I remember the way his laugh echoed in my ears in my kitchen. How can my mind hold on to every detail of that night in perfect clarity?
If this were any other guy I’d be furious, not giving him a second thought–but it’s not like that with Bobby. With Bobby it’s real. His motives are as pure as fresh canvas ready to paint all that we can be. He isn’t doing this to hurt me. He’s doing it to protect me.
But I’m not the one that needs protection.
All at once, everything snaps into focus. I’ve wanted to help him through his pain, but he needs more than that. He needs me to protect him from his torment. You don't have to carry this alone, Bobby. Not anymore. I’m here.
His eyes meet mine and hold, like he senses every vibe I’m sending. He tilts his head toward the back door. As he gets up to go to the back of the restaurant, I follow him, without a second thought.
17
BOBBY
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everythin’. I’m sorry for not trustin’ you. For hurtin’ you. I’ve hurt you so much. I’m sorry I’m not good enough to be with you. I’m sorry that I keep fuckin’ up.
These thoughts have been on autoplay since I saw her last. Every time I’ve thought about her, I’ve wanted her. If only I could let myself.
When she walked away from the table, it became perfectly clear to me. I’m not in a place to let her go. My heart stopped beating when she left. My soul shattered. My being stalled in time and space. Like there was nothing left without her.
I need her.
No more being stubborn. No more being stupid. No more convincing myself this is a bad idea.
That tremor, that ripple in this world and the afterlife comes. Twice in one night? Cody wants me to be there for her. He does. He wants both of us to be happy.
You do, don’tcha?
Warmth spreads through me like his hug. “‘Course I do, ya idiot.” Memory of his voice makes me smile. “Took you long enough to figure it out.”
I know, I know.
It feels so good I can’t believe it. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is our chance. Maybe he’s okay with us moving on. Why wouldn’t he be? He loved us both.
Is this for real? I close my eyes, so much pressure behind my lids, stinging as tears fill but don’t spill out.
“Love her right, Bobby. Take even better care of her than I did. I can’t be there anymore, but you sure can.”
I imagine his expression, a mix of teasing encouragement. He’s the one that made me try harder. The one that made me push farther. The one who made me be more.
He’s still making me live my dreams.
Lexie follows me to the end of the hallway, outside the exit. We stand in the cold air behind The Splat.
Her body is close. She looks amazing. I swallow, taking in the nearness of her. That perfect round nose kissed by the cold air, starting to speckle red like she has freckles. There’s a longing in her eyes that fills me with all I never knew I needed.
“Can we talk?” I face her in the alleyway. “Can I say I’m sorry–” my words get cut off as her lips slam into mine, taking me fully and completely in a way that I’ve never been kissed. She presses into me. I think about all I’ve wanted. All I’ve kept us from.
I know here and now I won’t be the reason we can’t be together. Never again. I need her. She needs me. The kiss fills every part of my being. That tremor is replaced with the feeling of eternity. The moment of two souls in utter bliss. Not needing anything or anyone else.
Having each other.
18
LEXIE
Risking everything, I go for it. I go for him.
When he opens that sorry mouth, I shut him up because I don’t care if he apologizes; all I care is he gives us a fucking chance.
The taste of his lips melt into mine, resisting at first and then unrestrained. The universe aligns, energy matches energy, desire fuses with desire.
He’s kissing me back.
His body shakes as he grips me closer, pulling me against him, kissing harder. Our tongues collide while everything melts away until I’m in another dimension. The passion he plays baseball with erupts in my mouth. He’s breathless as he edges back, cheeks pink, bright blue eyes shining in awe.
I wrap my arms around his neck, those toned shoulders welcoming my touch. “I think we need each other.”
“I think you’re fuckin’ right.” He kisses me long and slow, gripping my ass and bringing me close to his erection–already hard and wanting. My heart pounds against his chest as I lean into his grasp.
