Two Words I'd Never Say Again

by Remi Carrington

  I stuffed paper into a trash bag while my brothers played with the new toys . . . and the kids. Everyone else was in the kitchen, getting the meal ready. Our special guest was arriving soon, and Mama’s cheeks grew redder by the minute.

  A very exhausted Hank arrived first, and I happened to spot him before he made it to the porch. Yes, because I was standing near the window and watching the driveway. I ran out to meet him.

  “Your mom invited me.” He looked nervous.

  I’d had way too much time to fume about him telling my brothers about Mateo. “How dare you!”

  He put his hands up. “If you don’t want me to stay for Christmas dinner, just say so.”

  I poked at his chest. “You called my brothers and told them about Mateo.”

  “Yeah, I did.” He clasped my hand and held it against his chest. “Since they don’t live around here, I promised your brothers I’d look out for you and your mom. That was back when we were dating. But I aim to keep that promise. No matter what happens with us.”

  Stunned, I wasn’t sure if I should give in to my anger or my awe. “But why call them? She was going to tell them.”

  “I’m sure she was, but I let them know that I’d been asking around. Even though I hadn’t met the guy, he seemed okay.”

  “Did you have Zach run his name?”

  “No.” Hank dropped my hand and rubbed the back of his neck. “He wouldn’t do it. I just asked around.”

  I wanted to rant at him and tell him he didn’t need to look out for me, but after having him rescue me from a pool, that declaration would only sound silly. Besides, I liked the idea of him looking out for me.

  “I had no idea you made that promise.”

  “Promise or no promise, I’ll always do it.”

  “Always?” I inched closer, hoping for a tiny crack in his hard-shell exterior.

  “We should go inside. It would look weird if Mateo showed up and caught us out here talking.” He spun around and headed to the door.

  “Be nice to that man.” I ran to catch up with Hank.

  “I’m always nice.”

  When Hank walked out of Mama’s house that evening, my dreams of ringing in the new year in his arms faded.

  I followed him out to the truck. “Thank you for coming. I know it meant a lot to her.”

  “I wanted to meet the new guy.”

  “I’m hoping my brothers warm up to the idea of Mama dating. They weren’t rude, but I think their cool reaction has Mama worried. Thank you for making Mateo feel welcome.”

  “I like him, and I think he cares about your mom. Your brothers will come around.”

  “It was good to see you.”

  He nodded. “It’s probably time for another question.”

  “Any time, day or night.”

  He opened the door and put one foot inside. “Text me when you get home.”

  “I will.”

  Twenty minutes later, I’d said my goodbyes and was on my way home.

  I didn’t speed, but I didn’t drive like a grandma either. While trying to get the key in the door, I texted Hank. I’m home.

  Had he even made it all the way back to Stadtburg?

  Waiting for him to call, I propped my phone on the nightstand and unbuttoned my dress. The phone rang, and I swiped the screen before taking off my dress. “Hi. How was the drive back?”

  I put my dress on a hanger, then hung it in the closet. Aware that he was quiet, I asked, “Are you there?” I unsnapped my bra.

  “Oh, I’m here. But I’m thinking the video chat option was . . . more than I bargained for.”

  I slapped the phone face down on the table. “Give me a second to put something on.”

  “You do that.”

  I yanked his t-shirt over my head before picking up the phone. “I just swiped. I had no idea.”

  “Yeah, well, merry Christmas to me. Okay, so the question—why didn’t you answer my calls?”

  “Don’t mistake this for a complaint, but these questions make me feel very exposed.”

  “You already gave me the visual for that.”

  “I’m trying to be serious.”

  “So am I. That’s what I’ll see every time I—all the time. But I get it.” He carried the phone around the house and out the back door. “Whenever you’re ready.”

  I wasn’t. This was a question for which I didn’t have anything resembling a good answer. “Are you really putting in a pool?”

  “Yep. See.” He flipped the camera and showed the stakes marking the pool’s footprint. “They’ll start digging next week.”

