Queen of Sea and Stars

by Anna McKerrow

  There was another uncomfortable pause.

  ‘This salmon is great, Faye,’ Ruby broke it after a long minute. Annie and Susie agreed enthusiastically, filling the quiet.

  ‘Yeah, really tasty. Love this green stuff,’ Annie added.

  ‘The bread’s really good. Is it from a local bakery?’ Ruby added.

  Faye smiled and nodded. What she really wanted to do was shout at Rav for being so inhospitable to her friends, but she didn’t want to make a scene, so she got up and started clearing the plates instead.

  Rav got up and disappeared into the lounge; Faye heard him going into the bathroom.

  ‘Sorry.’ Gabriel carried the bread plate into the kitchen and placed it next to the empty wine bottles. ‘I shouldn’t have said that.’

  ‘No, you bloody shouldn’t!’ Faye hissed. ‘That was unnecessary. I know he was being an idiot, but even so.’

  ‘I know. He just… I don’t know. It annoyed me that he was belittling you.’

  ‘I can fight my own battles,’ Faye muttered. She had the obsidian crystal in the pocket of her dress and found that she was squeezing it for reassurance.

  ‘I’m sorry. Really.’

  ‘I know. I’m not angry with you,’ she sighed. ‘We drank too much. That was probably to blame.’

  ‘You didn’t drink.’ Susie frowned at Faye. ‘You all right?’

  ‘I’m fine. Just didn’t fancy it tonight.’

  ‘It was a shame. It was a lovely dinner.’ Ruby handed Faye some used napkins from the table. ‘It was nice hanging out with you guys.’

  ‘It was,’ Annie agreed. ‘Next time, come to ours, aye? Suze can cook.’

  ‘Or come to dinner above the shop,’ Gabriel offered. ‘It’s the least I can do.’

  ‘Can you cook?’ Faye gave Gabriel a gentle smile.

  ‘I’m a veritable maestro in the kitchen, Faye,’ Gabriel said with a low bow.

  ‘Literally no-one here believes that,’ Ruby remarked.

  ‘Words can hurt, Ruby,’ Gabriel shot back, grinning, but his expression changed to wary as Rav walked back in, came over to the sink and gave Faye a hug.

  ‘Hey. I’ll do clean-up. You guys go and relax in the lounge.’ He smiled at Susie and Annie, and held his hand out to Gabriel. ‘Hey, man. Sorry if I was out of order.’

  Gabriel shook Rav’s outstretched hand. ‘My fault. Sometimes my mouth runs ahead of my brain.’

  Rav nodded.

  ‘I find all of the… magical stuff… kind of difficult. Probably had too much wine.’

  ‘We did drink –’ Ruby looked at the empty bottles lined up for the recycling – ‘five bottles. Between six of us. And Faye only had, like, one glass.’

  ‘That would explain why I feel so pooped.’ Susie made a face. ‘Seriously. I think we should probably head off,’ she said, giving Annie a meaningful look. ‘It was a lovely dinner, Faye. Thanks so much for inviting us,’

  ‘You don’t have to go!’ Faye knew Susie was being polite, sensing that she and Rav needed to talk.

  ‘No, really.’ Susie hugged Faye tightly. ‘It’s time to leave.’

  Annie squeezed Faye fiercely.

  ‘Management’s orders, I’m goin’, I’m goin,’ she muttered. ‘It was lovely seein’ ye, sweetheart.’

  ‘You too.’ Faye pressed Annie’s palm in hers.

  ‘I’m here. Day or night. Just call,’ Annie whispered as Faye stood back; she nodded in response.

  Ruby followed suit and dragged Gabriel out, getting their coats on the way.

  ‘Honestly, Faye, I don’t know if I can walk straight,’ she mumbled, hugging her on the way out. ‘And I’ve got to make sure Gabriel gets home safely too.’

  ‘I’ll be fine,’ Gabriel huffed, but allowed himself to be pushed out of the door. ‘Thank you Faye. It was a marvellous day.’

  ‘Talk to Rav about your shop in Abercolme. You have to make a decision sooner or later,’ Ruby whispered.

  Faye waved them all off, then closed the door behind her.

  ‘Something I said?’ Rav looked up from stacking the dishwasher, then saw Faye’s expression. ‘Hey. I’m joking, I didn’t mean it.’

