by Lacuna Reid
We sit in silence for a moment, after this, and I wonder what it is he’s worried about, and whether it has anything to do with Theo being even more distant after I excitedly mentioned this session… could they have possibly done something so awful in a past life that they’re worried I’ll leave when I find out what it is? I gulp.
Just then the hypnotherapist, Martina, appears. She’s middle-aged, petite, with round glasses and a friendly smile. She greets us and ushers me into her room, which is a very cozy set-up. She invites me to nestle into the overstuffed armchair and goes through some basics about hypnotherapy.
“First, we will try a simple hypnotic exercise, to get you used to being in that state, and then I will bring you back and talk to you a little more before we do the regression, bueno?”
I nod. A wave of excitement courses through me. I’m finally being hypnotized to find out more about my past lives… more about the mystery that unites us at El Cielo.
Martina tells me to relax back in the chair, which she reclines. She produces a footrest and lifts my feet up onto it. Then she drapes a snuggly woolen blanket over me.
“How do you feel?” She asks.
“Cozy.”
“Excellent. Then we may begin. Start by closing your eyes.”
I follow her instructions.
“Take a deep breath in, and… slowly exhale… allow yourself to relax.”
Martina progressively counts to ten, saying relaxing things the whole time. I feel light and dozy. Then she tells me to bring my awareness back to the room and counts to five. I open my eyes.
“How was that? How do you feel?”
“Nice. I feel kind of… floaty.”
“Excellent, you are a perfect hypnotic subject,” she says.
“I am?”
“Yes. I expect you will find the regression works well for you.”
Martina tells me to relax back again and close my eyes, so we can begin.
“This time, slowly inhale, as deeply and comfortably as you can… and exhale, letting go of all of the tension in your body. Allow yourself to release, relax, and breathe slowly and deeply…. With every breath, you become more relaxed as you become aware of your body… relax the muscles in your face and neck, your head… feel all the tension slip away. You are now going deeper and deeper into relaxation. As your shoulders relax… so do your arms, your chest and back, right down to your toes… so relaxed that the sensations in your body slip away. Deep, deep relaxation.”
“As the sensations of your body slip away, you are now free… allow yourself to slowly drift down… drift inward into your own mind, deeper and deeper… until all thoughts drift away… all around you is a peaceful void, calm and quiet.”
I relax into the cool darkness of the void. Light flickers in my vision, but otherwise everything is black.
“A descending staircase appears in front of you, with twelve steps. Notice the size of the steps, the texture and color of them.”
The staircase in my mind is made of stone. It wouldn’t be out of place at El Cielo.
“Take a step down onto the first stair, and feel yourself letting go…”
As Martina talks me down each step, I feel more and more relaxed, my brain is floaty and vague… it’s quite nice.
“Now, as you step down to the bottom of the staircase, you notice a door in front of you. Notice the shape and color of the door.
It’s green and rounded at the top, with a little circular window.
“Now, as the door opens, you are ready to step through into a special place, a safe place, know that you can return to this place anytime you like.”
The door swings open, revealing a beautiful forest glade. I feel myself smile, still aware of my body in the chair, but reveling in the details of the leaves, the trees, and flowers, the sounds of birds and of a stream running nearby.
“Imagine yourself surrounded in golden light. This light will protect you, everywhere you go.”
I can see it – the circle of thick, bright, golden light.
“You are almost ready to go back into a past life, but first, we will go back to a happy childhood memory.”
Suddenly, my mother is there in front of me, wrapping me up in her green scarf and twirling me around. I’m giddy, giggly, joyful. I look up at her face… of how I’ve missed her. I feel tears begin to trickle down my cheeks. Martina gently brushes them away with a tissue.
“What do you see?” She asks.
“My mother,” I reply. “when she was still alive. I must be about seven or eight.”
“Good, now cherish this happy memory. It belongs to you always. And go back further, this time to your earliest memory.”
I’m in a memory I wasn’t previously aware of… I find something in my mother’s room, a comb with beautiful flowers on it. I must be about two or three. I run to her and she smiles, swinging me up into her arms. I want to keep the comb, but she tells me not yet… one day.
“Very good,” Martina says. “Now go back even further, right back to the time just before you were born, to your mother’s womb. What are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling safe… loved… I can feel her heartbeat, I can sense her excitement about having me… her hopes for me.”
I’m crying again and I don’t care. This regression has already given me gifts that I never expected.
“Good,” Martina says. “Now it’s time to go back even further back to a time before you came into this life. You are floating down a tunnel and ahead of you is a portal to a past life – one that is relevant for you now in this life…. One you need to see now in order to understand the lessons in your life today. On the count of three you will go through the portal.
One… two… three…
Chapter Twenty
Mira
“Look down at your feet. What do you see?” I hear Martina’s voice, but all I can see is blackness, and then colors start to swim across my vision.
“My feet are… covered in fine green embroidered slippers with pointed toes.”
