A Game Like Ours: Suncastle College Book One

by Marissa J. Gramoll

  There’s a pain in my heart that doesn’t know if I can really believe it. The part that wonders if there is any part of me that is truly worth loving, if I’m worth anything at all.

  “You mean everythin’ to me.” He kisses me with a yearning that immerses me in the depths of his soul. “There is so much about you amazes me. The longer we go out, the more I see to love.” He pauses long enough for his words to sink deeper into my cells. “Like the lasagna. You didn’t have to do that.” He raises his eyebrows in a way that tells me these things come from deep in his heart. “You’re doin’ your best. You’re always doin’ your best. And you don’t have to be. You could be mad at everyone. You have every reason to be mad at your family and your obnoxious mother. But I see you here tryin’ to make the most out of a tough situation and it inspires me to get a handle on my own shit.”

  “I can’t believe you think that about me.” Here I was worried about how he was handling everything, but somehow he’s focusing on what would build me up.

  “How could I not?”

  His eyes find mine, the look so genuine it melts me.

  “Do you know how incredible you are?” He kisses my skin under my collarbone.

  “How incredible?”

  “There aren’t even enough words.” He loops his thumb under the sleeve of my dress, whispering to my body with his skin, drawing a heart. “We both have a lot of pain.” He holds me delicately, and it’s like my soul sings with happiness, like our souls sing together. “You don’t let that pain destroy you. And I’d love for you to teach me how to do that. Because shit, Lex. I don’t have a clue.”

  “I think you’re doin’ better than you think.” And I mean it. “A few months ago, I didn’t know if we could be together.”

  “Me neither. You’ve always been too good for me. But I’m glad it happened. Real glad.”

  I think about his words for a moment. “You thought I was too good for you?”

  “Yeah, Lex, I think you’re perfect. You’ve always been perfect. Even with everythin’ you and Cody went through. I mean, he’s no picnic to be with, I know. But you’ve always been awesome. Like there’s so much good about you, it’s just kindness incarnate. You have a beautiful soul.”

  It’s what I need to hear, though I didn’t know that until he said it. The pain in my heart liquifies, because I believe him. Everything that happened with Cody and me, it wasn’t my fault. It isn’t my fault. I can be free. I truly did the best I could. Cody did too–and maybe in some beautifully broken way–that can be enough.

  Bobby’s arms go under my back, bringing me into the warmth of his love. “You have never done anythin’ wrong here, baby. Alright?” He kisses me. “You deserve all the love there is.” The most insane connection comes with his words.

  I think this must be what people are talking about when they say making love, because I feel loved. He’s brought me to another planet. Another reality. I relax into him, our bodies so close.

  Please, God, Jesus, Universe, let me feel this way for the rest of my life.

  27

  BOBBY

  EIGHT YEARS AGO

  We are alone here. My parents are at work. The yard is ours.

  Cody and I sit under my favorite peach tree, the grass still a little wet from the sprinklers. We just finished our afternoon shift at Publix and walked back to my place, as usual.

  Our wrappers litter the ground around our feet. Gustafson Farm chocolate milk. Pizza flavored Pringles. Peanut M&Ms. An empty box of Chinese takeout from the Publix deli. I always grab dinner and pretend I can’t eat it all so Cody gets some food before he goes home. My paychecks go to a savings account for college. His go to keeping the lights on at his place since his old man doesn’t take care of them. I can buy him dinner.

  This is our favorite place, the tree at the end of the line, closest to the back fence.

  Cody’s upset about something but he hasn’t told me what yet. I can fucking tell. Our whole shift he was acting weird. Not happy. Mad about something. Or confused maybe. I don’t know. Was hoping that if I started talking, he would. Usually works.

  “You wanna go to the mall Saturday?” Maybe I can coax out something. Anything. “Meet up with Mickey, Lexie and Trish?”

  He only shrugs.

  I let out a sigh, the air so heavy I can sense it. Fine, I’ll just ask you straight out because you aren’t givin’ me any other choice.

  “You alright?”

  “No.” He rakes his hands through his blond hair and pulls at the roots, that frustrated tick we both do all the time.

