We ate lunch once we arrived in Eugene. By now it was early afternoon and we would have to rush to get to my first destination – Shahali Falls. Eugene brought back memories of a sad childhood and ironically now I would associate it with sadness again. Perhaps I would avoid this part of Oregon in the future. Just before leaving the restaurant I ducked into the restroom and turned on my phone, just in case Matt, or Sara, had called. No. There was nothing at all so I shut it off.
Nicole couldn’t stop talking as we drove into the Cascades. She talked about her plans for the future – to finish college was her first goal. She asked if we would stay in Portland after I graduated – I told her I would like to. She said we should write up some sort of wills as she would probably receive the life insurance money from Daniel’s policy really soon and she preferred me to get the money rather than anyone else. Just out of curiosity I asked if she had re-considered having a child someday – she responded, “My God, I thought you would be over that now! I know I said I might like to consider it later but come on…the more I think about just you and me the more I am convinced that we just don’t have room for anyone else. You can ask me again in ten years or so – I might have a change of heart but I doubt it.” I felt an internal sense of satisfaction that I had not gone through with the sterilization. Yet her deception only convinced me I was correct that she could never be trusted.
As we passed the exit for the Cougar Hot springs Nicole asked if we were going to visit. I looked at her in amazement and she said, “Oh, yeah, that’s right, sorry.” She stared at the exit even as we passed it, “You should be healed up in a few days, right?” I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Maybe.”
Once we were close to the Shahali Falls we found a campground and reserved a spot. It was a perfect day to camp and we were close enough to the river to hear the sound of the water rushing over the rapids. The fresh smell of the mist would normally have been relaxing to me, but I was becoming more and more tense as I contemplated the next two days.
We decided we would check out the trail by the falls in the morning. We had arrived in early afternoon and so our goal was to set up camp and relax. I was very pleased when I noticed that we seemed to be the only ones in the area. We were also not in any official camp ground; rather we were just off the side of the road. I did not want a record, even at a camp area, with my name on it.
The next day was a joyful day in a sense. We hiked along the river trail and checked out all the waterfalls. Nicole seemed to have a perpetual smile on this trip. She even seemed to glow with happiness! Yet I knew this would not last and that was beginning to hurt as I started considering the hours we had left together. This evening would be our last night and the thought of that seemed to cloud over everything else.
After we broke camp later that day we explored the area around the ski lodge. We did not see any good areas to camp so we left and looked for another spot to pull over and explore. A few minutes after we crossed over the summit Nicole pointed to an area to pull off. We parked out of site of the main road and looked around. As we took a short hike on a very primitive trial into the woods Nicole, now somewhat quiet, asked, “Do you ever fear the future?” I hoped she was not detecting anything strange in my mood so I replied with an optimistic tone to my voice, “Oh sometimes I guess. I try to hold out hope – I mean where there is life there is always hope, right?” She smiled and gave me a hug. Soon we found the perfect spot to camp and rushed back to the car to get our things as the daylight was fading fast. I felt my heart and I did not know if it was the high elevation or the thoughts in my mind that was causing it to be so fast. I remember a warm breeze started to blow through the trees, the few aspens in the area still had green in their leaves but gold and red colors dominated – fall was making its way fast. I was becoming anxious and decided that this evening I would not let Nicole go...I would hold her and be with her, as my way of saying goodbye.
Chapter 21
The next morning I awoke to Nicole making breakfast. She greeted me and asked where we should explore next. I suggested we get an early start and check out some lava fields outside of Sisters. She thought that would be fun and kept on with her attempt at pancakes. I said I would be back as soon as I used the bathroom. Once I was out of her sight I looked at the piece of paper I had copied from Daniel’s disk. I was not sure I would be able to find the cave but I would certainly give it a try. If I did fail I had time to contemplate a new plan.
After breakfast we packed up our things and got ready to depart. I looked at the empty camp area and said goodbye – it would be goodbye to a huge part of me, and I was unsure if I could ever find any happiness if I went ahead with this plan, but there was no going back. In a few minutes everything was in the trunk and we left.
