Ruggles of Red Gap

by Harry Leon Wilson

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Three days later came the satisfying answer to my cable message:

  _"Damn! Sailing Wednesday_.--BRINSTEAD."

  Glad I was he had used the cable. In a letter there would doubtlesshave been still other words improper to a peer of England.

  Belknap-Jackson thereafter bore himself with a dignity quitetremendous even for him. Graciously aloof, he was as one carrying aninner light. "We hold them in the hollow of our hand," said he, andboth his wife and himself took pains on our own thoroughfare to cutthe Honourable George dead, though I dare say the poor chap never atall noticed it. They spoke of him as "a remittance man"--the blacksheep of a noble family. They mentioned sympathetically the troublehis vicious ways had been to his brother, the Earl. Indeed, somysteriously important were they in allusions of this sort that I wasobliged to caution them, lest they let out the truth. As it was, thereran through the town an undercurrent of puzzled suspicion. It wasintimated that we had something in our sleeves.

  Whether this tension was felt by the Honourable George, I had no meansof knowing. I dare say not, as he is self-centred, being seldom awareof anything beyond his own immediate sensations. But I had reason tobelieve that the Klondike woman had divined some menace in ourattitude of marked indifference. Her own manner, when it could beobserved, grew increasingly defiant, if that were possible. Thealliance of the Honourable George with the Bohemian set had become, ofcourse, a public scandal after the day of his appearance in her trapand after his betrayal of the Belknap-Jacksons had been gossiped torags. He no longer troubled himself to pretend any esteem whatever forthe North Side set. Scarce a day passed but he appeared in public asthe woman's escort. He flagrantly performed her commissions, and attheir questionable Bohemian gatherings, with their beer and sausagesand that sort of thing, he was the gayest of that gay, mad set.

  Indeed, of his old associates, Cousin Egbert quite almost alone seemedto find him any longer desirable, and him I had no heart to caution,knowing that I should only wound without enlightening him, he beingentirely impervious to even these cruder aspects of class distinction.I dare say he would have considered the marriage of the HonourableGeorge as no more than the marriage of one of his cattle-personcompanions. I mean to say, he is a dear old sort and I should neverfail to defend him in the most disheartening of his vagaries, but heis undeniably insensitive to what one does and does not do.

  The conviction ran, let me repeat, that we had another pot of broth onthe fire. I gleaned as much from the Mixer, she being one of the fewothers besides Cousin Egbert in whose liking the Honourable George hadnot terrifically descended. She made it a point to address me on thesubject over a dish of tea at the Grill one afternoon, choosing atable sufficiently remote from my other feminine guests, whodoubtless, at their own tables, discussed the same complication. I wasindeed glad that we were remote from other occupied tables, because inthe course of her remarks she quite forcefully uttered an oath, whichI thought it as well not to have known that I cared to tolerate in mylady patrons.

  "As to what Jackson feels about the way it was handed out to him thatSunday," she bluntly declared, "I don't care a----" The oath quitedazed me for a moment, although I had been warned that she would uselanguage on occasion. "What I do care about," she went on briskly, "isthat I won't have this girl pestered by Jackson or by you or by anyman that wears hair! Why, Jackson talks so silly about her sometimesyou'd think she was a bad woman--and he keeps hinting about somethinghe's going to put over till I can hardly keep my hands off him. I justknow some day he'll make me forget I'm a lady. Now, take it from me,Bill, if you're setting in with him, don't start anything you can'tfinish."

  Really she was quite fierce about it. I mean to say, the glitter inher eyes made me recall what Cousin Egbert had said of Mrs. Effie, herbeing quite entirely willing to take on a rattlesnake and give it theadvantage of the first two assaults. Somewhat flustered I was, yet Ihastened to assure her that, whatever steps I might feel obliged totake for the protection of the Honourable George, they would involvenothing at all unfair to the lady in question.

