Home for the Holidays: Mr Frosty Pants, Mr Naughty List

by Leta Blake

  He’d just gotten to the end of the first row of Scotch pines when he heard footsteps and then Casey’s warm, tenor voice. “I brought your favorite Ham & Goody’s sandwich plus lemon cookies for dessert.”

  Joel turned around to find Casey holding a big white bag in one hand, as well as a paper tray with a few sodas in the other.

  Joel’s weird smile leapt onto his face again, and he tried to play it off with a joke. “Well, how gallant. It’s almost like you’re courting me now.” He wanted to swallow his own tongue as soon as the words were out. Sure, Becca had said the same thing, but that was different. That wasn’t him being an ass.

  Casey’s smile grew serious and his gaze grabbed Joel’s and wouldn’t let go. “Would it be terrible if I was? I think you deserve a little courting.”

  Swallowing thickly, Joel muttered, “Better than a kiss-n-run, I guess.”

  “Definitely.” Casey’s eyes drifted down to Joel’s mouth and back up again. His tone softened. “Do you still hate onions? Because I asked them to leave those off.”

  “Still gross.”

  Casey grinned. “Some things never change.”

  Joel let out a slow breath, taking in Casey’s tall form and muscular shoulders. “And some things do.” He grabbed the white bag from Casey and motioned for him to follow. Pine filled his nose, and needles crunched under their feet.

  They headed around to the back of the store, where the noon sun shone on a patio area. It was set up with winter-worthy deck chairs and a table. Because there was a view of the back of the store from the interstate, Joel and Brandon had decorated the patio for Christmas, including a large tree strung with white lights and golden, plastic balls that glinted brightly.

  By the chairs and table, there was a privacy screen that shielded the area from the passing cars and dulled the road noise. A window into the store allowed Joel to keep an eye on things when taking his smoke breaks out here—back when he used to smoke enough to require breaks for it, anyway—but the view inside was currently obscured by faux frost Angel had sprayed on.

  It was the most private place he could think of to eat with Casey without actually abandoning the store to Angel for his lunch hour. After last night, he had a lot to make up to her, so he really needed to stick around until Brandon relieved him in the afternoon.

  “This is nice,” Casey said, looking around. “I remember your dad kept a swing set out here for the kids to play on while their parents looked around the store.”

  “Huge liability. When I got rid of it, I was able to get our insurance down by enough to make it worthwhile, but not by as much as you might think. There are always safety hazards in a home-and-garden store. Lawn mowers, weed whackers, pruning shears.”

  “Insecticide.”

  “Exactly.” Joel motioned at the table and then sat down with his back to the privacy screen and within eyesight of the door. Angel might come out and ask him for help with loading up a tree. Things sometimes got hectic around noon with people making quick stops on their way home for lunch. He should have told Casey to come at one or even eleven.

  His hands shook as he reached out to grab a soda from Casey and started unpacking the bag of food. The sandwiches were wrapped up neatly with their names on each, and the cookies were enough to share. “This really is my favorite.”

  “I remember.”

  Joel shook his head. “Why? Surely you have better things to keep in that head of yours.”

  “I remember everything about you.” Casey blushed like he’d embarrassed himself.

  Joel said nothing, unwrapping his sandwich and poking a straw through the soda lid. He remembered everything about Casey too. “Sprite?”

  “7-Up.”

  “Eh, it’ll do.”

  “So…” Casey said after they’d both taken a bite of their sandwiches and washed it down with soda. He cleared his throat. “How’ve you been?”

  “Busy. You?”

  “Finals were tough, but next semester will be a breeze. I stacked my schedule that way from the beginning so I could have a relaxing last semester before I’m cast out into the cruel world to look for a job.”

  “No advanced degree then?” Joel was surprised. He’d thought for sure Casey would go to law school, or get a master’s degree, or something hoity-toity to make him an exciting asset at some multibillion-dollar firm.

  “No. Not yet anyway. Maybe never.”