  His decision to put in a pool made it seem like he was moving on without me. He knew how terrified I was of the water. That was selfish thinking, and I had done plenty of that. Instead, I tried to imagine how he’d look stepping out of the pool, dripping wet.

  “Hello?” He tapped the screen.

  “It looks great.”

  “I’m excited. Now back to the question.”

  I snuggled under the covers, wishing he were next to me but glad I could see his face. “I don’t have a good answer for that question. I was mad, and I wanted you to know that. So I didn’t answer. But it was stupid because I cried every time I dismissed your calls. But seeing you hurting now makes me regret every single phone call I ignored. I don’t like causing you pain.”

  He inhaled and blew it out. “I should have camped on the porch and made you talk to me.”

  “I won’t blame you for what I did wrong.”

  “Thank you for that. I have my own regrets though.” He looked away, and for a minute, everything was quiet. “I won’t ask any other questions tonight.”

  “I love you, Hank.”

  “I know.” The call ended.

  Instead of feeling gutted, I laid the phone next to my head and closed my eyes. We’d found the path, but it would take a lot of steps down that road before we’d be back together.

  I chose to focus on the steps.

  Chapter 18

  The next few days were full of family, friends, and laughter, but no texts or calls from Hank.

  I stretched out in a lounge chair on Zach’s porch. Now that they were married, I referred to their place as Haley’s house, but this would always be Zach’s porch.

  He plucked out Christmas songs on his guitar as Haley and I sipped hot chocolate.

  “Hank has been working like a crazy man. We’ve hardly seen him.” She flashed a wide grin. “Your gift was awesome. He loved the Xbox.” She pointed inside. “And I saved the box for you. In case you needed it for a future gift.”

  “You mean like a Valentine’s Day or an anniversary gift?”

  “Exactly like that.”

  “Thanks.” I wasn’t sure when I’d give him the satin sheets and silk lingerie, but I would when the time was right.

  Zach stopped playing. “Hank was irritated with some guy named Mitchell—”

  “That’s the one who asked if I was Hank’s.”

  “He didn’t!” Haley’s jaw dropped open.

  Zach’s expression made us both laugh. “Apparently he went on and on about the tamales. I just hope the guy has the sense not to ask you out, Nacha. Hank would pound the man.”

  “If Mitchell can’t figure out that I’m sweet on Hank, the guy needs help.”

  Haley sighed. “Have you talked to him?”

  “A little.”

  She leaned forward. “Please tell me what you bought. I’m dying to know.”

  Zach played another Christmas song. “She has no patience.”

  Haley pointed toward the house. “Can I bribe it out of you with a Moon Pie?”

  “No, thanks. I’ve had enough sweets to last me the rest of the year.” I grinned. “When I give it to him, he’ll probably mention it.”

  “I might not live that long. It’s killing me I tell you. Did you get to meet your mom’s new boyfriend?”

  “We did. He came over for Christmas dinner. He seems really nice. And Hank behaved himself. Thankful
ly.”

  “I wondered about that. He hadn’t said anything.”

  I finished the last of my hot chocolate. “I should go. I’ll never stay up until midnight tomorrow if I don’t sleep tonight.”

  “You are coming tomorrow, right?”

  “I’ll be here. Cami is jealous. She wants to come too. I tried to talk her out of driving in crazy traffic to get here.” I shrugged. “But who knows?”

  “Harper will be here. So will Eli. Cami would be in heaven.” Haley rolled out of her chair. “I’m glad you came over tonight.”

  “This was fun. Thanks for inviting me.”

  Zach waved. “You’re welcome anytime.”

  After staying awake way too late, wondering about Hank’s silence, I slept until noon. Waking up rested was blissful. I warmed tamales, then filled a mug with coffee. A glutton for punishment, I grabbed the photo album from our honeymoon.

  This would not help me be productive, but I didn’t care.

  Flipping through pages, I relived each day. Money had been tight. The photography business had been tiny back then, but Hank had surprised me with plane tickets to Colorado. We’d spent most of the week snuggled in a mountain cabin, but the little town with all the shops was someplace I’d never forget.

