by Cee, DW
“Yeah, but it’s not what it looks like.”
“You’re an adult, but I’m still your mother. In all the days your father’s been away on his missions, he’s never, ever, ever stepped out on me. How do I know? I know because he never gave me reasons to doubt his words. I trusted him from the day we got together and I still trust him. Trust is something that’s so hard to earn, but so easily lost.”
“All right, Mom. I get it.”
“I don’t think you do. You’re hurting Marni and in turn hurting yourself. Going on a shopping spree with your emotions with a woman who knows you have a girlfriend doesn’t speak well for Siena, either. If she has no regard for Marni’s feelings, eventually, she’ll have no regard for yours.”
“I get it, Mom.” I repeated with angst and anger. “Like you said, I’m a grown adult. I understood you and I’ll take care of it.”
Mom wanted to say more, but she held back.
I walked away before it was too late.
None of what Mom said was wrong, except I thought she was harsh on Siena. Mom didn’t understand Siena’s joie de vivre attitude. Seeing as I was thoroughly reprimanded, I knew it was time for penance.
“Hey.” My heart dropped when I heard Marni’s surprised and wary greeting.
“Hi. How are you?” I proceeded with caution.
“Um, fine. And you?” I hated the composure. It was as if she was talking to a sales guy making a cold call.
“Busy. I can’t wait for the semester to be done.” This was my catchphrase in every conversation. I’d told her how busy I was and that was why I couldn’t call, email, text, or visit. Damn. I sounded like a broken record.
“That should be a nice break for you.”
“I wanted to ask you a couple of things.”
“Sure.”
“I wanted to invite you to a couple of events.” I expected to hear some sort of an “OK,” or “sounds interesting,” or something. She stayed silent. “There’s a big Navy dinner this weekend honoring my dad as well as a few other Navy heads, and I wondered if you’d like to attend with me?” The last words, “with me” were said in a high-pitched, I’m-an-idiot-for-asking-you-so-late tone. “I also wanted to see if you wanted to spend Thanksgiving here with me.” There. I got it all out.
She was quiet for a while. “Um, I don’t think this weekend will be possible. I’d like to but today being Wednesday, I don’t know if there will be flights available and the price might be…” I should have sent her a ticket a long time ago to this event. I was an asshole for holding off. I knew Marni couldn’t afford last minute plane fare to New York. Calling her was worse than not calling her. “As for Thanksgiving, let me see what I can do. I don’t want Mom to be alone. Can I let you know after I talk to Mom?”
“Sure. Of course. And I’m sorry about this weekend and not letting you know sooner. It’s been on my mind but…” I had no real excuse except for the fact that I was a shithead. “Anyhow, I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right.” Without seeing her face, I knew she was hurting. My heart was in pain for her and I was the idiot doing the hurting. Somewhere, this relationship, thanks to me, had gone very wrong. “Noah?” She asked so cautiously.
“Yes?”
“I can’t wait to talk to you.” I supposed what we were doing wasn’t exactly conversing. I talked. She answered. “We have a lot that needs to be said.”
“Maybe next week after my dad’s event?”
“Sure. Have a good day.”
“Yeah, OK. Bye.”
That was so damn painful. I didn’t know when we had turned into strangers.
Couples in long-distance relationships probably all had issues at one point or another. After this weekend’s event, we’d talk through the awkwardness and I’d convince Marni to bring her mom to New York over Thanksgiving.
During that long weekend, we’d go back to being Noah and Marni.
Chapter 12 Ben (Present)
Everything Has Changed ~Taylor Swift
“You’re free to do what you like.”
“What?” Marni and I asked simultaneously. We had no idea what Jackie was telling us.
“Why don’t you two go out and have dinner or catch a movie before I leave? Ben and Shea are meeting some friends so I’d like to have Ali to myself for one last night.” Jackie insisted we leave my daughter in her care. This wasn’t a request. It was a demand.
“Where to?” I asked, understanding there was no way we could stay home and veg.
“We just went out to dinner and saw a movie. What else is there to do?” Marni and I sounded like an old married couple.
“Dancing?”
“What the hell?” Mar laughed at me. “You dance?”
“No. But I know you do. I thought I’d be nice and offer.”
She laughed harder, still. “We’re too old to go clubbing. Neither of us can stand to pay exorbitant prices for drinks at a fancy bar. And we’ll be up at the crack of dawn with a one-year-old who will have slept for twelve hours the night before. What else is there for us to do?”
“You both are pathetic.” Jackie lamented. “Two young people who don’t know what to do with a free evening. How sad is that?”
“I know!” Mar perked up. “You remember Syl?”
“No. Is Syl a man or woman?”
“Woman, and you met her in Rome like ten years ago.”
“Was she the one who talked really fast and kept ogling me?”
My sister-in-law was so easy to amuse. “That would be her.” She tried several times to keep her lips from breaking into a grin—unsuccessfully. “She just moved to Los Angeles from Cincinnati and we were supposed to meet next week. Let’s go visit her and her husband in their new home.”
“Are you sure we’ll be welcomed?”
“Syl and Deacon won’t mind. We can give them a hand unpacking.”
