Just You, Me and a Secret

by Ganga Bharani Vasudevan

  ‘My God!’ I cried. I did not look like myself anymore. I saw someone else in the mirror about whom I had completely forgotten. It all seemed like a story that had nothing to do with me but I had lost my identity in that story. The pain of looking at someone else when I looked into the mirror was greater than the pain of a tortured death. I felt that someone was going to stay with me all through my life. I wanted myself back.

  I wiped my face and splashed some water on it. I wanted to cry to someone. I had no one else other than him. Moreover, he was alone too. He had lost his love, Meera, in the same accident and it was a murder. I could understand his pain. I opened the door. He was crying his heart out sitting on the bed. He was talking to himself when he cried. I took a seat near him and listen to him mourn over Meera’s death.

  An hour passed.

  ‘I want my face back.’ I cried to him. I realized that he was a stranger and I was crying to him. I felt awkward and moved away. After a few minutes of silence I said ‘Sorry.’

  ‘It’s okay Meera…’ he realized it late ‘Sorry Deepthi.’

  ‘Wait a minute. What’s today’s date?’

  ‘1st May, 2010.’ He said.

  ‘Oh shit. Do you know writer Nakul, the one who wrote ‘Relationship status: It’s complicated?’ He was still. He did not even show a sign of recognition.

  ‘Have you heard of him at least? He is so famous. It’s a very nice book. Do you have any idea?’ I asked drying away all the tears that had rolled out, with my hands.

  ‘Yes, I do.’ He said.

  ‘Did he publish any new book recently? Any idea?’ I asked. The only thing I could think of was my love, Nakul.

  ‘No. I heard that he was depressed since his lover had passed away.’ He said with a frown.

  ‘No. No. His love is still alive. I mean, I am not dead. He was in love with me. He told me indirectly a hundred times but I hid my feelings for him. I had no reasons to do it and that makes me cry now. I wanted to meet him at the author signing program of his next book; which will be the first time he would show himself to the world outside. We have never met each other but were in love already.’ I thought for a minute.

  ‘He has never seen me and now with this face….’ I felt my face with my hands and cried. ‘He will never be able to see the real Deepthi. Is there a way I could get back my face?’ I spoke at a greater frequency.

  A few minutes of silence passed.

  ‘I want him to know that I am alive. I want him to write his next book. I love him. I shouldn’t ruin his dream.’ I pleaded.

  ‘He will write. You will meet him at the author signing program as you had wished. I will do it for you Deepthi.’ He said.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes.’ He smiled.

  ‘But..’ he continued ‘..you should do me a favor in return.’

  ‘I will do anything for you if you help me meet my Nakul.’ I said. ‘I am desperate to tell Nakul that I am alive and I love him more than anything.’ I said.

  ‘My uncle shouldn’t know that Meera is dead. He loves her so much. I beg you please don’t tell him.’ He held my hands with tears dripping out of his eyes.

  ‘Sure. But won’t he ask where she is? Won’t he want to meet her?’ I asked.

  He pulled me to one corner of the room and said ‘She is here.’

  I looked at the direction he had pointed out and there was a mirror.

  ‘You want me to be Meera for the rest of my life?’

  ‘Yes’ he said.

  ‘No way. Please don’t ask me to do this.’ I pleaded.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I have always longed to have a family, wanted to call someone mom or dad. You are promising me a family, a good family indeed. But I am not in a position to accept it.’ I broke down.

  ‘I had always wanted to have a mom, dad and a family. The feeling of not calling someone like that can’t be understood by people who have been blessed with parents or at least an image they refer to as mom or dad. Only people like me, grown up in an orphanage, can understand that pain. But….’ I paused.

  ‘But what?’ he asked.

  ‘I can’t imagine a life without my Nakul.’ I said.

  ‘What’s the connection?’ he was confused.

  ‘Just imagine how I have to die each time my Nakul comes close to me and admires a different woman? He will live with me admiring a different girl. He will smile at another girl when I smile at him, he will kiss a different face; he will accept a completely different identity as his wife. Face is a person’s identity and I have lost it.’ I cried more.

  ‘Now, you are asking me to be Meera for the rest of my life. Say I agree to it and accept to bear all the pain, do you think he will even trust me if I say I am his Deepthi? Won’t he think I want to stick to his writer fame? I want my Nakul, I really want him.’ I broke down.

