Ruggles of Red Gap

by Harry Leon Wilson

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Echoes of the Monday night dinner reached me the following day. Theaffair had passed off pleasantly enough, the members of the Bohemianset conducting themselves quite as persons who mattered, with theexception of the Klondike woman herself, who, I gathered, haddescended to a mood of most indecorous liveliness considering who theguest of honour was. She had not only played and sung those noisynative folksongs of hers, but she had, it seemed, conducted herselfwith a certain facetious familiarity toward his lordship.

  "Every now and then," said Cousin Egbert, my principal informant,"she'd whirl in and josh the Cap all over the place about them funnywhiskers he wears. She told him out and out he'd just got to losethem."

  "Shocking rudeness!" I exclaimed.

  "Oh, sure, sure!" he agreed, yet without indignation. "And the Capjust hated her for it--you could tell that by the way he looked ather. Oh, he hates her something terrible. He just can't bear the sightof her."

  "Naturally enough," I observed, though there had been an undercurrentto his speech that I thought almost quite a little odd. His accentswere queerly placed. Had I not known him too well I should havethought him trying to be deep. I recalled his other phrases, that Mrs.Effie was seeing which way a cat would leap, and that the Klondikeperson would hand the ladies of the North Side set a lemon squash. Iput them all down as childish prattle and said as much to the Mixerlater in the day as she had a dish of tea at the Grill.

  "Yes, Sour-dough's right," she observed. "That Earl just hates thesight of her--can't bear to look at her a minute." But she, too,intoned the thing queerly.

  "He's putting pressure to bear on her," I said.

  "Pressure!" said the Mixer; and then, "Hum!" very dryly.

  With this news, however, it was plain as a pillar-box that things weregoing badly with his lordship's effort to release the HonourableGeorge from his entanglement. The woman, doubtless with hiscompromising letters, would be holding out for a stiffish price; shewould think them worth no end. And plainly again, his lordship hadthrown off his mask; was unable longer to conceal his aversion forher. This, to be sure, was more in accordance with his character as Ihad long observed it. If he hated her it was like him to show it whenhe looked at her. I mean he was quite like that with almost any one. Ihoped, however, that diplomacy might still save us all sorts of anasty row.

  To my relief when the pair appeared for tea that afternoon--a sight nolonger causing the least sensation--I saw that his lordship must havereturned to his first or diplomatic manner. Doubtless he still hatedher, but one would little have suspected it from his manner of lookingat her. I mean to say, he looked at her another way. The opposite way,in fact. He was being subtle in the extreme. I fancied it must havebeen her wretched levity regarding his beard that had goaded him intothe exhibitions of hatred noted by Cousin Egbert and the Mixer.Unquestionably his lordship may be goaded in no time if onedeliberately sets about it. At the time, doubtless, he had sliced adrive or two, as one might say, but now he was back in form.

  Again I confess I was not a little sorry for the creature, seeing herthere so smartly taken in by his effusive manner. He was having her onin the most obvious way and she, poor dupe, taking it all quiteseriously. Prime it was, though, considering the creature's designs;and I again marvelled that in all the years of my association with hislordship I had never suspected what a topping sort he could be at thisgame. His mask was now perfect. It recalled, indeed, Cousin Egbert'ssimple but telling phrase about the Honourable George--"He looks ather!" It could now have been said of his lordship with the utmostsignificance to any but those in the know.

  And so began, quite as had the first, the second week of hislordship's stay among us. Knowing he had booked a return from Cooks, Ifancied that results of some sort must soon ensue. The pressure he wasputting on the woman must begin to tell. And this was the extreme ofthe encouragement I was able to offer the Belknap-Jacksons. Both heand his wife were of course in a bit of a state. Nor could I blamethem. With an Earl for house guest they must be content with but aglimpse of him at odd moments. Rather a barren honour they werefinding it.

  His lordship's conferences with the woman were unabated. When notsecluded with her at her own establishment he would be abroad with herin her trap or in the car of Belknap-Jackson. The owner, however, nolonger drove his car. He had never taken another chance. And well Iknew these activities of his lordship's were being basely misconstruedby the gossips.

  "The Cap is certainly some queener," remarked Cousin Egbert, whichperhaps reflected the view of the deceived public at this time, thecurious term implying that his lordship was by way of being a bit of adog. But calm I remained under these aspersions, counting upon aclean-cut vindication of his lordship's methods when he should havegot the woman where he wished her.

  I remained, I repeat, serenely confident that a signal triumph wouldpresently crown his lordship's subtly planned attack. And then, atmidweek, I was rudely shocked to the suspicion that all might not begoing well with his plan. I had not seen the pair for a day, and whenthey did appear for their tea I instantly detected a profound changein their mutual bearing. His lordship still looked at the woman, butthe raillery of their past meetings had gone. Too plainly somethingmomentous had occurred. Even the woman was serious. Had they fought tothe last stand? Would she have been too much for him? I mean to say,was the Honourable George cooked?

  I now recalled that I had observed an almost similar change in thelatter's manner. His face wore a look of wildest gloom that might havebeen mitigated perhaps by a proper trimming of his beard, but eventhen it would have been remarked by those who knew him well. Idivined, I repeat, that something momentous had now occurred and thatthe Honourable George was one not least affected by it.

  Rather a sleepless night I passed, wondering fearfully if, after all,his lordship would have been unable to extricate the poor chap fromthis sordid entanglement. Had the creature held out for too much? Hadshe refused to compromise? Would there be one of those appalling legalthings which our best families so often suffer? What if the victimwere to cut off home?

  Nor was my trepidation allayed by the cryptic remark of Mrs. Judson asI passed her at her tasks in the pantry that morning:

  "A prince in his palace not too good--that's what I said!"

  She shot the thing at me with a manner suspiciously near to flippancy.I sternly demanded her meaning.

  "I mean what I mean," she retorted, shutting her lips upon it in adefinite way she has. Well enough I knew the import of her uncivilspeech, but I resolved not to bandy words with her, because in myposition it would be undignified; because, further, of an unfortunateeffect she has upon my temper at such times.