  “I could tell, man.” I can always tell. I hear a few cars drive on the road behind my house. Still nothing from Cody.

  “Well, what’s wrong?” I give him a little side hug because it looks like something’s really getting to him. He winces and moves away. There’s a huge scrape peeking out of his collar. I squint my eyes a little bit, trying to see past the fabric of his AC/DC shirt. “Did you hurt yourself?”

  He swallows, nodding. “I fell at the junkyard helpin’ Uncle Rick.”

  “Lemme see.” I slide up his shirt. He winces as the fabric catches near his neck. My eyes go wide. Scrapes and bruises everywhere the fabric covered, purple and blue. Scars, too. God, it looks like he was run over by a truck.

  “Cody,” I gasp. “You should get this looked at.”

  He scoots away, fixing his shirt, covering it up.

  Something tells me this wasn’t an accident. He was lying. I know he was lying. I try to think if he has any bullies. Any enemies at school. Someone who would want to hurt him.

  “What happened to you?” My mind races to the worst. Is he in some kind of trouble? Sure there are assholes at school, but this looks more serious. Shit, I don’t even know who would do this.

  “You have to drop it, alright. I don’t wanna talk about it.” He hangs his head.

  “You want some ice or somethin’?” Jeez, it hurt me just looking at it.

  “It’s fine. Was a few days ago. Doesn’t even hurt anymore.” Cody shrugs it off.

  “I can go real quick for the ice, it’d just take a second.” I have to do something.

  “Forget it, okay? Just drop it.” With the back of his hand, he flicks away a tear.

  God, what happened that would make him tear up in front of me? We haven’t cried in front of each other since Kindergarten.

  “You just embarrassed, or what? Why are you lyin’ to me?” A heaviness settles in my chest, mixing with a little bit of anger that he hasn’t told me about this “accident” until now.

  “I said drop it.” His tone is cold.

  “I’m worried, okay? Looks like you’re hurt. And if you’re not safe, I need to know.”

  “Bobby, lay off.” His tone is harsher than I’ve ever heard it.

  We sit there while Cody stares at the back of the house. I don’t think he’s ever lied about anything before. But he’s never shown up hurt before; at least not without a detailed explanation of whatever caused the injury.

  “Life sucks, ya know?” Cody sounds so broken. He’s looking at the grass, shoulders hunched over. I hurt just watching him. Even though his life is shit, he’s normally in good spirits. He’s always larger than life, taking things in stride. But whatever this is, it’s broken him.

  Shit, what happened?

  “Life sucks.” I lean against the tree trunk looking at the sun shining through the leaves. Wind hits them, and they crackle. Squirrels scurry around. Birds chirp. Peaceful afternoon in the orchard. I don’t know what to do.

  He’s so goddamn stubborn sometimes. Wish I could at least get him some ice. Thank God we aren’t in season. He couldn’t play like this. How’d he manage to go to school and work?

  “Here, this’ll cheer you up.” I stand, looking over all the sparse peaches, searching for the best. There’s only about ten left on the branches this late in the season.

  “Why ya pullin’ peaches off? Your mom has bowls full inside.”

  “But
these are the best ones. The ones kissed by the sun all summer.” I hand him one and smile. I just want you to feel better.

  He holds it, keeping his eyes on me. They are kind and searching mine, but for what, I don’t know. He takes a step in. “You can tell me if this isn’t okay, ya know that, right?” His breath tickles my neck as he brushes hair behind my ear.

  Why is my heart pounding so fast?

  “If you don’t want this, tell me.” He’s so close my head is spinning.

  “Want what?” I honestly don’t know, but this feels like a crazy rush.

  Another step closer and his chest is against mine. My breath is stuck in my lungs.

  He drops the peach to take hold of my hand, fingers intertwining with mine. One eyebrow raises in question, “I wanna kiss you all summer.” His tongue runs across his top lip, then he bites the bottom.

  My cock grows. Oh, hell. I look at the ground.

  What is happening?

  “Look here.” He tilts my chin up, to focus on those perfect blue eyes. Teasing me. Coaxing me. Needing me. My cock perks into his, so hard.