  “What does your dad think of that?”

  “He doesn’t know.” Casey smile grew tighter. “I got accepted at the Wharton School for their MBA program, and Dad thinks I’m going to attend.” He shrugged. “But I’m not.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I hate the idea of it.” Mustard slipped out from the sandwich and slid down some of his fingers as he took a big bite. Joel wanted to lick it off. The thought unnerved him, and he flushed hot, sweating despite the chilly weather.

  Casey wiped the mustard from his hand with a napkin. “I’m trying to figure out what I want, you know? All my life, I’ve done what was expected of me and what my parents wanted me to do, but that has to stop. It’s no way to go forward.”

  “You can’t claim you’ve always done what was expected. Being gay, for example. Being out about it. That had to be at the very least unexpected and, knowing your folks, probably unwanted.” Joel’s lips twisted up, and he took a sip of his 7-Up before saying, “Low-class, even?”

  Casey laughed bitterly. “Yeah, like I said this morning, it didn’t go over too well. But when I brought Theo home and my father realized that being gay with the right partner can open up unexpected doors? Well…” He shrugged. “He’s never going to jump up and down that I’m queer, but he’s mostly over it. Or he was before Theo and I broke up. But that’s my point.” Casey leaned closer, his sincerity ringing Joel like a bell. “In the end, it doesn’t matter what he thinks or if he’s happy with me. I need to be happy with me.”

  Joel lifted a brow. “And you’re not?”

  “No. I’m not.”

  Joel frowned. How was that possible? Casey was handsome, smart, and a decent person. He’d had a boyfriend, and he’d slept with men—probably hot ones. He’d gotten into NYU on his own merit. He had money, lots of it. If Casey was lonely, so what? He could buy friends, couldn’t he? What other ingredients were necessary in life to whip up a batch of happiness? And why didn’t Casey have access to them?

  “Are you happy?” Casey asked, studying him carefully.

  Joel tried to think. Had he ever been happy? Earlier with Casey’s mouth on his, that’d been happiness, hadn’t it? Or had it been terror? Or horrible, desperate need?

  So, no. Maybe he’d never been happy. He didn’t think happiness was a state of mind he’d ever had a real chance to entertain. Not since his mom died anyway. “I get by,” he said.

  “Getting by isn’t loving your life and what you do and who you’re with.”

  “That kind of life’s a fairy tale.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  “What do you know about it?” Joel shot Casey a half-hearted glare. “Happiness is a myth people convince themselves to believe in just so they can cling to hope during the all-too-real grim days. Name one person on earth who’s happy.”

  Casey considered, “RJ’s happy. Mostly. He loves playing in bands and traveling the world. He’s got a boyfriend right now, and he seems to like him. I’m not saying his life is perfect, but RJ’s a happy guy, I think. I mean, I’d be willing to bet on it.” He frowned. “Probably.”

  “Well, good on him.”

  “My therapist says—”

  “You have a therapist?” Joel snorted. “You really have gone New York on me, man.”

  Casey shrugged off the slight. “Ann, my therapist, says I deserve to find out what really interests me. I’ve saved the extra money my parents have sent me over the last four years, and I’ve got a little bundle. I’m thinking of traveling when school’s out. Trying to see if somewhere out in the world calls to me.”


  “What? Like that Eat Pray Love lady?” Joel said, sneering.

  “Did you read that book? Because it was pretty good.”

  “Bullshit.”

  Casey grinned. “The point is, I need to find my mission in life. I know what I want to do for my career, but I need to find the right place to do it. I want to live somewhere I’m passionate about too.”

  Joel rolled his eyes. “Passion is pointless.”

  “Well, you seem to have taken that sentiment to heart in every possible way.”

  Joel blinked, dropped his sandwich to the wrapper. “Did you really just mock me for being a virgin?”

  Casey’s lips smirked slightly. “You dish it out all the time. Always have. Can’t you take it?”

  “You know I can. Bring it.”

  “Okay, I will.”

