4 Go to Dumdumland
Page 9
Mia leads Sami, Freddie and Claudie around the curving path up the mountain. But something is bothering Sami.
“What I don’t get,” she says, “is why that Rat was so rotten to us.”
“He’s a rat,” says Mia. “That’s what they do.”
“What about Rattie in Wind in the Willows? He was a good little fellow.”
“Maybe he just got good PR,” said Mia.
“What’s PR?” says Sami.
“I don’t know,” said Mia. “But if you’re famous you seem to need lots of it.”
“And what about the flying pigs? They were horrible to us, as well. And we didn’t do anything to them either.”
Before Mia can reply, she sees something that makes her stop and stare.
“A Pirate Ship!” says Freddie, filling in the silence. And they all gape at the three masted galleon in front of them, its sails furled so they don’t catch the wind.
“How do you know it’s a Pirate Ship?” says Sami. “How do you know it’s not just any old ship?”
“It’s got the Jolly Roger,” says Freddie pointing to a flag painted with a skull and crossbones. “It lets everyone know they’re Pirates. And they sail the mighty main.”
“What’s the mighty main?” says Claudie.
“I don’t know,” says Freddie, “But Pirates always sail it.
“The main is the sea, stupid,” says Mia. “And there’s not much of it here. In fact there is no sea in sight. Not a drop of sea to see. What kind of stupid Pirates have a ship on dry land?”
“Dumdum Pirates,” says Sami.
“I can’t see any,” says Freddie. And nor can anyone else. The Pirate ship seems to be as short of Pirates as it is of something to sail on.
Freddie spots some netting hanging over the side of the ship.
“Let’s climb up and take a look,” he says.
“Have you forgotten what we’re supposed to be doing?” says Mia without a pause so Freddie can’t tell her even if he wants to. “We’re supposed to be going to the Giant’s cave, find Dad’s chair and get home.”
“We could have a very quick look,” says Sami.
“No,” says Mia, “we’ve been gone ages already. And guess who’s going to get the blame when we get home?” She strikes a pose. “Moi!”
“That’s okay, then,” says Freddie. And turns and scurries up the side of the ship. Sami and Claudie take after him.
“Come back. Come back,” says Mia.
But they don’t. “You are all so mean,” says Mia.
Sami calls back. “Come on Mia, it’s fun.”
“No – nothing would get me on that ship in a million years.”
And she turns her back on them and folds her arms. Which gives her a startlingly good view of a huge Dinosaur looking at her through the trees.
“Time flies”, says Mia and she grabs the netting and almost runs up the side of the ship, passing everybody. Soon they are all on deck.
“Get down, get down,” says Mia, pulling them behind the gunwales. “Don’t let the Dinosaur see you.”
“What Dinosaur?” says Sami.
They all pop their heads up to take a peek.
“That Dinosaur,” says Mia, gulping. The Dinosaur’s head is only inches away on the end of a long, probing neck. And its looking them over as if they were lunch.
They shiver like four jellies as it opens its huge mouth. Ending up as a Dinosaur’s dinner is not how they planned to end their day.
“Please tell us you’re opening your mouth to take a breath or something and not because you’re feeling like a snack,” says Mia.
“Don’t worry” says the Dinosaur. “I’m a Brontosaurus and we’re vegetarian, And even if I wasn’t, I’ve left my teeth behind.”
“How can you leave your teeth behind,” says Claudie. “Mine go everywhere with me.”
“Mine are by my bed in the Retirement Home,” says the Dinosaur.
“Retirement home?” says Mia. “Since when did Dinosaurs have Retirement homes? Or beds either.”
“When you’ve been around for millions of years, like we have,” it says, “it’s time to take things easy.”
“But,” says Freddie. “I thought Dinosaurs roared and ate people and—”
“No, we just had bad PR,” says the Dinosaur. “And people like to read that gruesome stuff. They don’t want to find out we eat tofu and salad and are in bed by half past eight. Well, I’ve got to get going. We’re having Cream Tea today. And I like a nice Cream tea.
“What’s Cream Tea?” says Claudie.
“It’s scones with jam and cream.”
“Do you want some company?” says Claudie,
“You’re not going anywhere,” says Mia grabbing her hand.
“Nice to meet you,” says the Dinosaur and adds the Dumdum farewell, “Hello!”
“Hello”, they all echo. And he turns to leave.
“Could you do me a favour, before you go?” says Freddie.
“No,” says the Dinosaur. “Cream Tea is calling.”
“I just want to hear you roar.”
“Roar? I haven’t roared for years. I don’t know if I still can.” A sad look creeps over the Dinosaur’s face. “Nowadays all I seem to do is fart. Now let me see. Which end does a roar come out? Ah, yes.”
And the Dinosaur draws himself up, takes a big breath and opens his mouth. Out rolls a thunderous, sulphurous, thunderous bellow which blows the kids clean over.
“Wow!” thinks Freddie. If that’s how his breath smells, his farts must be legend.
“When you got it you got it,” says the Dinosaur. And with the boost of happy memories, lumbers off back where he came from.
The kids get to their feet. They’ve met a Dinosaur and survived. They’re out of danger. Or so it seems until they turn around.
A bunch of evil-looking Pirates glare at them. Their Captain clutches a cutlass, has two pistols in his belt and a savage scar down one cheek. There’s a battered three cornered hat on his head and an even more battered Parrot on his shoulder.
“Shiver me timbers,” says the Parrot, “What have we got yer, Stowaways?”
CHAPTER TEN: Pirates and Parrots