  ‘I will talk to Nakul. I will make him understand everything. I am sure he will understand all of this. Nakul is my friend’s close friend.’ He said.

  All that he told me seemed to be made up or too filmy. ‘What? Where did he study?’ Nakul had never told me any of his personal details; not about family, not about friends. He always said that I would know all of this soon when I become his family, one day.’

  ‘Tarun, B.E. Computer science from Anna university.’ He said.

  ‘I can’t believe this. It’s getting too filmy, minute after minute.’ I thought to myself and started trusting Santhosh all the more.

  ‘Are you serious? Can you take me to my Nakul if I act like Meera?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes. Don’t act like Meera. Be Meera. Become Meera. My uncle and aunt have done so much for me and I want them to be happy. I am sure they can’t bear after they hear about Meera’s death.’ He said.

  ‘What about those two, Ashruth and Sheela?’ I was curious.

  ‘They won’t disturb us anymore.’ Santhosh said.

  ‘You killed them?’ I asked as it was getting interesting.

  ‘What do you think I am? A film hero? I just warned them to stay away from uncle. I know their true colours and they can’t cheat uncle anymore. I wanted to do something to them but uncle’s life is more important to me, now, than the revenge.’ He said.

  ‘Won’t they search for him? He is the guy with whom Meera’s wedding is fixed. So won’t they ask me to marry him?’ I sounded worried.

  ‘Do as I say. Talk to uncle and tell him that you don’t want to get married right now. Tell him that you are disturbed after the accident and he shouldn’t talk about marriage for few days. You cry to him saying that you don’t like Ashruth anymore and you regret for agreeing to the wedding now.’ He said.

  ‘Won’t they contact him to say about this?’ I asked.

  ‘I will take care of that. Anyway uncle will ask me to talk to Ashruth.’ He smiled, finally, at least a little.

  ‘Thank you so much, Santhosh. I am ready to do anything if I get my Nakul back. I want to mail my Nakul now. Right now.’ I asked.

  ‘Sure. Here’ He gave his smart phone. ‘You enjoy romancing with him. I have a small work outside. I need to talk to aunt and uncle also. We need to reach home soon also. Be prepared to act and cry.’ He left the room.

  I opened my mailbox and found none of Nakul’s mails. I mailed him.

  ‘My dear Nakul,

  I know you thought I was dead. Miracles do happen. I am here. Your Deepthi is alive and safe. I was in a coma for so long, that’s why I couldn’t mail you. I miss you badly. I really want to tell you what I feel now, but I won’t. I want you to write your next book. As we had once promised each other we will continue our ‘you-know-what’ without knowing how we look. I can wait till the author signing program of your next book. Can you?’

  The moment I pressed the send button he came online and was visible on chat. I patiently waited for his reply. I know he would be shocked and happy. The phone chimed and it was his mail.

  ‘I thought you were … I am so thankful to God for having you back. That
day I thought I would come to Chennai to secretly admire you at your show. I almost started to Chennai, only then I heard the news. I rushed to Chennai to the hospital you were admitted at but all I could see was a dead woman with burns all over her face. I signed and got her corpse. I burned her with my own hands and did all the final rituals. I wanted to end my life, but I know how much you hated people who committed suicide.

  I really want to meet you now. Right now.

  Love,

  Nakul.’

  I refused to meet him immediately. I badly wanted to meet him but I wanted sometime to convince Meera’s parents. I wanted some time to think of ways to convince him with my complicated, filmy story. Leave alone Nakul, I couldn’t believe the entire story myself.

  If I made my story into a movie, it would become a blockbuster hit. I convinced myself that I was going to marry a writer and I could turn my story into a book, with his help. We spent an hour chatting with each other. He didn’t want to go but he had to meet someone important. I compelled him to leave. A few minutes later Santhosh was back. He told me that we had to start back home.

  ~

  Epilogue

  Days passed and I was getting better at acting like Meera. Though I acted like Meera, my love towards her parents became real. I started considering them as my own parents. Thanks to Santhosh for giving me such a family. Santhosh became my best friend. I told him all that happened to me at Ashruth’s place. Finally, I got someone to share the pain I had been through.

  My love for Nakul kept increasing day after day. He was writing a book and said that it would again be about me. He had already written everything he knew about me in his previous book so this kept me wondering what’s new that this book could reveal. Nakul had promised to publish his book on my birthday. We had also planned to meet at a particular book store, that day. He promised to be there for a speech and the long awaited author signing program.

