Read Between The Lines: Business of Love 6

by Parker, Ali

  “Definitely,” I said, even though I had no grasp of how much work that would actually be in relation to travel. Could I see enough in two weeks to write a good article?

  Of course I can.

  “Perfect! I’m going to let you go now, Nora, but we’ll talk soon. Now might be a good time to start looking at airfare and hotel rates, my dear. I think you’ll be thousands of miles from home before you know it.”

  With that, the call ended, and I sat there grinning at a blank screen like a loser until slowly, reality settled on me.

  You’ll be thousands of miles from home before you know it.

  My heart started to pitter-patter in my chest, panicked. My mouth went dry.

  What about Walker?

  How did he and I keep this thing going strong when I was on the other side of the world? How could I ask him to wait for me while I went off and lived my dream for an indefinite amount of time?

  The answer was simple. I couldn’t.

  And just like that, my heart crumbled to pieces and left nothing in its wake but an aching, wretched hole.

  Chapter 32

  Walker

  I’d been looking forward to seeing Nora all week. I couldn’t wait to celebrate her new job with her tonight and I’d planned a date for just the occasion.

  We’d start with dinner and drinks before heading to the movies, where we’d catch a late showing of a romantic comedy. Then as long as things went well, which they always did with Nora, we’d head back to my place for some quality one-on-one time.

  I pulled up outside of her townhouse close to six thirty in the evening. It was dark out and had been raining all day, but the clouds had cleared and left behind a clear, starry night sky. I was about to get out of my car and make my way to her door when it swung open and she stepped out wearing the indigo coat from the antique store in Hudson.

  She locked her front door and came down the steps to my car.

  She looked beautiful, as always.

  Under her coat, she wore black pants and black leather boots with silver tips on the toe. Her hair was down and curly and her lips sparkled with gloss.

  I got out of the car and hurried to the passenger side. I leaned in to steal a kiss when she brushed past, but she stepped forward and slid into the seat instead.

  Assuming she missed me leaning in, I closed the door behind her and walked around the hood to get behind the wheel. She’d already buckled up and was fixing her hair as I pulled back into the street.

  “So,” I said, testing the waters to see if it was in my head or if she was a little off, “how did all the paperwork go today?”

  After Nora’s interview yesterday, she’d been sent pages upon pages of material to review about Words from Abroad. It detailed what the expectations were if she were to work for them as a writer.

  She fidgeted with a buckle on her purse. “I managed to get through it all. It wasn’t too bad.”

  “You sent it all back to them? Is it official?”

  Nora nodded but didn’t look over at me. “It’s official. I’m a writer for Words from Abroad.”

  I reached over and put a hand on her thigh. “That’s great, Nora! Congratulations. I’m so proud of you. It must feel good to know everything you’ve wanted is right in the palm of your hands. Do you have free rein to decide where you want to go first or do they tell you?”

  “I can choose.”

  “And?”

  She finally looked up at me. “And what?”

  “And what?” I asked incredulously. What did she mean? This was it. Her big moment. After all her talk about travel and longing to be anywhere but in New York, she had to know where she wanted to jet off to first. “Where are you going to go?”

  She shrugged one shoulder. “I’m not sure.”

  Something tugged at my gut. There was definitely something bothering her. Had I done something? Said the wrong thing? Crossed a line somewhere?

  “Is everything okay, Nora?” I asked.

  She nodded eagerly. “Yes, of course, everything is okay. I’m just hungry, is all. It’s been a long day. I hate paperwork.”

  “Let’s rectify that situation then.”

  Nora hardly said a word for the rest of the drive unless I spoke to her first. Even though she’d said everything was fine, by the time I parked outside the restaurant, I knew in my bones she wasn’t telling me the truth. She might have had her own reasons to hold back but I hoped it wasn’t something I’d done. Maybe she was being honest when she said she was just tired and hungry. Maybe the food would help.

  But something told me that was wishful thinking.

  We were taken to our seats by a bubbly waitress with short blonde hair and giant hoop earrings. She had a pretty smile and friendly personality, and after she sat us at a booth in the middle of the restaurant, she said she’d be back with water. She left us with two menus. Nora stared at hers but her eyes didn’t scan the page. She just stared at it, unseeing.

  “I’m craving a burger,” I said as I slid the menu to the edge of the table. “What are you going to get?”

  Nora put her menu on top of mine. “A burger sounds good.”

  It wasn’t like her not to scan the entire menu and make sure she was making the right choice—especially if she was starving.

  She rested her forearms on the table and gazed at the candle flickering in the square glass votive holder beside the salt and pepper. The flame danced in her eyes and she hardly blinked.

  I decided to try one last time to cheer her up. “What about Bali?”

  “Hm?”

  “Bali,” I said. She wasn’t paying any attention to me. Her thoughts were somewhere else. For the first time ever in Nora’s company, I began to worry. “I’ve only heard good things. I’ve always wanted to go. It’s a destination hot spot for young travelers because of affordability. It might be a great way for you to break into acquiring a younger audience base to bring along with you for following articles.”

  “Yeah, probably.”

