by Emily Rose
My heart broke a little more as I realized that she had to be Josh’s daughter. I cleared the knot that formed in my throat and spoke as evenly as I could, “Hi, I’m sorry to bother you. My name is Reanna Adams. Are you Mrs. Archer?” I asked.
The woman blinked, “Yes, can I help you with something?”
I stared at the little girl and then met her gaze. “No, I just…. I’m here to thank you,” I said.
Mrs. Archer looked confused, “Um, I’m not sure what you mean?” she said as she shifted her daughter on her hip.
I took a deep breath and did my best to explain why I was here, “I know this is probably confusing to you, but it’s about your husband….” I said.
Almost instantly, I saw the pain in her eyes spark to life and I hated that mentioning Josh had opened that wound once more.
“You knew Josh?” she asked in a friendly, but broken voice.
“I didn’t know him personally, but I was one of the people there the night he died. He saved my friends and I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was for your loss, but if it wasn’t for Josh running into that building, my friends wouldn’t be here today,” I said.
Mrs. Archer broke into a sob and covered her mouth with her hand as she stared at me. The little girl stared at her mom like she wanted to wipe her tears away but didn’t know how to. I stood there silently as Mrs. Archer cried into her hand and then dropped it. Before I could say so much as another word, she pulled me into a one-armed hug as she cried.
“Thank you so much. Josh loved what he did and I’m so proud of him. I miss him, but he died doing what he loved the most,” she said and then released me to stare into my gaze.
I hadn’t realized I was crying until I felt the coolness on my cheek. “He is my hero,” I said.
She smiled through her tears, “Thank you so much.”
“Is this y’all’s daughter?” I asked.
Mrs. Archer laughed, even though she was still crying, “Yes, this is Beth. I tell her stories about her dad all the time and show her videos. She knows who he is,” she said.
I smiled and waved at Beth. “Hi.”
“Can you wave at her?” Mrs. Archer asked Beth.
She looked at me and then laid her head down on her mom’s shoulder. I laughed, because it was the sweetest thing I had seen in months.
“How far along are you?” Mrs. Archer asked.
Without thinking, I reached up and placed my hand on the small bump of my stomach before I responded, “About five months,” I said.
“I bet you’re having a boy,” she said.
I laughed, “How can you tell?”
She shrugged, “Your baby bump is low. My daughter sat high and I’ve heard most boys sit low.”
I thought this over and smiled. I had no idea what I was going to do or how I was going to explain this, but I did know that none of that mattered, because I already loved him or her. “Well, I get to find out next week if it’s a boy or girl,” I said.
“Is the father involved?” she asked.
I smirked at that, “Well, that’s complicated.”
Mrs. Archer nodded, “Of course, I don’t mean to ask you all these personal questions. I just miss being pregnant.”
“It’s no problem. I should probably get going though. I still have unpacking to do,” I said.
She smiled, “Yes, of course, and thank you again for coming here and showing me that I didn’t lose Josh for nothing.”
“You didn’t. He saved my family and I wish I could thank him myself,” I said.
Her smile never faded as she waved before closing the door. I waited a second as the weight of what I had been feeling over this part of my life lifted off my shoulders. So slowly, a smile spread across my face and I spun on my heel to head back to my car. The feeling of relief didn’t last long as I headed across town to the hotel I had rented out for the next week and I realized I would have to face everyone from my past, including Jaxson and Miles.
*
After stopping at the hotel long enough to check in, drop off my bags, and freshen up, I head across town to the first place on my radar. I had no idea if Danny was still staying at Rachel’s, but I had to find out one way or another. My heart raced as I slowly turned down the road that would take me to her house. The closer I got to it, the more I felt like I was going to pass out.
I had so many questions going through my mind and I wasn’t sure if I would ever figure out the answers to any of them. I didn’t even know if Rachel or Danny would speak to me. After Kevin’s funeral, I hadn’t even explained to anyone why I ran, and no one seemed to care enough to reach out to me about where I was or what I was doing.
As I got closer to her house, my anxiety heightened at the sight of Danny’s car, Rachel’s car, and Kevin’s truck. All of which were parked in the driveway. I eased my own car next to the curb and put it in park. It took me a minute to compose myself before I shut the engine off and got out. My feet felt like liquid as I made my way to their front door and I could feel the sweat that had covered the palms of my hands.
When I got close to the door, I could hear voices on the other side. I shook my arms out and released a long breath through my mouth before I made a fist to knock on the door.
“Be right there!” Someone called and I knew that voice belonged to Danny.
It felt like my heart was pounding like a drum inside my head as I waited for her to answer the door. A minute or two passed, and then I heard the doorknob start to turn. Maybe it was because I felt like I was going to have a mental break right there or something else entirely, but I found myself spinning on my heel and racing down the steps back toward my car. I got about halfway there when I heard my name being called behind me.
“Ray? Is that you?” Danny asked and I could hear the surprise in her voice, but there was no trace of any kind of anger.
