Hush-Hush

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  I put some clothes on and opened the door, spreading violent energy around the cottage. After walking around for ten minutes strongly, I couldn’t detect anyone. Maybe my paranoia had reached a new level or maybe I truly wanted to be found.

  The stranger’s energy stayed with me until Ronan arrived home. He didn’t seem to sense anyone, so I didn’t say anything. He’d lived alone for so long and now I had to adapt to his old eccentric ways.

  “What should I expect tonight?” I finally asked when the clock on the wall pointed at eleven o’clock.

  “Expect some pain. There is a special ritual that we have to follow, and only Sonia can produce such a strong potion,” Ronan said. I sighed loudly and began asking myself if this was exactly what I wanted.

  The physical pain, yeah, I could deal with that, but the emotional one was pulling me under the grave, disturbing my healing process.

  “So who is this woman? I suspect she is a demon, right?” I asked, rubbing my hands over my old jeans. My gut all of a sudden was filled with heavy bricks and I felt even shittier than earlier.

  Ronan changed his clothes and now was wearing mostly black. I felt on edge. Even my demonic energy seemed on alert.

  “Sonia is extremely knowledgeable. She’s a mongrel like you. Hell has been hunting her for as long as I can remember, so she moves around often,” Ronan explained, packing odd-looking flasks into his bag. Well, that didn’t sound great. I was supposed to trust a mongrel that had been on the run for God knew how long. At the same time I had no other choice. I couldn’t keep this baby.

  Maybe in the future I would feel guilty for the rest of my life, but right at this moment I had to think about myself and Arthur.

  Half an hour later we left the cozy cottage and headed towards the coastline. I kept walking, assuring myself that this was the right thing to do. None of this seemed real, and I still hadn’t spoken to Ricky.

  Ronan as usual wasn’t saying much as we passed his dearest fishing village in complete darkness. There were no humans on the streets, and somehow I was glad of that. I didn’t need to speak to anyone.

  My heart began thumping faster when we moved through the fields that were situated on top of the steep cliffs. The tide was in, and with every passing minute, I began doubting myself, contemplating if there was another way. The navy sky was filled with heavy clouds.

  This small little creature inside my stomach felt like it was connecting with me already.

  “She will be in one of the caves, and she knows that we’re coming,” Ronan muttered, when the path began moving down towards the shore filled mainly with stones.

  I swallowed hard and told myself that I needed to keep going. Right now things were difficult for me, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t be happy some day.

  The tide was coming in and strong waves beat against the rocky shore. There were long steep cliffs on each side. In front of us there were just blocks of rocks, and I really wasn’t sure where he was taking me.

  As soon as we approached the end of the rocks, Ronan turned around.

  “The strong tides shape caves on the outside, so we have to get slightly wet to find Sonia,” he informed me. I didn’t want to be here, but right now bailing out wasn’t something that I was ready to do. Ronan moved his man bag to the other side of his shoulder and started climbing through the rocks along the cliff.

  We didn’t get slightly wet, we got soaked with seawater. The tide was going to be high this evening. Along the coast, as we climbed higher, finally reaching the cave that was shaped by strong current, dangerous rocks stuck out from each side. I saw a light as we moved closer. My demonic soul detected a mongrel close by.

  Sonia must have used magic in order to create this space for herself. In the distance, any boat would notice the light, so this cave wasn’t a particularly great hiding place, but her magic was possibly much more advanced. Sonia was using very particular spells, and this wasn’t the best time or place to start asking questions.

  By the time we both were inside, Ronan’s breath was laboured. It was a hell of a trip, even for a tough older guy like him. I was freezing cold, ready to skip the introductions and just get on with the task. Ronan’s expression was as usual unreadable.

  “So you found me. Deep down I thought you wouldn’t.” The voice of a woman startled me slightly. She stood hidden underneath the rock. Sonia, the half demon that Ronan told me about appeared to be in her late forties. She had long dark hair and sharp Nordic features.

  Ronan released some of his protective energy, and I tried to relax. The demon that stood in front of me was supposed to help me get rid of the problem. She had red eyeshadow above her hazel eyes, wide cheeks and narrow lips. She was dressed in ordinary clothes, old jeans and a long sleeve dirty shirt.

  My instincts reminded me that my options were limited. I couldn’t risk bringing the mongrel baby into this world, the tiny creature that could possibly have royal blood in its veins.

  “You forgot that I know this area better than anyone,” Ronan stated, dropped the bag, and embraced Sonia in a strong but friendly hug. I scratched my head, wondering what the hell this was about, but kept my opinions to myself. They obviously must have known each other from the past.

  “How are you doing, my old friend?” she asked, once they were no longer embracing. “And who is the scruffy half demon?”

  “Hey, I’m standing right here,” I barked, and her eyes gleamed. Okay, so I was wet, my clothes were dirty, and my hair all over the place, but still she didn’t have to be rude.

  “Maxine, this is Sonia,” Ronan introduced us, ignoring his friend’s comment. “She’s here because we need your help with a particular case.”

  I wanted to laugh that he called my misfortune a case, but Ronan had lost his sensitive nature when he stopped working for the royals.

