Seeking Refuge

by Lenora Worth

  Tobias closed his eyes and then blinked. “How did Josiah find you?”

  “He’d been searching for me—hired Nathan Craig to find me once he lost touch with me after I left Kentucky. But I was still out there trying to hide, sick and hoping I’d die.”

  Tobias closed his eyes again, thanked God she had not died. “I’m glad he found you.”

  “It took a while,” she said, nodding. “But, yes, Nathan located me in a nearby hospital and Josiah brought me to the Bawell place. But I was so dead inside, I wouldn’t tell anyone the truth.” She took a long breath. “I was mean to everyone and caused a lot of trouble, but Naomi and Judy Campton helped me find my way again.”

  Judy Campton. So she had to have known all of this, but she couldn’t blurt it out to him. And here he stood in what used to be her home. Ironic that he was back here with Josie.

  “You told Josiah that Dinah was your child?”

  “Yes, but they had already found proof,” she said. “DNA from Josiah and Dinah showed he was related to Dinah. That’s why he was able to keep her with him even before he found me. But I didn’t want anything to do with her after I came back. She reminded me too much of... Drew.”

  Tobias sank down on a padded floral stool, exhaustion and shock overcoming him. “So here we are. You have a child and you left me because of what Drew did. I’d say he owes you a lot more than an apology.”

  Josie lowered her head. “I am shocked that he asked his parents to do this. He can’t come but sending them is harsh. He’s even more of a coward than I thought and I hope he never gets out of prison.”

  Tobias only now remembered people were waiting in the other room. “They were about to tell me everything.”

  “I had to find you,” she said. “You needed to hear this from me.”

  Anger stiffened his spine. “You were forced or I would have never known.”

  “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you,” she said, her tone quiet and defeated. “I was about to the other day at the festival, but then Nathan showed up. Either way, I’ve hurt you. I will always regret that.”

  Tobias let things settle in his head. Then he looked back at Josie and motioned toward the front of the big house. “Do they know about the child?”

  Josie put a hand to her mouth, her eyes burning with a solid fear. “I don’t know, but...they might have figured it out since I went to them before I ran away. They didn’t believe me then, but what if they came to find out? That’s the other reason I had to tell you. They might try to take Dinah away from us. I will not let that happen.”

  Tobias stood. “You need to know something, Josie. They told me Drew is dying of liver cancer. That is the reason he sent them to find both of us.”

  Josie gasped and seemed to shrink away. “He wants atonement before he dies.”

  “Ja, so it seems. I am glad he didn’t show up here. I am not sure how I would have handled that.”

  Tobias reached out his hand. “I need to get back in there. Will you kumm?”

  “I...I don’t think that is such a gut idea.”

  Before he could convince her, Jewel came out into the sunroom, her gaze apologetic. “Josie, your brother came to check on you. Now Alisha is asking that you all come into the conference room.”

  “Josie?” Tobias reached out to her again. “I’m with you now. We have to stand together.”

  Josie didn’t look so sure. “You are not angry at me?”

  “I am angry,” he admitted, “at you, at Drew for what he did, at myself for being so naive and for the time we’ve wasted when we could have worked this out somehow.”

  Josie’s expression showed her torment, her cheeks flushed, her eyes downcast. “I am so sorry, Tobias. So sorry.”

  “We will talk about sorry later,” he said. “Right now we need to go into that room and face Drew’s parents. Together.”

  She took his hand in a tentative silence and Tobias breathed a sigh of relief, only to be followed by a deep sense of dread. His world had shifted, his faith had been sorely tested, and the enraged anger he felt clutched him so tightly he thought he might suffocate.

  But now he knew what she’d tried so hard to hide, and somehow he had to accept what had happened and reconcile that with what might have been.

  Or what could come now that the healing would begin.

  I need strength. I need to talk to someone. I need Gott’s help.

