A Werewolf, a Vampire, and a Fae Walk Into a Bar

by Karpov Kinrade

  “Hang on… that witch shit from the 1600s was… that was real?”

  Rune slowly shakes his head, giving Zev the opportunity to jump in.

  “Yes and no,” the werewolf says. “Witches were here, living alongside and even marrying humans. However, it was almost exclusively human women burned in your horrific trials.”

  “Easy there,” I fire back, not wanting to be lumped in with the old white men who burned women at the stake because they were afraid of getting boners. “Those weren’t my trials. But please, continue.”

  “Vampires tracked the witches to this world,” Zev says, “now constantly thirsting for their blood. Once the rumor of witches spread, it was the vampires who took human form and pointed fingers at ordinary women, even controlling minds during the trials to create the needed spectacle.”

  I’ve known witches were real for a few hours, and I’m already ready to kick Darius square in the balls for what his kind did.

  “Okay,” I say, trying to put things back on track as I notice our exit is approaching. “That’s super fascinating and I want to hear more, but how does this tie in to present day? Why are the races fighting, and what in God’s name does it have to do with my baby?”

  “If you’ll remember back to the beginning of the story,” Rune says with a professorial nod, happy to connect the dots for me, “the Fates created us all. They are inextricably tied to each race… and we to them. As they died out, hardships engulfed each kingdom, and the elders who had been crying about the prophecy for generations were finally heard.”

  “Each version of the prophecy,” Zev explains slowly, giving my human brain a little breathing room as it processes the wildest shit I’ve ever heard, “acknowledges that if the witches die, so will all the beings they created.”

  I look from Zev to Rune, and they both return sullen stares, waiting for me to speak.

  “I take it a lot of the witches have died?”

  They both nod, then Zev speaks in a softer voice than I’ve heard him use previously.

  “There are no more in our world, and very few here. Few enough… ” he pauses, giving his words extra weight. “That we’ve come to the final part of the prophecy.”

  I can tell Zev is just going to stare at me until I guess again, so I turn to Rune in hopes he’ll just spill the goddamn beans. The sweet and sexy fae doesn’t disappoint.

  “When the Last Witch is born,” he says, as though reciting the thesis for his doctorate, “the kingdom that harnesses her life will survive while the others perish.”

  His words filter slowly through my ears and into my brain, with only one phrase having a lasting impact: The Last Witch?

  I nearly miss my turn as I try to process the information, slamming on the brakes and skidding along the icy road, then fishtailing into a parking lot. Having driven in the snow since I was a teen, the move doesn’t scare me that much. For once, the nerves of the fae and werewolf are more frazzled than mine. But that might be because I’m in a state of complete shock.

  I autopilot into a spot right in front of Nanny’s assisted living home in Ipswich and exit the car, still fighting with the words floating inside my brain. The Last Witch?

  Zev and Rune get out and fall in line behind me as I walk toward the entrance. Thankfully Zev grabs Rain out of her car seat, as I’m in such a haze I walk away from the car without even getting my baby. I would have remembered within seconds, but it’s still a moment I know I’ll beat myself up for until I die.

  We pass people as I walk through the door, only half noticing the looks given to my companions. My weary brain is pretty used to the way they look and dress, but ten seconds in public reminds me how much they stick out in these small New England towns.

  The Last Witch? At this point I’m not just thinking the phrase, I’m mouthing it as well. We’ve arrived at the front desk and I’m about to sign in when Zev hands me my child and the obvious connection finally clicks.

  “Holy SHIT. She’s the last witch?!?”

  Zev and Rune don’t respond, probably because they’re contemplating using magic to disappear. I look around the room, feeling no fewer than eighteen sets of eyes on me. The harshest glare comes from the young nurse working the reception desk.

  “Hi,” I say, trying to compose and cover for my outburst. “They’re catching me up on a TV show and just gave away a huge spoiler.” I playfully punch Zev in the arm for effect, forgetting again that his body is made of muscle armor.

  I give a half-hearted smile, sign in at the front desk, and lead the way toward Nanny Tilly’s room. There are more questions I want to scream, but this clearly isn’t the place for it.