  ‘Rav. We need to talk. About the shop.’ She sat down at the table. ‘I have to make a decision. And I need you to help me.’

  Thirty-Three

  ‘I can’t just let it sit there, closed until further notice.’ Faye held Rav’s hand across the dinner table. ‘You understand that, right?’

  ‘Of course I do,’ Rav sighed. ‘I suppose I just hoped… you wouldn’t have to go back so soon.’

  ‘I didn’t say I was going back. I just need a plan, and I need to know…’ Faye trailed off. ‘I need to know where we are first.’

  ‘We’re here.’ Rav smiled at her. ‘Faye, I’ve had a lot to drink. Can we talk about this another time?’

  ‘But when? You’ve been working late a lot. You don’t want to talk when you get in. Can we just talk about it now?’ Faye argued; nausea sat at the bottom of her stomach like a low, yellow tide.

  ‘Fine. Where are we, then?’

  Faye took a deep breath to quell her irritation.

  ‘I think things are going okay, but there are… tensions between us. You know that.’

  ‘We talked about that, Faye. You know how I feel. I want a clean break from all that faerie stuff.’ Rav put his head in his hands. ‘Do we really need to talk about this now? I’m so tired. I need to crash.’

  ‘Yes, we do,’ she sighed. She’d talked about the possibility of becoming Finn’s lover to get to Aisha with Ruby and Gabriel. But it was one thing discussing it as a theory with her friends and another even thinking about it now. There was no way she could do that and expect to maintain a relationship with Rav – it would be wrong, and it would haunt her if she did it. Why am I even considering it? she berated herself. ‘How would you feel if I did go back? Temporarily, at least?’

  ‘I’d miss you. But I know it’s your business, your home. I wouldn’t stop you, of course. If you need to sell it, rent it out, I dunno. Find a manager for the shop.’

  ‘What if…’ she trailed off, not knowing how to say it. Rav was assuming that she was going to stay in London, but she wasn’t sure of that. What if I want to go back? Permanently? she thought.

  ‘What?’ His head was still on the table and his words were muffled.

  ‘The shop doesn’t make enough for me to pay a manager,’ she replied. ‘And the rental market’s not exactly buoyant in Abercolme.’

  ‘Dunno what to suggest then. Sell it?’ He lifted his head off the table and looked at her blearily; he was drunk. She shouldn’t have brought it up now; he was right.

  Faye stared at him, wondering what he would remember of this conversation the next day. The thought occurred to her that she could tell him everything, right now, right here. Her thoughts about rescuing Aisha. Her time in Falias, Lyr, the rose garden in Regents Park with Gabriel. She opened her mouth, heart beating wildly. Even if he didn’t remember it, there would be a comfort in having told him. In being heard.

  Rav snored. He had fallen asleep.

  Faye sat opposite him, staring at the top of his head. Was this really the man she’d give up Mistress of Magic for? Her home, her heritage? Her heart?

  She sat there for a long time, listening to his steady snores. She knew, in her heart, which she’d choose.

  Thirty-Four

  The party was being held in what had been a warehouse in the once-poor docklands area of East London, now a haven for banks, luxury apartments and exclusive bars. Faye imagined that it would be bustling and vibrant in the summer, but in November, the concrete walkways and steps were slicked black with rain, and the glass skyscrapers only reflected the depths of the charcoal night onto the flat river Thames that lay alongside them.

  Rav helped her out of the taxi; Faye had chosen a full-length evening dress as Rav had assured her it was a dressy affair; he was handsome in a black dinner jacket and sharp white shirt undern
eath. Faye’s dress was black also: an off the shoulder gown that clung to her breasts and hips, skimming over her flat stomach. The silk folds of the skirt had pooled around her feet until she’d put her heels on at the flat; now, as she picked her way carefully over wet cobbles to the door, she wondered how she was going to stand on the vertiginous heels all night. They were celebrating the success of some album or another that Rav’s company had been doing the promotion for; it had just gone over a million sold worldwide.

  Faye followed Rav into the shady interior of the converted warehouse, giving her coat to a young man in a small cloakroom as they entered. She ran a hand nervously over her hair, which she’d braided around her head like a Greek goddess. Its auburn had become a little lighter in the summer, and it still had dark blonde flecks among the reddish brown. She wore a pair of earrings that Rav had given her: long droplets of rose quartz set in gold.