  Memories toppled over each other, and I moved the cup so my tears didn’t land in my coffee.

  Before I lost my nerve, I sent Hank a text: I’m sitting here, looking at the album from our honeymoon. I miss you.

  I waited for that stupid thumbs up to appear.

  Instead, a happy face popped up. No words. But that was progress, right? At least we’d moved up from that dreaded thumb.

  That gave me a small glimmer of hope that he’d show up at Haley’s tonight.

  She’d offered me the guest room, so after I finished my breakfast—I guess it was technically brunch—I tucked a few things into a bag. Ringing in the new year with one of those drinks Hank had gotten me at the wedding meant I wouldn’t be driving after, so I packed to stay the night.

  The house was so quiet without Cami. I waffled about whether to text her. As much as I wanted her to be at the party, I knew how bad the roads could be on New Year’s Eve.

  She solved my conundrum. Hey, I’m not going to make it. Daddy planned out my whole evening. Oodles of joy. I thought about leaving as soon as dinner was over, but now I have lunch plans tomorrow with some stuffy suit, his partner’s nephew, or something—definitely not of the hero variety. Happy New Year!

  I shot back a quick text. Don’t fall head over heels for him. We miss you.

  Of course you do! She followed her text with a happy face.

  I was getting a lot of those today.

  Hours later, fueled by that happy face, I knocked on Haley’s door.

  Giggling sounded from inside. “Put me down. I need to get the door.”

  “I’ll help.” Zach’s tone held a hefty dose of teasing.

  The door opened, and Haley’s feet greeted me. Flipped over Zach’s shoulder, she craned her neck, trying to see me. “Hi there.”

  “I can come back later if you need some time alone.” I enjoyed giving them a hard time.

  Zach grinned. “Come on in. Aunt Joji should be here in a few minutes.” He squirmed as Haley reached down and tickled his side. “Everyone else is out on the patio.” He set Haley on her feet and smirked. “An eye for an eye and a tickle for a tickle.”

  She wriggled as if he were touching her. “Not now. Please.”

  “I don’t even have to touch her. It’s very entertaining.” He tugged at the end of a curl. “I should check the snacks and make sure the guys haven’t eaten everything.”

  Haley watched him walk out of the room. “Let’s get you settled in the guest room. I’m glad you decided to stay the night.”

  I bit my tongue, forcing myself not to ask about Hank. If he showed, great. If he didn’t, I’d still enjoy myself.

  We walked into the bedroom, and I dropped my bag on the bed. “Thank you.”

  “I didn’t want you leaving at nine to be home before the traffic got wild. You don’t need to be by yourself tonight.”

  “I’m doing okay, Haley. Really.”

  For the first time in more than a year, the words were true. Things weren’t perfect. But no matter how it ended with Hank, I felt okay.

  I hugged her. “Thank you for being such a great friend.”

  “Thanks for being such a great sister.” Haley jumped up when someone knocked. “That must be Aunt Joji. We invited your mom too.”

  “She has plans with Mateo.”

  Haley pulled open the front door, and Aunt Joji sashayed in. “Is everyone ready to have a good time? I brought us a bottle of wine.” She handed me my favorite Spanish wine. “In case anyone didn’t want to toast the new year with champagne.”

  “Thanks. He told you?”

  She winked. “He did.”

  I set the wine in the kitchen, then joined everyone else on the patio.

  Zach made the introductions. “Aunt Joji, I think you met everyone at the wedding. But here’s a refresher. That’s Eve. Attached to her is Adam. Harper, unattached. And Eli, also unattached.”

  She hugged each person. “So nice to see all of you again. She pointed at Harper’s drink. “Where can I get one of those?”

  “Coming right up.” Zach laughed as he walked into the house.

  Despite the urge to retreat into the chair farthest from the group, I pulled it closer to Aunt Joji. “It’s good to see you.”