Nicole was totally oblivious to what was her destiny. Ironically, the song on the CD player had a hypnotic melody as the lyrics repeated, “One last time…” I started crying and Nicole asked what was wrong. I said I was okay until the lyrics came across, “We will meet again my friend…” and I couldn’t talk. I turned off the radio and took a deep breath and apologized. Nicole smiled and asked me to talk about whatever it was, but I told her she could not help me right then.
I regained my composure and we talked about things casually, light things, just friendly conversation. Nicole saw my map and asked, “Oh, you have some spot in mind to camp tonight? Please tell me…oh wait, go ahead and make it a surprise.” I answered, “Oh its nothing special, just some place I found on some geological trail guide. There are supposed to be some interesting lava flows.” She replied, “Awesome! I hope we can find some weird rocks for the area outside our door.”
About an hour later we came to the road marker listed on Daniel’s map. I turned onto a bumpy dirt road and drove about five miles. At that point I saw a large rock that reminded me of a phoenix rising from the ashes, a favorite symbol of mine, and apparently the landmark that on the map was described as a rock formation resembling a dragon. I pulled over and said, “I think this is it.” Nicole laughed, “Well, it is weird place, but okay, we can set up camp here.”
This was definitely an interesting spot. Jagged lava rocks made strange shapes – from the air I was sure it would look like giant caterpillars made of stone. The air was dry and there was no breeze. An eerie calm seemed to envelop this place for some reason. The trees were mainly pine, many having that bonsai-tree stunted appearance. It was almost an alien landscape. The once molten stones were mostly a dull gray but others were red and some almost seemed green. I asked Nicole if I could just hike around alone for a few minutes and she said to go for it and that she would set up camp in the meantime.
The map Nicole had seen did not include the directions from where we were parked – those were written on the back. I was convinced we were in the right spot as it said to take this road five miles, and then look for a large rock on the right hand side of the road with lava flows all around. The directions said to walk north for about 75 yards and there it would be – the entrance in a small depression in the ground covered over by a large rock. It also said there would be a large pine tree on one side and an almost triangular rock formation behind the entrance.
I was out of Nicole’s sight and I looked around for the area described and sure enough, after I had walked what I estimated was the correct distance, there it was. There was complete silence surrounding me. It was that sort of silence that weighs heavily on you – the kind that makes you want to look around to make sure nobody is watching you from behind. I looked and there was no sign of anyone anywhere. I slowly approached the rock, a rather large rock I might add. I doubted I could move it from the hole but it was surprisingly light as it dislodged from the cave quite easily. I again looked around and then I took off my backpack and retrieved my flashlight. I would be lying if I said this had not creeped me out. It was as if I were entering a tomb – and I assumed I was. I knew nothing alive would be in there but I still got images from some of the horror movies I had seen, as
well as Mark’s photographs. “Well, here we go,” I said to myself, and squeezed into the narrow entrance. I hoped that there would be no descendants of the rats Mark had sealed up in the cave to greet me.
I shined the light in front of me and even before I was fully into the dark cavern I saw a sight that did indeed look as though it was from a movie – a skeleton was spread out as if on some pirate set, the arms as well as the legs were apparently secured in some sort of handcuffs. The air was stale but the oxygen level in the cave seemed sufficient…but the smell, that dry mildew smell, permeated everything – probably due to the decomposed body. It had a dried out appearance, some moldy looking flesh, like that of a mummy, hanging on some portions of the rib cage. I tried to stand up but the ceiling forced me to bend in a hunchback manner as I stepped over to the body. “So, you were the lawyer that started this whole thing. Thanks a lot, if it had not been for you I would not be here right now.” I carefully picked his skull up and examined it. Continuing to talk to myself I commented, “Oh Mark, how sloppy. Look at all the dental work you left behind. Good thing nobody has found this thing after what, five or six years? Here Mr. Lawyer, you can have a front row seat today!” I carefully placed the skull on one of the boulders to the side.