I froze mid-step and took a deep breath to slow my heart rate before I slowly turned back around to face her. Danny didn’t look any different than she had four months ago, but I knew I looked completely different and the expression on her face confirmed it for me. I watched as her eyes traveled down to my small baby bump and then slowly back up to my own gaze.
“Holy shit….” She whispered as if she were talking to herself rather than me.
“Danny why are you standing –“ I heard Rachel’s voice and then she appeared on the other side of Danny and our gazes met.
She froze and just like Danny, her eyes ran down my frame before resting on my stomach. I watched as her face paled and then she looked up to meet my eyes once more. Before anyone could ask any questions or do so much as take another breath, Rachel broke the silence.
“You need to leave. Now,” she said in a cold, hard voice.
“Rachel….” Danny began but without taking her eyes off me, Rachel held up her hand to stop her.
“You’re not welcome here. You’ve done more than enough,” Rachel said.
The pain that settled over my heart shouldn’t have been there, because I was expecting this reaction, but it was. I felt it. The cold, hard truth that I was no longer a part of their family burned deep. I tried to accept this truth over the past few months, but I just couldn’t. My eyes swelled with tears that I refused to let fall as I stared at my former best friends.
“Rachel, just stop,” Danny said.
“No! I will not stop. She is the one who walked out on us. She is the one who betrayed you. She is the one who cheated on Miles with Jaxson. She ruined everything and brought death to…to….Kev…Kevin….” Rachel’s voice choked on his name as tears of anger filled her eyes and she stared Danny down as if she were two seconds from making her leave too.
“Rachel! Look at her! She’s pregnant,” Danny’s voice raised, and she pointed at me with one finger.
Tears fell slowly down my cheeks as I placed a hand over my stomach and stared at them on the porch. Rachel looked as if Danny had slapped her and then with black eyeliner streaked down her face from crying, she
looked at me again and then down at my stomach as if she hadn’t processed it the first time around. It was a whole minute before she met my gaze again.
“Whose?” Rachel asked firmly.
I stared at her through blurry vision as I tried to make my voice work correctly. “I…I don’t…know.”
“I know how you feel. I know you want her to leave, but if she does, she will be taking that baby with her. It is not the child’s fault and it doesn’t matter if Jaxson or Miles is the father, they deserve to know the truth and I’m not about to lie to them about it,” Danny said.
Rachel refused to look at Danny as she stared me down. I didn’t expect this to go smoothly, but it still hurt knowing I was no longer welcomed. My child was though and that was all I could ask for at this point.
“Fine, but you can deal with her. I don’t want anything to do with her,” Rachel said and then walked back into the house without another word, slamming the door behind her.
Danny jumped from the sudden noise and stood there a minute before she finally looked up at me, “I don’t disagree with Rachel about anything she said. You really left this family in pieces, Ray.”
My heart hurt as I stared at her through teary eyes and nodded, “I know and nothing I can say will fix that, but I don’t want my child to not know his or her father.”
She blinked, “I don’t even know what to say to you at this point, but Jaxson and Miles deserve to know the truth and you need to tell them, sooner rather than later.”
“I know,” I said weakly.
Danny took a deep breath and glanced down at my stomach for a second before she met my gaze again, “How far along are you?” she asked.
I reached up to wipe the tears away from my cheeks as I held my stomach, “Almost 20 weeks.”
“Have you found out if it’s a boy or girl?” she asked.
I shook my head, “No, I go next week to find out. I changed my doctor from Florida to someone in town, so I could go here.”
“So that’s where you ran off to? Florida?”
“Yeah, I just had to get away,” I said.
She blinked slowly, “We all needed to get away, Reanna, but we didn’t. We stayed and we did our best to heal together. You are the one who walked away, so you can’t expect us to just welcome you with open arms after finding out what you did and then realizing you ran off without telling us yourself. I had a feeling about it, but I didn’t want it to be true. It wasn’t until Jaxson told everyone that it was confirmed.”
I nodded, but decided it was best to stay silent at that moment. The guilt that crashed into me was too much and even if I wanted to say something, my voice refused to work.
“Jaxson owned up to what he did. You didn’t,” she said.
“I’m so sorry, Danny. I never meant for any of it to happen,” I said with a shaky, broken voice.
She stared at me blankly, “I don’t want you to say you’re sorry. I don’t want anything from you, except for you to tell Jax and Miles the fucking truth for once. You played them and they deserve more than that. You didn’t reach out to us after you left and then we found out the truth about why you ran, so we didn’t care to reach out to you at that point. None of us cared.”
Tears leaked from my eyes once more and I closed them for a minute before I opened them again, “I know I’ll never be able to take back what I did, but that doesn’t mean I won’t feel the guilt for the rest of my damn life.”
Danny shook her head, “Whatever, you can find Jaxson at the body shop he works at and Miles, well, just take a trip down memory lane and I’m sure you can track him down, but good luck trying to get him to listen to you.”
