by Emily Rose
“Thank you,” she whispered.
I inhaled deeply and then released it, “You’re welcome.”
Ray moved then, surprising me when she stepped in front of me and leaned up on her toes to wrap her arms around my neck, burying her face in the curve of my neck. I didn’t touch her, but I could feel her heart as it beat quickly against my chest.
“I don’t know if this is okay or not,” she said without lifting her head from my neck.
I took a deep breath and then pulled my hand out of my pocket, placing both of my arms around her waist and then leaned my face into her hair.
She smelled and felt fucking amazing.
“I don’t know either,” I said into her hair.
We stayed that way in silence and the longer I held her in my arms, the harder it got to see where that fucking line was that I wasn’t supposed to cross.
And the easier it got to not give a shit.
Chapter Eighteen
Ray
The sound of a phone ringing startled me awake. My eyes popped open and the muscles in my neck felt tight, like I had slept on it weird. I groaned and looked around in a daze for the damn phone that hadn’t stopped ringing yet, and it was then that I saw him.
Jax was in the driver’s seat of his car, sleeping soundly. His chest rose and fell with each breath, and he was using his arm as a pillow for his head.
I could hear the phone still going off, but I didn’t bother looking for it as I sat up straighter, wide awake now, and looked around. We were still parked next to the creek and it was daylight. His car was still running, and I saw that the gas light had come on sometime during the night.
We had slept in the damn car.
Shit.
My heart shot through the roof and I reached over, smacking Jaxson hard enough to wake him up. He blinked, halfway still asleep, and looked over at me. His eyes weren’t fully open, but they weren’t closed either as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on.
“We’re so screwed,” I said.
Jax took a deep breath and leaned his seat up, rubbing his eyes once he got settled. “What the hell time is it?” he asked and dropped his hand before looking around.
I looked at the clock on the radio. It was nearly 12:30pm. I pointed at the radio and Jax looked in that direction.
“Oh shit,” he said.
I nodded and fell back against the seat again. “I’m so screwed.”
Before he could say anything, I heard the phone start ringing again. Jax and I both looked around, trying to find the damn thing. Finally, he pulled my phone out from under his seat where it must have fallen at some point last night and looked at the screen.
“Yeah, you’re screwed,” he said and then held the phone out to me as it continued to ring.
I was almost afraid to know who it was, but I grabbed it and saw Danny’s name on the screen. I took a deep breath before I answered.
“Hello?” I said and met Jaxson’s gaze. I held my finger up to my own lips, letting him know that he wasn’t allowed to speak at that particular moment.
He shook his head, opened the car door, and stepped out just as I heard Danny’s voice come through the speaker.
“Where the hell are you? I’ve been freaking out all morning. I called Rachel and Kevin to ask if you were with them or if they had heard from you, but they hadn’t. I even called Miles- “
I cut her off there. “You didn’t?”
“Yeah, I did,” she said.
I counted to five before I grabbed Jaxson’s phone from the center console. I pressed the button to illuminate the screen and sure enough, I saw the missed calls. All of them from Miles.
“Fuck,” I said.
“Where are you?” Danny asked.
Just then, Jax appeared and got back in, leaving the door open and one leg out as he looked over at me. I held his phone out to him and watched as he lifted an eyebrow.
“Miles,” I mouthed to him.
He took a deep breath and snatched the phone from my hand before he got back out of the car and disappeared to the back.
“Um, I was just with a friend,” I said and then squeezed my eyes shut for a second at my words. There was no way out of this one.
“What friend?” she asked, and I could hear the suspicion in her voice.
“Um, I was kind of with…. uh….” I almost let his name slip from my lips, but then a thought hit me, and I spoke another name before I could stop myself, “Anna. I was with Anna,” I said.
“You were with your boss all night?” she asked.
“Yep,” I said a bit too quickly.
God, I was such a horrible person. I had just lied to my best friend again. It was starting to become a habit and one that I knew could only end in disaster.
“Really?” Danny asked.
“Yeah, I just lost track of time and fell asleep at her place,” I said and hoped like hell I could convince Anna to say that was what happened.
“Ok, well are we still leaving for Florida today?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’ll be there soon,” I said.
“Ok.”
I hung up and released a breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding before I opened my texts. I found Anna’s name and typed a quick one.
Me-People might ask you about last night and if I had fell asleep at your place. If they do, can you tell them that was what happened?
I hit send and waited. Jaxson returned a minute later, getting back into the car and leaving the door open once again. He dropped his phone back into the center console.
“I told him I hadn’t talked to you and I had no idea where you were,” he said and then leaned back in his seat, letting his head fall back against the headrest.
This was so wrong, because I had no idea why we felt like we had to lie to people about our friendship, and Miles had asked Jaxson to look out for me, so that meant he had to know Jax would be around me. I wasn’t sure if falling asleep in his car with him was something he expected, and I knew for damn sure that the moment I had shared with Jax last night when I hugged him wasn’t something Miles expected.