I was less respectful of the rest of his remains. I picked up all the loose bones and threw them into the corner. I yanked the appendages out of the shackles that had bound them onto the floor – as rats had eaten away almost all the living flesh. I then moved the metal objects to the side.
The floor seemed rather smooth for a volcanic cave – I concluded it had been an ancient gas vent. Oh well, whatever it was it would serve its purpose again. I pulled on the shackles, cuffs, or whatever one called them. It seemed Mark had secured them quite well to the rocks. It had taken stops at two adult bookstores on the way home from Seattle to find exactly what I wanted – hand and leg “handcuffs.” I had looked for something with a soft lining where the metal would secure the arms and legs in place. To my disappointment these novelty items were not strong enough for my purpose. So at the second store I told the clerk I had a boyfriend with a strong “police fetish” and he took me in the back to a closet with what he had said his more “dedicated” customers preferred to select items from. Sure enough, he had the real thing, complete with soft leather lining. I attached the handcuffs to the chains Mark had left. I pulled on them again to make sure they were firmly in place.
I looked over the cave for any signs of life. I could find nothing whatsoever, no tracks in the sandy bottom, no rodent droppings, nothing. It was perfect. I could not bring myself to re-enact in total what Mark had done. He hated his adversary while I believed I loved mine. So then came the hard part, getting Nicole into that cave.
I planned on putting the knock out pills into her grape juice drink. I had to make sure she finished it though. So I contemplated just how I would go about this as I approached our camp site. Just as I entered our area Nicole called out, “Melanie, when do you want to set up the tent? I am finished with everything else.” I asked, “I don’t know Nicole. Wouldn’t you prefer to sleep under the stars instead.” She shrugged her shoulders and said “Sure, it is a really warm day – hope it is not cold this evening.” Little did she realize that I would not be staying overnight – and I would never again see this place.
I asked, “How would you like to follow me on a hike? We have the whole area to ourselves so let’s explore!” She complained, “Oh come on Melanie, it’s hot and I just feel like resting all day. Can we go hiking tomorrow instead?” I wanted this over with so I looked at her with a big pout and she sighed, “Oh okay, I suppose.” I reached out to her to pull her up and volunteered to pack the drinks.
Nicole asked if we could take it easy and just walk along the old dirt road. I said it was okay with me. I could feel my heart racing at an alarming rate. I feared a panic attack coming on. Nicole must have noticed and asked if I was okay. I said I was feeling weird but I would be fine. She asked me to sit down but I insisted I would be okay. She took my hand and asked if maybe we should go home and at that I almost screamed, “I said I will be okay, damn it!” Nicole released my hand and looked as if she were about to cry. She turned and started walking back to the camp.
I tried to follower her, “Nicole, I am sorry! Nicole! Hey come on.” She kept walking. “Nicole come on, I didn’t want to hurt you!” She turned around crying, “Why have you been distant ever since we left Eugene?” I did not know what she meant by that, I had tried to overcompensate for the sadness I felt for what was going to happen. Nicole continued, “You just seem to be a million miles away and you refuse to open up and tell me what is wrong.” I said, “I’m sorry Nicole. I guess I have been worrying about my delaying finishing my program at school as well as everything with the doctor has been on my mind.” She apologized, “Sorry Melanie, you must think I am horrible for forgetting all you have been through. Does it hurt where they did the operation?” I shook my head, “No, not really.” Her facial expressions had quickly shifted to sadness and concern.
I took her hand and tried to comfort her – assuring her she had not done anything wrong. She said “I believe you Melanie. I know I can trust you.” Her sincerity actually pierced my heart. When we arrived back at the car she took out the food from the trunk and spread a blanket on the ground. She asked me to come over to her all the while I was trying to figure out a way to get the pills in her drink without her noticing. And here she was asking me to join her on the blanket. I complied and she asked if I was warm .I quietly nodded. At that moment I took action and jumped up asking, “Let me get some drinks for us, okay?” It was then that I went over to the other cooler, took one of the bottles and dropped the pills in while her back was turned.