  Joel waited expectantly for Casey to say something more about his poor virginal state, but instead, Casey asked, “So, did you ever finish that book?”

  “Which book?”

  “You know, the one back in high school. About the vampires.”

  “Oh, yeah. Ages ago. And I’ve written a few more trashy horror novels since,” Joel said, lifting his lips in a half smile.

  “Really?”

  “Lots of ghosts, zombies, and gore.”

  Casey’s eyes lit up, and he grinned. “Have you published any of them?”

  “Rejection slips line the walls of my bedroom.”

  “Don’t give up!”

  “I didn’t. But I took matters into my own hands in the meantime. I self-pub under a pen name. Joel Grimsbane.” He chuckled. “It brings in a little extra each month. Not a lot.”

  Not nearly enough to make even a dent in the bills.

  Casey poked a piece of fallen lettuce into his mouth. “Are they good?”

  “How the hell would I know? I wrote them.”

  “Did you like writing them?” Casey tilted his head, gazing at him intently. “Would you read them again?”

  “I guess. Yeah. Sure.”

  “Then they must be good.”

  “Becca read a couple.” Joel picked a stray leaf of spinach from his sandwich just to keep from looking at Casey.

  “Did she like them?”

  Joel remembered Becca calling him after midnight, crying and hyperventilating, begging him to come to her apartment and spend the night. “Since it’s your fault I’m too scared to fall asleep, you sick, awful fuck!” “Yeah, she liked them.”

  “Well, I’m still a horror fan, thanks to you making me read Amityville back in the day. So I’m definitely looking them up. You’re on Amazon?”

  “Enough about me and the books,” Joel said, shifting uncomfortably. “Let’s talk about something else now.”

  “Like what?”

  “You’re the one who’s soul-searching for the meaning of life. What are your career plans?”

  Casey’s eyes brightened as he waved a hand toward the interstate. “Ultimately, I want to be part of a revitalization effort, like they did here in Knoxville with the downtown area. The way they brought it back to life and made it better is a beautiful thing. In the short term, though, I want to focus on setting up my own branding and marketing business. I think that’s where my talent is and where I can help immediately. Now I just have to figure out where I want to do that.”

  “They’re still making progress downtown. Why can’t it be here?”

  “Knoxville is always going to be home, but I can’t live here. My dad…” Casey shook his head. “Anything I achieved here would be tied into him somehow, whether it was because of his reputation or his connections. I want someplace to call my own.”

  “I see.” Joel frowned. He hadn’t ever thought Casey would come back to Knoxville for good after he left for school, but disappointment stung anyway. “I’m sure school takes up a lot of your time. And all those hours of therapy.”

  Casey rolled his eyes.

  Joel pressed. “But what do you do for fun?”

  “In New York or here?”

  “Anywhere?”

  “In the city, I like to people watch.” Casey took a sip of his drink. “It probably sounds kind of creepy and strange, but I like to find a comfortable place and watch folks go by.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s relaxing and reassuring. Everyone’s got lives to live, places to go, you know? It makes everything I do seem a lot less important in the scheme of things. Also, since I study marketing and branding, I like to make note of what’s popular. What attracts people into a store or a restaurant? That sort of thing.”

  “What else?”

  “I really like the new Netflix show Harkening. I, uh, sometimes chat on Internet fanboards about where the storylines are going.” Casey fiddled with his straw. “That probably sounds kind of lame, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah. It does.”

  Casey shoved Joel’s shoulder.

  Joel chuckled. “But I like to read the Harkening fanboards too. So, I’m not sure I’ve got room to judge.” He took a bite of his sandwich.

  “Look,” Casey said brightly. “We still have so much in common. I love horror novels, and you like Harkening.”

  “Oh, yeah. We’re just rolling in commonalities.” Joel set aside his sandwich and took a bite of a lemon cookie. Saliva rushed into his mouth from the tang on his tongue.

