CIRCO

by Tara Ellis

  An hour after a reluctant Vanessa was persuaded to enter the day spa, he noticed her uptight ways were softening. Vanessa, Julio and Brenda first hit the body massage. They wore towels and laid face first on beds with a hole. It took Brenda a moment to understand her face goes there. The massage therapists rubbed every single strain of tension out of them. Vanessa got rubbed just right; she didn’t have a care in the world anymore. Any where those magic hands touched her caused invigoration. Her masseuse, a mid-twenties brunette, told Vanessa, as she rubbed, that she was holding a lot of tension. “Are you stressed,” she asked.

  “You have no idea,” she groaned.

  “Are you worried about college?”

  “I’m nowhere near college. I’m going into my junior year of high school.”

  “Really? How old are you?”

  “Only sixteen.”

  “Oh my gosh. Don’t take this as on offence, you look much older.” She didn’t, she took it as a compliment. In her head, it said she could get away with a lot more, if she tried. Vanessa blossomed very early in life, although she didn’t have her mother’s ample figure yet, she could still pass off for an eighteen year old. She was also tall, very tall for somebody with Mexican heritage; she stood at five feet and eight inches, that’s practically unheard of in the Hispanic community. She never really found good use of her older appearance. She didn’t hate the fact that she looked older, nor did she embrace it too well, she just accepted herself as she was.

  “None taken, I get it all the time.”

  Soon they moved onto the wet sauna. Julio kept his towel on, Brenda and Vanessa put on robes. They sat there for ten minutes, letting the heat dissolve them. Soon after it was too much for Brenda, so she waited outside in the lobby. The chubby girl kept herself completely entertained by cookies, cakes, and cream pie the guests were offered.

  Vanessa and Julio were all alone for a moment. He took that opportunity to pick her emotions. It took him a moment to muster up the courage to ask this. “Do you ever feel like you hate yourself?”

  “No,” she said. But the truth was, she was unsure how she felt about herself. She didn’t hate herself, but she didn’t like herself either.

  He quickly moved on. “Do you hate the family?”

  “I don’t hate the family, I wouldn’t say hate.”

  “So, how do you feel?”

  “I feel like I was born into a bad relationship. If it were a movie, it would be filled with skipped scenes, bland dialogue, and no one wanted to play their character.”

  “I feel the same way too, somewhat, I know I haven’t been much of a brother, that’s why I’m taking you and Brenda out right now. I have love for you. I know that the whole family loves you. And I know you won’t agree with this but Mommy loves you the most.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “It is true, she sees how gorgeous you are, and it’s like you don’t care to live up to it.”

  “I don’t.”

  “And that’s why she projects anger onto you. You’re her favorite, you just don’t know it.”

  “In an ordinary family, parents are not supposed to have a favorite child.”

  “When has our family ever been ordinary?”

  She smirked.

  “Face it Vanessa, your Mommy’s favorite because you’re the only one that took in her looks. Everyone else; me, Brenda, Jorge, and Michael take from Daddy. He is not an ugly man, but it sure would have been nice to have Mommy’s beauty.”

  He paused, but then goes right back into it. “And that’s probably why I don’t play the brother character, because you’re so unappreciative, of what you have. Your Mommy’s favorite, she loved you the most, she always has. And that is why I resent you…. a little… But I’m trying to get over it.”

  “By the way she gets drunk, Mommy doesn’t even love herself, so she couldn’t possibly have love for me?” she said.

  Julio breathes in deep. He gives up. He grabs her hand and kisses the back of her palm. “Come on, we been in here long enough.”

  When the Medina family sat down for dinner that night, the first few minutes were consumed by an intense silence. Daddy had an idea what was about to take place; he kept his eyes at his plate. Vanessa felt it coming, she sensed it in the air, and to her it was like the quiet before a storm. Brenda tried flashing a big smile but no one noticed. Julio saw Mommy stare daggers into the favorite, he kept quiet, and so did Jorge. Jorge felt like it wasn’t his place to get involved. But, if something crazy goes down, he sure as hell was going to blog about it. All anyone could hear was the stabbing of forks onto the plates.

  Mommy thought about it for a while; thinking how she could segue into to the topic. The topic her and Daddy discussed earlier, the topic of Vanessa, the problem child. Their plan was to talk it out as a family, which seemed like the best option. It’s what any normal family would do. To talk it out, right?

  She needed a moment, trying to find the right words.

  “I’m glad we are all here today,” said Mommy. “Today we’re going to be sharing our feelings.” The children snickered, they couldn’t help it, but Mommy continued. “We’re going to let it all out, share what we feel about….”

  “I hate how you push me. I’m never going to be you; I don’t ever want to be you…”, Vanessa said.

  And, so it begins, thought Daddy.

  “I hate how you say it’s a shame that I have your looks. I hate how you get into fights with us. You know why you do these things, it’s because you’re a drunk….,” Vanessa continued on with degrading remarks.

  Her own daughter’s words went through her like a red-hot iron rod. Mommy felt something click inside her, as if a visceral switch had been set off. She heard her own voice pop in her head. “That ungrateful little bitch. How dare she talk to me like that, after I tried to give her everything? Who does she think she is? She is spoiled rotten. I’ll teach her. Oh I’ll teach her damn good.”

  “You drive me to drink, you ungrateful bitch!” Mommy shouted. “I drink to forget about you, and the trouble you cause me!” She let out everything in her lungs. Her face went red, eyes turned blood shot. She was hurt.