  When we get to Nanny’s door, I stop, the trailing Sexies halting behind me. I face them, giving as serious a look as I can muster, even while Rune’s eyes melt me and Zev’s eyes consume me.

  “I need you two to wait out here,” I say. “There’s a window in the door so you can keep an eye on me, but my grandma’s been in a… let’s say, disturbed mental state since my mom died when I was 11. She’s been worse since she started living here a few years ago, and I never know what kind of mood she’ll be in. I don’t want any extra bodies in the room that might stress her out. Also, be prepared for no fewer than a billion questions when I get back.”

  Neither of them likes the idea of me going in alone, but they both give a subtle nod of agreement. I put my hand on the cold brass handle, overwhelmed by this revelation but still excited about introducing Rain to her only living relative.

  I have such fond memories of life with my grandparents, Matilda and Edwin, or Tilly and Ed. They’d always take me to get pizza, even when my mom told them I couldn’t eat more junk food. We’d spend long days on the beach, take camping trips into the mountains, sail to the Cape and drive to Boston to go see movies my mom said I was too young to watch.

  Everything changed in an instant when my mom died. Nanny was reclusive for weeks, and then I became very sick and she just went insane. Couldn’t speak in full sentences, would wail and point at things that weren’t there. I recovered from my mysterious illness, but she never did. Gramps could keep her calm most times, though she was in and out of institutions until I went away to school. Once I was out on my own I became focused on my life and didn’t check in with my grandparents as much as I should have, and suddenly Nanny was moving into a home. I came back for a week to help Gramps make the transition, getting her room set up and personal items in order. She and I took a walk in the woods before I helped her settle into her new apartment that day, and it was the most peaceful I’d seen her in years.

  I’ve visited with her a handful of times since moving back, but I can’t tell if she recognizes me. I don’t know if she’s aware her husband died. I struggle to come see her because it makes me sad; I regret not spending more time with her, and I miss the moments we had before everything changed.

  I take a breath to steady myself and then walk into her room.

  She’s lying in her bed, staring out the window. She’s still beautiful in her old age, long silver hair hanging just below her shoulders, deep lines on a face that was once so youthful. When she’s still, it’s easy to see the old Tilly, and it warms my heart.

  “Hi, Nanny.”

  She slowly turns away from the window until her eyes meet mine. We hold each other’s gaze for a second, and she gives me a soft smile.

  But then her eyes drift down to Rain, locked into her harness, blissfully unaware of the world around her.

  Tilly stares at the baby, her smile fades.

  And then she screams.

  Chapter Twelve

  Nanny's screams wake the sleeping child in my arms, whose own wails join the cacophony of crazy. Within seconds, Zev and Rune burst into the room, Zev already partially shifting into a wolf, both of their gazes trained on my grandmother like they're going to attack.

  "Stop!" I shout, startling everyone except Rain, whose lungs seem to have grown exponentially since we got here, if her volume is any in
dication. "Do not hurt her," I tell the guys. "And get back into full human before someone sees you," I hiss at Zev, whose arms are already paws. Looks like I stopped him in time before he ripped through yet another outfit.

  He's barely shifted back when a nurse hurries into the room. "What happened?" she asks, breathless from running down the hall. She immediately checks on Nanny, who stopped screaming but is moaning and clearly agitated as she shifts around in the bed like she's fighting her blankets.

  I hand Rain to Rune, whose gifts of calm wash over the child until she's back asleep in his exceptionally chiseled arms. Prying my gaze from his guns, I move quickly to Nanny's side and try to calm her. "You're okay, Nanny. It's me, Bernie. Shh..."

  The nurse checks her blood pressure and temperature and tsks at me like she's scolding a child. "Tilly doesn't need this kind of stimulation. It isn't good for her health."

  "I'm aware of that," I say, trying to hold back my irritation. "We didn't do anything. She just started screaming the moment I walked in. What's wrong with her? Has she had more episodes? I normally get notified if it seems like she’s taking a turn for the worse."

