A Pup to Rescue Their Hearts

by Alison Roberts

‘I know. I can’t even imagine how hard this is for her. Or for you. But it’s so lucky you’ve found each other—you and Lachlan.’

  ‘Is it?’ Josh broke the eye contact by closing his eyes. ‘Yes, of course it is. I’m just... It gets me—here...’ He put his hand on his chest. ‘And I don’t think I’ve felt like this about anyone since I was a little kid. I’ve never let myself feel like this because I know what happens. I know this isn’t Lachlan’s fault but the end result could be the same.’ His voice was so quiet it felt like Josh was talking aloud to himself. ‘There are no guarantees in life. You can’t trust that anyone’s going to hang around for ever. Or even for the important stuff.’

  ‘Sometimes you can.’ The cracks in Stevie’s heart were wide enough to be breaking her heart, knowing that Josh had gone through his life not trusting enough to let himself love someone. Or to be loved by someone. ‘I’m not going anywhere, Josh.’

  ‘Thanks...’ Josh was looking down at the plastic container he was still holding. ‘And thanks for getting lunch but... I don’t think I can eat right now. I need to get going, too. I’ve got to catch up on the ward round I missed this morning.’

  ‘Take them with you. Try and find time to eat later. It’s not going to help you or Lachlan if you don’t look after yourself.’

  Josh nodded, getting slowly to his feet.

  ‘And I’ll tell Mattie that you won’t be able to make his Big Brother session this week.’

  ‘No...don’t do that.’ Josh straightened, taking a deep breath. ‘That’s important, too.’

  ‘He’ll understand.’

  Josh shook his head. ‘He might seem like he’s growing up really fast at the moment but he’s still just a kid on the inside and I don’t want to let him down. And, hey...it’ll be good for me, too. We’ll go somewhere nice with Lucky and forget about the rest of the world for a while.’

  ‘Oh...that reminds me.’ Stevie was on her feet now as well. She would find time to eat her sandwich later—although it didn’t seem likely that she was going to feel hungry anytime soon. ‘Mattie wanted me to talk to you about when Lucky’s going to move in. He’s got this idea that he wants him to sleep on the end of his bed the first night we’re in the cottage but I said that it might need to wait until we’re a bit more settled in.’

  ‘Okay.’ Josh was smiling. ‘Sounds like he’s excited about the move.’

  ‘We both are. I should warn you that he knows you’ve got a brother you didn’t know you had. He’s probably going to have a million questions about that, too. Sorry...’

  ‘I’ll cope.’ Josh’s face had softened and he stood there for a moment, just holding Stevie’s gaze. Looking for all the world as if he wanted to kiss her...

  And, suddenly, it didn’t matter who might be watching or what sort of rumours might circulate. Josh might believe that he didn’t need anything more than a friendship from her but what he actually needed more than anything right now was to know that he had someone who cared about him. Who was going to do everything they could to help him through whatever he was about to face.

  Stevie closed the gap between them and put her arms up to offer him a hug and, to her relief, he didn’t seem at all bothered that other people might see them. He leaned down and let himself be hugged and Stevie held him as tightly as she could. So tightly she could feel the beat of both their hearts. It felt like he was even letting go of some of the tension in his body, just for a heartbeat or two—but it was enough.

  Hopefully, it was enough to let him know everything he needed to know.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  THE SKILLS OF being able to compartmentalise and focus purely on what was in that particular compartment had never been more valuable. And, man... Josh had needed to call on those skills in the last day or two.

  He was using them now as he stood beside the trolley that contained all the patient notes for children who were currently inpatients. He was anxious to find out what had happened since he’d seen one of his young patients on this morning’s ward round. Four-year-old Jayden had managed to stick the prong of a fork far enough into a wall plug to receive a significant electrical shock. His panicked mother had rushed him into Emergency and he’d then been admitted to hospital for treatment to burns on his fingers, hand and chest and observation for an irregular heartbeat that was potentially of concern.