“And, I am sorry.” He licks his lips. “That I keep tryin’ to leave you alone.” His hands shift and he lifts me up, bracing my back against the brick wall. My soaking center is against his abs, so fucking firm even through his clothes. One hand holds me up while the other pulls my hair, a messy wad in his strong hands, keeping my head close to his. “That I keep tryin’ to stop thinkin’ about you.” He rubs his nose against mine, his lips working toward my ear until in a whisper, he says, “but baby, do you know what I’m not sorry for?”
My core tightens, ringing with unadulterated desire. “What?” I manage to gasp as he runs his tongue along the inside of my ear.
“What I’m about to do to you.” The way he talks is so sexy I swear I’m on the cusp of orgasm. My body sags against him, warm and wanting. God, how does he do this to me? My heart is ecstatic that we’re here, now, kissing, holding.
I want you so bad.
“Care to find out what that is?” His breath is hot against my ear.
A worker from The Splat comes out with an armload of garbage. Bobby lowers me to the ground and takes a step back, now that we have an audience. His rosy cheeks and the way he bites his lower lip makes my knees weak.
“Let’s walk.” Taking his hand, we go down the cobblestone alley, historic downtown, lit by street lamps. The air tickles my face and I shiver, goosebumps present as I withdraw from his warmth. In a fluid motion, his hoodie is off and wrapped around me.
“Thanks, Bobby.”
“How’d you know?” He pauses to look at me.
“Know what?”
“That I wanted you?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Haven’t thought about much else.”
His thumb glides over my cheek, my body hungering for more of his touch. “But I shut you down. Didn’t give you anythin’ to hope for.”
“You did.” I shake my head in disagreement, my fingers squeezing his. “I felt it, Bobby.”
“You felt it?”
“So strong.” I don’t know how much he’s ready for, but that kiss still burns my lips, telling me I need to feel him. All of him. The thought sends fire between my legs, my lady vibrating in anticipation of when his fingers will caress me again.
“I was hopin’ maybe we just needed some time.” I look at those blue eyes. Bobby. I see him so perfectly in this light, in this ambiance.
“Let’s get outta here.” He tilts his head toward the parking lot.
“Go eat your pizza, then we can go back to my place.”
“Alrighty.”
We walk to the restaurant. He opens the door and we go to our seats.
We’re met with inquisitive looks by everyone at the table, but I don’t say a word. Neither does Bobby. His hoodie draped across me says enough.
Nothing to announce here, folks.
“We are studyin’ for Myers’ mid-term after this.” Mickey looks frustrated about it. “You took his class, didn’t you, Lexie?”
“Oh, yes, junior year.” I remember the class pretty well.
“What do we need to know?” Mickey rubs his temples like thinking about school has him tense. When we were growing up, he always struggled to get passing grades. I was hoping college would be easier for him, but it doesn’t look like it is.
“Myers mostly takes the exams from the slides. At least he did. I’m assuming that hasn’t changed.” I lick my lip, tasting the memory of Bobby against them. He captivated me so completely. Tris
h was absolutely right. I’m already in love with him.
“Do you have your old tests?” Mickey taps the table, trying to get my attention.
“Yeah.” I jump out of my daydream.
“Can we come grab them?” Mickey’s chin is dipped low, his eyebrows high.
“Sure.” It wasn’t what I was hoping to do tonight, but I’d like to help.
19
BOBBY
Getting to her house, I stop frozen in the doorway. All the pictures are gone.
The crucifix is still on the entry wall. Cody’s cross. The last trace of him in this hollow house. Instinctively, my hand finds my cross necklace tucked under my shirt. Cody gave it to me after getting his first paycheck from Publix. I told him not to. But he said I needed one. I didn’t know then how much I’d need it. This physical part of him close to my heart.
How long has it been since I offered a prayer? We grew up very Christian, especially Cody’s family. But I’m not sure where I stand with faith and all that. You haven’t given me much to believe in lately, God. Are you just teasin’ me that I’m gonna have a perfect moment, just to lose it all again?
The office is cleared out. Lexie is halfway down the hall.
