by Holly Jaymes
I ran my hands under his shirt, feeling his strong back as I tugged it off. He pulled it over his head and set it on his pack. His gaze held mine as his hand trailed along my jaw, down my collarbone, and between my breasts. One by one, he undid the snaps on my shirt, letting his fingers gently brush against my skin. It was like he was setting me on fire with little sparks.
Finally, my shirt and bra were off, but he still held my gaze as the palm of his hand rolled over my nipple, making me moan.
“You have perfect tits, Hope.”
I arched into his hand, wanting more. Needing so much more. “Mitch.” My tone was pleading. I’d beg if I had to.
He smiled and then leaned over, licking the tip of my nipple.
“Don’t tease me.” I ran my fingers through his dark hair, pulling his mouth to my breast.
He cupped my breast and then wrapped his mouth around my nipple and suckled.
“Yes, Mitch.” Pleasure radiated down to my center, causing my hips to move, seeking his body in return.
I reached between us, slipping my fingers in the waistband of his jeans, and brushing the tip of his dick. He hissed out a breath, moving away.
“I want you naked,” I said. “I want to feel your body against mine.”
He groaned, and thank goodness, he gave in, and in a short time, we were naked, lying side by side on the blanket.
“The ground his hard,” he said. “You should be on top.” He pulled me until I was over his body, his hard dick pressed between our bellies.
I sat up and ran my hands down his chest, over his beautiful dove tattoo and then lower. I liked the feeling of being in charge.
“There’s no hurry,” he said, as if he knew what I wanted most was to sink over him and ride him until my cry echoed in the woods.
He was right, of course. Our time was running out, so I needed to go slow and to savor this moment. I needed to savor this man. The one that I loved.
Tears stung my eyes for a moment as the magnitude of my feelings swept over me. I loved him. I was sure I always loved him even when I thought I hated him. And like nine years ago, I had to let him go. This time I wouldn’t be angry though. This time I’d remember this day and hope that he remembered it too.
He reached for the strip of condoms, tearing one off, and opening it.
“Can I roll it on?” I asked.
“Sure.” He gave it to me.
I held the tip as my mother once told me to do when she was giving me the sex talk and rolled it over his length. He moaned, and his hips rose as I covered him.
I rose up on my knees and gripped him, positioning him at my entrance. His hands caressed my thighs as I lowered down over him until he was seeped inside me. I didn’t move. Our gazes caught and held. At that moment, I felt closer to him than I'd ever felt to anyone.
He levered up, his hand going behind my neck and pulling my mouth to his. His kiss was sweet and tender. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, and held on to him, wishing it could be forever.
My body instinctively contracted and massaged him, forcing him to break the kiss.
“Fuck…your pussy…” he buried his face in my neck as his hands wrapped around my body.
I started to rock. “I feel you pulsing inside me, Mitch.”
“So good, Hope. God, you feel so good.” He looked into my face, our gazes catching again as we moved together in a perfect dance. Slowly the need built, and still, we continued to watch each other.
His hands rubbed my back, then roamed my body, squeezing my breasts, tweaking my nipples. But our gazes never broke contact.
“I need to come.” His voice was strained.
I moved faster, riding him harder. He felt so good inside me. The friction grew and grew until I was on edge. I desperately needed to come, and yet, I didn’t want the moment to end.
Ultimately, my body had the final say. I sank down on him, and my entire world shattered into a million bits of bliss. I cried out, squeezing him hard, throwing my head back as my orgasm raced through my body.
He growled and then yelled out as his own release followed mine. His hands on my hips, moving them to the speed and pace he needed to draw out his pleasure. Together we moved like a boat on stormy water until finally, I collapsed on him.
His hands wrapped around me, holding me tight against him. He kissed my temple, but no words were said. What could be said? The only thing that came to mind was, “I love you,” but I knew I couldn’t tell him that. So, I lay with my head on his chest, feeling the beat of his heart against my cheek, and wishing it beat with love for me.
“Hope?”
“Hmm?” I lifted my head and looked down into his dark eyes, hoping beyond hope that he was going to tell me he loved me or ask me to stay.
His fingers ran through my hair and held my face. I thought I saw emotion in his eyes, and my breath caught.
He looked like he was going to say something, but instead, he pulled me in for a kiss. My heart broke a little bit at that moment, but I knew it would be worse when I got into my car in a few days and drove away.
After a few moments, he reached between us to hold the condom as our bodies parted. “Oh, fuck.”
“What?” I moved off of him, and it was then I noticed there was semen dripping from me. Oh no.
He sat up, removing the condom. “Fuck it broke.” He turned to me, and I saw horror in his eyes. That too broke my heart a little bit even though the situation scared me also.
“Tell me you’re on the pill.”
I shook my head. “But I think it will be okay,” I said, although I didn’t know why. I started calculating where I was in my cycle. My period would be arriving shortly, so surely I was past ovulation.
“My cum is in your body,” he looked at me incredulously.
“Yes, but I think I’m past the optimum time.”
He simply stared.
“In my cycle. I think it’s past the time that conception would occur.”
