Past, Present

by A J Lange

  ◆◆◆

  Harry, as it turned out, threw quite the wrench into Zane’s best Thanksgiving ever plans. Thanksgiving Day brought with it a snowstorm of colossal proportions, the slate grey sky finally collapsing in a torrent of fluffy white. Later, Zane would gripe that for a guy who had grown up in Maine, Harry had shown shockingly little sense about the wisdom of driving in the middle of a blizzard. In a midsize rental car, no less.

  Harry had called from the road between Omaha, where his flight had been diverted, and Lincoln.

  “I’m less than an hour out, Zane, it’ll be fine.”

  Zane could hear the rustle of a candy bar wrapper. “You know, I promise we saved some turkey for you. You don’t have to spoil your dinner.”

  “Shut up, asshole. I’m starving. Damn hotel breakfast was a continental,” Harry complained. “Just keep the fire cranked, I’m going to be coming in pretty damn frozen. I can’t see five feet in front of me out here.”

  Zane gave him directions off of I-80 and told him to be careful.

  Two hours later, no Harry.

  Gray dialed again, getting Harry's voicemail. “Maybe we should call the highway patrol.” The last text message they had received, Harry speculated he was between five and ten miles away.

  Kenny grunted. “They’ll just call me or one of the other search and rescue teams.” He looked evenly at Zane. “How rusty are your snowmobile skills, son?”

  Zane tilted his head and whistled through his teeth. “Pretty rusty, I imagine, but I’ll manage.” He crossed to the foyer and began pulling gear from the closet.

  Tanner followed him. “I’m coming, too.”

  “What’re you talking about, what snowmobile?” Gray’s voice was deep with concern as he watched the proceedings and Bonnie sat down beside him, perching on the arm of the couch.

  “They’ll go get him, Gray. Don’t worry,” she smiled encouragingly. “Zane and Tanner have been doing search and rescue since they were teenagers.” She stood. “Lily, come help me fix up a pack.”

  Zane and Tanner went into the spare bedroom and redressed from the inside out, adding an additional layer of insulating undergarments and a waterproof base layer. They carried the rest of their gear to the door. Zane was zipping his down parka and pulling a Polartec balaclava over his head when Bonnie and Lily returned with a supply pack.

  Gray was waiting by the door, worry lines deep around his eyes. Zane tightened the wrist strap on his glove and tried to reassure him. “He’s only five miles out or so. Piece of cake, Gray.”

  Gray nodded, biting his lip. “Be careful.”

  Zane grinned, cocky and sure. “You think I’m going to let a little snow keep me from Bonnie’s pecan pie? No worries, sweetheart. Promise.” Gray didn’t seem any more convinced though, so Zane thought fuck it, and pulled him into his arms in a hard hug. “I’ll be right back,” he whispered against Gray’s neck. He avoided meeting anyone else’s gaze and opened the front door. The harsh wind swirled snow into the room in a tornado of white, stealing Zane’s breath. He fitted his goggles over his eyes and stepped onto the porch.

  “If he calls or texts you, tell him we’re on our way. And to hang something on the antenna, so we can spot him.”

  “He’ll have already done that.” Gray braced against the bitter cold. “Be careful,” he said again.

  ◆◆◆

  Zane urged the snowmobile a little faster, skimming over the soft-packed snow, keeping Tanner’s figure in his peripheral vision. Hary's assessment wasn’t off; visibility was about five feet, so they were limited in speed. It was cold, but flying over the white powder, the world hushed and still, was exhilarating. Zane had missed this. They stuck to the highway, as best they could tell; luckily the terrain was flat enough that there weren’t any sudden dips or ditches to worry about.

  They found him about thirty minutes later, the small rental car a mound of white. They might have missed it altogether, mistaking it for a large drift, but for the scrap of bright red flapping vigorously in the wind. When Zane used a scraper to whisk the snow and ice from the driver’s window, he had to laugh at Harry's expression behind the tempered glass. He and Tanner worked fast, shoveling until they were able to pry the door open.

  Harry gasped when the cold hit him in the face. “Zane, I’ve never been so glad to see your ugly mug in all my life.”

  “You owe me, shortstack.” Zane grabbed a water bottle from his pack and passed it to Harry, while Tanner retrieved a fleece jacket, a balaclava, and a pair of gloves. Once Harry was bundled up as best they could manage, he climbed on the back of Tanner’s snowmobile.