  The woman he had loved from the moment he’d met her had not trusted that love enough to share the worst time of her life with him. Now he had to accept that a man he’d befriended in his running-around time had ruined Josie and ruined their plans for a future together. She had a child by another man and she’d given that child to her brother. He knew she’d made that sacrifice for the sake of the child. Josie had put Dinah on the Bawell porch for a reason. Josiah had told Tobias that the Bawells had helped her as a child, when she was living in fear. She must have felt they would give Dinah a good, safe life. But he had to grasp the question burning inside his head. Did she love Dinah or was she just tolerating the kinder?

  Because he now knew who little Dinah had reminded him of the one time he’d seen her.

  Drew. Dinah reminded him of Drew.

  How would either of them get past that?

  Chapter Thirteen

  Josie did not want to go into that room, but Tobias held her hand, obviously not caring about rules or decorum at this point.

  Josiah came out of the office near the conference room. “Josie, I was growing concerned.”

  Jewel stood between them. “I explained what’s going on to Josiah. Let Josiah go in with you, Josie. He is your brother, after all, and he knows what needs to be said.”

  Josiah gave Josie a questioning glance.

  “Tobias knows the truth now, bruder,” she said, her throat raw and her head pounding. “All of it.”

  Josiah glanced from her to Tobias. “I will go in if you both agree. But Dinah is my child now.”

  Tobias indicated a nod. “I think that would be in Josie’s best interest. After all, you are Dinah’s legal father, ja?”

  “I am,” Josiah said, appreciation and regret in his eyes.

  Josie could see Tobias had become a man overnight and now he’d grown even stronger. Then again, the news he’d just learned could do that to a person.

  He’d held her hand, but could he truly forgive her? She’d seen the hurt in his eyes when he’d finally realized the truth. That also meant he realized she’d kept this a secret for well over three years. Years of lost time between them. Too long for secrets between them. What if they couldn’t repair the damage she’d done?

  No more secrets, she decided. Here and now, she would face the truth and try to be strong, as Naomi had taught her.

  Giving Tobias a glimpse that she hoped showed that courage, she indicated she was ready.

  He opened the door and guided her into the room. Josiah followed behind.

  Josie stood just inside the door, her gaze moving over Nathan’s sympathetic face and Alisha’s concerned frown. They had worked so hard to make sure Dinah was safe and protected.

  Then she glanced over at Drew’s parents. His mother’s eyes were as red and swollen as Josie’s had to be. His dad looked haggard and beaten by the world.

  Her heart went out to them. They had no way of knowing what Drew had done to her, and they’d refused to believe her the one time she’d tried to talk to them. But someone had stepped forward to make him pay. Now he had a horrible disease that couldn’t be hushed or hidden away. A disease that no amount of power could overcome.

  She should feel some type of vindication. Instead, Josie felt sad and full of pain and regret. She’d have to forgive him—not so much for his sake, but because that was the Amish way and she needed the peace of mind that forgiveness brought.

  “Josie,” Alisha said,
rising to take her arm. “I’m glad you came.” Then she looked at Tobias. “Are you both okay?”

  Tobias nodded, but didn’t look okay. “Ja. Josie told me everything.”

  “And what is everything?” Drew’s father asked as he stood.

  Nathan motioned him back in his seat. “I think Josie is ready to talk to you two. Is that why you came, Josie?”

  Josie shook her head. “Neh, I came to find Tobias.” Then she faced the Beningtons. “Tobias told me about Drew. I am sorry. I understand he had a message for me.”

  Drew’s mother wiped at her eyes while Alisha guided Josie and Tobias to their chairs. Josiah found a seat off to the side.

  “Drew did some horrible things and now he’s in prison,” his mother said, her gaze on Josie. “He’s trying to make amends before...before he dies. We hope to bring him home soon, if the parole board will agree to an early release.”

  Josie wondered if Drew was truly sorry or if he only wanted to get out of prison and die at home. She brushed that doubt aside and took the high road. “I hope you can do that.”