  ‘Wow. You really look beautiful tonight,’ Rav murmured, and kissed the edge of her mouth.

  ‘Thank you,’ Faye kissed him back, and expected him to pull away, mindful of the people ahead of them and behind them. But Rav encircled her with his arms and pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss, and Faye submitted to it, feeling her body become soft and responsive to his touch. Recently, they hadn’t been as physical as they were at the beginning, but Rav seemed to have forgotten their recent quarrels and misgivings as his hands caressed her back. ‘Mmmm. Do we have to go in?’ he whispered into her ear. She laughed, quietly, prodding him in his side.

  ‘I think you’d be missed,’ she replied, smiling.

  Rav took her hand as they walked into the main room.

  The warehouse had once belonged to an importer of tea, it seemed, according to the remaining signage that had been painstakingly preserved inside; however, the rest of the interior had been converted into an industrial-chic steel and glass bar with a ballroom space, in which Rav’s employees milled around a number of tables and chairs set for dinner on one side, the other side having been freed for dancing. Faye didn’t know much about DJ equipment, but she guessed, looking at what was set up at the side of the room – and, being that this was a staff party for an organisation that set up and promoted gigs and festivals, after all – that they were in for a good set or three later on.

  Rav led her to a table at the centre of the room, where she recognised Sumi, and Rav’s business partner, Roni. Sumi wore a short, low cut, shocking pink cocktail dress that displayed all her curves with pride and glowed against her light brown skin; Roni, as heavily bearded as before, wore a safari suit with a loud orange-and-green Hawaiian shirt underneath and a black bolo tie.

  ‘Faye! So good to see you again!’ Sumi cried, enveloping Faye in a fierce hug, even though her head only came up to Faye’s shoulder, with the heels on. ‘Wow. You look stunning! Roni. Roni! Doesn’t Faye look stunning?’ She nudged her husband, who smiled broadly.

  ‘Faye, you look stunning, I don’t know if anyone’s told you,’ Roni admitted with a grin.

  ‘Good to see you dressed up, man.’ Rav clapped Roni on the back. ‘Feel like I overdid it with the dinner jacket now,’ he added, sarcastically.

  ‘Dude. Safari never goes out of style.’ Roni handed them a flute of champagne each and held his up for a toast. ‘To Malik & Marquez, Impresarios of the Great and Good.’

  Rav clinked his glass against Faye’s, and held her gaze as he drank.

  ‘To us,’ he added. Faye smiled, and sipped her champagne. They could be happy, she told herself. It was all there for the taking.

  ‘So, how’s all the magic going, sweets? I still need you to read my cards.’ Faye hadn’t seen Sumi since that first time at the bar, but if Sumi still thought Faye was a bad influence on Rav, she wasn’t showing it. It was a party; she was being polite.

  ‘Oh, whenever you like,’ Faye replied, knowing it would never happen. ‘But since I’ve been in London, I’ve been so busy with other things,’ she lied.

  ‘What about your shop? Is someone running it for you, now you’re not there?’ Sumi asked, apparently concerned, though Faye thought she could detect another message. Why don’t you go back there and run it and leave him alone. ‘From what Rav said, I doubt you’d want to be away from it for long?’

  Faye smiled with a brightness she didn’t feel.

  ‘It’s fine. I’ve closed it temporarily. We’ll see, I guess,’ she replied, and took a longer drink from her champagne glass. Mistress of Magic was who she was. Her mother had worked hard to build the shop as part of the pagan community in Scotland, and within the village too. She’d run evening healing circles, taught spell-casting, read fortunes and made herbal salves and draughts for the villagers. Leaving the shop empty was taking a toll on business but it was also breaking down all the good work Moddie had done for all those years. After her one-sided conversation with Rav – he’d woken up with the mother of all hangovers the next day, and had spent the day in bed – she still hadn’t made a decision about the shop, but she was considering going back for at least a couple of weeks to check in and make sure everything was okay.