With that, Danny turned around and walked back inside without another word. I stood there numbly as it dawned on me that I really have lost everyone. The only person I had right now was my baby and as the tears streaked down my face, I also realized that there was no fixing this. So slowly, I turned around and made my way back to my car where I got into the driver’s seat. I sat there a minute before I lost it. My fist came up and I punched the steering wheel as I let out a scream that could deafen ears.
I was angry at myself for what I did, for still loving Miles, for still feeling something for Jaxson, for hurting Danny.
All I wanted was for the guilt, the pain, to end.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Danny
I couldn’t believe what I had just seen. As I leaned against the door, I closed my eyes and tried to process everything. What was Ray thinking? Did she really think we would just welcome her home? Did she really think we would just forgive her?
Nothing was the same with anyone, especially after losing Kevin. He had been a intricate piece of this puzzle we call family and now that piece was missing, leaving a void in its place. There was no going back, there was no getting Kevin back. And the worst part was that none of us even got to say goodbye. He was gone in a matter of minutes, seconds, forever changing the landscape of our family.
I heard something crash against the wall in the bedroom before the sound of glass shattering came, and my eyes snapped open. I pushed off the door and hurried down the hallway to Rachel’s bedroom. I didn’t even bother knocking as I swung the door open to find her sitting on the floor in front of her full-length mirror. She was curled up in a ball with her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them, and her face buried between them. Scattered around her, I saw the pieces of glass on the floor and what looked like a picture frame lying next to her.
My heart broke and I walked forward slowly, as if I were walking up on a snake. Rachel was probably the one who had fell into the darkest place over losing Kevin, which I understood. He had been her other half. He had always made her laugh and I hadn’t seen that since he was killed. When I reached her, I looked down at the picture and saw that it was one of Rachel and Kevin. He had his huge arm wrapped around her shoulders and a beer in the other hand. She looked so happy and the grin on his face told me that he was too.
The knot formed in the back of my throat, but I refused to cry as I kneeled beside Rachel, making sure to not cut my legs on the glass. My hand gently touched her shoulder and she jumped, looking up at me with a wild expression in her eyes. The black eyeliner was streaked down her face and her eyes were puffy as she looked up at me.
“I miss him. I want him back,” she said with a cracked voice.
My heart ached and the knot in my throat grew as I swallowed, “I know, me too.”
Rachel’s eyes filled with more tears, “It’s not fair. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t do anything, and he was the one who paid the price. It should have been Ray. She should be the one buried six feet under. Not him. Jared only went to the bar to try and draw Ray out. It’s her fault that Miles, Jaxson, and Kevin were put in that position in the first place.”
I nodded, “I know, but Jaxson is the one who brought Jared into our lives. He was the one who drove Jared to Twisted that night.”
“Yes, but he didn’t have a choice. He was held at gunpoint. I know he made the mistake of inviting Jared into our lives, but he tried to fix that himself. Jared just wouldn’t give up until one of us, or all of us were dead. Jared wanted Ray and we both know that,” she said.
“The only reason he wanted her was because he wanted to get back at Jaxson, and he knew that Jaxson cared about Ray,” I said.
Rachel blinked and then shook my hand off her shoulder, “Whose side are you on anyway?”
“I’m on your side. You heard what I said to Ray. I was just stating the facts about what happened that night, because Ray isn’t the only guilty one and we both know that. But what matters now is that Jared is in jail now, so we don’t have to worry about him coming after any of us ever again,” I said.
“He should be shot in the head for what he did,” Rachel said.
I nodded, “I know, but that isn’t how the justice system works.”
“Well, the law is bullshit,” she said angrily.
“It mig
ht be, but there’s nothing we can do about it. Kevin is gone and no matter how much it hurts or how much we miss him, he’s not coming back, and eventually you are going to have to move on with your life,” I said.
She looked at her reflection in the part of the mirror that was still attached. When I looked up, I saw that her reflection was cracked, so that it looked like there was more than one of her.
“Ray needs to pay,” she said in a cold voice before she stood up and walked out of the room without another word.
I sighed heavily and sat there a minute. Once I composed myself, I started picking up the pieces of glass and gently throwing them into the small trashcan by her desk. I had only picked up a few pieces when I heard the front door slam shut and I knew Rachel was gone for the rest of the day. She always ran off when she got this way. I never asked her where she went, but I knew that she went to Kevin’s headstone. That seemed to be the only place that calmed her nowadays. A few seconds later, I heard Kevin’s truck start up and I listened to the noise fade away as I continued to pick up the pieces of glass on the floor.
After he was killed, she refused to sell his truck. I didn’t blame her either. She hadn’t changed a single thing about it. I wasn’t even sure if she had cleaned it since he was last in it. If it helped her move on, I didn’t care what she did, just as long as she could find peace somehow.
I was halfway through picking up the glass and lost in my own thoughts when I heard my phone ringing in my back pocket. I threw another piece away and then pulled my phone out in front of me. At the sight of the name on the screen, I sighed and rested back on my heels before I answered.
“Hello?” I said and then braced the phone between my ear and shoulder as I started picking up the pieces of glass once more.