“What are you gonna do with the office?” I ask, but she doesn’t hear me because Mick has taken over this evening. I seriously want to slug him. He’s acting like he’s doing me some favor. Yeah, right.
My heart pounds in my chest–because for the first time, I’m free to be with my girl. To leave my kisses all over her sweet skin. And Zac and Mick are acting like it’s any other Friday night. I wish I could kick them out without being obvious. Lexie didn’t exactly publish our relationship to the world.
Slow down, Bobby. We are not in a relationship…
I don’t know how any of this is going to go. Fast or slow. I’ve fucked up so much of it already. And she still wants to try.
“Nice place.” Zac has never been here before.
“I’ve been helpin’ Lexie redecorate. Seems you like my taste.” Trish stands beside him, overtly flirting.
“Oh, I do.” Zac’s loving it.
We all stand around the kitchen, like old times.
“You got some brownies or anythin’?” Mick rummages through Lexie’s cabinets and she joins him.
God, she looks beautiful getting out a bowl and some brownie mix. Her face lights up, like she likes entertaining.
I offer to help, but she shoos me away, so I sit on a barstool and watch her. Her black blouse is billowy at the top and fitted around her waist above adorable tight jeans. She’s fucking gorgeous. Not a care in the world. Just being her.
I love everythin’ about her. Being free from my own head makes this moment better than anything I’ve ever experienced. All that guilt is slowly being replaced by hope.
Eggs. Oil. Water. Mix. She glances at me and I smile, so in awe that I can’t fucking move.
When the brownies are in the oven, Lexie heads toward the living room. “Now, about those notes.”
I’m annoyed Mick is hijacking our evening, but it’s so fun to see Lexie in her element, taking care of her friends.
She can’t seem to find the papers, so she flusteredly goes back into the hallway. I follow her and she gasps, surprised I’m here.
“Fuck, don’t sneak up on me like that.”
“Whoops.” A teasing smile goes wide on my face as I step up to her, soaking in her nearness.
I still her shaking breath. My mouth caresses hers and takes it all away.
“I don’t want them here,” she forces out, her green eyes making me all kinds of dizzy.
“Me neither.” My lips find hers again, tasting her, filling every part of her with all that I have. All I am.
“Oh.” Trish stands at the doorway. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
I step back from Lex and shove my hands in my pockets. But trying to stop now is like walking off the field in the middle of a game.
The fact Trish saw us kissing brings up all sorts of worry. I don’t know if I’m ready for all this. My heart pounds as reality sinks in. I don’t know what I need to do. I don’t know if I’m ready to really dive into this.
But why wouldn’t I be?
I sigh.
“Mickey says that a bunch of us are going over to Garrison’s,” Trish says.
“What happened to studyin’?” Lexie asks.
“Some girl texted him, and he’s gonna meet her there.” Trish shrugs. “It’ll be fun. You deserve a night out. Wanna come?”
“Oh, um no.” Lexie rocks from her heels to her toes. So damn cute.
“You can go.” I swallow. “We can go.” I correct, as quickly as possible. “Whatever you wanna do.” My eyebrows rise, telling her I’m serious.
“Maybe next time.” Lexie gives Trish a look. Trish takes the hint.
Before long, the house is ours.
Finally.
“I wanna get to know you better. Tell me, what’s somethin’ you hate?” I ask her.
“Bein’ lied to.”
“Oh? Thought you were gonna say cockroaches or some shit.”
“You wanted stupid surface answers like we’re on some datin’ app?” She busts up laughing. Shit, I missed her laugh.
“You go as deep as you wanna go, darlin’.” I wink.
“Well, then yes, that is the answer. Bein’ lied to, or secrets bein’ kept from me. I just really like honesty.”
“Honesty is important.” I smile, trying to ignore the queasiness in my gut. There are a lot of secrets I have. We will get to them in time, I hope.
“Okay, well, tell me somethin’ you want me to know.” She sits on her couch, brownies on her coffee table cooling off next to vanilla ice cream. Her legs are criss-crossed, toes tucked under her thighs. Our knees brush.