“Are you sure?”
No. “Pretty sure. I’m supposed to start my period in a few days.”
He looked toward the waterfall, but I wondered if he really saw it. Finally, he turned back. “If you’re wrong, and you get pregnant—”
“I’m sure that won’t happen. It will be fine.” Feeling nervous, I reached for my clothes. I wasn’t sure what he was going to stay, and so I was afraid to hear it.
“I’ll be there for you and the baby. Whatever you need.”
I was relieved to hear that and yet sad too. He’d be there, but we wouldn’t be a family.
“Like I said, I’m sure it’s okay.”
“You’ll let me know? Since you’ll be gone?”
God, how many times could my heart split? Of all the time to ask me to stay, and yet he was still going to let me go. “Yes, of course.”
He reached for me, tugging me closer. “I’m sorry, Hope.”
“It happens.”
He shook his head. “Not with me, it doesn’t. At least it never has. You?”
“No.” But then, I didn’t have a lot of experience.
The hike back to the car was less enjoyable than the trip up. We tried to act normal for the rest of the night, but I could see the weight of what happened hung heavy on him. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about the possibility of being pregnant, but what was painfully clear was that my worry would be non-existent if he loved me. The idea of having his child appealed to me in a way that surprised me. I could envision me running my business and Mitch being an at-home dad. I could probably work from home some, at least in the beginning since I had no staff. Hell, he could help me with the business. We could be partners, which would make sense because he’d created software that I was sure could make a fortune.
It was his insistence to never love again that made this situation difficult and made me hope that I was right in that it was too late for me to get pregnant. I believed him when he said he’d be there for me and a baby. I suspected he’d even suggest w
e get married. But that wasn’t how I wanted things to be with us. I wanted him to love me and want me for me.
In hindsight, I should have known that this wouldn’t end well. He’d been clear the whole time about how he planned to live out his life. Initially, I’d thought I was okay with this no-strings-attached affair, but in retrospect, I think I’d hoped he’d change his mind.
At this point, I really only had two choices. I could tell him how I felt and hope that knowing I loved him, he’d be willing to trust me and let me in his life. The other option was to walk away as planned. I could stick within the parameters of our agreement and move on with my life. I hated that option, but as it turned out, he wasn’t the only one who wanted to avoid being hurt. Confessing my love and having him tell me that he didn’t feel the same, would devastate me. Especially since I suspected he’d feel bad about it.
Nope. Walking away was the answer. I felt fortunate that I had something to fill my time. Getting my business off the ground would distract me from any feelings of loss about leaving him.
Book 3: Chapter 16—Fucked Up Again
Fucked Up Again
Mitch
The hike to the waterfall didn’t go as planned. Wasn’t there a saying about best-laid plans? The trip had been a way to let her know that I thought she was special. Instead, I had a condom malfunction, the ramifications of which could change both our lives forever. A month-long no-strings affair wasn’t possible if it ended in a pregnancy. Babies were forever, or at least eighteen years.
Truth be told, as scary as being a father seemed if she was pregnant, I thought I’d be okay. I didn’t know how it would work between Hope and me, but the idea of her carrying my child had a certain appeal. It proved to me that in different circumstances if I was a different man that hadn’t been changed by betrayal, she and I might have had a future together.
But it was clear to me that having a child and being saddled to me wasn’t what she wanted. I wasn’t sure if she was right or if it was wishful thinking on her part that it was too late in her cycle to get pregnant. I remembered learning health in school, but not paying that much attention to the female reproductive system short of staring at the tits. Whatever it was, a child didn’t fit into her plans. She had a business to build. It was going to take long hours, lots of work, meetings, and other things that would be more difficult during pregnancy and having a baby. So, I tried not to take it personally that she was upset at what happened.
What really got to me was that it was supposed to be a beautiful last hurrah with Hope, but it failed miserably. It appeared that despite my best efforts, we were going to part ways and we would not be much better off than we had been nine years ago. I wondered if it was something about her or me, or the combination of us together that always had us ending in disaster. It was a reminder that the fairy tale that two of my brothers seemed to be living wasn’t in the cards for me.
That evening was awkward, and I didn’t fight it when Hope decided to spend the time working. I hung out with Duke and then went to bed. She wasn’t there when I woke first thing in the morning, and I suspected she hadn’t come to bed, at least in my bed, during the night.
Sighing, I got up and did my regular morning routine. When she didn’t join me in the kitchen, I decided on a morning run instead of a walk. Feeling unsettled, I decided on a longer route. I ran for nearly an hour, arriving back thirsty and still feeling off-kilter.
Hope was in the kitchen having coffee. “You left without me.”
“When you didn’t come to bed last night and weren't here this morning, I figured you didn’t want to come.” How was this unraveling so spectacularly?
“I feel asleep working.”
I poured myself some coffee and sat across from her. “I’m sorry. I guess I should have come looking for you. I just thought…”
“Thought what?” There was a bruskness to her voice that had me wanting to choose my words carefully.
