by Emily Rose
I laughed, but it held no humor. “Stop trying to make me think like I used to. It’s not going to work.”
She shrugged, “I’m just saying. I’m not the one who told you to answer like you did. That was all you, Miles,” she said.
Fuck, she was right.
That was me.
I sighed heavily and let my head fall back against the couch again. I was tired of thinking. I was tired of trying to figure shit out.
I was tired of trying to do the right thing, because it didn’t matter which way I did it, someone I loved got hurt. In this case, if I had told Mia hell no, Ray wouldn’t be hurt right now. But if I had done that, Derek wouldn’t have the support he needed right now.
So, either way, I came out looking like an asshole.
I closed my eyes and released a long breath. That was when I felt something brush up against my leg. It caused me to open my eyes and lift my head from the couch, only to see Mia standing between my legs.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
She sat down on the coffee table, still between my legs, and I felt the urge to move from where I was sitting, but I stayed put. Mia kept her gaze on mine and then reached forward with one hand. I watched as she touched my knee, slowly moving her hand upward.
I met her gaze again. “Mia, this isn’t going to happen.”
She paused her hand, which was still on my leg, and locked gazes with me. “Why not?”
“Just because I’m having problems with my marriage doesn’t mean I’m going to just fuck it up entirely by fucking you again,” I said.
Mia’s eyes darkened. Not in an angry way, but in a way that told me what I had said only made her want it even more.
Fuck.
“Am I not good enough for you anymore?” she asked and then started moving her hand again, closer and closer to the area I knew she was aiming for.
I reached down, locked my hand around her wrist and pulled it away from my leg. I leaned up as I held her arm in the air between us and steadied my eyes on her.
“It’s not going to happen,” I said firmly then released her and stood up.
I was heading toward the back bedroom when she spoke from behind me.
“Why not? Because you are the good, faithful husband now or some shit?” she asked, and I could hear the frustration in her voice.
I stopped, took a deep breath, and counted to five before I turned around to face her. “Yeah, because I love Ray and I’m not going to fuck it up even more by doing something with you.”
Mia stood up then and walked over to me. She had always been short but when she was barefoot, she looked shorter, which made her bend her neck back to even look me in the eyes.
“And you don’t think that Ray is going to go out and find someone to entertain her?” Mia asked, and held my eyes steadily.
That thought really struck a nerve in me. I had never been that violent, least of all toward a woman, but with the thought of someone, any-fucking-one, touching Ray in my head and a woman being the one to put it there, I lost what little self-control I had. I moved before Mia even had a chance to take her next breath.
My hands locked around her arms, harder than I had intended and I pushed her against the wall. She gasped in shock and froze in my hands, staring up at me with a fear I never wanted any woman to stare at me with, no matter who she was.
But my anger, it controlled me.
“Don’t ever say that about Ray again,” I said in a calm, almost deadly way.
Mia was breathing faster than normal. “Ok, ok. I’m sorry,” she said with every trace of fear in her voice.
Like a cord snapping, I looked down at where my hands were locked around Mia’s arms and instantly released her. I took a step back as the realization of what I had done hit me. It was at that moment, with Mia staring at me like I was a monster, that I knew without a doubt the old Miles was still there after all.
And he was dangerous.
Chapter Seventeen
Jax
I had been about to take another Xanax when Ray called, and she was the only damn reason I had decided to not to.
When she had called, I could hear how upset she was and everything I was feeling at that moment went straight out the window, even this fucking addiction. It was then that I realized Ray was more than just a family friend. Every time I had been around her over the past several days, this addiction becomes what it used to be. Just a faded memory echoing in the back of my mind.
I didn’t know what to call Ray yet, but I knew she was something. It was weird to me, because I had known her since she got with Miles. That was the only reason we had ever crossed paths, but we had never been close, especially not close enough that I would jump in my car and drive across town at midnight for her. Yeah, I had asked her to dance and I had told Miles I would kick his ass if he ever hurt her, which was still true, but I had never felt this way.
Whatever the fuck this way was.
I tried to figure it out between the time I left and when I turned down Miles’ road, but no such luck. I could probably spend my whole life trying to figure it out and still wouldn’t.
That was how confusing it was.
When I got closer to their house, my lights flashed over someone sitting on the curb where I normally would have parked. It wasn’t until I got a better look that I realized it was Ray.
I eased to a stop just a few feet from her and unlocked the door. She stood up and walked over to get in, slamming the passenger door harder than she really needed to. I sat there with my foot on the brake and glanced at her. I could see her body trembling and she stared straight out the window without a single word as to what the hell was going on.
I didn’t ask either. If she didn’t want to talk about it, I wasn’t going to make her. I was here for support, even if that meant she only needed silence and my company. I took a deep breath and reached into my backseat where I grabbed my hoodie.
