by Holly Rayner
He wasn’t sure what medical emergency Maia was experiencing, and that uncertainty fueled him onward. He sped to the double doors that led into the emergency department and slammed on the brakes.
“She needs to see a doctor!” he called out in a commanding tone as he jumped out of the car. Several hospital staff members who were cleaning out the back of an ambulance nearby flocked toward the car.
Ben opened the door, revealing Maia who was slumped in the passenger seat. She had regained consciousness, but Ben didn’t want her to try walking. He’d felt how weak her body was when helping her into the passenger seat.
Thanks to Ben’s insistence, an orderly rushed through a service entrance and returned seconds later with a stretcher. Two nurses worked together to help Maia out of the car and onto the stretcher, while a third spoke urgently to Ben.
“Can you tell me what happened?” she asked, as they followed the stretcher toward the ER’s entrance.
“She was driving,” Ben explained, “and then she started to look pale. She pulled into an abandoned lot and turned off the car. Then she passed out.”
He found himself answering a series of questions about Maia’s health history that the dispatcher had already asked him. As far as Ben knew, she had no cardiac issues, no diabetes, no history of epilepsy… The questions seemed to go on and on, and Ben became more concerned, the more the nurse talked.
“Is she going to be okay?” he asked, as the stretcher that carried Maia disappeared around a corner.
The emergency room’s waiting room was crowded with people, some of whom seemed to be nursing injuries. There were more than a few people sitting in the rows of chairs that looked like family members and friends.
The ER nurse speaking to Ben had walked up to a computer on a rolling stand. She started typing. With her eyes on the screen, she said, “I want to tell you yes, but my years in this business have taught me not to make promises. Okay?”
Her fingers flew across the keys, and her attention was now on the screen before her. “I’m going to enter in all the information you just shared with me. The doctors will run some tests, and we’ll give you an update as soon as we know more—got it?” Her fingers continued to fly across the keys as she started rolling the computer stand away from him.
“Wait!” he said. “I want to stay with her.” He didn’t like the thought of Maia battling with whatever health problem she was experiencing, all on her own. “I have to be by her side. What if she loses consciousness again?”
“She’s not going to be alone,” the nurse said, barely looking up from her work. “She’ll have—”
“No,” Ben interjected forcefully. He rarely interrupted others, but this felt like a situation in which he needed to exert his power. He stood tall and spoke in a demanding, clear tone. “I want to be with her,” he said. “I don’t want her to feel afraid.”
The nurse finally looked up at him. “Well, now, I suppose I can understand that, sugar,” she said. “Family is allowed into the patient rooms.”
Ben didn’t like to lie, but he realized that if he wanted to join Maia in the patient area of the ER, he had no choice. “I’m her husband,” he said.
“Fine, then come on back,” the nurse said. She wheeled her computer before her and led the way down the hall.
After rounding a corner, Ben found himself in a large room flooded with fluorescent light. Sections of the room were divided by pale green curtains.
In a practiced motion, the nurse swept aside a curtain and pushed her computer through. Ben spotted a glimpse of Maia, lying on a hospital bed now, just before the curtain closed.
He pulled it aside and stepped through. A young man in a white coat was listening to Maia’s heart with a stethoscope and speaking rapidly to a nearby nurse. All around Maia, various machines and monitors beeped and flashed.
For the next hour and a half, Ben watched on as Maia underwent a variety of tests. At least she hasn’t gone unconscious again, he thought, as he watched a phlebotomist apply a bandage to the IV site she’d just poked and prodded.
“How are you feeling?” Ben asked, when the phlebotomist left the curtain-enclosed area and he and Maia were finally alone.
“A little bit better,” Maia admitted. A clear IV bag attached to a pole at the head of her bed dripped fluids down through a long tube into the crook of her elbow. “I think these fluids are helping. I guess my blood pressure was really low.”
“Have you had trouble with your blood pressure before?” Ben asked.
“No,” she said, shaking her head.
“Strange,” Ben said. Though he’d been listening in on the talk that passed between the doctors and nurses, he still could not figure out what might be going on with Maia’s health.
His heart ached with concern for her. He barely understood the depths of his feelings for Maia, but he knew that he didn’t want to see her suffer.
Her hand lay on top of the ocean-blue blanket that covered her. He reached out and placed his palm over her hand. He gave a gentle squeeze. “Don’t worry, I’m sure they’re going to figure out what’s going on.”
“Ben…” she said. Her expression changed, revealing an emotion that Ben couldn’t quite decipher. She seemed to know something that he didn’t.
Does she have some illness that she doesn’t want me to know about? he worried.
“What is it?” he asked.
She hesitated. Her lips parted, but no words came out. Her blond hair fell in wisps around her face, creating a halo. Her brows tinted, and a crease formed on her forehead.
“Maia, whatever it is, you can tell me,” he said.
“I think I know why I fainted,” she told him in a hushed, shaky voice. Her green eyes burned with intensity. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He saw her chest rise and fall as she took a deep breath. “I wanted to tell you right when I saw you. There’s a chance I passed out because… well, I’m—”
Ziiip! The sound of the curtain being pulled aside interrupted Maia mid-sentence. The nurse that had let Ben into the patient zone stepped in toward Maia’s bedside. She held several sheets of paper in her hands.