  “What are you doing?” Zane asked in amusement.

  Harry shrugged. “He’s a walking, talking underwear model, dumbass. Plus, you screw my brother.”

  Zane thought Tanner was probably blushing underneath his face mask, if the way he ducked his head in embarrassment was any indication. Zane smiled behind the warm fleece covering the lower half of his face and waved for them to take the lead.

  ◆◆◆

  Harry didn’t let anyone fuss for too long, stamping his feet in front of the fire and trading sarcastic puns with Kenny. Twice, he rendered the crotchety mechanic speechless, as Zane looked on in admiration. Tanner, it seemed, was the least taken with the witty chef, and he watched him uneasily from his seat next to Lily. Zane laughed to himself. Leave it to Harry to thoroughly unsettle staid, predictable Tanner. Zane was seventy-five percent sure Harry was giving Tanner those smoldering looks from underneath his lashes to fuck with him, but then again, it was Harry So who knew, really.

  Once they were seated around the kitchen table, Kenny carving the turkey into generous slices, Zane found himself on the receiving end of his own smoldering looks, thanks to a still highly grateful Gray. Earlier, when they had made it back safe and sound, Gray had dragged a half-frozen Zane to the spare bedroom and kissed him senseless, stripping his headgear off with enough force to chafe Zane’s ears. Zane smiled, remembering the hot press of lips against his own, raw and sensitive from the cold.

  Zane’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he dug it out, frowning. Practically everyone he knew was sitting at the table with him.

  Harry: Stop eyefucking.

  Zane snorted. Bite me, he typed back.

  “Zane Nolan,” Kenny yelled from the end of the table. “Put your goddamn phone away.”

  “Kenny Taylor!" Bonnie shouted back from the opposite end. “Don’t say goddamn at the dinner table in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner!”

  “For the love of Pete,” Lily complained. “Can we have one meal where no one is shouting? It’s a holiday!”

  “Honey,” Tanner began soothingly, then winced when she smacked him on the back of his hand with a serving spoon.

  Zane met Gray’s eyes over a heaping stoneware bowl of mashed potatoes and grinned. This really had turned into the best Thanksgiving ever, after all.

  ◆◆◆

  Zane drifted in and out of consciousness, sated from a combination of turkey coma and the excitement of the day. There was a fire burning in the fireplace and he was already tucked under the blankets on the pull out couch. He finally let sleep claim him, to the lull of Tanner and Gray’s voices as they talked quietly.

  “How much has Zane told you about Ashley and Jamie?" Tanner asked softly, glancing at his brother’s sleeping form.

  Gray shook his head. “Only that he lived with them for a time, when he was in his late twenties. That he almost married her.”

  Tanner looked over at Zane again, but found his chest rising and falling in a steady pattern; he decided to it was worth the risk and began to talk. “Zane and Ashley dated, briefly, and then she basically disappeared. She was a flighty thing. Beautiful,” he grinned, “but flighty. She showed up a few months later on our doorstep, pregnant.”

  Tanner acknowledged Gray’s raised eyebrow with a nod. “Yeah. Big time freakout ensued at Casa Nolan.” He chuckled. “Dad was ballistic. I’ve never seen him so rattled
, honestly. It’s probably why Zane fell right into the role of husband and father so fast. He never could bear for Dad to be disappointed in him.” Tanner’s voice softened again, remembering. “He loved that baby, though.”

  “What happened?” Gray asked quietly.

  Tanner sighed. “A different boyfriend came calling one day, demanding a paternity test. He was the father.” He shook his head. “Zane was a mess. I’d never seen him so broken. But he stepped aside, walked away.”

  They drank in silence, the only sound the crackling of the fire and the faint tick of snow hitting the glass windowpanes.

  Tanner studied Gray in the firelight thoughtfully. “You know, I could see the moment he saw you, that first night, there was something there.”

  Gray smiled to himself, slowly peeling the label from his bottle of beer. “Yeah?” He laughed softly. “You could have fooled me. He barely paid me any mind.”

  “Ah, that’s where you’re wrong,” Tanner chuckled. “He got at least four orders wrong that night, and Zane never does that. I’ve never met a harder worker. No matter how much bluster he tries to hide under.” Tanner’s voice was fond.