  "She's being terrible careful about _her_ associates," shepresently went on, with a most irritating effect of addressing onlyherself; "nothing at all but just dukes and earls and lords day in andday out!" Too often when the woman seems to wish it she contrives toget me in motion, as the American saying is.

  "And it is deeply to be regretted," I replied with dignity, "thatother persons must say less of themselves if put to it."

  Well she knew what I meant. Despite my previous clear warning, she hadmore than once accepted small gifts from the cattle-persons, Hank andBuck, and had even been seen brazenly in public with them at a cinemapalace. One of a more suspicious nature than I might have guessed thatshe conducted herself thus for the specific purpose of enraging me,but I am glad to say that no nature could be more free than mine fromvulgar jealousy, and I spoke now from the mere wish that she shouldmore carefully guard her reputation. As before, she exhibited asurprising meekness under this rebuke, though I uneasily wondered ifthere might not be guile beneath it.

  "Can I help it," she asked, "if they like to show me attentions? Iguess I'm a free woman." She lifted her head to observe a glass shehad polished. Her eyes were curiously lighted. She had this way ofembarrassing me. And invariably, moreover, she aroused all that isevil in my nature against the two cattle-persons, especially t
he Buckone, actually on another occasion professing admiration for "his wavychestnut hair!" I saw now that I could not trust myself to speak ofthe fellow. I took up another matter.

  "That baby of yours is too horribly fat," I said suddenly. I had longmeant to put this to her. "It's too fat. It eats too much!"

  To my amazement the creature was transformed into a vixen.

  "It--it! Too fat! You call my boy 'it' and say he's too fat! Don't youdare! What does a creature like you know of babies? Why, you wouldn'teven know----"

  But the thing was too painful. Let her angry words be forgotten.Suffice to say, she permitted herself to cry out things that mighthave given grave offence to one less certain of himself than I. Ratherchilled I admit I was by her frenzied outburst. I was shrewd enough tosee instantly that anything in the nature of a criticism of heroffspring must be led up to, rather; perhaps couched in less directphrases than I had chosen. Fearful I was that she would burst intoanother torrent of rage, but to my amazement she all at once smiled.

  "What a fool I am!" she exclaimed. "Kidding me, were you? Trying tomake me mad about the baby. Well, I'll give you good. You did it. Yes,sir, I never would have thought you had a kidding streak in you--oldglum-face!"

  "Little you know me," I retorted, and quickly withdrew, for I was thenmore embarrassed than ever, and, besides, there were other and gravermatters forward to depress and occupy me.

  In my fitful sleep of the night before I had dreamed vividly that Isaw the Honourable George being dragged shackled to the altar. I trustI am not superstitious, but the vision had remained with me in all itstormenting detail. A veiled woman had grimly awaited him as hestruggled with his uniformed captors. I mean to say, he was beinghustled along by two constables.

  That day, let me now put down, was to be a day of the most fearfulshocks that a man of rather sensitive nervous organism has ever beencalled upon to endure. There are now lines in my face that I make nodoubt showed then for the first time.

  And it was a day that dragged interminably, so that I became fair offmy head with the suspense of it, feeling that at any moment the worstmight happen. For hours I saw no one with whom I could consult. Once Iwas almost moved to call up Belknap-Jackson, so intolerable was themenacing uncertainty; but this I knew bordered on hysteria, and Irestrained the impulse with an iron will.

  But I wretchedly longed for a sight of Cousin Egbert or the Mixer, oreven of the Honourable George; some one to assure me that my horriddream of the night before had been a baseless fabric, as the sayingis. The very absence of these people and of his lordship was in itselfominous.

  Nervously I kept to a post at one of my windows where I could surveythe street. And here at mid-day I sustained my first shock. Terrificit was. His lordship had emerged from the chemist's across the street.He paused a moment, as if to recall his next mission, then walkedbriskly off. And this is what I had been stupefied to note: he wasclean shaven! The Brinstead side-whiskers were gone! Whiskers that hadbeen worn in precisely that fashion by a tremendous line of the Earlsof Brinstead! And the tenth of his line had abandoned them. As well, Ithought, could he have defaced the Brinstead arms.

  It was plain as a pillar-box, indeed. The woman had our family at hermercy, and she would show no mercy. My heart sank as I pictured theHonourable George in her toils. My dream had been prophetic. Then Ireflected that this very circumstance of his lordship's havingpandered to her lawless whim about his beard would go to show he hadnot yet given up the fight. If the thing were hopeless I knew he wouldhave seen her--dashed--before he would have relinquished it. Thereplainly was still hope for poor George. Indeed his lordship might wellhave planned some splendid coup; this defacement would be a part ofhis strategy, suffered in anguish for his ultimate triumph. Quitecheered I became at the thought. I still scanned the street crowd forsome one who could acquaint me with developments I must have missed.

  But then a moment later came the call by telephone of Belknap-Jackson.I answered it, though with little hope than to hear more of hisunending complaints about his lordship's negligence. Startledinstantly I was, however, for his voice was stranger than I had knownit even in moments of his acutest distress. Hoarse it was, and hiswords alarming but hardly intelligible.

  "Heard?--My God!--Heard?--My God!--Marriage! Marriage! God!" But herehe broke off into the most appalling laughter--the blood-curdlinglaughter of a chained patient in a mad-house. Hardly could I endure itand grateful I was when I heard the line close. Even when he attemptedvocables he had sounded quite like an inferior record on aphonographic machine. But I had heard enough to leave me aghast.Beyond doubt now the very worst had come upon our family. Hislordship's tremendous sacrifice would have been all in vain. Marriage!The Honourable George was done for. Better had it been thetyping-girl, I bitterly reflected. Her father had at least been acurate!

  Thankful enough I now was for the luncheon-hour rush: I could distractmyself from the appalling disaster. That day I took rather more thanmy accustomed charge of the serving. I chatted with our businesschaps, recommending the joint in the highest terms; drawing corks;seeing that the relish was abundantly stocked at every table. I wasstriving to forget.

