Unfinished Melody

by Cee, DW

  “Yeah. But, I think her favorite was It’s a Small World. I thought she might fall in the water; she was jumping up and down so much. She was entranced by those dolls, and that damn song that wouldn’t end. Whoever came up with that tune has made a large fortune in royalty.”

  “Talking like a musician.” Mar got up from the table to fix us a late breakfast. “What are you working on these days?”

  “Now that my muse is gone, I’ve been drawing my inspiration from my little girl.” My heart broke thinking about Melody, but I reveled in the thought of Ali. Every time I went into the studio, it was a picture of my baby girl’s smile, etched into my brain, that stayed with me. “I’ve been taking a crack at ‘modern classical.’”

  “No more rock and roll?” Mar teased knowing my love for rock.

  “That was over as soon as I realized I would never be a Bono or a Sting. I did well writing love songs for the past ten years, but now I’m ready for something different. I want to create classical music with a slight edge—something my little girl can bebop her body to when listening to her old man’s tunes.”

  “You always were inventive. Have you noticed how musically inclined your daughter is? She tries to sing all the time.”

  The thought of Ali singing and dancing made me do my own dance of joy. “I did notice that, so I found some music groups for her to join, if you’re willing to take her?”

  “Why would you even wonder if I’d take her? Of course I will.”

  “Hey. Have you thought about when you’re going to see your dad and stepmom?”

  It was back to being uncomfortable. “Yeah. That’s been weighing heavily on my mind. I suppose I need to do it sooner than later. Maybe I’ll go now while Ali is sleeping?”

  “How about we all go together? Dan and Jean haven’t seen Ali in a while. I think this will blow over easier with Ali in tow.”

  “What do you mean they haven’t seen Ali in a while? They live a couple minutes away from you. How can they not come see their granddaughter?”

  I didn’t know how to answer this question. “They’re both grieving.”

  “We are all grieving. That’s no excuse to ignore their only grandchild.” Mar was angry. “So damn selfish—that’s how they’ve always lived their lives.”

  “I don’t blame them, Mar. They weren’t thrilled with our decision to conceive Ali, and they were grief-stricken when Melody passed. They haven’t had a chance to bond with Ali. If it wasn’t for your mom and my parents, Ali wouldn’t have known the love of grandparents.”

  “Those three do like to go overboard.”

  “I can’t believe all the clothes and food Jackie sent. I called her the night you arrived, to thank her, and she said she was coming up for a visit this weekend.”

  “Dear God. I just got away from her.” Mar said with an impish rolling of the eyes.

  “Let’s get the trip to your dad’s over with, and then see what other crisis we need to deal with.”

  Ali’s crankiness from a short and not too restful nap was a precursor to the rest of the morning. After I dressed my daughter and Mar took care of her out-of-control curls, we walked a few blocks over to visit the grandparents.

  “I’m nervous.” Mar whispered when we arrived at the front door. “Do they know our situation?”

  Perhaps I’d regret this later, but I didn’t want to tell Mar how Dan and Jean vehemently opposed her move. I thought it only proper to explain to Melody’s parents what I wanted and needed to do for Ali’s sake. I didn’t think they’d find so many faults with protecting their only granddaughter. It was enough that they hurt me with their crazed logic. Mar didn’t need to know.

  “Let’s get this done.” I hoped for a peaceful greeting. It was not to be had.

  “Marni.” Jean opened the door to that greeting.

  “Hi…” So many years later, Mar still didn’t have a title for Jean. “How are you?”

  “I am as to be expected after losing my only child.”

  Mar flinched. Growing up, Mar had always told me that Jean was a good stepmom. Losing her child hardened this kind woman.

  “Dad.” Father and daughter stared at one another for longer than it was comfortable.

  “Marni. What brings you up here?”

  “I thought you knew I’d moved. I’m helping Ben with Ali.”

  Dan and Jean glared at me.

  “Didn’t we have this conversation, already, Ben? Didn’t we make it clear how we felt about Marni taking care of Ali?”