  I looked around the cave, seeing that she must have slept in the corner on some old clothes. The cave was lit with candles, and there were flasks, herbs, and some dead insects on the small table. Sonia seemed settled here. I didn’t know her story, but Ronan mentioned that she was hiding, and living like that only confirmed it.

  “You’re expecting a mongrel baby,” she said, walking around me. Her energy was powerful, rising fast and linking with my own.

  Cold shivers crawled over my spine when she mentioned the baby. I had no idea how she knew, how she suspected that I had slept with a human.

  “Yes, I am and my situation is complicated. Ronan mentioned that you can help me to get rid of it,” I said, already hating myself for it, for treating it like an unnecessary burden. God, I was terrible. Her eyes gleamed even more, and she smiled.

  “Well, that’s my expertise, but I don’t think that you’re fully convinced you are ready for it,” she stated, like she was reading my mind.

  “I can’t keep it,” I insisted, feeling even more conflicted about everything.

  “Does the father know?”

  “I’m not quite sure who is the father,” I added, wanting to be done talking about it. I felt like this was a job interview.

  “Ronan, take a seat,” she said. “I have to prepare a certain potion. If she is sure, then we can proceed.”

  My stomach made a funny jolt filling with dread. Ricky would have talked me out of it, but there was no time. I had a feeling that Sonia wasn’t planning to stay in here for long.

  She went to the table and started mixing stuff, mumbling formulas that didn’t make much sense. Images of Arthur and all the other men that I had hooked up with in the past began rolling through my mind.

  I started pacing around the cave, aware of the rising power that circulated around, growing with my heartbeat. If someone had said several months ago that I would be sitting in the cave on the outskirts of some remote village trying to find a way to get rid of the baby that I was carrying inside, I wouldn’t have believed it. Now it was my doomed reality.

  I knew that I wouldn’t be able to look myself in the mirror once the deal was done.
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  “The potion is done. Now you just have to drink it and forget about it. The magic will do what it is supposed to,” she said. I looked at her then, realising that the moment had come. I stood up ready to make a decision, ready to kill an innocent human being.

  Chapter Three

  The seconds rolled by and I still wasn’t saying anything. Sonia was holding something in her hand, a stone of some sorts. Earlier on she placed an empty cup on the wooden table that was now steaming with strong magic. The smell of rosemary and other rare herbs wafted through the cave.

  I couldn’t believe that I just had to drink it and the whole problem would go away in a heartbeat. This wasn’t something that I anticipated. Sonia’s eyes were penetrating, and she was seeing through me, seeing that deep down I wasn’t sure if I was ready.

  Back in London everyone that had ever known me understood that not many things could break me. I had worked for royals, I had protected them, and now I was just about to fall apart.

  “There is a formula that you have to whisper while you drink it,” Sonia added, dropping the stone into her pocket. Ronan was aware that I was undecided. He released some calming vibes towards me, telling me that I could go back to normal as soon as I drank the potion. He obviously wanted me to go ahead with this abortion. The prince and I were done, so I had nothing to worry about, and I couldn’t be a hundred percent sure if the child was his.

  “And that’s it? What will happen to the fetus?” I asked stupidly already knowing the answer. Deep down I still needed to absorb all the details. Going through pros and cons didn’t give me any confidence. I had to save myself, and giving birth to this baby could send the whole of hell into havoc.

  And if the child was Arthur’s, my future was shaky at best. Sleeping with a royal wasn’t a crime, but creating a half-blooded royal could cause a lot of problems to authorities in hell.

  Sonia shifted her weight to the side and pursed her lips. Obviously she didn’t like that I was hesitating. I wished that I’d brought a strong drink with me. Ronan came here with me, introduced me to this woman. That one drink could make me normal again, so what was I waiting for?

  “The magic will destroy the fetus, you will throw up a few times, possibly bleed too, but tomorrow morning you won’t be pregnant,” she informed me, then went to the table and picked up the drink for me.

  This time I took the cup, feeling violent magic scorching through me instantly. The potion was powerful.

  I thought about Arthur once again. We had talked about children, and I knew that at some point he wanted to be a father. Maybe in different circumstances we could have created a real family, but I had to remember that as long as he was a prince this was impossible.

  I held on to the magic, squeezing the cup harder. The time stretched, and my thoughts started racing again. This was simple, but the pain was greater. It spread everywhere, burning me like a fresh wound.

  The energies stirred inside me and I wished that I could be somewhere else.

  “Right, I don’t think your girl is ready to get rid of this child, Ronan, and you know how much I hate wasting my time,” Sonia barked, taking a step towards me.

  Tears welled in my eyes, but I refused to cry in front of them. What the hell was wrong with me? I came here to kill the creature that would have a tough life anyway, but I just couldn’t go through with it.

  All the tiny voices in my head were screaming at me that there was no other way, that from now on I would have to keep living with this secret forever.

  “Maxine, I thought you decided, that you had gone through your pros and cons?” Ronan asked, sounding angry all of a sudden. I clenched my teeth, knowing that he genuinely wanted to help me, but right then I couldn’t pull myself together.

  I finally lifted my head, swallowing the tears away, and placed my hand on my stomach.