  Today Josh had requested both surgical and cardiology consults and he was scanning Jayden’s notes to find out the latest results of any new investigations. He was relieved to note that today’s observations were normal for temperature, blood pressure, oxygen saturation and GCS. Blood test results were also normal. The daily dressing change for the burns had gone well and the current pain management was adequate. A note had been made that a plastic surgery consult should be arranged in case of possible grafting needed to one fingertip but even that didn’t dent Josh’s focus.

  He was more interested in the results of the echocardiogram that had been done this afternoon and the new ECG in the series that had been requested. The irregular rhythm had been caused by premature beats in the atria of the heart but they seemed to be settling now and the cardiology team was confident the abnormality would resolve soon.

  Josh breathed out a sigh of relief at this point and finally allowed a breach in the wall of the mental compartment he’d been in for some hours now that didn’t allow anything other than a focus on his patients. He let his gaze drift back to the section in Jayden’s notes where the surgical team had suggested a referral to a more specialist area. Lachlan’s specialty. The longing that it could have been possible to call his brother in to review the case was so strong it was a physical pain in his chest and, as Josh slotted Jayden’s notes back into the trolley, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to try and counteract that pain.

  He was lucky he had different compartments he could use right now, like his work and his responsibilities to a small, white dog who needed walks and food. Lachlan didn’t have the luxury of any kind of distractions and, after the initial shock, the reality of his situation had sunk in with what threatened to be a devastating effect. When Josh had gone to see him last night, Lachlan had pretty much ordered him not to continue his visits.

  Josh kept his eyes closed for another moment as their conversation flashed through the back of his mind while he searched for the exact wording that had haunted a restless night and been forced under cover while he’d been working through an exceptionally busy day today.

  ‘You don’t have to be here. I know I’m not exactly good company.’

  ‘I want to be here.’

  ‘You managed without me in your life for thirty-six years, Josh. It won’t be that hard to get used to it again.’

  ‘I don’t want to get used to it. You’re my brother. The only family I’ve got.’

  ‘You might have to get used to it.’

  There’d been no amusement at all in Lachlan’s huff of laughter.

  ‘Take a leaf out of Flick’s book. She’s managed to walk away, no problem.’

  ‘Has she? Has she actually gone?’

  ‘Well...she’s still here—in the district, at least. But only until we can find another locum nurse. My housekeeper, Mrs Tillman, is sorting that mess out for me. You’re not going to believe this, but she says Josephine is upset about me. Crocodile tears, huh?’

  ‘I doubt that. Sometimes it takes a shock for people to wake up and see what really matters.’

  ‘Well... I’ve had a shock and...guess what? Nothing really matters. Go away, Josh. Get on with your own life. Get over yourself and marry that nice girl with that astonishing hair.’

  Lachlan had even found a smile, although it hadn’t lasted long.

  ‘Go. Be happy for both of us...’

  It had been a knee-jerk reaction to the shock of a frightening diagnosis, which had been made all the more confronting by having already had his lif
e turned upside down by recent developments. Josh wasn’t about to give up on supporting his brother, however. In fact, perhaps he could go over to Cheltenham Central right now and still have time to be back in town to meet Mattie at the Big Brother Headquarters, as usual, at four-thirty p.m.

  A twist of his wrist revealed the face of his watch but it was clearly incorrect. He reached into his pocket for his phone only to find that he’d forgotten to charge it last night and it was completely dead. Josh turned away from the trolley to look at the wall clock in the ward’s reception area and it was then that he simply froze.

  It was six p.m. How on earth could that possibly have happened? He’d never even been late to meet Mattie for their weekly session together on a Thursday, let alone completely forgotten about it. Stevie had suggested it could be cancelled, hadn’t she? She’d known he had too much going at the moment but he’d refused. What had he said to her? Oh, yeah...that their time together was important, too. That Mattie might seem like he was growing up really fast but he was still just a kid on the inside. He’d also said that he didn’t want to let him down.