It was surprising how fast they dissolved. Once there was no trace I walked back to Nicole and sat down – handing the drink to her. As I sipped on my beverage she sat hers aside and motioned for me to come closer to her. I moved just in front of her and she reached out and pulled me into an embrace. One thing led to another and her kisses were soon followed by her hands beginning to unbutton my blouse. All I could think of though was how to get her to drink the juice. It was then I pulled away a bit and commented, “Nicole, I don’t want to be rude but your breath is kinda…well, you know.” She looked embarrassed so I rolled my eyes and suggested, “Sorry dear, I know mine must not be too sweet either. Maybe if she finish our drinks we can get back to business!” I quickly grabbed my drink and gulped it down as fast as I could, smiled at her and proceeded to remove all my clothing. Within seconds she followed my lead and before I could finish stripping she had consumed the whole of the grape juice and was sliding out of her things as well.
Of course we resumed our play. Yet as much as I found her attention pleasurable I was not sure I was in the mood. She must have detected something since she stopped to ask, “What’s wrong?” I replied, “Sorry Nicole, my mind is still a bit, well you know.” She shrugged her shoulders, kissed me under my ear and whispered, “Don’t worry. I know lots of ways to relieve stress.”
This is not what I had in mind. For me, intimate closure had taken place the evening before. Here I was getting ready to unleash a cruel end to this young woman and all she was concerned with was helping me to feel good. I wondered how messed up I would be from then on if my last memories of Nicole was of affection and murder combined. I asked, “Please, can we slow down and…” I could not finish the sentence. She had pulled me down onto the blanket and proceeded to re-enact the scene at the beach, except this time she was as aggressive as I had been. She may have complained earlier about being tired, but she certainly found ample energy to pin me down and make good on her promise.
My heart was not into this, but since my body was I was able to put forth a good act. I hoped the drug would take effect real soon but she seemed even more energetic as time progressed. I part of me wondered if I might have accidently given her some sort of stimulant instead. Yet a short time later I w
as able to switch positions and had her lie on her back. The anxieties seem to disappear as I let my emotions take over and loss myself in passion. She seemed to be in a rapturous adventure as the intensity of her lovemaking was far greater than I was used to. Maybe she was unsure of how I felt and was trying to gain my acceptance of her again. She suddenly commented, “Wow, this high altitude and dry air is really getting to me.” Moments later, without any notice, while we were locked in a passionate kiss, I felt her body go limp. There was nothing gradual about it. One second she was on a high and the next, she was out. I lifted my head and I saw she had a smile on her open lips, but her eyes were shut and her body totally relaxed.
I laid her down and put my shirt back on. It was now time to get this horrid mission accomplished. I walked over to the trunk and took out a blanket I had stuffed into a plastic bag earlier in the week. I had bought it some time earlier at some thrift store for camping, but now it would serve a different function. I returned to Nicole...she seemed so lifeless, had I given her too big a dose? I suppose that would have been more humane than what I had in mind, but when I placed my finger on her neck I could feel a pulse. I then rolled her off the blanket she had put out, stretched the other blanket out, and rolled her body onto it instead.
I finished getting dressed and then picked up all of Nicole’s discarded clothing. I packed her things into the bag that had contained the blanket, and once her shoes were stuffed in I tied it up and threw it into the trunk. While I packed all of the camping items back into the car Nicole just laid there on her back, oblivious to what was going on around her. Once everything but one of the flashlights were safely in the car I rested one of the large rocks near Nicole. It seemed everything was silent. There were not even any birds chirping, or any wind flowing through the pine trees scattered around the area. I rested my forehead in my hands, perhaps delaying the inevitable. A couple of moments later I got control of myself, stood up and I took one last look around the area to make absolutely sure we were totally alone. Once satisfied of our total isolation from humanity I walked stooped over, wrapped her tightly in the blanket, and used every ounce of my strength to pick her up and carry her in my arms to her final resting place.
Melanie's Awakening Page 29