  "Well, they better hadn't!" she resumed threateningly. "That girl hada hard time all right, but listen here--she's as right as a church.She couldn't fool me a minute if she wasn't. Don't you suppose I beenaround and around quite some? Just because she likes to have a goodtime and outdresses these dames here--is that any reason they shouldget out their hammers? Ain't she earned some right to a good time,tell me, after being married when she was a silly kid to Two-spotKenner, the swine--and God bless the trigger finger of the man thatbumped him off! As for the poor old Judge, don't worry. I like the oldboy, but Kate Kenner won't do anything more than make a monkey of himjust to spite Jackson and his band of lady knockers. Marry him? Say,get me right, Bill--I'll put it as delicate as I can--the Judge is toodarned far from being a mental giant for that."

  I dare say she would have slanged me for another half-hour but for theconstant strain of keeping her voice down. As it was, she boomed upnow and again in a way that reduced to listening silence the ladies atseveral distant tables.

  As to the various points she had raised, I was somewhat confused.About the Honourable George, for example: He was, to be sure, nomental giant. But one occupying his position is not required to be.Indeed, in the class to which he was born one well knows that a mentalgiant would be quite as distressingly bizarre as any other freak. Iregretted not having retorted this to her, for it now occurred to methat she had gone it rather strong with her "poor old Judge." I meanto say, it was almost quite a little bit raw for a native American toadopt this patronizing tone toward one of us.

  And yet I found that my esteem for the Mixer had increased rather thandiminished by reason of her plucky defence of the Klondike woman. Ihad no reason to suppose that the designing creature was worth adefence, but I could only admire the valour that made it. Also I foundfood for profound meditation in the Mixer's assertion that the woman'ssole aim was to "make a monkey" of the Honourable George. If she wereright, a mesalliance need not be feared, at which thought I felt agreat relief. That she should achieve the lesser and perhaps equallyeasy feat with the poor chap was a calamity that would be, I fancied,endured by his lordship with a serene fortitude.

  Curiously enough, as I went over the Mixer's tirade point by point, Ifound in myself an inexplicable loss of animus toward the Klondikewoman. I will not say I was moved to sympathy for her, but doubtlessthat strange ferment of equality stirred me toward her with somethingless than the indignation I had formerly felt. Perhaps she was anentirely worthy creature. In that case, I merely wished her to betaught that one must not look too far above one's station, even inAmerica, in so serious an affair as matrimony. With all my heart Ishould wish her a worthy mate of her own class, and I was glad indeedto reflect upon the truth of my assertion to the Mixer, that no unfairadvantage would be taken of her. His lordship would remove theHonourable George from her toils, a made monkey, perhaps, but nohusband.

  Again that day did I listen to a defence of this woman, and from asource whence I could little have expected it. Meditating upon thematter, I found myself staring at Mrs. Judson as she polished someglassware in the pantry. As always, the worthy woman made a pleasingpicture in her neat print gown. From staring at her rather absently Icaught myself reflecting that she was one of the few women whose hairis always perfectly coiffed. I mean to say, no matter what the pressof her occupation, it never goes here and there.

  From the hair, my meditative eye, still rather absently, I believe,descended her quite good figure to her boots. Thereupon, my gazeceased to be absent. They were not boots. They were bronzed slipperswith high heels and metal buckles and of a character so distinctivethat I instantly knew they had once before been impressed upon myvision. Swiftly my mind identified them: they had been worn by theKlondike woman on the occasion of a dinner at the Grill, inconjunction with a gown to match and a bluish scarf--all combining toachieve an immense effect.

  My assistant hummed at her
task, unconscious of my scrutiny. I recallthat I coughed slightly before disclosing to her that my attention hadbeen attracted to her slippers. She took the reference lightly,affecting, as the sex will, to belittle any prized possession in theface of masculine praise.

  "I have seen them before," I ventured.

  "She gives me all of hers. I haven't had to buy shoes since baby wasborn. She gives me--lots of things--stockings and things. She likes meto have them."

  "I didn't know you knew her."

  "Years! I'm there once a week to give the house a good going over.That Jap of hers is the limit. Dust till you can't rest. And when Iclean he just grins."

  I mused upon this. The woman was already giving half her time tosuperintending two assistants in the preparation of the InternationalRelish.

  "Her work is too much in addition to your own," I suggested.

  "Me? Work too hard? Not in a thousand years. I do all right for you,don't I?"

  It was true; she was anything but a slacker. I more nearly approachedmy real objection.