  Worse than that, Josh had promised Stevie long ago that he’d never do anything to hurt Mattie.

  Oh... God... He had to try and put this right.

  Right now...

  * * *

  Stevie knew who it was before she even opened the door of her apartment to find Josh standing there.

  She also knew there had to be a very good reason that Josh had not shown up for his session with Mattie this afternoon but, no matter how good that reason was and how apologetic Josh was looking, it wasn’t likely to be enough. Not this time.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said. ‘I completely lost track of time.’

  That was it? No major emergency in the ward? No new development that had been serious enough for him to have had to rush to his brother’s side? He’d just...forgotten about Mattie?

  ‘He tried to walk home after he’d waited for you for more than an hour,’ Stevie said. ‘And you know what? That gang of boys he’d had trouble with when we first moved here were waiting for him when he got close to home.’

  ‘Oh... God, no...’ Josh’s eyes looked even darker as his face paled. ‘Is he hurt?’

  ‘He’s got a few bruises. Had his schoolbag stolen...’ Stevie had to swallow hard before she could continue without her voice breaking. ‘Mostly, he just got terrified.’

  ‘Can I come in?’ Josh’s voice was raw. ‘And talk to Mattie?’

  Stevie wasn’t at all sure she could cope with having Josh too close right now. Her head was all over the place. Her heart felt like it was breaking.

  ‘It’s a mess in here,’ she said. ‘There’s barely room to move with all the packing boxes and piles of stuff.’ She turned her head away from him. ‘Mattie? Can you come here for a minute?’

  Mattie’s bedroom door was the closest one to the front door. Even if he hadn’t guessed who had come calling, he would have heard Josh’s voice.

  ‘Don’t want to,’ he responded. ‘I’m busy.’

  Playing an online game, Stevie suspected. The way he’d spent far too much time doing when they’d first moved to Gloucester.

  ‘Please?’ Stevie didn’t raise her voice. Mattie knew the tone she was using well enough to understand that this was something important. And, a few seconds later, he appeared outside his bedroom door to stand in this narrow hallway. He didn’t look at Josh, though. He was staring at his feet.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Mattie,’ Josh said again. ‘I’ll make it up to you, I promise.’

  Mattie said nothing. He didn’t look up, either.

  ‘Tomorrow,’ Josh offered. ‘I’ve got a day off. How ’bout we go and check out your new village and see where the best places are going to be to walk Lucky?’

  Mattie shrugged. ‘Whatever...’

  He stepped back into his room and pushed the door shut behind him. It wasn’t quite a slam that would have required a response from Stevie but it was certainly firm enough to be a warning that he was done with communicating for now.

  Josh looked at Stevie as if he was expecting her to fix this somehow but that wasn’t going to happen, was it? This had become too big and Stevie was being pulled in two very different directions.

  ‘Why didn’t you call, Josh? Or send a text or something? I could have gone and walked home with him. Made sure he wasn’t going to blame you for this.’

  ‘My phone was dead. I meant to charge it last night but I fell asleep on the couch. I’d been trying to read up on all the latest clinical trials for AML. Look, I’m sorry I’ve upset Mattie. I’m beyond sorry that he ran into trouble. You know that, don’t you?’

  Of course she did. Like she’d known there would be a good reason behind what had happened. Too many good reasons but that didn’t alter the fact that her son felt betrayed. Like he didn’t matter enough. This was tearing her apart more than she’d thought it would. She knew what Josh was going through and she wanted to support him in whatever way he needed but...this was Mattie they were talking about. Her precious son. The boy she’d based her life around ever since he’d been conceived. The boy they’d both promised they would never do anything to hurt. Now Josh had let him down and Stevie hadn’t been able to do anything to protect him.

  ‘He’s not just upset,’ she said. ‘He’s really hurt, Josh. You’re way more important than you probably realise in his life. You’re far more like a father figure than a big brother for Mattie and he trusted you. You’ve let him down and...and you promised you’d never do that. That you’d never hurt him.’