“Well, Maia,” she said in a friendly tone. “I have some good news and some bad news. Don’t even ask me to share the good news first, because I know that’s not the best way to do things. I’m going to do you a favor and get the bad right out of the way, okay?”
She looked down and read off of the top sheet of paper, without waiting for Maia’s response. “Dr. Harding is heading up your case today, and he’s going to get you out of here, but it’s going to take a few hours. Between you and me, that man does nothing fast. I’m going to guess it’ll be well past lunch before you folks see freedom—and that’s the bad news.”
Maia nodded. “It’s okay. I can wait. That’s fine.”
The nurse went on. “Sorry about that, but thanks for being patient. Dr. Harding is slammed today. Now—onto the good news.” She flipped to the next sheet of paper in her hands. “We know why you passed out. Your blood pressure was much too low, thanks to dehydration. Now, you seem like a smart lady...”
The nurse glanced over at Ben, “And you, sir, are surely a smart man.” She looked back to Maia. “Given your condition, I’d hope you’d know better than to run around without keeping up on your fluid intake. I know, you’re probably dealing with some wicked morning sickness, but sweetie, that’s no excuse to get behind like that.”
She rattled on, but Ben barely heard her words. His mind was stuck on two things the nurse had just said.
Your condition.
Morning sickness.
He held up a hand. “Excuse me,” he said, interrupting the nurse before she could flip to the third sheet of paper in her hands. “Did you say morning sickness? As in… due to pregnancy?”
She swiveled her head and looked at him like he might be insane. “Of course, that’s what I said,” she told him. “When a woman is pregnant, she gets morning sickness. This must be y’all’s fir
st baby, I’m guessing? No, wait, your history said you had another.”
Ben felt his eyes grow wide. He looked to Maia, who was staring right at him. Her mouth had fallen open.
The nurse moved on, unaware of the significance of her statement. She turned her attention back to Mia. “Now, I could stand here and give you a lecture about how you have to drink plenty of water and get good nutrition while you’re pregnant, but I know that you’re already aware of that, so I’m not going to.
“Let this morning be a stern reminder to you. We don’t want to see you back here for another fainting episode, you hear? You stay healthy, Maia, and drink lots of water and eat three good meals a day.”
She started handing the papers over to Maia, but then changed her mind and thrust them toward Ben. “Here,” she said. “You take these. I want you to read every word of these instructions. In my humble opinion, it’s your responsibility to help your wife through this challenging first trimester. When she’s sick to her stomach, you better be taking good care of her.
“Now, I’ll be back when that bag of fluids finishes up, and we’ll take out your IV. And I’ll come around again with Dr. Harding when he’s ready to see you. Until then, Maia, why don’t you sip on that ginger ale.” She pointed to the large Styrofoam cup that was on Maia’s bedside table, then waited until Maia reached for it and took a sip before she turned on her heel and departed.
Maia finished her sip and then set the drink down.
Ben stared at her, his eyes still wide.
Maia licked her lips, then spoke. “Ben, I just found out this morning. That’s why I picked you up at the airport, instead of the usual car service. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to tell you.”
“You’re pregnant?” Ben could barely grasp that this could be true. There must be a mistake, he thought.
But Maia nodded. “Yes,” she said. “And—Ben… you’re the father. I’m one hundred percent sure of that. There’s been no one else.”
“How could this—” Ben reached a hand up and ran it through his hair. His heart hammered in his chest.
He turned away from Maia and looked toward the place where two edges of the curtain met. Through the thin seam, he could see movement in the room beyond.
He took a breath, then another, trying to calm his nerves and get a handle on the situation.
But no matter what he tried, he still felt as if the world was spinning.
Maia is pregnant. I’m going to be a father.
I’m not ready.
A strong, visceral memory flashed through him. It was of his own childhood. In the memory, his father was standing in a barren living room, looking out at the street through a frosty window. Ben remembered being just a boy, yet knowing without a doubt that his father felt trapped in his own home. He wants to be free, Ben remembered thinking. But he can’t be—because of me and Nate.
He’d been just a child when that knowing settled over him like a heavy burden.
I cause my father pain. I’m the reason he’s not happy. I’m the reason he’s not free.
Ben’s chest felt tight. The tight, curtain-lined space around Maia’s bed seemed to close in around him. He focused on the gap in the curtains. Every cell of his body wanted him to move toward that gap.
I need to escape, he thought. I can’t breathe in here.
The machine at Maia’s bedside beeped. Within seconds, a nurse that Ben didn’t recognize bustled in and moved toward the machine. “Well, that finished up before we expected!” he said cheerfully. “I’ll go tell Gail you’re ready to get your IV out.”
When he left, silence filled the small space.
“Say something,” Maia whispered.
“I don’t know what to say,” Ben admitted. His throat felt tight.
I have to get out of here, he thought again. I have to process this. I have to think.
“Maia, I have to go,” he said. “Can you get a ride home? Maybe with Caroline? Her car is out front. Here’s the keys.” He pulled the car keys from his pocket and pressed them into her upturned palm.