  "A woman in your position," I began, "can't be too careful as to theassociations she forms----" I had meant to go on, but found it quiteabsurdly impossible. My assistant set down the glass she had and quitevenomously brandished her towel at me.

  "So that's it?" she began, and almost could get no farther for meresputtering. I mean to say, I had long recognized that she possessedcharacter, but never had I suspected that she would have so inadequatea control of her temper.

  "So that's it?" she sputtered again, "And I thought you were toodecent to join in that talk about a woman just because she's young andwears pretty clothes and likes to go out. I'm astonished at you, Ireally am. I thought you were more of a man!" She broke off, scowlingat me most furiously.

  Feeling all at once rather a fool, I sought to conciliate her. "I havejoined in no talk," I said. "I merely suggested----" But she shut meoff sharply.

  "And let me tell you one thing: I can pick out my associates in thistown without any outside help. The idea! That girl is just as nice aperson as ever walked the earth, and nobody ever said she wasn'texcept those frumpy old cats that hate her good looks because the menall like her."

  "Old cats!" I echoed, wishing to rebuke this violence of epithet, butshe would have none of me.

  "Nasty old spite-cats," she insisted with even more violence, and wenton to an almost quite blasphemous absurdity. "A prince in his palacewouldn't be any too good for her!"

  "Tut, tut!" I said, greatly shocked.

  "Tut nothing!" she retorted fiercely. "A regular prince in his palace,that's what she deserves. There isn't a single man in this one-horsetown that's good enough to pick up her glove. And she knows it, too.She's carrying on with your silly Englishman now, but it's just to paythose old cats back in their own coin. She'll carry on with him--yes!But marry? Good heavens and earth! Marriage is serious!" With thisnovel conclusion she seized another glass and began to wipe itviciously. She glared at me, seeming to believe that she had closedthe interview. But I couldn't stop. In some curious way she hadstirred me rather out of myself--but not about the Klondike woman norabout the Honourable George. I began most illogically, I admit, torage inwardly about another matter.

  "You have other associates," I exclaimed quite violently, "thosecattle-persons--I know quite all about it. That Hank and Buck--theycome here on the chance of seeing you; they bring you boxes of candy,they bring you little presents. Twice they've escorted you home atnight when you quite well knew I was only too glad to do it----" Ifelt my temper most curiously running away with me, ranting aboutthings I hadn't meant to at all. I looked for another outburst fromher, but to my amazement she flashed me a smile with a most enigmaticlook back of it. She tossed her head, but resumed her wiping of theglass with a certain demureness. She spoke almost meekly:

  "They're very old friends, and I'm sure they always act right. I don'tsee anything wrong in it, even if Buck Edwards has shown me a gooddeal of attention."

  But this very meekness of hers seemed to arouse all the violence in mynature.

  "I won't have it!" I said. "You have no right to receive presents frommen. I tell you I won't have it! You've no right!"

  "Haven't I?" she suddenly said in the most curious, cool little voice,her eyes falling before mine. "Haven't I? I didn't know."

  It was quite chilling, her tone and manner. I was cool in an instant.Things seemed to mean so much more than I had supposed they did. Imean to say, it was a fair crumpler. She paused in her wiping of theglass but did not regard me. I was horribly moved to go to her, butcoolly remembered that that sort of thing would never do.

  "I trust I have said enough," I remarked with entirely recovereddignity.

  "You have," she said.

  "I mean I won't have such things," I said.

  "I hear you," she said, and fell again to her work. I thereuponinvestigated an ice-box and found enough matter for complaint againstthe Hobbs boy to enable me to manage a dignified withdrawal to therear. The remarkable creature was humming again as I left.

  I stood in the back door of the Grill giving upon the alley, where Imused rather excitedly. Here I was presently interrupted by the dog,Mr. Barker. For weeks now I had been relieved of his odiousattentions, by the very curious circumstance that he had transferredthem to the Honourable George. Not all my kicks and cuffs and beatingshad sufficed one whit to repulse him. He had kept after me, fawnedupon me, in spite of them. And then on a day he had suddenly, withglad cries, become enamoured of the Honourable George, waiting for himat doors, following him, hanging upon his every look. And theHonourable George had rather fancied the beast and made much of him.