  Josh was rubbing his forehead in that characteristic gesture of trying to collect or redefine his thoughts.

  ‘This is what happens, isn’t it?’ he muttered. ‘You get close to people. When you trust them and you let them trust you. And then people get hurt.’

  Stevie had the sensation of the walls closing in around her. There seemed to be a lot less oxygen in the air as well. This was it, wasn’t it? The barrier that Josh had always used to keep himself safe. Was he about to reinstate it? With her and Mattie on the other side? She couldn’t let that happen. It didn’t matter if she got hurt but it sure as hell mattered if Mattie did.

  ‘You can’t just walk out on him,’ she said slowly. ‘You must know how much that would hurt him.’

  ‘Of course I do.’ But Josh shook his head. ‘It was a mistake, wasn’t it? I should never have got involved in the first place. He can’t think of me as his dad, Stevie. I’m not.’ He was turning away. ‘You know perfectly well that I never wanted to be anybody’s dad.’

  The crack in Stevie’s heart opened wide enough to be a potentially fatal wound. ‘Just go,’ she told him.

  She couldn’t cope with this while Josh was standing this close to her. The idea that he was about to push her out of his life was bad enough but that he thought his relationship with Mattie had been a mistake was beyond heartbreaking. How on earth was she ever going to explain this to Mattie? It had been easy to make sure he didn’t know about the rejection from his biological father but this was on a very different level. The amount of damage this could do was scary. She would have to cope with what might be the hardest challenge she’d ever faced but she needed time to think about how she was even going to start. And she needed to do it alone because Mattie wasn’t about to listen to anything else that Josh might have to say.

  She lifted her chin. ‘I’ll deal with this.’ She bit the words out. ‘I have to, because I don’t get a choice about being a parent or not. I’m Mattie’s mother and that’s never going to change. I don’t want it to change.’ She pulled in a new breath. ‘We don’t need your help. We don’t need you...’

  Josh still looked as though he had no intention of going, so Stevie helped him out. She shut the door in his face.

  She didn’t try and open Mattie’s door because she knew it would only make thi
ngs worse if she forced him to talk to her before he was ready. She wasn’t ready, either, so it was just as well she had a whole lot of packing to finish in the kitchen before she could even start cooking dinner.

  Stevie did tap on Mattie’s door, however. ‘It’s going to be okay, Mattie,’ she called softly. ‘I promise.’ She bit her lip. ‘I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.’

  It took longer than she’d thought to finish wrapping all the glassware and plates in newspaper and stacking them into boxes. And then she heated up the oven and unwrapped a frying pan she’d already packed by mistake.

  ‘There’ll be no more fish fingers or chips or fried eggs once we’ve moved,’ she told herself. ‘It’s going to be a new life and we’re going to make it work.’

  They had to and that was all there was to it.

  This time, Stevie opened Mattie’s door after she’d knocked on it.

  ‘Dinner’s ready,’ she said. ‘Come and wash your hands.’

  There was no response to her instruction.

  Because Mattie wasn’t there...

  In that moment of time, seconds before Stevie knew she would be frantically calling for her son and checking the bathroom and living room and Mrs Johnson’s apartment and the stairwell of the building, she knew she wasn’t going to find him.

  She could sense the emptiness...

  And that was when the fear stepped in...

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  THE CLOSING OF that door felt like a slap in the face.

  A dismissal.

  He wasn’t wanted here, was he?

  He took the stairs to get out of this apartment block because he needed the movement. Not that it stopped his brain raking through everything, mind you, but at least it felt like he was pushing through it by moving. It would be worse to be standing still inside an elevator, letting it smother him. Seeing that expression on Mattie’s face when he’d turned away from Josh had taken him straight back to his own childhood. To when those feelings of being let down had been sharp enough to cut so deeply.