  Mrs. Judson alone persisted in reminding me of the impending scandal."A prince in his palace," she would maliciously murmur as Iencountered her. I think she must have observed that I was bitter, forshe at last spoke quite amiably of our morning's dust-up.

  "You certainly got my goat," she said in the quaint American fashion,"telling me little No-no was too fat. You had me going there for aminute, thinking you meant it!"

  The creature's name was Albert, yet she persisted in calling it"No-no," because the child itself would thus falsely declare its nameupon being questioned, having in some strange manner gained thisimpression. It was another matter I meant to bring to her attention,but at this crisis I had no heart for it.

  My crowd left. I was again alone to muse bitterly upon our plight.Still I scanned the street, hoping for a sight of Cousin Egbert, who,I fancied, would be informed as to the wretched details. Instead, now,I saw the Honourable George. He walked on the opposite side of thethoroughfare, his manner of dejection precisely what I should haveexpected. Followed closely as usual he was by the Judson cur. A spiritof desperate mockery seized me. I called to Mrs. Judson, who wasgathering glasses from a table. I indicated the pair.

  "Mr. Barker," I said, "is dogging his footsteps." I mean to say, Iuttered the words in the most solemn manner. Little the woman knewthat one may often be moved in the most distressing moments to a jestof this sort. She laughed heartily, being of quick discernment. Andthus jauntily did I carry my knowledge of the lowering cloud. But Ipermitted myself no further sallies of that sort. I stayed expectantlyby the window, and I dare say my bearing would have deceived the mostalert. I was steadily calm. The situation called precisely for that.

  The hours sped darkly and my fears mounted. In sheer desperation, atlength, I had myself put through to Belknap-Jackson. To myastonishment he seemed quite revived, though in a state of feverishgayety. He fair bubbled.

  "Just leaving this moment with his lordship to gather up some friends.We meet at your place. Yes, yes--all the uncertainty is past. Betterset up that largest table--rather a celebration."

  Almost more confusing it was than his former message, which had beenconfined to calls upon his Maker and to maniac laughter. Was he, Iwondered, merely making the best of it? Had he resolved to be a deadsportsman? A few moments later he discharged his lordship at my doorand drove rapidly on. (Only a question of time it is when he will behad heavily for damages due to his reckless driving.)

  His lordship bustled in with a cheerfulness that staggered me. He,too, was gay; almost debonair. A gardenia was in his lapel. He wasvogue to the last detail in a form-fitting gray morning-suit that hadall the style essentials. Almost it seemed as if three valets had beenneeded to groom him. He briskly rubbed his hands.

  "Biggest table--people. Tea, that sort of thing. Have a go ofchampagne, too, what, what! Beard
off, much younger appearing? Ofcourse, course! Trust women, those matters. Tea cake, toast, crumpets,marmalade--things like that. Plenty champagne! Not happen every day!Ha! ha!"

  To my acute distress he here thumbed me in the ribs and laughed again.Was he, too, I wondered, madly resolved to be a dead sportsman in theface of the unavoidable? I sought to edge in a discreet word ofcondolence, for I knew that between us there need be no pretence.

  "I know you did your best, sir," I observed. "And I was never quitefree of a fear that the woman would prove too many for us. I trust theHonourable George----"

  But I had said as much as he would let me. He interrupted me with histhumb again, and on his face was what in a lesser person I shouldunhesitatingly have called a leer.

  "You dog, you! Woman prove too many for us, what, what! Dare say youknew what to expect. Silly old George! Though how she could ever havefancied the juggins----"

  I was about to remark that the creature had of course played her gamefrom entirely sordid motives and I should doubtless have ventured toapplaud the game spirit in which he was taking the blow. But before Icould shape my phrases on this delicate ground Mrs. Effie, theSenator, and Cousin Egbert arrived. They somewhat formally had the airof being expected. All of them rushed upon his lordship with anexcessive manner. Apparently they were all to be dead sportsmentogether. And then Mrs. Effie called me aside.

  "You can do me a favour," she began. "About the wedding breakfast andreception. Dear Kate's place is so small. It wouldn't do. There willbe a crush, of course. I've had the loveliest idea for it--our ownhouse. You know how delighted we'd be. The Earl has been so charmingand everything has turned out so splendidly. Oh, I'd love to do themthis little parting kindness. Use your influence like a good fellow,won't you, when the thing is suggested?"

  "Only too gladly," I responded, sick at heart, and she returned to thegroup. Well I knew her motive. She was by way of getting even with theBelknap-Jacksons. As Cousin Egbert in his American fashion would putit, she was trying to pass them a bison. But I was willing enough sheshould house the dreadful affair. The more private the better, thoughtI.

  A moment later Belknap-Jackson's car appeared at my door, nowdischarging the Klondike woman, effusively escorted by the Mixer andby Mrs. Belknap-Jackson. The latter at least, I had thought, wouldshow more principle. But she had buckled atrociously, quite as had herhusband, who had quickly, almost merrily, followed them. There wasincreased gayety as they seated themselves about the large table, asilly noise of pretended felicitation over a calamity that not eventhe tenth Earl of Brinstead had been able to avert. And thenBelknap-Jackson beckoned me aside.

  "I want your help, old chap, in case it's needed," he began.

  "The wedding breakfast and reception?" I said quite cynically.

  "You've thought of it? Good! Her own place is far too small. Crowd, ofcourse. And it's rather proper at our place, too, his lordship havingbeen our house guest. You see? Use what influence you have. The affairwill be rather widely commented on--even the New York papers, I daresay."

  "Count upon me," I answered blandly, even as I had promised Mrs.Effie. Disgusted I was. Let them maul each other about over thewretched "honour." They could all be dead sports if they chose, but Iwas now firmly resolved that for myself I should make not a bit ofpretence. The creature might trick poor George into a marriage, but Ifor one would not affect to regard it as other than a blight upon ourhouse. I was just on the point of hoping that the victim himself mighthave cut off to unknown parts when I saw him enter. By the othermembers of the party he was hailed with cries of delight, though hisown air was finely honest, being dejected in the extreme. He wasdressed as regrettably as usual, this time in parts of twolounge-suits.