  And yet this animal is reputed by poets and that sort of thing to beman's best friend, faithfully sharing his good fortune and his bad,staying by his side to the bitter end, even refusing to leave his bodywhen he has perished--starving there with a dauntless fidelity. Howchagrined the weavers of these tributes would have been to observe thefickle nature of the beast in question! For weeks he had hardlydeigned me a glance. It had been a relief, to be sure, but what asickening disclosure of the cur's trifling inconstancy. Even now,though he sniffed hungrily at the open door, he paid me not the leastattention--me whom he had once idolized!

  I slipped back to the ice-box and procured some slices of beef thatwere far too good for him. He fell to them with only a perfunctoryacknowledgment of my agency in procuring them.

  "Why, I thought you hated him!" suddenly said the voice of his owner.She had tiptoed to my side.

  "I do," I said quite savagely, "but the unspeakable beast can't beleft to starve, can he?"

  I felt her eyes upon me, but would not turn. Suddenly she put her handupon my shoulder, patting it rather curiously, as she might havesoothed her child. When I did turn she was back at her task. She washumming again, nor did she glance my way. Quite certainly she was nolonger conscious that I stood about. She had quite forgotten me. Icould tell as much from her manner. "Such," I reflected, with anunaccustomed cynicism, "is the light inconsequence of women and dogs."Yet I still experienced a curiously thrilling determination to protecther from her own good nature in the matter of her associates.

  At a later and cooler moment of the day I reflected upon her defenceof the Klondike woman. A "prince in his palace" not too good for her!No doubt she had meant me to take these remarkable words quiteseriously. It was amazing, I thought, with what seriousness the lowerclasses of the country took their dogma of equality, and with whatnaive confidence they relied upon us to accept it. Equality in NorthAmerica was indeed praiseworthy; I had already given it the fullweight of my approval and meant to live by it. But at home, of course,that sort of thing would never do. The crude moral worth of theKlondike woman might be all that her two defenders had alleged, andindeed I felt again that strange little thrill of almost sympathy forher as one who had been unjustly aspersed. But I could only resolvethat I would be no party to any unfair plan of opposing her. TheHonourable George must be saved from her trifling
as well as from herserious designs, if such she might have; but so far as I couldinfluence the process it should cause as little chagrin as possible tothe offender. This much the Mixer and my charwoman had achieved withme. Indeed, quite hopeful I was that when the creature had been setright as to what was due one of our oldest and proudest families shewould find life entirely pleasant among those of her own station. Sheseemed to have a good heart.

  As the day of his lordship's arrival drew near, Belknap-Jackson becameincreasingly concerned about the precise manner of his reception andthe details of his entertainment, despite my best assurances that noespecially profound thought need be given to either, his lordshipbeing quite that sort, fussy enough in his own way but hardly formalor pretentious.

  His prospective host, after many consultations with me, at lengthallowed himself to be dissuaded from meeting his lordship in correctafternoon garb of frock-coat and top-hat, consenting, at my urgentsuggestion, to a mere lounge-suit of tweeds with a soft-rolled hat anda suitable rough day stick. Again in the matter of the menu for hislordship's initial dinner which we had determined might well betendered him at my establishment. Both husband and wife were ratherkeen for an elaborate repast of many courses, feeling that anythingless would be doing insufficient honour to their illustrious guest,but I at length convinced them that I quite knew what his lordshipwould prefer: a vegetable soup, an abundance of boiled mutton withpotatoes, a thick pudding, a bit of scientifically correct cheese, anda jug of beer. Rather trying they were at my first mention of this--adinner quite without finesse, to be sure, but eminently nutritive--andonly their certainty that I knew his lordship's ways made them givein.

  The affair was to be confined to the family, his lordship the onlyguest, this being thought discreet for the night of his arrival inview of the peculiar nature of his mission. Belknap-Jackson had hopedagainst hope that the Mixer might not be present, and even so late asthe day of his lordship's arrival he was cheered by word that shemight be compelled to keep her bed with a neuralgia.

  To the afternoon train I accompanied him in his new motor-car, findinghim not a little distressed because the chauffeur, a native of thetown, had stoutly--and with some not nice words, I gathered--refusedto wear the smart uniform which his employer had provided.