  Mistress of Magic was Faye’s home, just like it had been home to all the Morgans before her. The house itself – its thick stone walls, the worn flagstones of the shop floor that had once been where the family gathered around the hearth – was part of her. She drew her strength from Abercolme – from Black Sands Beach, from the sea and the sand and the rough scrubland around the shore – but most of all, the stone house and its little garden, packed with roses and herbs, were her mainstay. As she stood in the crowd, in the hubbub of people talking and laughing, Faye suddenly felt terribly alone and lost, untethered from where she should be. Nausea roiled in her stomach, and she set down her champagne glass on a nearby table; it was nerves. She knew what Rav’s friends thought of her. It was uncomfortable being there.

  The dinner passed without any further difficulty; Faye sat between Rav and Roni who, together, were a double act, entertaining everyone else at the table. Rav played the straight man to Roni’s surreal, deadpan humour. Faye remained nauseous but made herself drink, using the alcohol as a shield to hide her shyness.

  ‘Oh, it’s Mallory! Hi, sweetie. You look gorge.’ They had finished their main courses, and people were starting to mill around between tables as the desserts arrived. Sumi stood up to kiss Mallory; instinctively, Faye looked at Rav to gauge his reaction, but he only glanced at Mallory, meeting Faye’s eyes instead.

  ‘Did I tell you how glad I was that you two met for that coffee?’ he said, reaching for Faye’s hand. ‘You’ll be okay if I have to do the friendly boss bit for a while? Got to go and say hi to everyone.’

  ‘Sure, okay,’ Faye smiled brightly again, not wanting him to go. Reluctantly, she turned to Mallory.

  ‘Hi, Mallory,’ she said, as amicably as she could.

  ‘Oh, hi, Faye,’ Mallory replied in the same falsely jolly tone. ‘Don’t you look… severe, this evening.’

  It’s like she has literally no social skills, Faye thought. Where was Mallory when girls were taught to be nice to each other at school?

  ‘Thanks.’ She didn’t bother to exchange a compliment, genuine or otherwise. ‘Excuse me. Going to the ladies.’

  Faye made her way to the toilets, found a cubicle free, went in and leant against its wall, closing the door behind her. Her head was spinning from the champagne. She had absolutely no desire to talk to Mallory and was keen to avoid her nagging about attending Ruby’s coven meetings; hopefully, when she got back from the toilet, the other girl would be gone.

  She rarely drank this much and she hated feeling sick, but she could feel it coming...

  With much of her stomach’s contents gone, she felt a little clearer and closed the toilet lid, sitting down and wiping her mouth.

  As she did so, Faye heard the door to the bathroom open and voices spill into the white-tiled room.

  ‘She’s some kind of witch, I heard,’ one said, over the sound of a cubicle door opening and clo
sing.

  ‘Scottish,’ another voice confirmed. So, she was being talked about.

  ‘She’s really pretty,’ the first voice commented. ‘They met up at that Scottish festival last summer. The one that was in the papers?’

  ‘I heard about that. Weird goings-on,’ the other one called out from the cubicle.

  ‘Mallory says she’s, like, enchanted him or something,’ the other voice, out by the sinks, ventured.

  ‘What, like, cast a spell on him? That’s stupid,’ the other girl said. Faye heard her ripping off toilet paper from the dispenser. ‘Mallory’s jealous, that’s all.’

  ‘I don’t think she is. Just concerned, like. That’s what she told me.’ Faye smelt perfume being applied. ‘Have you got any lipstick on you? I forgot mine and it’s come off already.’

  The cubicle door clicked again and Faye heard the girl rejoin her friend.

  ‘Don’t believe it for a second. Concerned. Like she doesn’t want Rav back, big time. It’s so obvious. Always hanging around him, staying back after meetings. Calling into his office. It’s not like she has a reason to, not as much as she does. I’ve heard them in there, laughing, joking around. They’re not working. Took some files in the other week and she was sitting on the edge of his desk, leaning over in this low-cut top. I swear they’d just kissed or something ’cos they both looked really guilty when I came in.’

  ‘What? Really?!’ The excitement in the other girl’s voice was in a directly inverse proportion to Faye’s dread, which roiled her stomach. The nausea had returned; absently, Faye wondered if perhaps that she’d eaten something that disagreed with her.

  ‘Definitely. I’m telling you!’ the first girl’s voice was smug, thick with triumph at her secret. ‘Don’t tell anyone I told you, obviously. Rav made out they were looking at some spreadsheet or something, but she left right away and he was really embarrassed. I could tell something was going on.’