  “She’s my daughter. I will raise her the way I see fit,” I defended my actions.

  “Marni and Melody are my daughters, and I don’t like watching you take advantage of either of them.”

  “Whoa, Dad. I’m unsure what’s happened between you and Ben, but I’m happy to be here. In fact, I wanted to be here even before Ben made the call. Who better to help raise Ali than me?”

  “It’s not right, Marni.” Jean added to the conversation. “You know Melody wouldn’t have wanted this. She told you so herself.”

  “What? When did Mel say this?” This was the first I’d heard such information. “Mel would never push her sister away. Mar?” I turned to the woman in question for some answers.

  “Since you’re not the welcome wagon, let’s continue this conversation another time. I can’t believe you would choose to focus on why I am here, rather than greeting your granddaughter. She is your only grandchild and an extension of Melody.”

  Still, neither grandparent greeted Ali. That was all I could take for today. Without a word, I turned the stroller around and we headed back home.

  “Sorry, Mar. I should have warned you.”

  “What the hell was that?” she yelled at me.

  “Before I called you, I spoke with Dan and Jean and told them what I wanted to do. They were against the idea, but offered no other solution.”

  “Are you going to explain why they didn’t want me here, aside from the obvious?”

  “I’m going to believe it’s their grief making them irrational. They’ve always been good-hearted people. It’s nothing against you, Mar.”

  “All right. I’ll assume they’ll come around to our situation, but I don’t know if I’ll come around to their lack of love for Ali. How can anyone ignore someone as cute as you?” Mar took Ali out of the stroller and walked with her along the beach. As we heard Ali’s attempt at singing, Mar joined her.

  “Explain to me what Jean meant about Mel not wanting you here with us. I assume that has something to do with why you up and left without a good-bye after Ali was born?”

  Mar stopped her humming and pointed to our home.

  “Let’s get inside and I’ll tell you everything. Let me first take care of Ali’s lunch.”

  Mar was an absolute natural as a mother. Though she wasn’t Ali’s mom, I appreciated her attempts at making Ali feel unconditionally loved.

  “You want a sandwich?” she asked after making tiny bite-sized turkey and cheese “sandwiches” for my one-year-old.

  “Sure. Let me feed Ali while you fix our lunches.”

  I filled Ali’s milk cup, cut up some grapes, and sat with her while she demolished her plate. She needed no help from her old man.

  “You were hungry,” Mar commented. “You want more?”

  The nod was absolute.

  Mar assembled another “sandwich” for this hungry one.

  “You want to explain what happened between you and Mel while we have a quiet moment?”

  “If I said no, would you let it go?” Mar knew I was on the verge of getting upset. I didn’t like the fact that my wife had kept something from me.

  “OK. Here goes.” There was another large sigh. “When you and Mel asked me to be a surrogate for you, I agreed because I loved my sister and I loved you, first, as my good friend, and second, as my brother-in-law. My sister was devastated when the doctors told her she couldn’t conceive.”

  “God. I remember those days after that revelation. Melody could
n’t be consoled.”

  “Mel’s desperation fueled my need to help her.”

  “So that’s why you agreed to be our surrogate, despite how everyone around us felt?”

  “My dad, Mel’s mom, Noah—all their feelings were secondary to helping my sister.”

  “You’re a good person, Mar.”

  “Your wife, my sister, was a good person.”

  “So…you abruptly left us because…?”

  “A month after I gave birth, Mel was feeling insecure and insignificant. It was me who nursed, me who put Ali to sleep—mainly because she fell asleep while nursing, and it was me who changed diapers—again, mostly because Ali would pee and poo while nursing. Jean and I sensed your wife’s despair. It was decided that for the good of everyone involved, I should leave.”

  There was no way this was the entirety of the story. “Tell me the rest, Mar.”

  “There’s nothing else to tell, Ben. I left, and you three did fine without me.”

  It was frustrating knowing I was being lied to, and yet helpless to do anything about it.