I don’t recognize the shoes I’m wearing as anything I’ve ever seen before. I feel different. I notice that even my voice sounds different.
“Do you recognize your surroundings?”
“There’s a great wooden bench in front of me, and people are standing around it. I’m helping. There’s the strong scent of tarragon in the air, but we… we’re baking bread. Some are kneading the dough. I’m shaping the loaves, and others – the men are putting the loaves onto shovels and carrying them out to the big stone oven.”
“Where are you?”
“I live here. I’ve been told not to work – not to help in the kitchen because I’m the ward of the lord here, but I like to help.”
“How old are you?”
“Seventeen.”
“And what’s your name?”
“Émilie.”
“What are you wearing?”
I look down at myself and try to describe the dress. It’s green and embroidered with thread that is a bright pale grey so that it looks silver. I’m not wearing the robe I usually wear to guard against the drafts of the manor because it’s too hot in the kitchen, and I don’t want to get it dirty with the flour and dough. I’ve rolled my sleeves up too. I have long blonde hair that I usually have plaited up around my head to get it out of my face, but it’s coming loose and spilling over my shoulder.
“What time period is it?”
“The middle ages… maybe the 1300s.” I’m not sure how I know this… it just comes to me.
“What country are you in?”
“France.” This must be the French life that the guys have mentioned… and now I get to see it for myself.
“What city do you live in?”
“Not a city; we are rural.”
“Who else did you know in this lifetime?”
I smile as Gino comes into the kitchen, looking for me. Of course, that’s not his name here, but I recognize him. He’s the wealthy merchant who brings the
fine wine and spices that the lord buys to flaunt his wealth. I feel as though I’m in love with him… but he’s not the only one who makes my heart flutter.
I try to explain what I see, but I’m not sure how much to confide in the hypnotherapist and then I’m distracted by a glimpse of someone else, outside.
I can tell it’s Theo, even though in this life he’s much younger and not as tall. He looks through the window at me. I can tell he is unhappy. He’s just a stable boy in this life and wishes he had more power. He loves me too, and I would return that love if he wasn’t so bitter about the hopelessness of his lot in life. “I was made for better things,” he always says, instead of appreciating the fresh air, the thrill of freedom that I wish I had.
I wave to him out the window and he returns the wave. A young woman approaches him, wearing a drab dress and an apron. She turns towards the window and glares at me. She is somehow familiar, but I can’t place her.
“Who is that?” Martina asks as I explain what I see.
“She helps out in the stables,” I say. Is she his wife? I wonder… and the thought of Theo being married to someone else makes me feel anxious. Another man approaches her and pulls her away. No… that’s her husband, she’s married to that guy, but she clearly has feelings for Theo.
I, as Émilie, leave the kitchen and go to the parlor, knowing the Lord with be there soon. I’m careful to brush the flour off myself.
“There you are,” he says. It’s Helio… he’s a lord in this life, so much more refined than he would like to be in the present lifetime. He beams at me, dapper in his dark velvet clothing. I’m attracted to him, too, but I’m afraid of marrying him because he’s not the only man I love.
He enters the parlor with his best friend who is a local baron. It’s Elias… the baron who has always been so kind, who I must admit I love in my heart of hearts, and he’s brought a gift for me. It is a book! Hand written in calligraphy. I have loved to read my lord’s books and take pride in being one of the few women who can read in the province, but books are expensive and I’ve never had one of my own. It contains poems and hymns such as I’ve never seen before. I’m so grateful that I embrace him, causing the lord, Helio, to be jealous.
I struggle to explain all this to the hypnotherapist, but I’m not sure how much of it makes sense… and the details I see feel far too personal to share.
The baron, who is Elias, and the merchant, who is Gino in this life, are flirting with me, teasing me.
Your lord is away, they say. Perhaps you could serve us instead… or perhaps we could serve you, my lady…
I’m intoxicated by them. I lead them up into my sleeping chambers. They start to unlace my corset. They’re kissing me, and one another, pleasuring me, underneath my petticoats and I groan, desperate for more, but footsteps sound outside. The lord has returned. They hurry to straighten my clothing again before we get caught.
“Now move forward to later in your life,” the Martina says, but I realize there is not much further forward to go.
“It’s the day of my eighteenth birthday. There is a big celebration. I want to help prepare but Helio, the lord, insists I stay in my room and make myself pretty for the party. He’s excited about something.”
After he leaves, I spend the day reading instead. He returns, and despite finding me just in my usual clothing, with my hair undone, he proposes to marry me. I’m confused because, despite my feelings for him, he is keeping me hostage here when I want freedom…
I don’t tell him about my feelings for the other men, but that is another part of the reason. He leaves, infuriated, taking his horse. I feel hurt and confused. I get the feeling I should run away, that it’s no longer safe, but I’m obligated to stay for the party. After all it is for me. I leave my room and go to the parlor. The merchant who is now Gino is there, and he introduces me to a man from my past, from the village I grew up in.
