and get something to eat. As we were getting dressed, I asked, “Nicole would tomorrow be too soon to go camping in central Oregon? The weather is supposed to be nice and that won’t be the case forever.” She replied, “Let’s go for it!” We got dressed and were soon out the door. We grabbed a pizza for dinner and headed to the store to buy supplies for the trip.
When we arrived back home we packed what we would need into my car. As we were almost finished I excused myself for a moment and went to Nicole’s closet. I reached up to the upper shelf and felt around until I found the bottle of knock-out pills. As I held them in front of me I tried to figure out the right dose for someone Nicole’s size. Too much and she could die, which would take away from the symbolism I was contemplating, too little and she might wake up and realize too early what was going on. Two had put Sinclair into a practical coma so I would bring one and a half with me.
The next morning Nicole woke me up and gave me a folded piece of paper. She had made me a love card and the middle had a picture of us together with glitter spelling out, “Melanie and Nicole Forever!” It was so cute, an expression of love, so simple, so like a child, that a part of me wanted to run away with her and forget everything, our past, Sara, and yes, even Matt. Nicole was possessive and domineering in a childlike way, but she was devoted to me. However reality came back into focus and the phone call I would receive in just a few minutes would be the final straw.
As we were putting the last things in the car I heard my phone ringing and so I rushed into the kitchen to answer it. The voice on the other end identified itself as Lt. Alan Amato of the Seattle Police Department. I froze. He asked if this was Melanie Johnson and I said “Yes, what is wrong?” He then proceeded to explain he was working on a missing person case and asked if I knew a Sara Bergman. I said I did and he asked when I had seen her last. After answering a few of what I assumed were the standard questions he asked, “Can you tell me your relationship with Miss. Bergman?” I quickly answered, “She was my friend, my best friend.” He replied, “I see. Um, Miss. Johnson, Sara’s father said you and Sara were planning a trip to Sweden to meet them. It also seems that her landlady thought you two were…and again, forgive me, but I have to ask, more than just friends. Is that the case?” I was not at all prepared for this. I had to improvise quickly so I replied, after making sure Nicole was still outside, “She said what? I don’t know where she got that idea but I can assure you that this is not the case. I mean, after all, I am engaged – to a man!” The policeman, detective or whatever he was replied, “I see…uh Miss. Johnson, I would like to speak with you personally. Can you come by the police station, let’s say, tomorrow morning?” I tried to maintain my composure, knowing full well that these guys were trained on detecting any traces of dishonesty in a person’s voice. I replied, “Is that necessary? I am going out of town for a few days. I cannot get a refund on my ticket, but I can set an appointment with you for next week if that is okay.” He seemed to be analyzing the situation when he replied, “I would rather see you tomorrow, but as you are not a…I mean since I just wanted some more clues as to what she was doing at the time I guess I can wait for a few days. Um, just a last question, are you sure she never said anything to you that would shed any light on her state of mind or any travel plans?” I replied, “No, she was just concerned about her studies and such.” He was silent a moment and then replied, “Yes, her teachers said she was, I mean is, a dedicated student. Oh, one last thing and I will let you go. When we looked in the apartment we found a couple of books with your name in them as well as a Swedish visa application.” I replied, “Oh, Sara had asked to borrow a couple of books from me. That’s not unusual, is it?” He responded, “No, no I was not insinuating anything. However, the visa application, do you know who that might be for? I had it translated and it was what they call a ‘sambo’ form. I guess it is what they refer to as someone who is more than just a friend…like a lover or fiancé. Any clue who that might have been for?” My heart raced but I did my best to keep my cool, “No. I mean we had talked about me visiting and staying for a while to see what Sweden is like. She never mentioned anything about…” He interrupted, “Oh, okay. Her father said…oh never mind. Can you call me and we can meet sometime Wednesday or Thursday of next week if that is okay with you.” I said I would call.
After saving his number I sat there dazed and totally confused. I ran the conversation through my mind and suddenly realized I had used the term “was” to describe our friendship! I realized I had given him a past-tense status as if I knew she was dead! Anger grew in me and I yelled, “Great, just great!” I was so furious at being put into the middle of a police investigation by Nicole that, without thinking, I knocked the cup on the table across the room in a fit of rage! I was definitely going to make Nicole pay for this.
A moment later Nicole rushed into the kitchen, “What happened? Who was that on the phone?” I had to make up a story fast. I said, “It was nothing Nicole. It was someone from my school and they said one of my papers had been lost, but its okay now. They searched their files and found it. Sorry for the mess, I can clean it up.” Nicole replied, “No, I’ll take care of it. I should not have left my coffee there in the first place.” As she picked up the pieces of her cup she said everything was in the car and assured me that we weren’t missing anything. As we were walking out the door I suggested that maybe we should leave both cameras at home and just concentrate on being as natural as possible on the trip. She agreed to the idea and handed me her camera to put away. At that I ran back into the house and placed it in the closet. We were now set to go.
I might have been hiding anger from Nicole but I still cared for her deeply. I was going to treat her to a beautiful trip, an end to summer adventure – and a transition for both of us. Nicole jumped in my car and we were off. As I backed out of the driveway I could not believe I had forgotten about her car sitting there. I figured I could come up with some solution to that problem when I returned.
Nicole asked if we could take a detour to Multnoma Falls, just to scan out a possible spot for our vows. I responded, “That’s a big detour but sure, why not?” She relaxed on the way which was fine with me. I was not in the mood to talk just then. It only took a little over an hour to arrive. It was still warm outside but I could feel that fall was in the air. I looked towards the Columbia River as we walked up the trail. It seemed so cold and uninviting at that moment. Still, the falls were gorgeous. Nicole took my hand and said, “I am so excited! This will be the most wonderful location for the ceremony.” I said I was looking forward to it and I embraced her. She asked, “Why don’t we hold the wedding as soon as we return? Wait, maybe we need a couple of weeks to make some dresses for the occasion. Maybe my mom can help us and…” I stopped her by putting my hand over h
er mouth. As I looked affectionately at her I brushed the hair back from her face and said, “Okay, when we get back call and make the arrangements!” She did a bouncing motion and clapped her hands in excitement, “Please, can I call now?” I asked her to be patient until we returned and she pouted and said she would wait until then. It was then I suggested, “Nicole, we will soon be out of range for our phones. Maybe we should shut them off for the remainder of the trip.” She nodded her head and said, “Good idea, more privacy anyway.”
Once I was on I-5 and heading south to Eugene, Nicole started asking where a good location for a honeymoon would be. I had not even considered that question. She asked if we could go somewhere warm for a couple of weeks and we discussed options – Florida, the Caribbean or Hawaii. She seemed to like the idea of Hawaii the most. I maintained my outward enthusiasm quite well – yet I had conflicting feelings at the moment. Part of me took great pride at how well I was manipulating the situation while another part of me felt a sense of overwhelming sadness. Here was someone who accepted me while Matt…did I really know that? I wondered if he really would still love me as much if he only knew the whole of who I was.
Melanie's Awakening Page 28