  As he joined those at the table I constrained myself to serve thechampagne. Senator Floud arose with a brimming glass.

  "My friends," he began in his public-speaking manner, "let us rememberthat Red Gap's loss is England's gain--to the future Countess ofBrinstead!"

  To my astonishment this appalling breach of good taste was receivedwith the loudest applause, nor was his lordship the least clamorous ofthem. I mean to say, the chap had as good as wished that his lordshipwould directly pop off. It was beyond me. I walked to the farthestwindow and stood a long time gazing pensively out; I wished to be awayfrom that false show. But they noticed my absence at length and calledto me. Monstrously I was desired to drink to the happiness of thegroom. I thought they were pressing me too far, but as they quitegabbled now with their tea and things, I hoped to pass it off. TheSenator, however, seemed to fasten me with his eye as he proposed thetoast--"To the happy man!"

  I drank perforce.

  "A body would think Bill was drinking to the Judge," remarked CousinEgbert in a high voice.

  "Eh?" I said, startled to this outburst by his strange words.

  "Good old George!" exclaimed his lordship. "Owe it all to the oldjuggins, what, what!"

  The Klondike person spoke. I heard her voice as a bell pealing throughbreakers at sea. I mean to say, I was now fair dazed.

  "Not to old George," said she. "To old Ruggles!"

  "To old Ruggles!" promptly cried the Senator, and they drank.

  Muddled indeed I was. Again in my eventful career I felt myselftremble; I knew not what I should say, any _savoir faire_ beingquite gone. I had received a crumpler of some sort--but what_sort?_

  My sleeve was touched. I turned blindly, as in a nightmare. The Hobbscub who was my vestiare was handing me our evening paper. I took itfrom him, staring--staring until my knees grew weak. Across the pagein clarion type rang the unbelievable words:

  BRITISH PEER WINS AMERICAN BRIDE

  His Lordship Tenth Earl of Brinstead to Wed One of Red Gap's Fairest Daughters

  My hands so shook that in quick subterfuge I dropped the sheet, thenstooped for it, trusting to control myself before I again raised myface. Mercifully the others were diverted by the journal. It wasseized from me, passed from hand to hand, the incredible words readaloud by each in turn. They jested of it!

  "Amazing chaps, your pressmen!" Thus the tenth Earl of Brinstead,while I pinched myself viciously to bring back my lost aplomb. "Speedybeggars, what, what! Never knew it myself till last night. She wouldand she wouldn't."

  "I think you knew," said the lady. Stricken as I was I noted that sheeyed him rather strangely, quite as if she felt some decent respectfor him.

  "Marriage is serious," boomed the Mixer.

  "Don't blame her, don't blame her--swear I don't!" returned hislordship. "Few days to think it over--quite right, quite right. Got toknow their own minds, my word!"

  While their attention was thus mercifully diverted from me, my ownworld by painful degrees resumed its stability. I mean to say, I amnot the fainting sort, but if I were, then I should have keeled overat my first sight of that journal. But now I merely recovered my glassof champagne and drained it. Rather pigged it a bit, I fancy. Badlyneeding a stimulant I was, to be sure.

  They now discussed details: the ceremony--that sort of thing.

  "Before a registrar, quickest way," said his lordship.

  "Nonsense! Church, of course!" rumbled the Mixer very arbitrarily.

  "Quite so, then," assented his lordship. "Get me the rector of theparish--a vicar, a curate, something of that sort."

  "Then the breakfast and reception," suggested Mrs. Effie with ameaning glance at me before she turned to the lady. "Of course,dearest, your own tiny nest would never hold your host of friends----"

  "I've never noticed," said the other quickly. "It's always seemed bigenough," she added in pensive tones and with downcast eyes.

  "Oh, not large enough by half," put in Belknap-Jackson, "Most charminglittle home-nook but worlds too small for all your well-wishers." Witha glance at me he narrowed his eyes in friendly calculation. "I'msomewhat puzzled myself--Suppose we see what the capable Ruggles hasto suggest."

  "Let Ruggles suggest something by all means!" cried Mrs. Effie.

  I me
an to say, they both quite thought they knew what I would suggest,but it was nothing of the sort. The situation had entirely changed.Quite another sort of thing it was. Quickly I resolved to fling themboth aside. I, too, would be a dead sportsman.

  "I was about to suggest," I remarked, "that my place here is the onlyone at all suitable for the breakfast and reception. I can promisethat the affair will go off smartly."

  The two had looked up with such radiant expectation at my openingwords and were so plainly in a state at my conclusion that I dare saythe future Countess of Brinstead at once knew what. She flashed them alook, then eyed me with quick understanding.

  "Great!" she exclaimed in a hearty American manner. "Then that'ssettled," she continued briskly, as both Belknap-Jackson and Mrs.Effie would have interposed "Ruggles shall do everything: take it offour shoulders--ices, flowers, invitations."

  "The invitation list will need great care, of course," remarkedBelknap-Jackson with a quite savage glance at me.

  "But you just called him 'the capable Ruggles,'" insisted the fiancee."We shall leave it all to him. How many will you ask, Ruggles?" Hereyes flicked from mine to Belknap-Jackson.

  "Quite almost every one," I answered firmly.

  "Fine!" she said.

  "Ripping!" said his lordship.

  "His lordship will of course wish a best man," suggestedBelknap-Jackson. "I should be only too glad----"

  "You're going to suggest Ruggles again!" cried the lady. "Just the manfor it! You're quite right. Why, we owe it all to Ruggles, don't we?"

  She here beamed upon his lordship. Belknap-Jackson wore an expressionof the keenest disrelish.

  "Of course, course!" replied his lordship. "Dashed good man, Ruggles!Owe it all to him, what, what!"

  I fancy in the cordial excitement of the moment he was quite sincere.As to her ladyship, I am to this day unable to still a faint suspicionthat she was having me on. True, she owed it all to me. But I hadn't abit meant it and well she knew it. Subtle she was, I dare say, butbore me no malice, though she was not above setting Belknap-Jacksonback a pace or two each time he moved up.