I sighed. “I’m sorry.”
Jax turned his head just enough to meet my gaze. “For what?”
“For making you lie to your best friend,” I said.
He stared at me and then inhaled deeply, “I’ve already lied to him and you didn’t make me do it the first time,” he said.
I blinked, unsure of what he was referring to, but I didn’t have time to ask him about it since my phone started ringing again. I jumped, startled, and then looked down to see Miles’s name on my screen.
“He’s calling me,” I said weakly.
“Are you going to answer?” Jax asked.
“I need to, but after last night, I’m not sure if I’m ready to hear his voice yet,” I told him and that was the truth.
It worried me at how easy it was to tell Jax the truth and lie to my best friend. I wasn’t sure I was ready to lie to my husband too, even if he had lied to me first. I still loved him, and I still wanted us to make things work between us. I shared way too much history with Miles for it to just go to waste and my heart still ached for him in the deepest way.
“You can’t avoid him forever,” Jax said.
I nodded, “I know, but I can’t lie to him either,” I said and then clicked the button on the side of the phone to reject the call.
My heart broke just a little bit more when I did. I hated this, all of it. I gently sat my phone down and took a deep breath.
“What do you mean by that?” Jax asked.
I looked up at him. “I’ve lied to Danny about you. I can’t lie to him about you too.”
Jax held my gaze for the longest time before he spoke. “Miles knows I’m going to be around you. He asked me to keep an eye on you. He might be a dumbass for doing what he did, but he’s not a dumbass in that sense, so you don’t really have to lie to him about it,” he said.
“Then why did you lie about it?” I asked.
&n
bsp; He took a deep breath, “Because last night was different. I held you, and that is more than he asked me to do,” he said.
I looked away from him as my face heated. Last night had been different from the awkward moment I had with Jaxson at Twisted the other night. He had held me and I…I had liked it. Guilt slowly crawled its way into my heart at that thought.
“Then why did you do it?” I asked.
“Like I said last night, you’re important to me and I wanted to be there for you, even if all you needed was to be held by someone,” he said.
My gaze met his whisky colored eyes and my heart swelled. “Thank you,” I said.
He looked away, reaching to shut the car door. “Don’t mention it. We better get going before I run out of gas completely,” he said and then shifted into gear, pulling us back onto the dirt road.
The drive back to town was silent, like both of us were lost in our own worlds, trying to sort through all the emotions that swirled around everything. I knew I couldn’t be honest with Danny about how close I was to Jaxson. It would hurt her too much, but if she found out I had lied to her about it, the damage could be even worse. My friendship with him was risky when it came to her.
She knew we were friends, but she only assumed it was still the same kind of friendship we had always shared, but it was far from that. It was more and that was why I couldn’t tell her the truth.
As for Miles, he also knew Jaxson would be around me and he knew we were friends, but like Danny, he had no idea how close we’d become. The only difference between Danny and Miles was that I knew I would have to eventually tell Miles the truth about it.
And I also knew that once I did, everything would change, and I wasn’t ready for that to happen yet.
*
Jaxson had dropped me off at the curb like usual and on my way back to the house, Anna texted me back to say she was down for doing that, which was a relief. I smiled and put my phone back into my pocket.
I hurried down the sidewalk and came around the corner. When I came through the front door, I saw Danny sitting on the couch, watching TV. She looked over her shoulder as I closed the door and then pulled her eyebrows together in confusion.
“Uh, Ray….” She said and then turned around to face me, “Is there a reason you’re wearing one of Jax’s hoodies?” she asked.
I froze in my tracks, my breathing stalled, and I did everything I could to hide the “a deer caught in the headlights” look my face had to be wearing at that moment.
Shit. I had totally forgot to take it off before I got out of his car.
“Um, well, I just found it in the bedroom last night. I didn’t know it was his though,” I spoke the lie before I had a chance to think about it.
Danny stared at me and it worried me that I couldn’t read her expression right away. “You found it? In Miles’ room?” she asked.
I nodded.
“Oh,” she said and then continued to stare at me with that unreadable expression.
I forced a smile, “Right, well, I’m going to go get ready and pack then we can head out.”
“You do that,” she said and then turned around to watch TV again.
I sighed heavily, because even I knew that she didn’t believe a single word I was saying. I wouldn’t have believed it either. I tried to push these thoughts aside as I headed to the bedroom and closed the door behind me. I dug my phone out of my pocket and pulled up Jaxson’s number before I fired off a quick text.
Me-So, I messed up. I forgot to take your hoodie off and Danny saw me wearing it. I told her that I found it in Miles’ room. I don’t think she believes me.
It didn’t take him long to answer.
Jax-Damn. What do you need me to do?
Me-I don’t know. This is getting out of control. I can’t even keep track of the lies I keep telling, and it feels so wrong.