  “I can’t do this. I’m sorry, but this child will have to be born,” I stated, knowing that it was my sacrifice. Ronan and Sonia most likely thought that I was stupid, but I wasn’t ready to become a monster. Arthur would remain my long-lost love, forever.

  “A weak soul. Mongrel children are very challenging, dear, so you really have to think about this. And please don’t think that father will help you in any way. Human men aren’t ready for that kind of news,” Sonia stated and Ronan narrowed his eyes at her, like he disapproved of what she said.

  “Maxine is not quite sure who fathered her child,” Ronan said.

  “Well, you might sense it later on. As the fetus becomes more active, the mother can glimpse memories from the past,” Sonia explained, sounding bored. It was obvious that she never had kids. She seemed cold and detached.

  My head hurt as memories about Arthur resurfaced. Now I had to come up with a new plan. After all, I wanted to keep this child, not even knowing if I was capable of raising it.

  I had to get out of here and speak to Ricky. There was no way that I could get back to London, unless …

  “Just a word of advice,” Sonia interrupted my train of thought.

  “Yes?” I asked, realising that either way I needed to stay with Ronan for another eight months and a bit.

  “Stop thinking that it might work out with the human. They are the weak link within demonic society. You’re on your own. The sooner you realise that, the stronger you will become.”

  “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” I added, then turned around ready to disappear. I didn’t wait for Ronan. He had to respect my decision and let me get on with it. We were friends, and he was ready to help me earlier on. I left the cave, moving through the rocky shore, petrified that now everything could turn against me.

  Was I weak?

  Maybe, but I couldn’t go through with this abortion.

  I couldn’t become a woman that was too scared to face the consequences of unprotected sex. It was then or never, and I chose to risk everything for someone that wasn’t even born yet.

  When I came back to the cottage it was just after one in the morning. Ronan had chosen to stay with Sonia. They obviously had other matters to discuss, and their relationship was none of my business. I went over everything, and I told myself that I had made my choice. I had options, but instead of thinking about what was next, I took my phone and dialled Ricky’s number.

  “Wow, Maxine, I thought you said that you wouldn’t be in touch? Is everything okay?” he asked as soon as he answered the phone.

  I took a deep breath and squeezed my phone, cutting the blood circulation to my fingers. My throat felt tight, but I had to tell him everything. He was the only one that could understand what I was thinking.

  “I tried to have an abortion, Rick. Ronan took me to this female demon, but I couldn’t do it,” I said, getting straight to the point. There was a silence on the other side of the phone.

  “He talked you into it, didn’t he?” Ricky asked throwing accusations straight away. My voice was lost, but I had to keep going and tell him exactly what I was planning.

  “No. Ronan only did what I asked for. I was stupid, thought this would solve everything, but eventually I backed away,” I told him. “That demon female mentioned that I might figure out who the father is later when the baby will be more active.”

  “I’ve heard about it, but that won’t change the fact that you’re going to be a mother, Maxine. What if Arthur is the actual father of your child?”

  I rubbed my forehead, wanting to stick to everything I planned to tell him. Yeah, I was following my emotions earlier on, made a rushed decision, but in the end the child had to have a good start in life.

  “I will find someone that will take care of it, Ricky, possibly adoption. We both know that I’m not mother material. I can barely take care of myself.”

  “It’s different now, but once you hold this creature in your arms your perspective will change. Don’t jump hoop yet, Maxine, think about it,” he muttered and I sensed that he wanted to say more, but he was hesitating.

  “What’s wrong, Ricky? Is it the business?”
I pressed, really missing him and the agency. After I got fired from the palace we lost a lot of clients, but Ricky was smart. He could get everything back up and running in no time.

  “Arthur came to my place a few times before he left for Afghanistan.”

  My heart made a happy dance in my chest, covering the fact that earlier on I was slowly dying, thinking that I would never see him again. The sudden pain came back like an arrow, piercing through my heart.

  I didn’t say anything, waiting for him to continue. There was probably more. Well, it looked like he cared a little.

  “He wanted to know what happened to you. He got violent a few times,” Ricky continued, sounding normal. He would never betray me or reveal my location. We had an understanding, and I knew that I had to dismiss Arthur’s efforts. He was far away right now, thousands of miles away in a foreign country. “The guy still loves you, and I don’t know, maybe you should have tried talking to him.”

  I hated when Ricky got emotional.

  “Don’t try to make me feel better. We are done. My whole career is ruined. It’s better this way,” I insisted, remembering how humiliated I was standing in front of the Queen and her entourage.

  “He showed up drunk, and hurt. For the first time I felt bad for the guy. He genuinely had no idea what happened.”

  My mind was spinning, but I kept telling myself that Ricky was wrong. Arthur knew that I got fired from my post. We were done fooling around and I had risked enough. It was time to stop thinking about that and concentrate on my unborn child.

  “I don’t care. This would never work anyway. Ricky, I’m staying here until I give birth. No one can know, do you understand?”

  “Don’t treat me like an idiot. You’re like my family, Max, and I’m behind you a hundred percent,” he added, like he was saying that he would help me take care of this child, but that was highly unlikely.