  “I almost didn’t come back,” Gray admitted.

  “Wow,” Tanner said, sitting up straighter. “I didn’t know that. What made you change your mind?”

  Gray turned the label upside down and pressed it carefully back into the condensation on his bottle. He used a thumbnail to work out any air bubbles. “I couldn’t stop thinking about him,” he said finally, with a rueful expression. “I fell sort of hard. And fast.”

  Tanner nodded. So had Zane, even if he had fought it for a time. “I thought for a long time that Ashley was the love of Zane’s life. Until he met you.”

  “Thank you, Tanner,” Gray said, eyes tender in the firelight.

  “No problem, Gray. What are brothers, for?”

  Chapter 15

  Gray was shivering from the cold when he slipped under the blankets, and he burrowed close to Zane.

  “Mmm,” Zane grumbled against his pillow. “Hands are cold.”

  Gray tucked his nose in the back of Zane’s neck, and Zane felt icy lips brush his skin. “Sorry,” Gray whispered. He moved to withdraw his hand from Zane’s waist, but Zane caught it and pulled it flat against his chest. Gray relaxed against him again, plastering himself against Zane’s warm back.

  “Be still,” Zane whispered.

  Gray’s soft laugh feathered the hairs at his nape and Zane shivered involuntarily. He noted the fine tremor in the other man’s body and turned to look over his shoulder. “Are you cold?”

  “Mmm hmmm.” Gray’s face was still buried against Zane’s back, so Zane carefully rolled over to face him. He rubbed Gray’s arms under the blankets for warmth, pulling him to his chest and wrapping around him.

  “You should have gotten in bed earlier instead of girl talking with Tanner half the night,” Zane chided. He rubbed soothing circles on Gray’s back, tangling their legs together, Gray’s cold toes nestling into the warmth of Zane’s calves.

  “I like Tanner.”

  “Hmph.” Zane could feel the trembling subside and he let his hands roam lower, pulling Gray’s hips flush against him. “I like you.” He nosed at Gray’s temple and Gray obliged, raising his lips to Zane’s. He lingered there, a lazy press of lips that moved sensually over Zane’s, igniting a warm fire in his belly. Zane dipped his hands below the waistband of Gray’s pajama pants and squeezed his firm cheeks.

  Gray exhaled against him. “Damn you for being so hot.”

  Zane huffed a laugh. “But isn’t that why you just climbed all over me with your cold hands and nose?”

  Gray drew Zane’s lower lip between his teeth, then sucked on the sting in apology before kissing him deeply. Zane slid his hands up under Gray’s t-shirt, pushing his fingertips into the tender muscles aligning his spine. Their mouths broke apart when Gray gasped, throwing his head back as Zane hit a knot of tension. Zane lowered his mouth to suck gently against the skin under his jaw, kneading the sore spot in his back with his knuckles until he felt the muscle release. He pushed Gray into the mattress and rolled on top of him, dragging Gray’s hands to lie against the pillow, lips attaching to his neck again.

  Gray wedged a knee between Zane’s and rocked up into his hardness. Zane hissed and linked their fingers, riding Gray’s knee while he looked down at him in the dark. He bent to lick at Gray’s lips, pulling back before Gray could kiss him, smiling when he grunted in frustration.

  Gray lowered his knee and Zane frowned. “Hey,” he breathed, pout in his voice.

  Gray struggled half-heartedly to remove Zane’s hold on his hands. “Zane,” he whined.

  Zane dipped his head again and kissed him lingeringly. Gray wiggled beneath him until he had their respective hardness aligned and Zane moaned into the kiss. “You realize we’re about two minutes from having dirty sex in Kenny and Bonnie’s living room,” he whispered, his breath too fast.

  “You started it,” Gray whispered back.

  “No I didn’t, you woke me up,” Zane whispered indignantly. He rocked against Gray suggestively, liking the way Gray bit his lip to hold back a moan.

  “Are you,” Gray gasped again when Zane nibbled at the soft skin at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “Are you saying you don’t want to?”

  Zane released one of Gray’s hands, dragging it down until it cupped against him. “Does this feel like I don’t want to?”

  “Roll over,” Gray pushed against his chest, and Zane, surprised, complied.