  "She’s been just fine until today, just now," the nurse says with more than a little accusation in her tone. "I think it’s best if you go. Her blood pressure is much higher than I’d like it to be."

  “I just need a few minutes with her,” I say. “And my cousin, he always knows how to calm her down, don’t you, Rune?”

  Zev smirks. “That’s right, cousin.”

  Rune frowns at the werewolf but hands him the baby as he joins my side. “Of course. He smiles at Tilly. “Hello, great-aunt.” He places a hand on hers, and her thrashing slows as she responds to Rune’s calming powers.

  The nurse narrows her eyes at us, then shrugs. “Fine. Five minutes. Then you must let her rest.”

  Once the nurse is gone, I focus my attention back on Nanny. Rune stays by her side, holding her hand. “If I leave, she will become agitated again,” he says sadly.

  I nod, blinking away unwanted tears.

  Zev joins us, and kneels next to me while holding Rain so Tilly can see her.

  “This is your great-granddaughter,” I say, fighting the emotion making my words crack. “And Rain, this is your great-grandmother. She raised me through my terrible tweens and teens. She made sure I always had a tutor for my piano, even when they could barely afford to keep the bar open. She made me a dress for prom so I wouldn’t feel left out when we couldn’t afford to buy one.” I can no longer fight the tears that stream down my face. “She’s the best. You’re a lucky little girl,” I tell my child, then I turn to the woman who’s been everything to me for so long. “Oh Nanny, I wish you were here. Really here. I don’t know how to do this without you. You always had the answers, and now I feel so lost.”

  It’s more than I wanted to say in front of the Sexies, but the words pour out of me before I can sensor them.

  “Come back to me, okay? To us.”

  Zev slides his free arm around my waist and helps me stand, my legs already cramping.

  Rune nods and pulls his hand away. He and Zev take Rain out while I say a final goodbye. I feel a sickening sadness as I smooth her brow one more time before leaving. "I'll come visit you as soon as I can, Nanny," I whisper.

  When I pull my hand away, she reaches for me, grabbing my wrist with an iron grip that surprises me. Her voice is monotone and her eyes glazed over as she speaks. "Beware the stars, beware the moon, beware the language that ends with doom." Her nails dig into me and she hisses. "I am you. She is here. You are she."

  I pry my wrist out of her grip, a bruise already forming. "Nanny, what do you mean?" Tears stream down my face and I watch helplessly as Nanny’s face scrunches up and her body starts to seize.

  The nurse returns with a needle. Without preamble, she injects Nanny with it, and my grandmother instantly calms, her eyelids fluttering shut.

  I don’t want to go, but the nurse stands by the bed watching me, her expression clearly annoyed.

  I leave with a heavy heart, pulling the door closed behind me. Rune and Zev are waiting for me in the hall, and when Zev sees the tears in my eyes, he pulls me into a hug.

  I want to resist, to push him away as I think about my Nanny instead of this witch business. Instead I melt into his arms, grateful for his strength, for his comfort, even for his presence. If I can set aside why he’s here, the fact that I'm not alone is a relief.

  Zev rubs my back as I cry into his shoulder. He smells like the woods and feels so solid, so grounded, that my heart slows and my mind calms just by being this close to him. "You okay, love?" he asks softly, his lips brushing against the top of my head, creating a whole other sensation in my body.

  I nod against his chest. Then, when I feel strong enough, I step back to look into his forest green eyes. "I've never seen her like that before. She’s had breakdowns in the past, but nothing like that."

  "I heard what she said,” Zev says, which seems impossible considering he was on the other side of a closed door, but then I remember he has dog abilities and is probably listening to everyone in Rowley all the time. “Did her words mean anything to you?"

  I think for a second then shake my head. "Not really. Something about the language of doom? But she's always spouted strange things, ever since her mind started to go. I just don’t understand why seeing Rain freaked her out so much."

  We head back to the car, and I feel distant and drained as Rune locks the baby into the carseat and stays in the back with her while Zev sits up front with me. "I guess it's time to find some unicorn blood?" I say with all the enthusiasm of someone about to go to the dentist.