“Ben, say you’re happy,” Maia said softly, as her palm closed around the keys. “I know this is sudden, but it’s a good thing. We’re going to have a baby.”
Ben turned around. He couldn’t face Maia. “I just need to think,” he said. The feeling of claustrophobia grew stronger. “Are you going to be okay here without me?”
“I’ll be fine, Ben,” Maia promised, “And it’s Caroline’s day off so I’m sure she can come get me. I feel better now. Go, Ben, if that’s what you have to do.”
Ben passed through the curtains and didn’t look back.
He walked quickly through the crowded space, barely registering the chaos around him. Sick and traumatized patients groaned and cried, but Ben didn’t see or hear this. All he could think about was getting away from it all—out into the open air.
He burst through the open doors and started walking. With hands jammed into his pockets and head down, he moved swiftly to a subway station. The train’s speed felt refreshing. Almost without thought, he navigated the subway system until he found himself in Nate’s neighborhood.
When he was just down the block from Nate’s place, he took his phone out of his pocket and placed a call.
When his brother picked up, Ben spoke in a rush. “Nate, man, are you home? I really have to talk to you,”
“Are you all right?” Nate asked.
“I’m good. I mean, I’m safe, but I’m… I’m losing it. I just found out that a woman I was seeing is pregnant. This is all happening so fast, and—”
“Hang on,” Nate said. “You were seeing someone? Why didn’t you tell me about this? I had no idea.”
“Yes, you did,” Ben said. “You met her.”
“No way,” Nate insisted. “I’d remember meeting your girlfriend.”
“Yes, you met her. It was almost a month ago, when you picked up Colby.”
“Wait—you mean that hot nanny? Your assistant from PubLive?” Nate sounded incredulous. “Bro, I had no idea you were dating her.”
“We weren’t dating, exactly…”
Ben flashed to a memory. In it, he was standing outside of the Italian restaurant with his arm around Maia’s shoulders. “You know how we said this wasn’t a date?” she’d said.
“Mm… I think that was a mistake. Maybe it is a date.”
“Yes, maybe it is.”
Ben went on. “Well, not really. Except for one night. It’s complicated.”
“She’s pregnant?” Nate said. “And you’re sure it’s yours?”
“She’s positive,” Ben said. “She said I’m the only guy she’s been with.”
“Well, then, you’re the dad,” Nate said.
Dad. The word caused anxiety to course through Ben’s veins.
“I can’t be a dad,” he said. He reached Nate’s front steps. “Are you home, or not?” he asked bluntly.
“I’m across the city at the car dealership,” Nate said. “I’ll be home this afternoon after picking up Colby.”
“I’ll wait,” Ben said.
“Make yourself at home.”
Ben hung up the phone and then pulled the apartment’s lobby doors open. He jogged swiftly up to the second story and stopped in front of Nate’s front door. He pulled out his keyring and located the spare that Nate had given him, years ago.
Once he was inside, he settled into a chair by the window and looked out onto the street below. The world outside seemed to be moving forward as usual. Men and women bustled in one direction or another, speaking into phones or lost in thought. Meanwhile, Ben’s internal world was spinning out of control.
She’s pregnant… he thought. It was so unexpected. So shocking. It felt surreal.
Over the past several weeks, he’d constantly had thoughts of Maia. Even when he tried to focus on work, it was a struggle. He just couldn’t get her out of his mind.
I like her, he thought. A lot. Maybe too much.
He’d realized,
while apart from her, that maybe they could make a relationship work. He’d come back to the idea of a second date with her, again and again. He wanted that.
But a second date is much different than raising a child with her, he thought. I’m not ready to be a father. This is not what I signed up for!
A vibration in his pocket alerted him to an incoming call. He pulled out his phone and saw that Maia was calling. He was sure that she wanted to talk, but he didn’t feel ready.
I need time to figure out what to say to her, he thought. Whether I’m ready or not, this is happening.
He shifted restlessly in his seat. Now, I just have to figure out what I’m going to do about it.
Chapter 17
Maia
He just walked out…
Left.
Without even looking over his shoulder.
Maia tried to push these thoughts from her mind as she hurried toward the Lilian Davis Daycare. She’d just checked her watch and noticed that it was 3:05, and she was late for Joy’s pickup. The daycare had notified her well in advance that school would be closing early due to a state holiday, and she didn’t like the idea of being even a few minutes late.
Her daughter depended on her, and she prided herself on always being there for her—no matter what.
Even if her world felt like it was crumbling beneath her very feet.
He just walked out of the ER. He didn’t answer my call.
He obviously doesn’t want to be a father. Am I going to have to do this alone—again?
“Maia! Hi there!” One of the daycare supervisors greeted Maia with a cheerful smile.
Maia had to force her lips to curl upward, even though smiling was the very last thing that she felt like doing. “Hi, Samira,” Maia said. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re fine.” Samira glanced at the clock. “Just five minutes past the hour! Come on in…” She beckoned Maia forward and then looked across the room. “Joy, honey,” she called out. “Your mamma’s here. Want to show her your picture of your family?”