  It was the night before my birthday. When I say my birthday, it’s not Meera’s but Deepthi’s. At times, even I got confused between myself being Meera or Deepthi. I was slowly forgetting Deepthi. Santhosh had insisted that I continue to dance. He had even enrolled me in a dance class to make mom and dad believe that I had learnt it from the scratch. He wanted me to perform shows again. I started respecting Santhosh. In all this chaos in my life, I had forgotten about my ambition to build an ‘OOHOME’. Nakul reminded me of that and wanted me to work towards it again.

  Someone knocked my door. I opened the door and Santhosh was there with a bouquet of flowers in his hands and a wide smile on his face. I was surprised. I didn’t know how he knew it.

  ‘Happy birthday Deepthi.’ He said.

  ‘Shoo! Mom might be around. Come in.’ I let him in and shut the door.

  ‘They are all asleep. Here is my birthday gift.’ He held a gift wrapped box. I grabbed and tore the wrapper in a jiffy.

  ‘Wow.’ I exclaimed as I was too excited. It was Nakul’s book titled ‘Just you me and a secret’. The first page had the words ‘Dedication to my love.’ I knew it was me and I blushed.

  ‘How did you manage to get it?’ I asked not being able to wait any further to read it.

  ‘Read the book, you’ll get to know at the end.’ He said and left the room.

  I started reading the book. I spent the whole night reading it. I was surprised how Nakul had known all that happened in my life when I read the first few chapters. I thought that Santhosh would have told him.

  In the middle, when I read about Santhosh having my pictures on his walls I was shocked. Only after I read about Santhosh revealing about his love to Meera, I realized that Santhosh was Nakul.

  ‘What?! No way.’ I hit my head with the book.’ Nakul and Santhosh are the same. The love of my life was next to me all these days and I hadn’t even realized it.’

  It was 7 in the morning. The last page of the book had a hand-written note.

  ‘Now you know who I am. Don’t you? I love you for who you were regardless of what you look like. I truly love you. I have eyes that can look at your beautiful face beyond the mask that you are wearing. I know it wasn’t easy for you to lose your identity, but you did it for me.I love you, Deepthi.

  Come to the store as promised at 10. Okay?’

  I rushed and got ready to meet Nak..oops..Santhosh. We didn’t need the masks we had been wearing, anymore. He can be Santhosh and I can be…I had to be Meera but that’s okay. The name gave me a family and also has made the events between me and Santhosh unimaginably filmy.

  ~

  It was 10 am and I was there at the store. I saw Santhosh. It might have been the same Santhosh I had seen the night before or for the last few months, but the chemistry that worked inside us afresh was different from the previous days. The guy I was dying to meet was right in front of my eyes, signing a few books. I stood in the queue of fans, who were waiting to get his autograph on their books. I admired him from a distance and he looked at me from where he was. Finally, it was my chance to get the book signed. He told the others that he would join them in a few minutes. They all had gone. It was just me and him.

  ‘Hi.’ I blushed. Even bringing the ‘Hi’ out from me was a very tedious task for I found it extremely hard to breathe.

  ‘Hi.’ He said and his smile was different from the usual or maybe I found it cuter than before.

  ‘So?’ I asked.

  ‘So..?’ He said the same question. I held the copy I had with the first page opened.

  ‘What?’ he asked with a naughty smile.

  ‘Won’t you sign it for me?’ I gave him a smile which was equally naughty.

  He wrote

  ‘With loads of love,

  Yours,

  Nakul.

  Santhosh

  (only for you)’

  I couldn’t resist hugging him. I hugged him tight and poured out the tears that I had contained in me for so long. It was a difficult life to live with a new identity, name, place and even a new face. It was difficult but not anymore, when I was going to have him by my side. He kissed me on my lips and we forgot where we were. Every pair of eyes around us was focused on us. Before the press people smelled out what had happened, we regained consciousness. We headed to the press meet stage and he was behind the numerous mikes piled up. I was right next to him. He declared that he was going to marry me which left me with happy tears.

  ~

  Parents were surprised at the news first but Santhosh covered it up saying that he had been in love with Meera for ages. They were convinced and happy.

  Maybe I don’t have the Deepthi living in me anymore, but I am sure the real Deepthi will live in these books forever. We had already started planning to set up ‘OOHOMES’ all over India.

  ~

  This is THE END for all the confusion and twists but not for the dream of building ‘OOHOME’.