  A final toast was drunk and my guests drifted out. Belknap-Jacksonagain glared savagely at me as he went, but Mrs. Effie ratheroutglared him. Even I should hardly have cared to face her at thatmoment.

  And I was still in a high state of muddle. It was all beyond me. Hadhis lordship, I wondered, too seriously taken my careless words aboutAmerican equality? Of course I had meant them to apply only to thosestopping on in the States.

  Cousin Egbert lingered to the last, rather with a troubled air ofwishing to consult me. When I at length came up with him he held thejournal before me, indicating lines in the article--"relict of anAlaskan capitalist, now for some years one of Red Gap's socialfavourites."

  "Read that there," he commanded grimly. Then with a terrificearnestness I had never before remarked in him: "Say, listen here! Ibetter go round right off and mix it up with that fresh guy. What's hehinting around at by that there word 'relict'? Why, say, she wasmarried to him----"

  I hastily corrected his preposterous interpretation of the word, muchto his relief.

  I was still in my precious state of muddle. Mrs. Judson took occasionto flounce by me in her work of clearing the table.

  "A prince in his palace," she taunted. I laughed in a lofty manner.

  "Why, you poor thing, I've known it all for some days," I said.

  "Well, I must say you're the deep one if you did--never letting on!"

  She was unable to repress a glance of admiration at me as she movedoff.

  I stood where she had left me, meditating profoundly.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Two days later at high noon was solemnized the marriage of hislordship to the woman who, without a bit meaning it, I had socuriously caused to enter his life. The day was for myself so crowdedwith emotions that it returns in rather a jumble: patches ofincidents, little floating clouds of memory; some meaningless and oneat least to be significant to my last day.

  The ceremony was had in our most nearly smart church. It was only aMethodist church, but I took pains to assure myself that a ceremonyperformed by its curate would be legal. I still seem to hear theorgan, strains of "The Voice That Breathed Through Eden," as we nearedthe altar; also the Mixer's rumbling whisper about a lost handkerchiefwhich she apparently found herself needing at that moment.

  The responses of bride and groom were unhesitating, even firm. Herladyship, I thought, had never appeared to better advantage than inthe pearl-tinted lustreless going-away gown she had chosen. As always,she had finely known what to put on her head.

  Senator Floud, despite Belknap-Jackson's suggestion of himself for theoffice, had been selected to give away the bride, as the saying is. Heperformed his function with dignity, though I recall being seized withhorror when the moment came; almost certain I am he restrained himselfwith difficulty from making a sort of a speech.

  The church was thronged. I had seen to that. I had told her ladyshipthat I should ask quite almost every one, and this I had done,squarely in the face of Belknap-Jackson's pleading that discretion beused. For a great white light, as one might say, had now suffused me.I had seen that the moment was come when the warring factions of RedGap should be reunited. A Bismarck I felt myself, indeed. That I actedably was later to be seen.

  Even for the wedding breakfast, which occurred directly after theceremony, I had shown myself a dictator in the matter of guests.Covers were laid in my room for seventy and among these were includednot only the members of the North Side set and the entire Bohemianset, but many worthy persons not hitherto socially existent yet whohad been friends or well-wishers of the bride.

  I am persuaded to confess that in a few of these instances I was notabove a snarky little wish to correct the social horizon ofBelknap-Jackson; to make it more broadly accord, as I may say, withthe spirit of American equality for which their forefathers bled anddied on the battlefields of Boston, New York, and Vicksburg.

  Not the least of my reward, then, was to see his eyebrows more thanonce eloquently raise, as when the cattle-persons, Hank and Buck,appeared in suits of decent black, or when the driver chap Pierceentered with his quite obscure mother on his arm, or a few othercattle and horse persons with whom the Honourable George had palled upduring his process of going in for America.

  This laxity I felt that the Earl of Brinstead and his bride couldamply afford, while for myself I had soundly determined that Red Gapshould henceforth be without "sets." I mean to say, having franklytaken up America, I was at last resolved to do it whole-heartedly. IfI could not take up the whole of it, I would not take up a part. Quiteinstinctively I had chosen the slogan of our Chamber of Commerce:"Don't Knock--Boost; and Boost Altogether." Rudely worded though itis, I had seen it to be sound in spirit.

  These thoughts ran in my mind during the smart repast that nowfollowed. Insidiously I wrought among the guests to amalgamate intoone friendly whole certain elements that had hitherto been hostile.The Bohemian set was not segregated. Almost my first inspiration hadbeen to scatter its members widely among the conservative pillars ofthe North Side set. Left in one group, I had known they would plumethemselves quite intolerably over the signal triumph of their leader;perhaps, in the American speech, "start something." Widely scattered,they became mere parts of the whole I was seeking to achieve.

  The banquet progressed gayly to its finish. Toasts were drunk no end,all of them proposed by Senator Floud who, toward the last, keptalmost constantly on his feet. From the bride and groom he expandedgeographically through Red Gap, the Kulanche Valley, the State ofWashington, and the United States to the British Empire, not omittingthe Honourable George--who, I noticed, called for the relish andconsumed quite almost an entire bottle during the meal. Also I wasproposed--"through whose lifelong friendship for the illustrious groomthis meeting of hearts and hands has been so happily brought about."

  Her ladyship's eyes rested briefly upon mine as her lips touched theglass to th
is. They conveyed the unspeakable. Rather a fool I felt,and unable to look away until she released me. She had been wondrouslyquiet through it all. Not dazed in the least, as might have beenlooked for in one of her lowly station thus prodigiously elevated; andnot feverishly gay, as might also have been anticipated. Simple andquiet she was, showing a complete but perfectly controlled awarenessof her position.

  For the first time then, I think, I did envision her as the Countessof Brinstead. She was going to carry it off. Perhaps quite as well aseven I could have wished his lordship's chosen mate to do. I observedher look at his lordship with those strange lights in her eyes, as ifonly half realizing yet wholly believing all that he believed. Andonce at the height of the gayety I saw her reach out to touch hissleeve, furtively, swiftly, and so gently he never knew.