  “You won’t tell me why you left so suddenly? Why you express-mailed breast milk daily, but never answered my thank-you calls? Why you stopped talking to all of us for months? It was only when Mel got sick and called you, did you come see your niece.”

  Mar started crying softly.

  “Just know that I loved Ali from the second she was a part of me. I would do anything for her,” Mar explained and left the room.

  Chapter 4 Marni (Past)

  We Are Family ~Sister Sledge

  “Remind me never to do that ever again.” My cousin, Charmaine, stuck her finger in her mouth, pretending to gag.

  “Do what? I asked.

  “Ritchie and I had dinner with Ben and Melody and we were tempted to leave in the middle. Those two are so sick in love; they can’t keep their hands off each other.”

  My heart twitched in pain but I tried to be happy for them. It wasn’t their fault that they fell in love. “Ben and Melody are cute together,” I pushed their cause. Charmaine shook her head slowly, letting me know she wasn’t buying it.

  “I don’t know how they finished dinner. At one point, their hands were tied to one another. It was like some bondage freak show where they had an invisible rope around his left and her right wrists. Their fingers never uncrossed.”

  “That must be why after three months, they decided to get engaged.” My enthusiasm fooled no one.

  It was Christmas vacation and instead of heading to New York to skate at Rockefeller Center and view the Macy’s Christmas display, I was called home to attend Ben and Melody’s engagement party.

  “Um, Mar?” Charmaine approached carefully.

  “Yeah?”

  “This has bothered me for the past year and I’m sorry I’ve been such a chicken-shit about confessing that your sister and Ben have been together since two summers ago. You only found out three months ago.”

  Charmaine’s revelation hurt like hell. I had difficulty breathing for a few seconds.

  Deep inside, I knew Mel and Ben were falling in love when I called off our relationship. There was that miniscule part of me that hoped I was wrong. Wrong in calling off our relationship, wrong in assuming there was a budding relationship between my sister and my ex-boyfriend.

  “Thanks for letting me know.” I had to walk away.

  For the past three hours, I sat, talked, and smiled my way through all this happiness. In a way, I felt like a hypocrite every time I agreed with anyone about the “how wonderful Ben and Melody were,” or “how happy they were for the engaged couple.” Mel was my sister and without a doubt, I was happy she was moving on to find her happily-ever-after. I desperately wished it wasn’t with Ben.

  “Marni!” A happy voice greeted me. “I’ve been trying to have a word in with you all night. How have you been?” An even happier grin embraced me with her warm and loving arms.

  “Hello Mrs. Howard. Congratulations!”

  “I can’t ever get you to call me Shea, can I?”

  “Old habits are hard to break.” Ben’s mom was seriously the last person I wanted to talk to at this moment. “How have you been?”

  “Benjamin and I are the same. You know us. Not much changes in our lives.”

  “You have a big and wonderful change happening.” I hoped I sounded sincere. After the kindness Shea Howard had shown me all my life, I didn’t need to bullshit her.

  “Yes.” Shea nodded and smiled, looking at the joyful couple. “All these years, Benjamin and I thought it’d be you and Ben. We were surprised when your sister and Ben started dating.”

  There were no words I could speak, no words that would not ruin the jovial mood.

  “Hello, Marni.” Benjamin Howard greeted me with a warm kiss and stood next to his wife.

  “Hello, Mr. Howard. Congratulations!” Each pretense was harder than the last. “You’ll soon have a girl in the house. Melody will be the daughter-in-law you’ve always wanted.”

  “You were the daughter-in-law I’ve always wanted,” he responded candidly. Bravely, I fought back the tears when I heard the heartfelt words, but could not contain myself when he held my hand and added, “We’re sorry it didn’t work out with Ben. We know how much you loved him and how good you were for him.”

  That’s when I lost it. No matter how many times I blinked away the tears, they wouldn’t disappear.

  “Why don’t we walk the beach?” Shea prodded me out the door. “Here.” She handed me her handkerchief. “There’s no need to hold it in anymore. Cry if you need to, Marni.”