Jax-I know, and I’m sorry. I wish you didn’t feel like you had to lie to her or anyone for that matter.
Me-But you’ve lied too, Jaxson.
Jax-I know, but I have my own reasons for doing it. You shouldn’t have to do it too. There’s nothing going on between us that should make you lie about being around me.
Me-No, but it’s different for girls. You are her ex-boyfriend who she still loves. It’s just different when it’s a situation like this.
Jax-I guess so. Are you going to tell Miles the truth then?
Me-I can’t lie to him.
Jax-What if he tells Danny?
Me-He wouldn’t. I will explain it and he will understand why I had to lie.
Jax-If you say so.
Me-I do. I have to pack and get ready. I’m heading to Florida today for my mom’s wedding.
Jax-Be safe. I’ll see you when you get back.
Me-I will. Bye.
I took a deep breath and threw my phone on the bed. I pulled Jaxson’s hoodie over my head and shoved it into my book bag, making a mental note to give it back to him when I saw him again. After that, I grabbed some clothes and went to take a quick shower.
Once I was clean and dressed in comfy clothes for the long ride, I packed just enough clothes to get me through until Sunday and then grabbed my purse, keys, and phone off the bed. I looked around the room and made sure I wasn’t forgetting anything before I headed back into the living room to find Danny still sitting on the couch watching TV.
“Are you ready?” I asked as I sat my bag and purse on the floor next to the door.
She leaned up, grabbed the remote, and shut the TV off before she stood up and faced me. “Yeah, let me go grab my stuff and then we can head out.”
“Ok,” I said.
I had never really had an awkward moment with Danny until this moment. I could feel the tension in the air, and I knew this drive to Florida was going to be a long one.
She had questions. I could feel it.
And I wasn’t sure what my answers would be when she finally asked them, but I knew I only had two choices. I could lie, again.
Or I could tell her everything and risk losing my best friend.
Chapter Nineteen
Miles
One day. One fucking day and I was done with all of this. I could go back to my life in Georgia. I could finally put all of this behind me.
And maybe that was why I have stayed this long. I needed to close this chapter of my life and the only way I could do that was by helping Derek get through tomorrow. He had been like a brother to me, like Jax or Kevin. I owed him just as much as I owed them.
I had never been the type of person to turn my back on those who needed help, even old friends I hadn’t heard from in years. It was just the way I was, but right now, the way I am was costing me everything. I felt like I was being pulled between two worlds.
And I had no idea which side was winning, because what I had done to Mia was something I had never done before, to anyone. That made me think this side was the winner, slowly pulling me back into my old ways and old attitude, but then I would snap out of it and the version of me Ray knew would win. Like good versus evil, only I wasn’t really going in either direction.
It felt like I was both versions of myself and I just hadn’t realized it until I came back here, but maybe I wasn’t supposed to hide this side of me from Ray. Maybe I was supposed to show her and only then she could decide what to do with everything.
Only then could she decide if she really loved me or not.
I walked down the sidewalk of Dickson Street. It was like the strip of Fayetteville, bars and shops on both sides of the road.
Back when I lived here, I used to work at one of the bars. It had been my first time working at a bar and I found that I really enjoyed the whole bartender vibe. It was always something different each night. I could just get into the routine of mixing drinks and forget everything fucked up around me.
But that never lasted long enough. When things started getting out of control here, it only went down hill from that point forward. Moving to Hampton had been a choice and o
ne I hadn’t made lightly. But I had learned things, things about my family that I had to face and Hampton, Twisted especially, had been the place where I could find the answers.
I just didn’t realize that in my search for these answers, I would find Ray. The night she walked into Twisted had been a shock, a moment in fate, but it wasn’t until after I fell in love with the damn woman that I realized that I would have to lie to her in order to keep her safe from my past, my family history. She could never know who I was or where I came from. To her, I would always have to be Miles Conrad, the guy she knew from high school. Only I wasn’t him at all.
Not even close.
I looked up at the sound of a group of college kids as they laughed and headed into one of the many bars that lined the street. I wasn’t that old, but I had no clue what it was like to be them. I had grown up at a really young age and I had missed that part of my life completely.
After everything that had gone down with Ray, I just ran, and kept running. I wasn’t even sure if I had stopped yet, even after marriage.
Hell, marriage.
I was a husband to the very woman I had ran from.
It was crazy how life could be sometimes. It could throw curve balls at you that you never saw coming, some were good and some bad. You just never knew what it was going to do next.
To most people, that was a scary thought, but to me, it was just the opposite. It helped me realize that I shouldn’t get stuck on life being one single way, because it could change at any moment.
And it could bring something beautiful.
For me, that had been Ray.
I loved that damn girl. More than she would ever understand and while it took both of us going through some hell, we finally made it.
We were married, but I knew the hell wouldn’t stop there. We had to learn how to be married. We had to learn how to love each other like husband and wife, instead of boyfriend and girlfriend.
And it was a whole different type of love.