We had no choice but to leave the house so I figured it didn’t matter what we were doing. After several rounds of good-byes with my daughter, we left for the night.
“Should I be annoyed that Ali could care less if I’m home? Between you, my parents, and Grandma Jackie, she’s all but forgotten her old man. In fact, I believe you have become her favorite person.”
“Is a thirteen-month-old playing havoc with your self-esteem?”
“Damn it! She is. Did you see the way she waved good-bye and didn’t look at me again?”
“What will you do when she gets married?”
“Um…cry on your shoulder? I don’t know. Why’d you have to bring that up and ruin a good night?” I couldn’t fathom my little girl running off with another man.
“Stop it now, Benjamin Howard. You’re becoming one of those overprotective dads who won’t allow his daughter to grow up. After showering Ali with all this undivided attention, what will you do when you have more kids? Ali’s going to have a hard time sharing you.”
Mar’s offhanded comment made me swerve the car to a halt. “What kind of question is that?”
Grabbing the dashboard, she steadied herself. “What kind of driving is that?” Leave it to Marni to return my question with a question.
“What do you mean, siblings? How can Ali have siblings?”
“Um…” she paused. “Are you never remarrying? Ali will never have a mother again? You will never have a wife again?”
Now she made me think about topics that weren’t even on my radar. Damn, Marni Montgomery!
Was I going to marry again? Did I want to find another woman? How could I forget Melody? In my heart, she was still my wife and would be for a lifetime. Who would be good enough to replace Mel and step in as a mother for Alice? “I…” I was at a loss for words.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to throw you off. I figured you would find a nice lady somewhere down the road and start again. You’re only thirty, Ben. You can’t possibly think you’ll live the next fifty years, alone.”
“I guess I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Mel is still so much a part of my life.
”
“I know you miss her. I miss her, too.”
“With you here, it’s been almost too easy. You’ve become so much more than just an aunt to Alice. You’re like her…” I stopped at what I was implying. To say that Marni was Ali’s mom would be like cheating on her real mom.
“If you’re worried about me getting in the way, you don’t have to. I promise I’ll leave when you find someone serious. I won’t stand in the way of yours and Ali’s happiness.”
Mar’s usually relaxed face turned sad. To both our surprise, heavy tears fell from her eyes.
“Shit, Mar. What’s wrong?” She wouldn’t say anything. Her face fell into her hands and she sobbed. “What the hell, Marni Montgomery?” She continued to cry. “Talk to me!” I yelled at her.
“Will you let me visit Ali after you marry? You won’t make me cut off all ties, will you?”
“What is the matter with you?” I continued to yell. “First of all, I’m not even seeing anyone. Secondly, even if I had a girlfriend, there’s no guarantee I’ll marry her. And lastly, even if I marry, there’s no saying that Ali won’t leave me for you. Can you not tell how much my little girl trusts and loves you? Are you blind? Even now, she chooses you over me. You think years from now, that’s going to change?”
Marni wiped the tears away. “Ali does love me.”
“Uh, yeah! Don’t be lame.”
Now the smile was back. “Sorry. I don’t know what came over me. The thought of you getting married and me being away from Ali put me in a dark place. Now I’m better.”
“You’re seriously going to turn out like loony Mrs. Tirone with ten cats and five birds. If that’s the case, I will keep Ali away from you.” As accused, Marni began laughing like a crazy person. “Let’s go.” I tried to sound annoyed by her schizophrenia.
We knocked on a very red door of a small English Tudor home. It took no time for the owner to answer the door and join the loony-bin convention.
“Marrrrrrrr!” The screech was loud enough for the next-door neighbors to look out from their windows.
“Syl!” Mar’s response wasn’t as loud but it rivaled her friend’s. “How long has it been?”
“Too long. Come in, come in.”
“Hi. I’m Deacon. I assume you’re Ben?”
“Yes. It’s nice to meet you. I guess we’ve lost the women already.” Marni and her friend were long gone by the time Deacon invited me into their house.
“Uh, Mar? An introduction would be nice.” This was the only way to break up Laverne & Shirley’s reunion.
“Introduce yourself,” she admonished and went back to their conversation.
Since told, I did what she suggested. “Hi. I’m Ben Howard, father to Alice, composer to a blockbuster Hollywood movie, teacher at the local college, Marni’s brother-in-law.”
Mar and Sylvia stared at me as if I told them I’d father their next children, then laughed hysterically. Since Marni had moved in with my daughter and me, I hadn’t seen her this carefree.
“You’re that Brad Pitt look-a-like.” Sylvia’s compliment was turning my healthy ego into an ironman’s ego.
“Well, I always knew from the moment we met in Rome that I liked you.”
Marni spoiled my fun and revealed, “Ben said he remembered you as the one who ogled him in Rome.”
With a cheeky grin, Sylvia answered, “When he looked like Brad Pitt from Legends of the Fall, way back when,” she stressed those important three words, “I did ogle him, and then some. Now…eh…I don’t know that he’s ogle-worthy.”
That started our evening of dinner and unpacking.
“What do you do, Deacon?” Since the ladies were in their own world, Sylvia’s husband and I had no choice but to bond.