  Our waitress returned with our waters. Lemon wedges balanced precariously on the rims of the glasses while she plucked a notepad and pen from the front pocket of her apron. “You both look ready to order. What can I get for you?”

  We placed our orders. Nora hardly looked up from the table.

  When our server was gone, I bit the bullet. I couldn’t stand all this not knowing. Something was up and I was going to get to the bottom of it. If she hadn’t wanted to hang out with me tonight, she could have told me so rather than give me dejected answers and hardly make eye contact.

  My worry was turning into irritation and I wanted to stop that before it progressed any further.

  I reached across the table and took her hand in mine. Her eyes slid up to meet my gaze.

  “Nora, something is wrong. You’re not doing a good job of hiding it. Please, tell me what it is. Let me help.”

  Nora crumbled to pieces right before my eyes.

  It started with her shoulders. She pulled them inward, like she was trying to make herself as small as possible, before they slumped in defeat. She bowed her head, pulled her hand away from mine, and buried her face in her hands as tears started to flow. She shook her head and apologized over and over while my stomach turned into a giant, heavy, freezing cold stone.

  Oh no.

  I knew what was coming before she got herself under control and let her hands fall from her face. Her mascara left dark rivers down her cheeks that she didn’t bother to wipe away. Instead, she sniffled, cleared her throat, swallowed hard, and forced herself to speak.

  “Walker… I… I can’t do this anymore.”

  There it was. The kick in the gut I’d feared.

  I tried to navigate a response. How did one respond to something like this? I became acutely aware of the fact that I’d never had my heart broken before. Was this what it felt like? Cold, sharp, desolate?

  Merciless?

  I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell her it was okay. But no words ca
me out.

  Nora wiped at her tears now, but they continued to fall. “I thought this was what I wanted, but now that I have this job, I’m not sure anymore. Travel is my dream right now. It has been for over a year. Two weeks ago, I would have done anything to get back on a plane and fly far, far away from here. Then you came into my life and turned everything upside down.” Nora looked down and picked at a splinter on her side of the table. “I always told myself that I would never give up on my dreams for a man—or for anyone else for that matter. I’d hate to give up on travel and look back and resent you for something that never would have been your fault in the first place.”

  That was a lot to take in. I was still hung up on the words, I thought this was what I wanted, because I knew she was what I wanted. I’d known it since our first date.

  And now she was slipping away from me with every passing second.

  “Say something,” Nora pleaded.

  “I…” I trailed off, ran my fingers through my hair, and shook my head. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I know.”

  “Please don’t hate me.”

  “Nora, I could never hate you.”

  She groaned and hid her face in her hands again. “Can’t you just scream at me or something? It would make this so much easier if for once you could just be mean to me.”

  I tried to smile, failed, and sighed. “I’m not going to do that.”

  “I know you aren’t.”

  My heart didn’t know whether to beat quickly or slow down. My skin felt cold but my insides felt like they were burning. What was this turmoil? How could I make it stop?

  I need a drink.

  I pushed away the impulse to drown my misery and instead tried one last time to change this around before it was too late. “Nora, this job doesn’t mean we have to end our relationship. People make things work all the time that are much more complicated than this. They talk it over. Work things out. Make compromises. How often will you be out of the country?”

  “Months at a time. Maybe another year. I don’t know.”

  “Right, well, we could—”

  “I can’t ask you to put everything on hold while you wait for me to maybe decide I want to settle down, Walker. That isn’t fair. You deserve so much more than that. I would never forgive myself for doing that to you.”

  “You wouldn’t be doing anything to me. We’d be choosing to see this through even if it wasn’t conventional.”

  Our waitress returned with our burgers and her cheery sing-song voice. “Anything else I can get for you, loves?”

  Nora looked away, hiding her tear-stained cheeks, puffy eyes, and pink nose.

  I shook my head. “No thank you.”

  The waitress seemed to pick up on the emotions at the table and excused herself immediately, leaving Nora and me alone in silence for what felt like an eternity before Nora finally turned her gaze back to me.

  “Walker? I think… I think…”

  “This is it?” I asked.

  Someone dropped their fork nearby. It crashed against their plate and hit the floor as they muttered a string of curses. My senses were working on overdrive as every fiber of my being prayed like hell Nora would change her mind in this final moment. A child screamed on the far side of the restaurant. Two waitresses giggled behind a glass partition while they poured glasses of soda. The mother of the screaming child took him outside to calm down.

  And all the while, Nora watched me, her eyes filling with more tears, her bottom lip trembling.

  Finally, she nodded. “This is it.”

  Chapter 33

  Nora

  I never touched my burger. Walker didn’t touch his food, either.

  We’d sat in sullen silence for ten or so minutes after I stomped on his heart with my shoe, after which the waitress, a sweet girl with a good heart, asked if she could pack up our food for us so we could get out of there. Walker spoke for us, and five minutes later, the bill was paid and we were back in his car, which was beginning to smell like burgers and fries from our takeout boxes in the backseat.

  We made for my townhouse while my stomach rolled with guilt. He hadn’t said a word in over ten minutes. The music played but it was too soft to hear the lyrics. Traffic was bad but neither of us complained. The car was cold but neither of us seemed to notice.