  Without shame, I let myself cry in front of Ben’s parents as I would my own mother. It took a good long while before the tears abated and the hiccups subsided. What I’d just done was embarrassing—almost to the point of humiliating. Who went off bawling in front of her ex’s parents, and at his engagement party of all places? My mind went back and forth between escaping to my car and driving back to San Diego, or thanking the Howards for their kindness, and then making that mad dash to my car to head back home.

  “I’m sorry, Marni. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Ben Howard placed his arm around my shoulder and lightly squeezed it in a fatherly gesture.

  “It was long overdue. I’m just sorry you had to deal with my mess.” I apologized in return. “I hope you don’t think I’m still in love with Ben. I’m happy for him and my sister, I really am. It’s just that it’s been building up and except for my mom, I haven’t had anyone else to share my feelings with, and…”

  “Marni.” Shea Howard had her turn showing me affection by holding my hand. “It’s all right. Don’t harbor the pain. Benjamin and I saw how much you loved our son. Even as a teenager, you were mature and nurturing. Our son loved you deeply as well.”

  “Shea and I thought you were the perfect girl for our boy. Responsible, smart, vivacious, filled with common sense—you were everything Ben lacked. As much as we like Melody, she somehow doesn’t suit him as well as you did.”

  “Mr. Howard,” I implored. “Please don’t dislike my sister. She loves Ben. She’ll be a good wife to him and she’ll be the perfect daughter-in-law for you and Mrs. Howard. Ben chose her, and he chose well.” As much as I hurt, I didn’t want to see my sister start off on the wrong foot with her in-laws.

  “We like her just fine, Marni.” Mr. Howard reassured. “And I’m sure one day soon, we’ll grow to love her as we love you. Your sister will be in good hands with the Howard family.”

  “Thank you.” I was somewhat speechless. I never realized how much the Howards cared for me. “Thank you for always being so kind to me. Though I won’t be your daughter-in-law, we will still be family.”

  “Shea and I are glad for that. We will see you around more often now that we are family?”

  “I’m studying abroad in the spring, but will be back for the wedding.”

  “We heard you’ll be in Rome?”

  “Yes. Though I’d like to eventually attend
business school, I’ll be majoring in art history.”

  “There’s no better place to study art history than Italy,” Mrs. Howard declared.

  “Shea and I wish Melody would finish her college degree.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Ben is going on the road and Melody decided to go with him.”

  “Songwriters go on the road, too?”

  “That’s what we wondered, as well. Apparently, the singer of the album wants Ben with him to collaborate on more songs.”

  I deduced, “My sister is Ben’s muse and inspiration. Of course, she’s needed. It would be hard to be apart as newlyweds. I can understand why they’d want to be together.”

  “We’re fine with them staying together. Melody could take classes while on the road. Shea and I would like for one of them to have a college education so if his songwriting jobs dry up, either can find employment somewhere.”

  Mr. and Mrs. Howard were no different from all the parents out there, wishing for the best and safest route for their children. “It sounds as if Ben can retire now, with the way the first song has been received by the listeners. I’m sure he’ll provide well for his family.”

  “We hope you’re right because if Shea and I can have it our way, we’d like to see as many grandchildren as possible.”

  As much as the Howards might have desired me for their son at one point, they already saw Melody as the mother of their many grandchildren. Already, I had become a member of their distant family.

  Chapter 4 Noah (Past)

  We Are Family ~Sister Sledge

  “Remind me never to do that ever again.” I groaned after twelve hours on a very crowded fight.

  Being stupid, fanciful collegians, Marni, Sylvia and I caught the red-eye from Los Angeles to Rome. No amount of warning would have prepared us for the god-awful ninety-degree sleeping position. As expected, we only fell asleep the last two hours or so after desperately trying to get comfortable. What made our situation worse was the crowd of junior high schoolers traveling to Rome for a singing competition. They sat all around us and sang for a part of the trip, and messed around for the rest of it. There were too many of them to control. The three of us sucked it up and left the plane looking and feeling haggard.