“It seemed like you needed space,” I said, hoping that acknowledged her feelings without sounding defensive.
“I need space? You’re the one that needs space.”
I frowned. “I do? No. I don’t.”
She looked down. “I guess we’re both a little out of sorts.” She looked up at me. “But I’m sure there won’t be any problem. I know you’re worried about it—”
“No, I’m not.”
“You’re not?” Again she looked at me like she didn’t know me.
I shrugged. “You said the timing was wrong. And if it wasn’t wrong, we’ll deal with it somehow.”
“Somehow,” she repeated. I got the sense that it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. What did she want to hear? I could ask her to stay until we knew for sure whether or not she was pregnant. If she was, I had room for a nursery. I could take care of the child while she worked. Would she be open to that?
“Is there something I should be doing or saying, Hope? I feel like I’m fucking up again and I don’t want to.”
She shook her head. “No.” She mustered a smile. “No, it’s all fine.” She stood. “I’m going to pack. I leave tomorrow.”
“Not Sunday?” I thought I had one more day to try and fix this. Jesus, things must have been worse than I thought. She couldn’t wait to get out and away from me. I hated that she felt like that, and at the same time, maybe she was right. Maybe it was time to cut our losses.
“I figured I’d use Sunday to get settled at home and ready for the week,” she explained.
“Yeah, right. Of course.” Despite thinking that maybe she had the right idea, my brain was screaming at me to ask her to stay. “How can I help?”
“I’ll need help carrying things to my car, but other than that, I’m good.”
I rose and went to her, rubbing her arms with my hands. “I wanted this end on a better note. Is there something I can do to make that happen?”
She pressed her hand to my cheek. “It’s fine, Mitch. We knew this was going to end. I’m so grateful for all you’ve done for me.” She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. That’s when I knew that what I was feeling for her wasn’t anywhere close to what she felt for me. I was now back to being only a friend. It fucking hurt, which only made me feel like a bigger idiot for letting myself get so involved with her. It was my own fault. She was following the rules that I pretty much set. I couldn’t get mad at her for that.
She walked out of the kitchen and up to the studio. I wanted to throw something or scream. Why couldn’t I just tell her what I felt and wanted?
Because she’d still leave.
I certainly knew how to pick women. When I’d proposed our affair, I’d been afraid I’d hurt or offend Hope. As it turned out, she was the one happy to keep to the rules, and I was the one hurt. There was something seriously wrong with my heart that I couldn’t keep a woman. Granted, maybe if I told her I wanted to see her, to have more than an affair, maybe she’d feel the same. But based on her behavior last night and this morning, it was clear she didn’t feel the same. I was her summer fling, and now she was ready to go back to her real life.
There was only one thing for me to do. It was time for me to let her go and move on. I needed to be like Hope and see our time together as a pleasant temporary distraction that has now ended. I needed to reset my schedule back to the time when it was just Duke and me. But I didn’t know if I knew what that was, so I stood in the middle of my kitchen like an idiot.
That night, like the night before, I was on my own as she worked upstairs. She didn’t come to bed, or at least to my bed. Instead, she appeared the next morning from the room off the extension. I tried to not be annoyed that I was now a leper in my own home as I served her coffee and breakfast. Our last morning together was similar to the first morning. Only sadder.
After breakfast, I helped her pack her car. Finally, she was ready to go. She stood by the driver’s side door. I stood in front of her, my hands on my hips as I tried not to pull her into my arms and ask her to stay.
“Well, wish me luck,” she said, with a forced smile.
“You don’t need luck, Hope. You’ll be a hit. I know it.” That at least, was the truth from my heart.
“Thanks to you. I owe you, Mitch.”
If only I could get her to pay me back by staying.
“Don’t worry about Parker. He won’t know about…you know,” she said.
I wanted to tell her that I didn’t give a fuck if Parker knew that I’d slept with her. I’d tell him that I cared for her and take whatever punch he threw my way.
“Drive safe,” I said, ignoring her comment about Parker. “And keep me posted on how your business is going.”
“I will.”
But I suspected that I’d hear about her success through Parker. She was clearly done with me just as she had been nine years ago.
I was perverse enough to not want some little peck on the cheek, so I leaned in and kissed her on the lips. It was sweet and soft, but long enough to get a final taste. “Go get ‘em Hope.”
I stepped back as she looked at me like she was surprised. “Thank you, Mitch.” She got in her car, and I watched her drive off.
Three years ago, when I’d come home from my business trip to find my Gwen riding my partner’s dick, I was filled with rage for being made a fool, but I didn’t have much sadness. I was pissed that two people I’d trusted had betrayed me, and that they made me look like a fucking idiot.
I’d considered fighting to win her back because my life plan had been set in stone for so long, I didn’t know how to do anything else. Invitations had been ordered. The first steps to setting up an IPO to go public had been taken. I couldn’t just walk away from my fiance and business plans could I?
My family told me otherwise. My brothers told me to dump my fiance and go forward with the IPO without my right-hand man. My parents would have likely said the same, but my father died and my mother was rightly too wrapped in her own grief to help with my problems.