  "I would have shopped the fellow in an instant," he confided to me,"had it been at any other time. He was most impertinent. But as usual,here I am at the mercy of circumstances. We couldn't well subjectBrinstead to those loathsome public conveyances."

  We waited in the usual throng of the leisured lower-classes who are sonaively pleased at the passage of a train. I found myself picturingtheir childish wonder had they guessed the identity of him we werethere to meet. Even as the train appeared Belknap-Jackson made a lastmoan of complaint.

  "Mrs. Pettengill," he observed dejectedly, "is about the house againand I fear will be quite well enough to be with us this evening." Fora moment I almost quite disapproved of the fellow. I mean to say, hewas vogue and all that, and no doubt had been wretchedly mistreated,but after all the Mixer was not one to be wished ill to.

  A moment later I was contrasting the quiet arrival of his lordshipwith the clamour and confusion that had marked the advent among us ofthe Honourable George. He carried but one bag and attracted noattention whatever from the station loungers. While I have never knownhim be entirely vogue in his appointments, his lordship carries off alounge-suit and his gray-cloth hat with a certain manner which theHonourable George was never known to achieve even in the days when Igroomed him. The grayish rather aggressive looking side-whiskers firstcaught my eye, and a moment later I had taken his hand.Belknap-Jackson at the same time took his bag, and with a trepidationso obvious that his lordship may perhaps have been excusable for amomentary misapprehension. I mean to say, he instantly and crisplydirected Belknap-Jackson to go forward to the luggage van and recoverhis box.

  A bit awkward it was, to be sure, but I speedily took the situation inhand by formally presenting the two men, covering the palpableembarrassment of the host by explaining to his lordship the astoundingingenuity of the American luggage system. By the time I had deprivedhim of his check and convinced him that his box would be admirablyrecovered by a person delegated to that service, Belknap-Jackson,again in form, was apologizing to him for the squalid character of thestation and for the hardships he must be prepared to endure in a crudeWestern village. Here again the host was annoyed by having to callrepeatedly to his mechanician in order to detach him from a gossipinggroup of loungers. He came smoking a quite fearfully bad cigar andtook his place at the wheel entirely without any suitable deference tohis employer.

  His lordship during the ride rather pointedly surveyed me, beingimpressed, I dare say, by something in my appearance and manner quitenew to him. Doubtless I had been feeling equal for so long that thething was to be noticed in my manner. He made no comment upon me,however. Indeed almost the only time he spoke during our passage wasto voice his astonishment at not having been able to procure theLondon _Times_ at the press-stalls along the way. His host madeclucking noises of sympathy at this. He had, he said, already warnedhis lordship that America was still crude.

  "Crude? Of course, what, what!" exclaimed his lordship. "But naturallythey'd have the _Times_! I dare say the beggars were too lazy tolook it out. Laziness, what, what!"

  "We've a job teaching them to know their places," venturedBelknap-Jackson, moodily regarding the back of his chauffeur whichsomehow contrived to be eloquent with disrespect for him.

  "My word, what rot!" rejoined his lordship. I saw that he had arrivedin one of his peppery moods. I fancy he could not have recited amultiplication table without becoming fanatically assertive about it.That was his way. I doubt if he had ever condescended to have anopinion. What might have been opinions came out on him like a rash inform of the most violent convictions.

  "What rot not to know their places, when they must know them!" hesnappishly added.

  "Quite so, quite so!" his host hastened to assure him.

  "A--dashed--fine big country you have," was his only otherobservation.

  "Indeed, indeed," murmured his host mildly. I had rather dreaded theoath which his lordship is prone to use lightly.

  Reaching the Belknap-Jackson house, his lordship was shown to theapartment prepared for him.

  "Tea will be served in half an hour, your--er--Brinstead," announcedhis host cordially, although seemingly at a loss how to address him.

  "Quite so, what, what! Tea, of course, of course! Why wouldn't it be?Meantime, if you don't mind, I'll have a word with Ruggles. At once."

  Belknap-Jackson softly and politely withdrew at once.

  Alone with his lordship, I thought it best to acquaint him instantlywith the change in my circumstances, touching lightly upon the matterof my now being an equal with rather most of the North Americans. Helistened with exemplary patience to my brief recital and was goodenough to felicitate me.