“I’m in construction.”
“What about Sylvia?”
“I’m an art curator.”
I stopped to watch for the expected smirk telling me she was pulling my leg. By the odd look both ladies gave me, I supposed she wasn’t kidding. Loud, boisterous, Sylvia looked nothing like an art curator—if art curators were to have a look.
Marni giggled first. Then her best friend joined.
“Are you bullshitting me?”
“What?” Sylvia challenged. “You don’t think I have the demeanor for an art curator? You do know I studied art history in Rome?”
“Yeah, for a semester,” I countered.
Both ladies busted up. “I am one of many project directors at an animation company.”
“Like Pixar?”
“Yeah, we want to be like Pixar.”
I turned to Marni and whispered loudly, “Where’d you find this one? She’s as crazy as you are.”
“You don’t know the half of it,” her husband complained.
“I liked your friends.” I spoke as we drove home.
“They liked you, too. Syl wants us to come back next week with Alice. They want to meet her.”
“Is that what you two were chatting about while Deacon and I built the bookcases?”
Marni couldn’t hold back the guffaw. “You mean while Deacon built the bookcases and you played Vanna White?”
“Whatever! Semantics. What were you and Sylvia discussing? It looked intense for a while there.”
“I was filling her in on my breakup with Noah. She was questioning whether what I was doing was the best thing for Marni in the long run.”
“And?” I had a nagging suspicion that’s what the conversation was about between the two best friends.
“And I told her this was where I wanted to be regardless of what may happen in the long run. You might remarry. I might turn into crazy Mrs. Tirone. I may never have children…” She drifted into another world for a while after that statement. I didn’t want to invade her space. “No matter what happens, I’ll cherish the time I spent with baby Alice. The love and trust I’ve built with her, I won’t ever regret.”
Marni’s lump of sadness didn’t sit well with me. “Obviously, you must know that my baby adores you. She loves you like no other and she’ll always be grateful that her aunt halted her life to take care of her.” Of late, I loved being able to make my friend smile. “As for the baby’s father, I thank you for being a part of our lives. Aside from those lost years, you’ve been the best of friends to me. There are no words to explain how thrilled I am that you’re my best friend again. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too, Ben.” Marni voiced as her goodnight. That statement came long after my confession, not until we were already home and about to head into our separate rooms, but it was an out-of-the-park, grand slam home run of an admission.
Chapter 12 Marni (Past)
Everything Has Changed ~Taylor Swift
“You’re free to do what you like.”
“I know, Sylvia. But it isn’t that easy.”
“Why not? You surprise Noah tonight at his party, and then stay for the rest of the week.”
“What if he doesn’t want me there the rest of the week? What about Mom?”
I was headed to Noah’s surprise birthday party, which happened to be the weekend before Thanksgiving. After Noah asked me to come for Thanksgiving, his mother, Cecily, invited me to do the same. Since it coincided with the surprise party she was throwing for him, I saw this as a sign to go hang out with him the entire week. The only caveat—Mom. I hated being separated from her, and I hated even more that she was forced to go somewhere because I wasn’t home.
“Your mom told you she was going to Florida to see her sister.”
“I know, but that wasn’t her initial plan. She wanted to do a girls’ trip to Sedona.” Sylvia looked grim. “What?”
“This is your chance to either take this relationship to the next level or to break up for good. For your peace of mind, you need to know.”
“I’m scared to know, Syl. Failure seems to be my middle name where relationships are concerned.”
“One failed relationship does not make you a failure. This is only a stumb
ling block. You and Noah will be fine once you’re in the same city again.”
I doubted all the way to New York.
When I arrived at the party, my doubts were confirmed.
After the pain and betrayal with Ben and Melody, I didn’t think I’d be hurt again so soon, but it happened the moment I saw him.
My plane landed late and since it was a surprise birthday party, I didn’t know whether I should go straight to the party or wait until after Noah had arrived. Last thing I needed was to spoil the element of surprise.
After much debating, I decided to head to the apartment and deal with the consequences. I missed Noah.
My taxi pulled up to a fancy building right behind a laughing couple leaving their taxi. Without a doubt, I knew why my heart was beating so fast and hard.
A very pretty woman shouted, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you just talked about my private parts!” to a laughing Noah, and they giggled their way into the building. Noah’s hand laid on her back as he led her to his home. What was to be a surprise for him turned out to be one for me instead.
I wanted so badly to head home.
My heart broke.
Noah was the last person I thought would go behind my back.
Standing outside the apartment, I wondered what would be the best course of action. My heart wasn’t brave enough to walk into the party knowing the inevitable.
I felt like a fool for having worn a party dress from LA to New York, excited to see the man I considered my boyfriend. After three years of being coaxed back into the dating game, I was an even bigger fool for falling for Noah’s charms. Above all, my biggest mistake was not accepting the signs for what they were. This wasn’t the first time a man stopped communicating with me. Noah’s actions mimicked Ben’s, but I was too scared to admit my defeat, again.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
The meals in the dorm, our semester in Rome, our days in Vegas—fond or forgotten memories depending on who held them.