  It occurred to me there were things about the woman we had taken toolittle trouble to know. I wondered what old memories might be comingto her now; what staring faces might obtrude, what old, far-off,perhaps hated, voices might be sounding to her; what of rememberedhurts and heartaches might newly echo back to make her flinch andwonder if she dreamed. She touched the sleeve again, as it might havebeen in protection from them, her eyes narrowed, her gaze fixed. Itqueerly occurred to me that his lordship might find her as difficultto know as we had--and yet would keep always trying more than we had,to be sure. I mean to say, she was no gabbler.

  The responses to the Senator's toasts increased in volume. His finalflight, I recall, involved terms like "our blood-cousins of theBritish Isles," and introduced a figure of speech about "hands acrossthe sea," which I thought striking, indeed. The applause aroused bythis was noisy in the extreme, a number of the cattle and horsepersons, including the redskin Tuttle, emitting a shrill, concerted"yipping" which, though it would never have done with us, seemedsomehow not out of place in North America, although I observedBelknap-Jackson to make gestures of extreme repugnance while itlasted.

  There ensued a rather flurried wishing of happiness to the pair. Anovel sight it was, the most austere matrons of the North Side setvying for places in the line that led past them. I found myself tryingto analyze the inner emotions of some of them I best knew as theyfondly greeted the now radiant Countess of Brinstead. But that waymadness lay, as Shakespeare has so aptly said of another matter. Irecalled, though, the low-toned comment of Cousin Egbert, who stoodnear me.

  "Don't them dames stand the gaff noble!" It was quite true. They wereheroic. I recalled then his other quaint prophecy that her ladyshipwould hand them a bottle of lemonade. As is curiously usual with thissimple soul, he had gone to the heart of the matter.

  The throng dwindled to the more intimate friends. Among those wholingered were the Belknap-Jacksons and Mrs. Effie. Quite solicitousthey were for the "dear Countess," as they rather defiantly called herto one another. Belknap-Jackson casually mentioned in my hearing thathe had been asked to Chaynes-Wotten for the shooting. Mrs. Effie, whoalso heard, swiftly remarked that she would doubtless run over in thespring--the dear Earl was so insistent. They rather glared at eachother. But in truth his lordship had insisted that quite almost everyone should come and stop on with him.

  "Of course, course, what, what! Jolly party, no end of fun. Week-end,that sort of thing. Know she'll like her old friends best. Wouldn't bekeen for the creature if she'd not. Have 'em all, have 'em all.Capital, by Jove!"

  To be sure it was a manner of speaking, born of the expansive goodfeeling of the moment. Yet I believe Cousin Egbert was the onlyinvited one to decline. He did so with evident distress at having torefuse.

  "I like your little woman a whole lot," he observed to his lordship,"but Europe is too kind of uncomfortable for me; keeps me upset allthe time, what with all the foreigners and one thing and another. But,listen here, Cap! You pack the little woman back once in a while. Justto give us a flash at her. We'll give you both a good time."

  "What ho!" returned his lordship. "Of course, course! Fancy we'd likeit vastly, what, what!"

  "Yes, sir, I fancy you would, too," and rather startlingly CousinEgbert seized her ladyship and kissed her heartily. Whereupon herladyship kissed the fellow in return.

  "Yes, sir, I dare say I fancy you would," he called back a bitnervously as he left.

  Belknap-Jackson drove the party to the station, feeling, I am sure,that he scored over Mrs. Effie, though he was obliged to include theMixer, from whom her ladyship bluntly refused to be separated. Iinferred that she must have found the time and seclusion in which toweep a bit on the Mixer's shoulder. The waist of the latter's purplesatin gown was quite spotty at the height of her ladyship's eyes.

  Belknap-Jackson on this occasion drove his car with the greatestsolicitude, proceeding more slowly than I had ever known him do. As Iattended to certain luggage details at the station he was regrettingto his lordship that they had not had a longer time at the countryclub the day it was exhibited.

  "Look a bit after silly old George," said his lordship to me atparting. "Chap's dotty, I dare say. Talking about a plantation ofapple trees now. For his old age--that sort of thing. Be something newin a fortnight, though. Like him, of course, course!"

  Her ladyship closed upon my hand with a remarkable vigour of grip.

  "We owe it all to you," she said, again with dancing eyes. Then hereyes steadied queerly. "Maybe you won't be sorry."

  "Know I shan't." I fancy I rather growled it, stupidly feeling I wasnot rising to the occasion. "Knew his lordship wouldn't rest till hehad you where he wanted you. Glad he's got you." And curiously I felta bit of a glad little squeeze in my throat for her. I groped forsomething light--something American.

  "You are some Countess," I at last added in a silly way.

  "What, what!" said his lordship, but I had caught her eyes. Theybrimmed with understanding.

  With the going of that train all life seemed to go. I mean to say,things all at once became flat. I turned to the dull station.

  "Give you a lift, old chap," said Belknap-Jackson. Again he wascordial. So firmly had I kept the reins of the whole affair in mygrasp, such prestige he knew it would give me, he dared not broach hisgrievance.

  Some half-remembered American phrase of Cousin Egbert's ran in mymind. I had put a buffalo on him!

  "Thank you," I said, "I'm needing a bit of a stretch and abreeze-out."

  I wished to walk that I might the better meditate. WithBelknap-Jackson one does not sufficiently meditate.

  A block up from the station I was struck by the sight of theHonourable George. Plodding solitary down that low street he was,heeled as usual by the Judson cur. He came to the Spilmer public houseand for a moment stared up, quite still, at the "Last Chance" on itschaffing signboard. Then he wheeled abruptly and entered. I was movedto follow him, but I knew it would never do. He would row me about theservice of the Grill--something of that sort. I dare say he hadfancied her ladyship as keenly as one of his volatile nature might.But I knew him!

  Back on our street the festival atmosphere still lingered. Groups ofrecent guests paused to discuss the astounding event. The afternoonpaper was being scanned by many of them. An account of the wedding wasits "feature," as they say. I had no heart for that, but on the secondpage my eye caught a minor item:

  "A special meeting of the Ladies Onwards and Upwards Club is called for to-morrow afternoon at two sharp at the residence of Mrs. Dr. Percy Hailey Martingale, for the transaction of important business."