  Daddy tried to mediate “Hey guys calm down. Vanessa, you’re in the wrong for that, apologize to your mother.”

  “What do you mean calm down, she is attacking me,” said Mommy.

  Daddy grabbed Mommy by the forearm and squeezed tight. “Relax, I am on your side. Vanessa say you’re sorry right now.”

  “I don’t have to apologize. She opened this up for herself. I’m letting it all out, sharing how I feel!” she said mocking her mother.

  Brenda for a second lost all color, then turned into a pulsating red. Her cheeks were damp from her tears. Watching her family scream at each other had given her too much excitement. Julio acted quickly, he took his baby brother and sister out into the hallway where they shouldn’t hear the yelling. Jorge was turning on his cell phone, he wanted to video record this event for his blog.

  “I have given you everything. Everything! Me and your father have provided you with food, the clothing on your back, and shelter for your entire life!” Mommy pointed her finger at Vanessa as she hollered.

  “You just don’t like being checked!”

  “Who the hell are you to judge me!? I’m the mother! Since I brought you in this world, I can take you out of it! That’s a check for your ass!” The finger got closer to Vanessa’s face. “You need to learn your place, little girl. And listen to what I have to say and do as I tell you!”

  “You expect me to do that, when you come home drunk off your ass?!”

  Daddy tried to hold down Mommy. “Hey, hey, hey come on now Vanessa you know our lifestyle. We like
to get away for a moment.”

  “Give me all the food costs I have spent on you over the years, give me all the clothes back, give me back every vacation I took you on….,” Mommy said.

  Vanessa jumped. “Step back! Don’t put your hand in my face!”

  Mommy grabbed her glass and threw merlot at her daughter. It was her favorite brand of old world wine; definitely not a cheap bottle. The alcohol dripped off of Vanessa’s face, her clothes were stained with the dark red liquid. “Now! Sit there, like a good child!”

  “Don’t call me your child!”

  Vanessa picked up the edge of the table, hoisting it up towards her mother. Jorge couldn’t believe what he saw. He didn’t know she had that strength, neither did Vanessa. Drinks spilled everywhere, food flew off the table. Daddy lost all his might when he saw the table shoved. Mommy got up, slapped her daughter across the face. “I hate you,” said Vanessa.

  “I hate you too,” replied Mommy. And then she slapped the other cheek.

  Julio held Brenda and Michael, he kept them curled in his arms as they sat on the floor, outside the hallway. Julio tried to get them away from it, but they heard everything; all the commotion. Michael kept quiet, but Brenda continued to cry. Julio kissed her forehead to comfort her. He thought to himself this is what a good big brother would do. He wasn’t completely surprised how his family snapped. Everyone held some animosity to another. But with Mommy and Vanessa, they built up the most resentment over the years.

  Vanessa shoved Mommy back against the stove. “Don’t hit me! Don’t you ever put you fucking hands on me!” she shrieked. Daddy seemed to be in a state of shock. He just sat back with his mouth open like he was watching some trashy reality show. But it was real life, his life, displaying itself right in front of him. Don’t just sit there old man, do something get involved; stop this now, he thought. But this moment he was a man who felt no might. When Vanessa pushed Mommy into the stove the walls shook. That even scared Jorge. He dropped his cell phone, on the table, forgetting that it was still recording. He told his father to do something, snap out of it and do something.

  Daddy jumped in between the brawlers, held is forearm against Vanessa chest. Even he felt like he should guard himself from his own daughter. “Jorge, call the cops, now.”

  “That’s what I’m doing right now,” said Jorge as he pretended to dial.

  “Please stop, for the love of god. Please,” pleaded Daddy. “We’re not that family, I don’t want to be this type of family. Me and your mother haven’t been perfect parents, but you’re not the perfect daughter. Apologize right now young lady.” His tone of voice sounded like a kid rising against a big bully.

  “I’m sorry that I’m not sorry.”

  “I screwed up with you,” Mommy said. She spoke under her breath but everyone could still hear her. “I screwed up with you bad. I blame myself for you. That you turned out this way.” Jorge stepped over to his mother he tried to grab her, but she shook him off. She stepped over closer to Vanessa “I’m going to get you some help baby. You need help…”

  Vanessa kicked her in the stomach. Mommy dropped to her knees, held her tummy and whimpered. Vanessa felt like she was trying to be manipulated. “You’re the one that needs help!” she shouted. He had no choice now; Daddy restrained Vanessa to the floor. He held her down as she kicked and scratched at him. He slapped her. He had enough.

  The clock tower sung its lullaby, letting Detroit know it was time for bed.

  She was kicked out, with two full suitcases. She watched her father lock the steel cage fence in front of her. As he walked away she thought to herself if he looks back than she’ll be just fine. He didn’t.

  Vanessa turned to the city, she saw Detroit now in a different light. It looked bigger. It felt more dangerous. The sounds of the city were coming at Vanessa from every direction. She thought she heard chatter off into the distance. And then laughter came from another direction. Her family wasn’t from Detroit originally, so she couldn’t go to any family that wasn’t in the clock tower. She had no friends, but you already know that. She realized how alone she was. She wanted her hand to be held. She was still a little girl. A little girl, facing the big world all on her own. A world that seems to be colliding into her all at once.

  Artemis