  I turned myself toward the window and gazed out at the passing streetlights and pretended I was somewhere else. Somewhere far away.

  Somewhere like Prague, one of my favorite cities on my trip.

  If I were there walking the cobblestone streets and making friends with locals, my heart wouldn’t feel this way. I’d be carefree just like I was the last time I was there.

  Wouldn’t I?

  The townhouse appeared as we turned onto my street and I found myself wishing for another five minutes with Walker even though we weren’t talking. He was consumed by his thoughts as I was with mine. If we had only a bit more time.

  I sighed. It wouldn’t have mattered. Getting out of this car and going inside were going to hurt regardless of how many more minutes we had. I might as well get it over with.

  Walker pulled over in his usual spot at the curb outside of my townhouse. He put the car in park and looked up at the front door. “Well, here we are.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Can I walk you to the door?”

  I shook my head. I couldn’t bear it. “It’s easier if I get out and you stay here.”

  “Is it?”

  It hurt to search his eyes and find pain there, along with grief. Both of those were my fault. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, my breath hitching.

  Walker nodded slowly but didn’t say a word. He didn’t tell me it was okay or that he forgave me or even that he understood. Part of me wanted him to. Couldn’t he say something? If he couldn’t say one of those things, couldn’t he get mad at me now that it was just the two of us and we weren’t in a busy restaurant?

  “Say something,” I pressed.

  Walker leaned back in his seat and rested a hand on the steering wheel. His chest rose in a sigh I couldn’t hear when he exhaled. “I wish you hadn’t made this decision for me.”

  That wasn’t what I’d been expecting. “Someone had to do what was right,” I said.

  He grunted. It was half a scoff but somehow not a rude one. He disagreed.

  “I’m sorry,” I said again, knowing the words were falling flat and they didn’t change a damn thing. “And thank you. For everything. I loved every minute of being with you, even if it was only for a short time. You have no idea…” I trailed off. If I said too much, it was going to be impossible for me to get out of his car and get inside my house. I needed to cut it short for both our sakes. I lifted my chin and took a steadying breath. “Good luck with everything, Walker.”

  He looked over when I opened the door. “You too,” he said.

  And with that, I closed the door behind me, drew my jacket—the jacket he’d bought for me in Hudson—tighter around myself. I tucked my chin into my collar in hopes that if I ducked my head and bunched up my shoulders he couldn’t tell I was sobbing my heart out as I made my way up the stairs.

  I struggled to find my keys in my purse and had an even harder time getting it in the lock because my tear-filled eyes made my vision so blurry. I opened the door a crack and light spilled in and I heard Walker drive away.

  When he was far enough down the street, I turned around and watched his brake lights disappear.

  Right when I thought my heart couldn’t hurt any worse, he disappeared around the corner and the grief doubled.

  It was over. We were over.

  “Fuck,” I whispered, the grief morphing with anger. Anger at myself for wanting more, for wanting to explore, for letting go of the best man I’d ever met in my life.

  Anger at the fact that I had to go inside and face both of my roommates when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball on my bed and pretend the rest of the wo
rld didn’t exist for a while.

  Out there on the welcome mat, I decided I couldn’t let Julie and Grace see me falling apart like this. I wiped my eyes and took some breaths to get myself under control. All I needed to do was get past them and hurry up the stairs.

  How hard could that be?

  I swung into the house, closed the door behind me, and made for the bottom of the stairs immediately.

  “That was quick,” Grace said from the kitchen where she was chopping vegetables. “Did you guys not have dinner?”

  “I wasn’t feeling well,” I said, my voice thin and a little crackly. “I just need to go lay down. I’ll come back down in a bit. I just need some quiet.”

  “Okay.” Grace’s voice had an edge of uncertainty in it.

  I made my way up the stairs. Right as I rounded the railing at the top, I bumped right smack into Julie, who was coming out of her bedroom wrapped up in a bathrobe with a face mask on.

  “Oh!” She started. Julie put a hand on her chest. “Sorry, Nora. I didn’t see you there. I thought you were out? Did you—” She broke off and cocked her head. “Nora, are you okay?”

  I couldn’t keep it together any longer. “No, but I need to be alone. Please just give me some time before you tell Grace?” The tears started to flow. “I can’t—I can’t talk yet.”

  Julie, who I still hadn’t entirely warmed up to, gave me an understanding nod. “Grace and I will have dinner. I’ll keep her downstairs for at least an hour. Okay?”

  My voice cracked. “Thank you, Julie.”

  “But if you need anything, you know we’re here for you, okay? Whatever it is. For me, it’s mint chocolate-chip ice cream.” She moved to the top of the stairs and began descending. “Or a hot shower.”

  A hot shower didn’t seem like such a bad idea, so I went to my room, stripped out of my clothes, wrapped myself in my robe, and made my way down the hall to the bathroom where I turned on the water and waited for it to warm up. When the mirrors were fogged, I dropped my robe and stepped into the shower to let the water beat down on my back. All I managed to do before I fell apart was wash my face.