  One could fancy, I thought, what the meeting would discuss. Nor was Iwrong, for I may here state that the evening paper of the followingday disclosed that her ladyship the Countess of Brinstead hadunanimously been elected to a life honorary membership in the club.

  Back in the Grill I found the work of clearing the tables welladvanced, and very soon its before-dinner aspect of calm waiting wasrestored. Surveying it I reflected that one might well wonder if aughtmomentous had indeed so lately occurred here. A motley day it hadbeen.

  I passed into the linen and glass pantry.

&
nbsp; Mrs. Judson, polishing my glassware, burst into tears at my approach,frankly stanching them with her towel. I saw it to be a mere overflowof the meaningless emotion that women stock so abundantly on theoccasion of a wedding. She is an almost intensely feminine person, ascan be seen at once by any one who understands women. In a goods boxin the passage beyond I noted her nipper fast asleep, a mammothbeef-rib clasped to its fat chest. I debated putting this abuse to heronce more but feared the moment was not propitious. She dried her eyesand smiled again.

  "A prince in his palace," she murmured inanely. "She thought first hewas going to be as funny as the other one; then she found he wasn't. Iliked him, too. I didn't blame her a bit. He's one of that kind--hisbark's worse than his bite. And to think you knew all the time whatwas coming off. My, but you're the Mr. Deep-one!"

  I saw no reason to stultify myself by denying this. I mean to say, ifshe thought it, let her!

  "The last thing yesterday she gave me this dress."

  I had already noted the very becoming dull blue house gown she wore.Quite with an air she carried it. To be sure, it was not suitable toher duties. The excitements of the day, I suppose, had rendered me abit sterner than is my wont. Perhaps a little authoritative.

  "A handsome gown," I replied icily, "but one would hardly choose itfor the work you are performing."

  "Rubbish!" she retorted plainly. "I wanted to look nice--I had to goin there lots of times. And I wanted to be dressed for to-night."

  "Why to-night, may I ask?" I was all at once uncomfortably curious.

  "Why, the boys are coming for me. They're going to take No-no home,then we're all going to the movies. They've got a new bill at theBijou, and Buck Edwards especially wants me to see it. One of thecowboys in it that does some star riding looks just like Buck--wavychestnut hair. Buck himself is one of the best riders in the wholeKulanche."

  The woman seemed to have some fiendish power to enrage me. As sheprattled thus, her eyes demurely on the glass she dried, I felt a deepflush mantle my brow. She could never have dreamed that she had thismalign power, but she was now at least to suspect it.

  "Your Mr. Edwards," I began calmly enough, "may be like the cinemaactor: the two may be as like each other as makes no difference--butyou are not going." I was aware that the latter phrase was heatedwhere I had merely meant it to be impressive. Dignified firmness hadbeen the line I intended, but my rage was mounting. She stared at me.Astonished beyond words she was, if I can read human expressions.

  "I am!" she snapped at last.

  "You are not!" I repeated, stepping a bit toward her. I was consciousof a bit of the rowdy in my manner, but I seemed powerless to preventit. All my culture was again but the flimsiest veneer.

  "I am, too!" she again said, though plainly dismayed.

  "No!" I quite thundered it, I dare say. "No, no! No, no!"

  The nipper cried out from his box. Not until later did it occur to methat he had considered himself to be addressed in angry tones.

  "No, no!" I thundered again. I couldn't help myself, though silly rotI call it now. And then to my horror the mother herself began to weep.

  "I will!" she sobbed. "I will! I will! I will!"

  "No, no!" I insisted, and I found myself seizing her shoulders, notknowing if I mightn't shake her smartly, so drawn-out had the womangot me; and still I kept shouting my senseless "No, no!" at which thenipper was now yelling.

  She struggled her best as I clutched her, but I seemed to have thestrength of a dozen men; the woman was nothing in my grasp, and myarms were taking their blind rage out on her.

  Secure I held her, and presently she no longer struggled, and I wascuriously no longer angry, but found myself soothing her in manystrange ways. I mean to say, the passage between us had fallen to beof the very shockingly most sentimental character.

  "You are so masterful!" she panted.

  "I'll have my own way," I threatened; "I've told you often enough."

  "Oh, you're so domineering!" she murmured. I dare say I am a bit thatway.

  "I'll show you who's to be master!"

  "But I never dreamed you meant this," she answered. True, I had mostbrutally taken her by surprise. I could easily see how, expectingnothing of the faintest sort, she had been rudely shocked.

  "I meant it all along," I said firmly, "from the very first moment."And now again she spoke in almost awed tones of my "deepness." I havenever believed in that excessive intuition which is so widely boastedfor woman.

  "I never dreamed of it," she said again, and added: "Mrs. Kenner and Iwere talking about this dress only last night and I said--I never,never dreamed of such a thing!" She broke off with suddeninconsequence, as women will.

  We had now to quiet the nipper in his box. I saw even then that,domineering though I may be, I should probably never care to bring thechild's condition to her notice again. There was something abouther--something volcanic in her femininity. I knew it would never do.Better let the thing continue to be a monstrosity! I might, unnoticed,of course, snatch a bun from its grasp now and then.

  Our evening rush came and went quite as if nothing had happened. I mayhave been rather absent, reflecting pensively. I mean to say, I had attimes considered this alliance as a dawning possibility, but never hadI meant to be sudden. Only for the woman's remarkably stubbornobtuseness I dare say the understanding might have been deferred to amore suitable moment and arranged in a calm and orderly manner. Butthe die was cast. Like his lordship, I had chosen an Americanbride--taken her by storm and carried her off her feet before she knewit. We English are often that way.

  At ten o'clock we closed the Grill upon a day that had been historicin the truest sense of the word. I shouldered the sleeping nipper. Hestill passionately clutched the beef-rib and for some reason I feltaverse to depriving him of it, even though it would mean a spottytop-coat.

  Strangely enough, we talked but little in our walk. It seemed rathertoo tremendous to talk of.

  When I gave the child into her arms at the door it had become halfawake.