  "Assure you, glad to hear it--glad no end. Worthy fellow; always knewit. And equal, of course, of course! Take up their equality by allmeans if you take 'em up themselves. Curious lot of nose-talkingbeggars, and putting r's every place one shouldn't, but don't blameyou. Do it myself if I could--England gone to pot. Quite!"

  "Gone to pot, sir?" I gasped.

  "Don't argue. Course it has. Women! Slasher fiends and firebrands!Pictures, churches, golf-greens, cabinet members--nothing safe.Pouring their beastly filth into pillar boxes. Women one knows.Hussies, though! Want the vote--rot! Awful rot! Don't blame you forAmerica. Wish I might, too. Good thing, my word! No backbone inDowning Street. Let the fiends out again directly they're hungry. Nosystem! No firmness! No dash! Starve 'em proper, I would."

  He was working himself into no end of a state. I sought to divert him.

  "About the Honourable George, sir----" I ventured.

  "What's the silly ass up to now? Dancing girl got him--yes? How hedoes it, I can't think. No looks, no manner, no way with women. Can'tstand him myself. How ev
er can they? Frightful bore, old George is.Well, well, man, I'm waiting. Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

  Briefly I disclosed to him that his brother had entangled himself witha young person who had indeed been a dancing girl or a bit like thatin the province of Alaska. That at the time of my cable there wasstrong reason to believe she would stop at nothing--even marriage, butthat I had since come to suspect that she might be bent only on makinga fool of her victim, she being, although an honest enough character,rather inclined to levity and without proper respect for establishedfamilies.

  I hinted briefly at the social warfare of which she had been a stormcentre. I said again, remembering the warm words of the Mixer and ofmy charwoman, that to the best of my knowledge her character waswithout blemish. All at once I was feeling preposterously sorry forthe creature.

  His lordship listened, though with a cross-fire of interruptions."Alaska dancing girl. Silly! Nothing but snow and mines in Alaska."Or, again, "Make a fool of old George? What silly piffle! Already doneit himself, what, what! Waste her time!" And if she wasn't keen tomarry him, had I called him across the ocean to intervene in a vulgarvillage squabble about social precedence? "Social precedence sillyrot!"

  I insisted that his brother should be seen to. One couldn't tell whatthe woman might do. Her audacity was tremendous, even for an American.To this he listened more patiently.

  "Dare say you're right. You don't go off your head easily. I'll raghim proper, now I'm here. Always knew the ass would make a sillymarriage if he could. Yes, yes, I'll break it up quick enough. I sayI'll break it up proper. Dancers and that sort. Dangerous. But I knowtheir tricks."

  A summons to tea below interrupted him.

  "Hungry, my word! Hardly dared eat in that dining-coach. Tinned stuffall about one. Appendicitis! American journal--some Colonel chap foundit out. Hunting sort. Looked a fool beside his silly horse, but seemedto know. Took no chances. Said the tin-opener slays its thousands.Rot, no doubt. Perhaps not."

  I led him below, hardly daring at the moment to confess my ownresponsibility for his fears. Another time, I thought, we might chatof it.

  Belknap-Jackson with his wife and the Mixer awaited us. His lordshipwas presented, and I excused myself.

  "Mrs. Pettengill, his lordship the Earl of Brinstead," had been thehost's speech of presentation to the Mixer.

  "How do do, Earl; I'm right glad to meet you," had been the Mixer'sacknowledgment, together with a hearty grasp of the hand. I saw hislordship's face brighten.

  "What ho!" he cried with the first cheerfulness he had exhibited, andthe Mixer, still vigorously pumping his hand, had replied, "Samehere!" with a vast smile of good nature. It occurred to me that they,at least, were quite going to "get" each other, as Americans say.

  "Come right in and set down in the parlour," she was saying at thelast. "I don't eat between meals like you English folks are alwaysdoing, but I'll take a shot of hooch with you."

  The Belknap-Jacksons stood back not a little distressed. They seemedto publish that their guest was being torn from them.

  "A shot of hooch!" observed his lordship "I dare say your shootingover here is absolutely top-hole--keener sport than our popping atdriven birds. What, what!"