  “That can wait,” Zev says gruffly. “You’re shaking.”

  I look down at my hands and realize he’s right. And I can’t stop. I feel panic rising in me, unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.

  Zev takes one of my hands in both of his and the warmth from them infuses my skin, spreading over my body.

  “Crazy shit has been happening to me, ever since the three of you walked into my bar,” I say, turning to glare at each of them. “And then you spring on me that you think my daughter is a witch. Oh, and by the way, she’s not just a witch, she’s the last witch. What does that even mean?”

  Zev turns my hand over and brushes the pad of his thumb over my palm in rhythmic strokes, like he’s trying to calm a wild animal--which maybe isn’t far from the truth. “That night we followed the signs of the prophecy. At this point I don’t know much more than you, I’m afraid. We followed the fallen star and it led us to you both.”

  “The rock.” I haven't thought about it since that night, but the rock I pulled out of the wall; it didn’t look like a regular stone because it most definitely is not.

  “So Rain’s a witch? How? This isn’t like AJ’s situation. Rain’s dad isn’t magical. I’m sure of it.”

  “This wouldn’t be passed down through her father’s lineage,” Rune says softly.

  The implication of his words takes a moment to settle into my frazzled mind. “So you’re saying she got it from me?” I choke out a laugh. “I’m definitely not a witch.”

  Zev frowns. “Stranger things have happened… but you almost certainly are.”

  My eyes widen. “So, you’re saying my mother was a witch? And--”

  “--And your grandmother,” Rune, finishes my thought. “I could feel her power. It was confused. Untamed. But very strong. Overwhelming, perhaps. I’ve never felt more clarity regarding the prophecy.”

  “Tilly is a witch?” I feel like I’m in an episode of The Twilight Zone.

  “Undeniably,” Rune says.

  I look to Zev who’s nodding, clearly no question in his mind either.

  The next ten minutes pass in silence, as Zev and Rune respect my need to process. I can’t just accept this witch business the way I did with AJ being a nymph (especially since with everything they’ve said about nymphs that one makes perfect sense).

  They�
�re saying I’m a witch. My daughter, who can’t yet see an inch in front of her face, is a witch. Before my mother died, I was apparently being raised by a witch. And after she went, when I spent my days and nights with Nanny and Gramps, I was still under a witch’s guidance.

  What is a witch? I don’t know what this means on the most basic level. And yet, the more I reflect, the more I have to consider the possibility. Tilly was always a little off, but in that quiet, grandmother kind of way. She fully departed reality when my mother died, but even then she went mad in her own, interesting way. A lot of nights spent at the cliffside where my mom killed herself, and a lot of lucid conversations with Gramps about why they needed to go look for Lauren (my mom). I remember overhearing those talks from my room, knowing Nanny was losing it but still wishing she was right.

  As we get closer to Morgan’s, I decide to break the silence with a question. “If my mom was a witch with powers and shit, why’d she kill herself?”

  Zev looks over his shoulder at Rune, the two sharing a thoughtful stare before replying. Is Zev trying to figure out what the answer is, or are the two conspiring about how much I’m allowed to know. Rune finally speaks up.

  “As you know from my story, magical abilities don’t keep one safe from anguish.”

  It’s a good answer. Doesn’t help me at all, but I can’t blame Rune for that.

  We park the car and I get Rain out of her carseat. She’s going to wake up screaming for food any minute, but I’m hoping she’ll put that off just a bit longer to give my mind time to settle.

  It’s only a little after 1 pm, a much earlier return time than I expected thanks to Nanny’s episode and the nurse with no manners. I figure Darius is still sleeping or hanging out in one of his darkened rooms and AJ is either on a unicorn scavenger hunt or taking a nap in preparation for another long night of bartending.

  As I walk into the living room, those expectations get dashed in a hurry. AJ’s sitting on the kitchen counter, drinking a beer and looking very proud of herself. Darius sits in the corner, furthest from the blacked out windows and safe from errant rays of sunlight.