“I can’t believe I’m here right now.” I purse my lips, noticing how fucking adorable she looks. Hair frames her face. Full lips and high cheekbones. A sweet smile glistening in her green eyes. Like she’s content. Like she wants to be here, with me. Like she’s happy and that makes me happy.
“You can’t?” Her chin drops and she teases me with an exasperated sigh.
“Not even a little bit.” I watch her and wonder if I can tell her all that is on my mind. No, not tonight. Another time. Soon. But not tonight.
She leans closer to me. Her hand brushes against my cheek and I smile. “I’m so glad you’re here, Bobby,” she whispers against my lips. I edge closer, taking her in a warm and loving kiss. Her taste fills my tongue as we keep kissing. I bring her close, my chest against hers. She’s so soft and warm. Little tingles erupt under my skin as I lose my breath to her.
She flips my cap off and grips my hair, driving me closer to her, like we can’t get close enough.
“Remember what you did when we got drunk?” Her tone is so sexy I may die.
Warmth flares through my body. Unrestrained. Working another wave of tingles all over me. I wet my lips, hoping desperately that I won’t do anything to fuck this up. Imagining that scene in her kitchen I’ve relived a thousand times, I lean in. “Oh, I remember.” My breath tickles her nose as I bring my forehead to hers. For several moments our hearts rattle, chests so close I feel her strong heartbeat against mine.
“I want this. I want us. Do you?”
“I want it more than anythin’.” I hold her eyes, begging her to believe my words. I mean them, more than I’ve ever meant anything before.
She moves from her place on the couch, straddling me. “I want you to do what you did that night, again.” She is so hot. I can’t believe my ears.
“God, you feel right.” My breath heaves at her contact, every rush illuminating my soul.
How haven’t I already fucked this up?
She takes my hand and guides me under her shirt to her lacy bralette. My fingers unhook the clasps at the back. I hold her beautiful chest. Lord Almighty. I’ve never felt anything this soft. My thumbs work across her perfect skin. She moans as I touc
h, her head craning backward in pleasure as my nails scratch her nipples.
I’m not drunk this time.
I’m in control. Giving her whatever she desires. Taking care of her.
She wiggles her arms out of the sleeves of her blouse, that little black lace falling beside us. Oh, my, God. She’s gorgeous. In all my fantasies, she looked like an angel. I cannot believe this isn’t a dream.
My lips join my hands, coaxing her, readying her.
“Oh yes.” She hums as my tongue circles her hardened tip. I suck, hard. She cries in pleasure, bouncing in a rhythm that has me writhing beneath her. Working her out from her tight jeans, it’s just little black panties on her incredible body. I slide her onto the cushions, stripping down to match her in my boxers.
“Damn, Bobby.” Her eyes lock on my body like she’s seeing me for the first time. She lays props her head up on her hand. It’s so fucking cute.
“Just wait.” I raise my brows. Take my place beside her on the couch. I start at her knees. Drawing hearts with my thumb. Teasing the hell out of her. Alternating kisses and touches. So much of our skin connects as I move over her body. Our lips meet, and it breathes life into me I’ve never known. My speed increases, hungry for more. She matches my intensity. Hot and heavy. In a way that I sense every bit of our needs parallelling in this escape from time and space.
“Bobby.” It’s like a cry. A plea. A longing, dangling from her tongue onto mine.
“We can take this real slow, alright?” I push against her panties with my cock. “No pressure.”
“Mmm,” she moans. “I want your pressure.”
I didn’t know how much I needed to take care of her. But it’s like something is mending inside of me by giving her what she wants.
This isn’t just some girl.
Cody’s.
My eyes press shut. Energy replaced by guilt. Foreplay replaced by a dark hole. This is harder than I thought it would be.
“What?”
“Fuck.” I squint tighter. I’ve lost it. The whole moment is gone in one thought. I slide off of her and press my palms into my eyes, sitting on the corner of the couch.
A Game Like Ours: Suncastle College Book One Page 13