  "Ruggums!" it muttered sleepily.

  "Ruggums!" echoed the mother, and again, very softly in the stillnight: "Ruggums--Ruggums!"

  * * * * *

  That in the few months since that rather agreeable night I haveacquired the title of Red Gap's social dictator cannot be denied. Morethan one person of discernment may now be heard to speak of my"reign," though this, of course, is coming it a bit thick.

  The removal by his lordship of one who, despite her sterlingqualities, had been a source of discord, left the social elements ofthe town in a state of the wildest disorganization. And having formyself acquired a remarkable prestige from my intimate associationwith the affair, I promptly seized the reins and drew the scatteredforces together.

  First, at an early day I sought an interview with Belknap-Jackson andMrs. Effie and told them straight precisely why I had played them bothfalse in the matter of the wedding breakfast. With the honour grantedto either of them, I explained, I had foreseen another era of cliques,divisions, and acrimony. Therefore I had done the thing myself, as ameasure of peace.

  Flatly then I declared my intention of reconciling all those formerlyopposed elements and of creating a society in Red Gap that would be asocial union in the finest sense of the word. I said that contact withtheir curious American life had taught me that their equality shouldbe more than a name, and that, especially in the younger settlements,a certain relaxation from the rigid requirements of an older order isnot only unavoidable but vastly to be desired. I meant to say, if wewere going to be Americans it was silly rot trying to be English atthe same time.

  I pointed out that their former social leaders had ever been inspiredby the idea of exclusion; the soul of their leadership had been tocast others out; and that the campaign I planned was to be one ofinclusion--even to the extent of Bohemians and well-behavedcattle-persons---which I believed to be in the finest harmony withtheir North American theory of human association. It mi
ght be thoughta naive theory, I said, but so long as they had chosen it I shouldstaunchly abide by it.

  I added what I dare say they did not believe: that the position ofleader was not one I should cherish for any other reason than thepublic good. That when one better fitted might appear they would findme the first to rejoice.

  I need not say that I was interrupted frequently and acridly duringthis harangue, but I had given them both a buffalo and well they knewit. And I worked swiftly from that moment. I gave the following weekthe first of a series of subscription balls in the dancing hall abovethe Grill, and both Mrs. Belknap-Jackson and Mrs. Effie early enrolledthemselves as patronesses, even after I had made it plain that I aloneshould name the guests.

  The success of the affair was all I could have wished. Red Gap hadbecome a social unit. Nor was appreciation for my leadership wanting.There will be malcontents, I foresee, and from the informed innercircles I learn that I have already been slightingly spoken of as aforeigner wielding a sceptre over native-born Americans, but I havethe support of quite all who really matter, and I am confident theserebellions may be put down by tact alone. It is too well understood bythose who know me that I have Equality for my watchword.

  I mean to say, at the next ball of the series I may even see that thefellow Hobbs has a card if I can become assured that he has quitefreed himself from certain debasing class-ideals of his nativecountry. This to be sure is an extreme case, because the fellow isthat type of our serving class to whom equality is unthinkable. Theymust, from their centuries of servility, look either up or down; and Iscarce know in which attitude they are more offensive to our Americanpoint of view. Still I mean to be broad. Even Hobbs shall have hischance with us!

  * * * * *

  It is late June. Mrs. Ruggles and I are comfortably installed in herenlarged and repaired house. We have a fowl-run on a stretch of herfree-hold, and the kitchen-garden thrives under the care of theJapanese agricultural labourer I have employed.

  Already I have discharged more than half my debt to Cousin Egbert, whoexclaims, "Oh, shucks!" each time I make him a payment. He and theHonourable George remain pally no end and spend much of their abundantleisure at Cousin Egbert's modest country house. At times when theyare in town they rather consort with street persons, but such is thebreadth of our social scheme that I shall never exclude them from ourgayeties, though it is true that more often than not they decline tobe present.

  Mrs. Ruggles, I may say, is a lady of quite amazing capacitiescombined strangely with the commonest feminine weaknesses. She hasacute business judgment at most times, yet would fly at me in a rageif I were to say what I think of the nipper's appalling grossness.Quite naturally I do not push my unquestioned mastery to this extreme.There are other matters in which I amusedly let her have her way,though she fondly reminds me almost daily of my brutal self-will.

  On one point I have just been obliged to assert this. She came runningto me with a suggestion for economizing in the manufacture of therelish. She had devised a cheaper formula. But I was firm.

  "So long as the inventor's face is on that flask," I said, "itscontents shall not be debased a tuppence. My name and face willguarantee its purity."

  She gave in nicely, merely declaring that I needn't growl like one oftheir bears with a painful foot.

  At my carefully mild suggestion she has just brought the nipper infrom where he was cattying the young fowls, much to their detriment.But she is now heaping compote upon a slice of thickly buttered breadfor him, glancing meanwhile at our evening newspaper.

  "Ruggums always has his awful own way, doesn't ums?" she remarks tothe nipper.

  Deeply ignoring this, I resume my elocutionary studies of theDeclaration of Independence. For I should say that a signal honour ofa municipal character has just been done me. A committee of theChamber of Commerce has invited me to participate in their exerciseson an early day in July--the fourth, I fancy--when they celebrate theissuance of this famous document. I have been asked to read it,preceding a patriotic address to be made by Senator Floud.

  I accepted with the utmost pleasure, and now on my vine-shelteredporch have begun trying it out for the proper voice effects. Itssubstance, I need not say, is already familiar to me.

  The nipper is horribly gulping at its food, jam smears quite all aboutits countenance. Mrs. Ruggles glances over her journal.

  "How would you like it," she suddenly demands, "if I went around townlike these English women--burning churches and houses of Parliamentand cutting up fine oil paintings. How would that suit your grouchyhighness?"

  "This is not England," I answer shortly. "That sort of thing wouldnever do with us."

  "My, but isn't he the fierce old Ruggums!" she cries in affected alarmto the now half-suffocated nipper.

  Once more I take up the Declaration of Independence. It lends itselfrather well to reciting. I feel that my voice is going to carry.

  THE END