  “You too, dearie. Did you talk to your mom?”

  I accepted a drink from Zach. “Thank you.”

  He hadn’t asked what I wanted, but magically it was my new favorite mixed drink. For someone who was being scarce, Hank sure made sure all my needs were met.

  I turned back to Aunt Joji. “Yes. She sounded so excited. I’m glad I introduced the two of you.”

  “I’m having a blast.”

  “We missed you at Christmas. The next time you want to free up space at Mama’s, you can stay at my house. It’s not big, but I’ll make room.” The idea of Cami and Aunt Joji in the same house amused me.

  She patted my hand. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Dancing flames in the fire pit kept back the chill of the night air. I leaned back in my chair and listened as Harper told about his recent blind date.

  “So, I let Eve’s mom set me up. That was a mistake, and I blame all of you.” Harper pointed at Adam and Eve. “Especially you two.”

  Adam laughed. “How bad could it be?”

  I’d heard about Adam’s bad blind date and couldn’t wait to hear Harper’s story.

  “It wasn’t that she was bad looking or anything. But she showed up wearing a flannel dress. That just made me think of pajamas. But that wasn’t the issue. I don’t have anything against flannel. The real issue was that conversation consisted of me asking a question and her giving one-word answers.”

  Eli leaned forward. “She was probably just a little shy.”

  Harper rolled his eyes. “I figured that out, thanks.”

  “Nothing wrong with a girl who’s a little shy.” Eli flopped back in his chair.

  “If I can find her number, maybe I’ll introduce you. I need someone with a little more spunk. Personal preference.”

  Haley shot me a glance, and her thoughts might as well have been painted on her face.

  “Would you go on another blind date if someone else set you up?” I sipped my drink, determined to make it last a while.

  Harper shook his head. “Nope. I’m done with blind dates. I’m going to find someone who calls me a superhero without going on any more blind dates.” He pointed at Haley. “I see you looking at Nacha. Whatever you’re scheming, don’t.”

  She laughed. “Okay. I’ll let you find your own sweetheart.”

  “Thank you.” Harper tossed a stick into the fire and watched it burn. “Someone else can tell a story now.”

  The evening continued, and I enjoyed
every minute. Shedding my guarded shell was more freeing than I’d expected. How had I let myself get so closed off?

  When I stepped inside to fill my plate, Aunt Joji walked in with me.

  She shot a conspiratorial glance over her shoulder. “Now that we’re alone, I can tell you. I talked to Haley and Hank about a family getaway.”

  “Oh?”

  Noises came from the kitchen, and she stepped closer. “Hank said the earliest he could do it was April, and that even then, he’d try to make it, but I told him that if he canceled on me, I’d invite that guy—oh, what’s his name?”

  Zach leaned in from the kitchen, chuckling. “Mitchell.”

  “Yes!” Aunt Joji grinned. “Hank didn’t think it was funny. But he’ll come. I just know it. I’m sorry it’s such a long wait.”

  “That’s perfect. Just let me know which weekend in April works for everyone.” Disappointment vied with anticipation in my chest. “I’m excited.” And a little bummed that we’d have to wait so long.

  Hank knew Aunt Joji would push us together.

  She rubbed my arm. “I just wish it were sooner.”

  I reminded myself of the path. Hank and I were talking. That was more than we were doing a year ago, and for that, I had him to thank.

  Minutes before the stroke of midnight, we all gathered with our drink of choice in hand and counted down.

  As everyone was toasting the new year, my phone buzzed in my pocket. The message from Hank gave me hope that this year would be better than the last.

  One little happy face appeared on my screen. I sent a heart in response, happy we were communicating . . . even if tonight it was only in emojis.

  Chapter 19

  Getting back into the rhythm of work after the holidays required an extra cup of coffee every morning.

  For a week, Cami spent almost all day on the phone, and Haley and I were still answering calls on the other line. It was great for business, but it was exhausting. The calendar filled up, which gave me something else to think about other than the fact that Hank hadn’t texted or called in three weeks.