When I held it out to her, she took it without a word and pulled it over her head as I let my foot off the brake and hit the gas, taking us in the opposite direction of Miles’ house. I wasn’t sure if what I had in mind would help, but at this point and the position she seemed to be in, anything would help.
I headed across town to the liquor store as Ray stared out the window, completely silent. I couldn’t help, but wonder what was going through her head.
I kept my thoughts to myself though and pulled into the parking lot and took the first empty spot I found. There were only two other cars here, one that I knew belonged to the employee. I put my car in park and grabbed my wallet from the center console. I had no idea what Ray wanted, but I knew I had seen her drinking margaritas several times, so I settled on getting her that.
She didn’t ask what we were doing as I got out and headed inside, leaving my car running and the heat on for her. When I came through the door, the bell above my head dinged and I saw the same worker from the other night standing at the counter, reading a magazine. He didn’t even look up as I bypassed him and went straight to the coolers on the back wall.
It was there that I grabbed a six-pack of Corona, my choice of beer, and a small case of the Bud-Light Lime-A-Rita, the closest thing I could find to a margarita. I carried them up to the front and placed them on the counter before I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket.
“How’s your night going?” The store worker asked as he scanned my stuff.
I pulled out enough money to cover it and placed it on the counter, “It’s alright. And you?”
I didn’t even know this guy’s name, but he had always asked me the same thing each time I had come in here when he was working.
He picked up the cash I had put down and put it in the register before he started pulling my change out, “It’s going good. Slow, you know, the usual late shift shit,” he said and then handed me the cash he had got out.
I nodded, “Yeah, I’ve been there. I hope it goes by quick,” I said as I grabbed my stuff and turned to head out the door.
“Hey, you work at Twisted, right?” he asked.
I stopped and turned to face him. “Yeah.”
“I thought I’ve seen you there. Do you happen to know if they’re looking for any more help?” he asked.
The bouncer in me sized this guy up. He was shorter than me by several inches and skinny as fuck. He might be a nice dude, but I could not picture him working at Twisted as a bouncer, which was the only thing we really needed right now. Then again, you never knew. I’ve had guys smaller than me put up a good fight before.
“I mean, you can always put in an application, but I’m not sure,” I said.
He nodded, “Sweet, thanks man.”
“No problem,” I said and then headed out the door.
When I got in, I heard the radio, which Ray must have turned on when I was inside. I had no idea what the hell she was listening to, but I didn’t ask as I put the drinks into the backseat and shut the door. I threw my car into gear and backed out of the parking spot, taking us in the opposite direction of town.
It had been a while since I had gone out to Shoal Creek. I wasn’t even sure I could get my car down the dirt road I was thinking of anymore. It didn’t matter though, if I couldn’t get it down that road, there was plenty of other areas to park.
Ray continued listening to music as I drove us further away from town. After a few minutes of driving in silence, she finally spoke.
“Where are we going?” she asked, eyeing the dark trees that had surrounded us.
“Shoal Creek,” I told her.
“I’ve never been there,” she said.
I looked just long enough to meet her eyes for a second and then returned my gaze to the road, “Really?”
“Really,” she answered.
“Huh,” it was all I could say to that.
I wasn’t sure what all Miles had shown her about Hampton and the surrounding areas, but I assumed he would have shown her Shoal Creek. It was once a place we used to all hang out at after our shifts. We hadn’t done it since Ray and Danny showed up, but it was still somewhere we all knew.
“What?” she asked.
I shrugged, “Nothing, I’m just surprised you don’t know about it.”
“Why?”
“We used to go there after our shifts. Me, Miles, Rachel, Amber, when she worked there, and Kevin. Lacy wasn’t really around much,” I said, remembering the other two female bartenders that used to work at Twisted too.
“Well, Miles hasn’t told me a lot of things apparently,” Ray said with a humorless laugh.
I had no idea what to say to that. A part of me wanted to defend Miles, brotherhood and all I guess, but another part of me wanted to punch him for putting Ray into this position in the first place.
“I guess it’s a good thing I bought alcohol then,” I teased, hoping it would make her laugh.
And it did.
“I guess so,” she said with a chuckle.
I looked away from the road and met her gaze. It was then that I saw the half-smile on her face. I turned my gaze back to the road but seeing that look on her face had hit me straight in the core. I liked the thought of me putting that look on her face way more than I should have.
“How much further?” she asked then.
“We are pretty much there. I’m just looking for the right road,” I said as I slowed down, glancing at the road signs as I passed each one. When I found what I was looking for, I hit the brake easily and turned down it. It was rough looking, but I had faith in old blue as I drove slowly over the dirt and rocks.
“Are you sure about this?” Ray asked, eyeing the dirt road in front of us as it grew smaller and rougher.
I laughed once, “No.”
She laughed then, “Gee, I feel better already.”
The song switched to one I knew. “It’s Working” by Bliss N Eso started playing, vibrating the doors as the beat filled my car.