  Tobias still looked shell-shocked. “Josie told me what Drew did to her and why she was forced to leave Orchard Mountain. I had no idea. She did not want me to know, but she felt she had to tell me the truth.”

  Mr. Benington let out an angry huff of breath, his expression hardening. His wife grasped his hand. “Theodore, we came here for a purpose. Don’t chide her now. Drew made it clear he wanted Josephine to know that he is sorry. So very sorry.”

  Tobias stared them down. “Chide her? She did nothing wrong. It seems to me Drew is the culprit here, and apologizing won’t change that.”

  “He made mistakes,” Drew’s mother said. “He is serving his time. We are so sorry, Josephine. You came to us and tried to make us see, but we didn’t want to believe the worst of our only child.”

  Josie couldn’t speak. They did remember her coming to see them. Did they remember what she had told them?

  “Look,” Nathan said. “Now that we’re all here, and we have Alisha’s law expertise to guide us, let’s put it all on the table.” He narrowed his gaze on the couple. “You’ve delivered the messages from Drew. Josie and Tobias at least know now that he regrets what he did. His actions hurt both of them. What more do you need to say?”

  Drew’s father cleared his throat and stared at Josie. Then he said the words she’d dreaded since Nathan had come to the festival booth. “Did you have Drew’s child, Josie? If you did, we’d like to see our grandchild.”

  * * *

  Tobias watched Josie’s face for a reaction. Her gaze landed first on him and then her brother. “I...I don’t know how to answer that question.”

  “A simple yes or no will suffice,” Mr. Benington replied, his tone quiet but firm. “You blurted that out to us and then you ran out the door.”

  Josiah moved forward and put a hand on Josie’s shoulder. Josie took in a calming breath. She looked pale and distraught. Tobias wanted to help her, to protect her, but he had to let her tell this story.

  Josie lifted her shoulders and looked over at Drew’s parents. “I did have Drew’s child. A little girl.”

  Pamela Benington began to sob. “Oh, my. Oh, I can’t believe this. Josie, I’m so sorry, but...we have a granddaughter.”

  “No, I had a child,” Josie replied. “A child I had to give up.”

  “What?” Theodore Benington glared across at Josie. “You gave her up for adoption?”

  “I had no choice,” Josie said, her voice growing stronger with each word. “But I put her in the best home I could find.”

  “Where is she?” Pamela said, still crying. “We have to see her.”

  Josiah held up his hand, palm up. “Dinah is with my wife and me. We adopted her. Raesha and I fell in love a few months after Dinah and Josie came to us. I saw Dinah first and recognized the pink baby bonnet she was wearing. It had Josie’s initials stitched inside. I questioned Raesha and Naomi, and they admitted the child had been left on their porch.”

  He explained who the Bawell women were and how they’d watched after Dinah until he could prove he was her onkel.

  “They became instant nannies to little Dinah, and Raesha and I fell in love. After we married, we officially adopted her.”

  Theodore hit his hand on the table and then pointed at Josie. “You left our granddaughter on someone’s porch?”

  “Not just anyone’s porch,” Josiah continued while Tobias fisted his hands to keep from lashing out at Drew’s irrational father. “The Bawell porch. Two good women who had plenty of love to give a child.”

  When Theodore tried to speak, Tobias responded. “Let him explain.”

  Josiah took a breath and continued. “When I found out through a DNA test the child Raesha and Naomi were taking care of was related to me, I searched for Josie. My sister was very ill in a nearby hospital. Nathan helped me locate her and bring her home.” He stopped and looked at Josie. “Josie came to live with us, but she gave up her rights as a mother. Dinah is our daughter now—mine and Raesha’s.”

  Alisha leaned forward, her shoulder-length hair falling around her face. “I went exactly by the book in helping them to adopt Dinah.” Then she crossed her hands on the table. “But the Amish have their own way of taking in children. They don’t ask questions, and they make sure the child is safe and well cared for.”

  “Our son didn’t agree to that kind of dubious law,” Theodore said.