As a boy, this guy was obsessed with me…
“Oh no… it’s Cliff.”
“Cliff?”
“My ex. I thought he was controlling in this life, but here he was much worse.”
I’m anxious to get away from him, but Gino is in good spirits, he’s lighting all the candles in the parlor.
“His cheeks are rosy with wine and he begs me to stay for a drink of aloxinum…”
“Aloxinum?”
“It’s… a bitter wine made with wormwood.”
“What happens next?” Martina asks me, and I remember I’m in a hypnotherapy session. I was so absorbed in the memories that I’d almost forgotten.
“I try to leave, but Cliff follows me. He has a nasty look in his eyes, and I’m scared. I curse at him and tell him to go away, never to return. I run outside to the stables. Theo is there, tending the horses. He hears me telling Cliff to back off and comes over to intervene. Cliff starts yelling at Theo.”
They are getting their hackles up, threatening each-other. Theo is much bigger and stronger than Cliff, and I feel sure he can make him leave. I take the opportunity to run back inside.
“When I return to the manor, Elias is there. He and Gino are competing for my attentions, but they are both drunk. I tell them to come back to me when they’re sober. I go to my chamber. The celebration has been ruined. I lie down on my bed and cry, feeling bad about everything that has happened…”
“And then?”
“And then… I smell smoke.”
“Smoke?”
“I’m coughing, coughing… it’s hot. There’s a fire… everything goes black.”
“Okay,” Martina’s voice says. “Remember you are still surrounded in golden light. You are still safe and protected. Allow yourself to float up, back towards the portal, back down the tunnel, back through the door, back up the staircase.”
I see it all flicking past me, as the taste and smell of smoke evaporates. I’m back through the green door. I float up the staircase, as Martina continues to speak.
“Know that you can return to these memories, to that time and place whenever you need to. You now have access to this lifetime, and all the knowledge it holds.”
As she says this, the thought crosses my mind that I don’t want to go back to that lifetime… I don’t want to see the guys all jealous or drunk… I definitely don’t want to see Cliff. I’m mad at him for invading yet another of my lives. Why won’t he leave me alone?!
“Now begin to gently come back into your body. Feel your breath, slowly and deeply, rising and falling. Begin to become aware of physical sensations… and as I count from five to one, open your eyes.”
My eyes open, adjusting to the brightness of the room.
“Make sure you sit up slowly,” Martina says, smiling at me. “You’ve had quite a journey.”
She gives me a glass of water and talks to me about the session.
“It might take you some days to adjust,” she says. “I advise clients to wait a few days, or even weeks, before speaking about their regression with people they know.”
“Why?” I ask. I’m eager to talk to Gino about it… to see how his experiences might relate, to see if there are any differences.
“Just to give you time to let it sink in, to process it, before you open it up for other people’s opinions.”
“Okay,” I say.
On the way out, Martina gives me her card and suggests I call or email if anything comes up that I have any concerns about.
“Thank you,” I say to this woman whom I’ve only just met, but who now knows intimate details of one of my past lives.
Gino is still sitting in the waiting room. He has a guarded expression and I wonder if he’s worried about what I’ve found out. He doesn’t ask questions – having had a regression with Martina before he must know I’m not supposed to talk just yet.
I walk out to the car with him in silence. Despite seeing all the guys in a different light, I don’t feel any different about them. They were different people after all, just as I’m no longer Émilie. The only thing that is bot
hering me is why we keep facing these similar lessons… Why don’t we ever learn?
Chapter Twenty-One
Mira
I’m feeling slightly woozy after the regression, and I’m grateful that Gino suggests we go to the accommodation he booked just in case. It’s only a short drive compared to the hour back to El Cielo, and I’m not in the mood to be in the car too long.
I’m not prepared for the breath-taking view as we hit the coast and the horizon stretches out, blue and gorgeous for miles around. It reminds me how much I’ve missed the ocean.
I expect Gino to pull up to a simple motel, or even a B’n’B, after all, it’s only for one night, but instead we arrive at a grand Spanish gothic building that looks more like a fairy-tale castle than a hotel.
A concierge is waiting, along with a valet to take the car. I imagine, staying here for a night must cost about as much as a month of my rent back in New York. Inside, everything is clean and modern and classy.
I feel totally under-dressed in my shorts and t-shirt but no one seems to mind, they probably assume I’m a celebrity or something, and right now, I feel like one!
Gino checks in at the desk and leads me to the elevator where he presses the top floor button labelled Penthouse Suite. The man doesn’t do things by halves.
“Gino… this is really nice of you but…”
“Please accept my generosity, cara mia…” Gino says, and there is more pleading in his eyes than I’ve ever noticed before, it’s as if he’s finally ready to let his guard down, and I’m one hundred percent here for it.
“It’s hard for me to tell you how much you mean to me, Mira… words are so inadequate. At least let me treat you like the queen you are.”
Well… if you insist!
I blush, and nod. “Okay.”