  I’ve seen him, how good he looks. Of course I’ve noticed. Of course I’ve had a crush on him since the beginning of forever. Of course I never thought we’d do anything about it.

  My heart surges faster and faster.

  I want to do something about it.

  Desire fills me to the point that I’m terrified. I had no clue he had any feelings for me beyond friendship. He’s never shown the slightest indication.

  “You do?” I choke, teeth chattering. His thumb runs along my knuckles, looking at me with a longing I’ve never seen before. The pounding of my heart blocks off my ability to hear anything. Roaring silence, like when I sit alone and I’m trying to soak in the moment but I just hear a loud hum. Only the hum isn’t there, it’s just my heart, because the silence is so loud.

  I want this?

  I swallow, my knees like Jello. He’s still holding my hand and something about it feels right and good. Kiss me? For real?

  I’ve never been kissed before.

  I know I like being with him. Cody’s my best friend. Always has been. I stumble when I pull back my hand, tripping on a root and falling on the ground.

  Shit.

  I go to sit up, but his face is over mine, framing it in his hands, the peach forsaken on the grass. My heart beats faster and faster. His lips meet mine, lush and warm.

  A storm goes off in my chest, that silent hum overtaking me.

  Cody pulls back, a grin across his face. “Did you…you know, did you like it?”

  No words can come out of my throat, but I don’t have time anyway because he’s kissing me more. Lots more. And I do like it.

  I like it a lot.

  Pretty soon he’s laying on top of me. When he pulls back, I put my hands gently around him, careful of the scrape. I study his expression. I’ve never seen a smile like this on his face before.

  My God, has he always been this attractive? Yes, I know he has. But I never thought I’d get this close. My body gets really excited, and I can’t control it. I’ve touched myself, sure. But no one else ever has.

  He’s unbuttoning my jeans. Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck.

  And I don’t stop him.

  I don’t want to.

  It feels nice.

  It feels right.

  “You okay?” He’s breathless, eyes smiling brighter than I’ve ever seen him, so much contrast to what I saw before. His heaviness is replaced by excitement. He’s eager, hungry.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. Are you okay?”

  “I think I love you, Bobby.” He licks his hand and starts stroking my dick.

  Oh fuck.

  Sparks sizzle through me on contact. Oh shit, that feels good. How long has he wanted to do this? Am I supposed to touch him back? Kiss him more? I don’t even sorta know what to do.

  Faster than ever, I come. Probably shoulda held back. But man, watching him touch me, it does something to my heart I’ve never experienced.

  “Wow, Cody. That felt amazin’.” I’m gasping for breath. He uses the grass to wipe his hand then zips up my jeans like nothing ever happened.

  Wait? Are we done? Is it all over?

  He stands, helping me to my feet.

  “We can’t tell anyone.” He puts a finger to his lips to shush me.

  “Of course I won’t. I won’t mention it.” My eyebrows wrinkle. “Probably a good idea. Well, I mean, the guys on the team probably won’t be cool with it.”

  “Not just the team. No one can know, okay? My dad told me it’s wrong. He believes all those Sunday School lessons. Unnatural, unholy, all that shit. So don’t tell, alright? It’s bad, what we just did. Our secret.” He glances over his shoulder like he’s making sure we are still alone. One more kiss comes from his lips to mine, making me feel more alive than I’ve ever felt.

  I’ve always been conscious, wondering if it’s okay that I like guys and girls. Cody’s just shown me that it’s more than okay. It’s perfect.

  “Remember. No one can find out.” He raises his eyebrows.

  “Oh, um, alright.” I’m still catching my breath.

  “Promise?” He’s being so intense. His hand clutches my shoulder so much it hurts.

  “That’s my throwin’ arm.” I wiggle away. “You don’t have to be so heavy. I won’t tell, I swear.”

  “Okay.” He takes a breath and his smile’s back. “I gotta go, alright?”

  I try to pull him in and kiss him, but he resists putting his finger over his mouth like he’s telling a little kid to be quiet. As he runs home, I long for more.