  “He never signed the birth certificate,” Josie replied. “Your son didn’t even remember what happened.”

  “He wasn’t given the chance to sign,” Drew’s father retorted.

  “But he has a child,” Pamela said. “We’re related to her, too. We should have been informed.”

  Alisha jotted notes. “After Josiah and Raesha were married, I contacted your son at his college, Mr. Benington. They wanted to formally adopt Dinah, and Josie had agreed. But Drew refused to believe the truth, so he said he didn’t care and wanted no part of this. He wouldn’t sign a VAP—Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity. I think by then two other girls had come forward, but he was still in denial and refused to sign any paperwork that could implicate him in a crime.” She stopped for a pause, then added, “Later, of course, he went on trial for those two attacks.”

  “He never told us about this situation and it didn’t come out at the trial,” Drew’s father said. “But he could still claim rights.”

  Alisha nodded. “Yes, he could, but we’d have to go through a lot of paperwork and legalese. As you told us, we’re running out of time.”

  Josiah cleared his throat. “My wife and I love Dinah. She is happy and healthy. Josie helps out with her and our son, Daniel. We’d hate to lose our daughter.”

  “Our granddaughter,” Pamela reminded them. “I’d like to see her.”

  Her husband took her hand. “Honey, we’ll talk to our own legal team and see what can be done, but Drew won’t be able to raise her and he might not even get to see her before he dies.”

  “We could raise her,” Pamela said. “We can give her anything she needs or wants.”

  “She has everything she needs,” Josie said. “You can’t do that to my family.”

  Tobias took her hand. “You’ve said what you came to say. Josie is tired and I have a job to get back to.” He looked toward Nathan. “Are we finished?”

  Nathan gave the Beningtons a long stare. “For now, I think.”

  “I’d like to see my granddaughter,” Pamela insisted. “I promise I won’t say or do anything to frighten her. I just need to see her. Just this once until...until we can decide how to handle this.”

  Josiah almost spoke, but Alisha shot both him and Tobias a warning glance.

  “We’ll be in touch,” she said to the Beningtons. “Thank you both for coming. Meantime, I’ll go back over the law and che
ck all the steps we took again. For now, Dinah is legally adopted by the Fishers. It will be up to them if you can see Dinah before you go.”

  * * *

  After they all moved outside, Josiah motioned to Josie. “We should go and tell Raesha what’s happened.”

  Josie nodded, too shocked and confused to argue with her brother.

  Tobias stopped him. “I need to talk to Josie. If you don’t mind, I’ll borrow Abram’s buggy and drive her home.”

  Josiah’s frown indicated he didn’t like that. “Josie?”

  Josie looked from her brother to Tobias. “It’s all right, Josiah. I’ll be all right.”

  Reluctantly Josiah headed to the buggy. Her brother probably wished he’d never found her at all. They could be raising Dinah without all of this drama she’d brought with her.

  Tobias touched her shoulder. “Kumm with me. I’ll explain to Abram. It’s a slow day anyway, so he’ll understand.”

  “What will you tell him?” she asked, hoping word wouldn’t spread about the Beningtons being here.

  “That I need a couple of hours with my best girl,” he said. Then he stalked away, the joy that endearment used to hold no longer in his voice.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Take as long as you want,” Abram had told Tobias earlier. “Tobias, are you all right? I am here to help with whatever you need.”

  “Just your horse and buggy. After Josie and I talk, I’ll need to take her home.”

  Abram nodded. “Later, if you want to unload what’s really going on, I am a gut listener and I do not repeat what is said to me in confidence.”

  “I do owe you an explanation and I will give one, later.”

  Now Tobias sat in the park with Josie, hidden from the street by a big hedge and a mushrooming oak tree. The sky, so blue and perfect, didn’t know of the turmoil in his heart. Gott had to know, but right now, the world seemed surreal and like a dream. Josie—his Josie—had a child. She was a mother, though she did not actually mother this child. So she was more of an aunt to Dinah?