  “Hey,” Zane complained when Gray rolled out of bed and padded to the bathroom. He returned a minute later with a towel. Zane smiled broadly. “I love you.”

  “Yeah, you do,” Gray whispered, shivering again as he slid in beside Zane. “As you were, Captain.”

  Zane made such quick work of Gray’s pants and boxers, Gray’s laugh rang out and Zane had to cover his mouth with his own, swallowing the sound. “You want to wake up the whole house,” he teased breathlessly. He rested his forehead against Gray’s to steady himself; Gray naked under him was overwhelming sometimes. He leaned up on an elbow so he could watch as his fingers traced down Gray’s sternum, dipping into his navel and then lower, skating across his hardness, sliding down the length of him, then back up, grazing the tip once, twice.

  “Zane,” Gray whispered, head thrown back in ecstasy, “fuck.”

  Zane kissed the skin over Gray’s heart, and began to stroke him in long, slow movements. “So gorgeous,” he whispered, watching his fingers circle the head of Gray’s cock on each upstroke. “Do you know what I want?”

  When Gray didn’t answer right away, Zane stilled his hand. “Gray,” he prodded, nibbling against his chest.

  Gray’s eyes blinked open and Zane thought to himself, a person could get lost in a blue that deep.

  “What do you want, Zane,” Gray rasped, hips shifting restlessly against Zane’s hand.

  Gray whimpered in protest when Zane’s hand left him. Zane leaned away to push his pants and boxers to his knees, kicking them off and to the end of the bed somewhere under the covers. Gray eagerly pulled him back, holding his face between his hands, kissing him hot and long. Zane aligned their cocks in one fist, and began to stroke them together.

  “Jesus, Gray,” he whispered, dropping a kiss on the side of his mouth, resting against his cheek. “Feels so good.”

  Gray closed one hand around Zane’s, chasing the skin Zane’ couldn’t reach, guiding him when Zane’s movements began to stutter as he lost control. He tugged on Zane’s hair with his free hand, bringing his mouth up to his.

  “What do you want, Zane?”

  Zane teetered on the precipice, his orgasm barreling through him, suffusing him with a white-hot heat. “You, Gray,” he gasped against his mouth, jaw clenching as he spilled over their joined hands. “Always, you.”

  Gray followed him over the edge a few seconds later, Zane batting his hand away so he could milk the last
ounce of pleasure from him, until Gray lay boneless in his arms.

  Zane flopped onto his back, wiping the stickiness off of his fingers on the sheet. “You forgot about the towel,” he accused sleepily.

  “No, you forgot about the towel,” Gray mumbled against Zane’s shoulder.

  “I didn’t see you stopping me.”

  “Stopping you isn’t my first response when your hand is on my dick, Zane. ”

  Zane chuckled. “Touché.”

  He waited a beat, then, “Hey, Gray?”

  “Hmmm,” Gray snuggled closer and Zane thought sleepily that one of them should really clean up before they fell asleep like this.

  “I love you.”

  Zane felt Gray’s lips curve against his arm in a smile. “Love you, too. Now find the towel.”

  Zane sighed, but rolled out of bed to comply, even redressing them before snuggling back under the blankets. No sense in scandalizing everyone in the morning.

  “Gray?”

  “Zane. ”

  Zane wrapped an arm around Gray’s waist and squeezed. “Thank you for coming.”

  Zane was almost asleep when Gray whispered, “Was that a pun?”

  He snorted and buried his face in Gray’s hair contentedly. “Night, Gray.”

  ◆◆◆

  It was absolutely true, Zane would reflect much later, how the majority of people never thought it would happen to them. They read about disasters and tragedies in the newspaper, or sat glued to the television, horrified but removed. Distant. Terrible things were always remote, never touching most people’s lives.

  Zane was not most people.

  ◆◆◆

  Tanner scanned the bar, nodding at Lily when she caught his eye. “Zane,” he mouthed in question.

  Lily inclined her head toward the kitchen, brow furrowing at Tanner’s solemn expression. Tanner pushed through the kitchen door, calling his brother’s name.

  “In here.” Zane’s voice was muffled over the roar of the freezer fan. He appeared seconds later slamming the cooler door shut behind him. “Fuck, it’s cold in there.” He rubbed his hands together, bringing them to his lips to blow warmth over his frozen fingers. He stilled when he saw Tanner’s face. “What.”