  How could that possibly be bad?

  A few days later he’s at my house, eating Pringles and peanut M&Ms with me after school. I ask Mom to make sure she buys them because I know he doesn’t have any at home. He doesn’t have much regular food at his house, much less snacks. We live three streets over, and it’s a different side of town. He’s never had enough, so I share as much as he’ll let me. Ain’t right that I have everything I want when he goes without.

  “Are we gonna do that again?” I have to ask because I’ve been dying to know. I don’t like the idea that we need to keep a secret, but I won’t do anything to hurt him, ever, even if that means keeping quiet. He’s probably right, too. All those folks teaching lessons at church don’t take kindly to this. Mom has a Love is Love rainbow sticker inside her wallet, so I know she’s accepting. But it’s inside her wallet on purpose. People in our town condemn anything that isn’t straight. It’s a big part of why I’ve never gone out with anyone. This is a good thing to keep secret.

  “I mean, do you wanna have a turn?” I’m sure I don’t sound sexy enough. I don’t know how to sound sexy.

  His face lights up in a huge smile and it does something to me. Fucking tingles everywhere.

  “Yeah, I’d really like that. But what about your mom?”

  “She’ll be at work for a while. Let’s go upstairs.” I take his hand and pull him up to my bedroom, locking the door. For a minute I look at him, because I can’t believe this is happening. He stands close to me, like he did at the peach tree. The smell of him comes into my nose. His lips meet mine, soft, tender, the taste I’ve craved. Salty from the Pringles. Sweet from the peanut M&Ms. He presses me against the door and I feel like I’m in a really good movie.

  “I’m glad you want more. I hoped you would.” He brushes my cheek with his thumb. “Gosh, Bobby, I was so scared I ruined everythin’ between us.”

  “Ruined everythin’ between us? Hell, no. You made it even better.”

  He gives me a smile, letting me know that it meant a lot, what I just said.

  “I wanna play around with you, Bobby.” The way he draws my name makes the world melt away. “Cover you in kisses.” His cheek caresses mine, our chests close. His touch is making me crazy.

  “I want you, now.” I kiss him, sucking hard on his bottom lip.

  “I hoped so.” He slips m
y shirt over my head and steps back to look at me, really look at me. I hold my breath, suddenly insecure. But that melts away when I see the look in his eyes. He’s seen me shirtless a hundred times, but not like this. Not like he wants me.

  He steps closer and the air between us is erotic, the hum of need filling my ears the way it did by our peach tree. My heart races as he traces my nipples with his nails. A bite of pain and pleasure as he scratches my skin. His mouth takes mine, biting my bottom lip and driving me over the edge. I’m so turned on. I’m dizzy at his touch. I’m dying to know what he feels like inside of me.

  He unbuckles my belt.

  “No.” I take his hands, holding them tight in mine. “It’s your turn.”

  “I want you naked.”

  “O-o-okay.” I can’t talk. I can’t breathe. I can’t do anything but feel the tingles all over my skin. He wants to see me while I give to him. It’s so fucking romantic. Jeez, he’s making me fall fast and hard. There’s nothing I’m gonna do to resist it.

  Our clothes fall to the floor in a heap. Placing both my hands in his, stepping into him, I can’t breathe. Skin on skin. Pure and warm. He feels awesome against me.

  This is a time to make him feel as good as I did. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

  I lay beside him on the bed and brush his blond hair behind his ear. Just like I love playing video games with him and playing baseball with him, I love doing this with him.

  I love everything about him. Always have.

  “You comfortable?” I ask, ready to move pillows, get another blanket, anything.

  “So comfortable.” He’s got one arm behind his head, eyes never leaving mine. I lick my hand, like he did the other day, and stroke him.

  Holy fuck. He’s in my hand, like he belongs here.

  “Mmmm,” he purrs.

  I lay between his legs, bringing my mouth to his cock, kissing. He’s silky smooth against my tongue. I open wider, letting him fill me. He’s perfect. I want him.

  A warmth fills my chest as we share this moment. Gliding. Tasting. This feels incredible. It’s everything I want.