“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t let anything happen to you,” I said honestly and slowed down even more as we hit another rough spot on the dirt road.
The car bounced and then I sped up again.
“Aren’t you sweet,” Ray said.
“I can be,” I responded and then spotted the small pull off that I was looking for. I eased us through the two trees that lined each side of the only way in.
“Whoa,” Ray said as she took in the view in front of us.
“Right,” I said and pulled to the edge of the small bluff that overlooked the creek below and parked. I shut my lights off but kept my car running.
“I can see why you guys came here. It’s so pretty,” she said and then rolled her window down, so that some fresh air blew into the car.
“Do you want to get out?” I asked.
She nodded.
I grabbed the drinks from the backseat as she stepped out and then I followed her, closing my door behind me. The music still played inside the cab, just loud enough that I could make out the lyrics and hear the low bass that vibrated the car.
I met Ray around the front and sat the drinks on the hood. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted, but I knew you liked margaritas, so I got these,” I said and handed her the case of Lime-A-Rita’s.
She smiled. “Thanks, Jax.”
I shrugged and grabbed a beer from the six-pack. I popped the cap off and threw it over the bluff as I leaned against the front of my car, taking my first drink. I could hear Ray opening her drinks and then looked over my shoulder to see that she had scooted up on the hood, one in her hand now.
She lifted the small can and took a long drink before bringing it away from her mouth. She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut.
I laughed once. “That bad?”
“No, they’re good. I just took that a little quick,” she said.
“Well, drink all of them if you want to. I’m not drinking very much, so you’re free to do whatever you want. I have to work tomorrow, so I can’t get drunk tonight,” I said.
She gave me a shy smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about the fact that you had to work,” she said.
I shrugged and then turned to look at the scenery in front of us. It was nice out here, even if it was a little cool. The moon cast a glow over the water, which I could see from up here. I lifted my beer and took another drink, letting the alcohol wash away all the bullshit.
“He told me that he used to be engaged to Mia,” Ray said quietly.
I didn’t look at her, because I didn’t want her to see the anger building in my eyes from her words. I shoved my free hand into my pocket and took another drink of my beer, staring only at the creek in front of me.
“I’m not mad that he was engaged to someone before me. I mean I wasn’t part of his life then. I’m upset that he lied about who she was and then still left with her,” she said.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I said the next statement before I had the chance to think about it. “Well, Miles is a dumbass for leaving, and he’s a dumbass if he thinks that just apologizing for the shit he has done is going to fix everything, even I know it won’t.
“I never thought I would hear you say that about Miles,” Ray said, and I could hear the smile in her voice, but she was right.
I never thought I’d say that about Miles either, but he had no fucking clue the damage he was doing to Ray and even though I wasn’t sure what to call her myself, I knew I cared about her. That much was fucking obvious. I just wasn’t sure how I cared and that was a question I wasn’t willing to find the answer to. There was no point, because it wouldn’t change anything. She was still Miles’s girl and that was just how it was.
Ray would always just see me as Jaxson.
Miles’ best friend.
Danny’s ex-boyfriend.
Her friend.
And that was all I could ask of her.
Miles, and me we were brothers and even though I was pissed off at him right now, there were lines you just didn’t cross. No matter how fucking tempting it was to do so.
&
nbsp; “Jax?”
I blinked and looked over my shoulder to see her watching me.
“You okay?” she asked.
I turned my gaze away, finished off my beer, and set it on the hood of my car. I looked back at the creek and finally told her something close to the truth. “Yeah, I just don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“I don’t get how he can do it,” I said.
She was silent, so I kept going.
“I know we weren’t that close before, but that has changed, or it has for me at least. I know you will always just see me as Jaxson, your husband’s best friend, and the ex-boyfriend to your best friend, but you are more than just my best friend’s wife or my ex-girlfriend’s best friend. I don’t really know what to call you, but I know you have become important to me,” I said and then took a deep breath as I waited for her response.
It felt like fucking forever before she finally said something.
“You have become important to me, too,” she whispered so low that I barely even heard her.
I glanced over my shoulder at her and noticed that she was playing with the top of her now empty can as if she were embarrassed to admit she cared about me too.
“It’s okay, you know,” I said.
Ray looked up and met my gaze. “I don’t feel like it’s okay,” she said.
“Because it’s me, right?”
She nodded. “Yeah, and I don’t have to tell you why either. You pretty much just said it.”
“I know,” I said and then looked back at the creek, “I guess we can feel bad together then, because we both know the situation isn’t going to change as fucked up as it is right now.”
“That is true,” she said and then slid off the hood to stand next to me. I felt her body lean against mine and then her head was on my shoulder, “Life is so confusing,” she said.
I nodded, “Tell me about it.”
“Jaxson?”
I didn’t look away from the creek, but I answered. “Yeah?”