  Casey licked his lips, eyes on Joel’s mouth, before taking a big bite of his sandwich and chewing for a long time before he pulled his gaze away from Joel.

  “So, I guess it’s a feast for a queer guy in the city, huh?” Joel asked, though he immediately wished he hadn’t.

  Casey shrugged as sadness swept over his face. “Yeah. I’ve had some experiences. And I’m not ashamed of them. Still, I don’t think casual hookups are really for me, even though it’s hard to walk away from it entirely. I like sex.”

  “Nothing wrong with liking to sleep with people,” Joel murmured. “Lots of folks are into all kinds of things. Consensual sharing and poly and all that modern jazz.” Or so he’d heard.

  It always sounded awfully complicated to him. But then he hadn’t even had his dick sucked because he was so picky about the mouth attached to the pleasure. He wanted to have feelings for the person at least, if not love them devotedly. That might be old-fashioned or limiting, but he didn’t see what was wrong with it.

  “Of course not, if that’s how you’re built. But in the last few years I’ve discovered that my body is capable of enjoying a lot of things that don’t bring me lasting satisfaction. And I want to respect what makes me truly happy. I think that involves finding someone to share deeply with—to share everything with. The whole of me.” He shivered like a cold wind had swept over him, but the direct winter sun on their shoulders was flat and plenty warm.

  “So casual hookups were sort of like smoking,” Joel offered, wanting to smooth away the worried vulnerability that had crept into Casey’s eyes. “You tried it out, didn’t love it, and moved on. Youthful experimentation.”

  “I guess, in a way. Yeah. It’s a decent analogy. I admit ‘moving on’ hasn’t been as easy as it was with cigarettes. I never loved smoking. I just loved smoking with you.”

  Joel’s heart did a fluttery little dance. “I wish I could say the same. I’ve been planning to quit for years. There’s always some new reason to buy one more pack.”

  “What’s your reason for smoking today?” Casey asked.

  Joel laughed. “You.”

  “The kiss was that bad?”

  Joel’s insides turned gooey and hot, and he turned his face away. His throat closed up, and his hands went clammy. “You know it wasn’t.”

  “Excuse me? I didn’t hear you.” Casey leaned closer, cupping his hand around his ear. “What did you say?”

  “I liked it, okay?” Hope and want tangled up together and snaked through his gut, scaring the shit out of him.

  “I could do it again,” Casey whispered. He touched Joel’s chin lightly, rubbing against his unshave
n morning stubble. “Let me do it again.”

  Joel quivered and loosed an embarrassing sound as Casey leaned in and kissed him tenderly. Casey’s tongue teased his lips open, and the tang of mustard exploded in his mouth.

  Casey glided a hand to the back of Joel’s neck, holding him in place as he slipped his tongue between Joel’s lips and stroked sweetly, making him shiver, touching places that Joel had no idea could feel so awake, enervated, and needful.

  The sweep of the tip of Casey’s tongue along the top of Joel’s mouth felt almost too good, and he trembled. His nipples peaked, and blood rushed in his groin, making him hard. He whimpered and pulled back, out of the wet, tender bliss of Casey’s kiss.

  His cock thudded against the restriction of his jeans as he held Casey’s strong biceps to keep him from leaning in for another. “Wait,” he whispered. “I need…” He trailed off. He didn’t know what he needed.

  “A smoke?” Casey’s wet mouth glistened as he smiled.

  Joel snorted and lowered his eyes, trying to control his breathing. He wanted to tug Casey in closer and try that kiss again, but it was all so much. So overwhelming.

  And why was Casey even here? Joel didn’t want to feel these things. Not if Casey was just leaving again—if Joel was some sort of experiment like hookups and cigarettes.

  Casey leaned back. “I’m moving too fast. You’re freaking out.”

  “Yeah, I’m pretty, well… I’m shook.”

  Casey whispered, “I can see that.”

  “You’re an asshole. Coming here and stirring this up in me.”

  “Maybe I am.” Casey rubbed his hands soothingly up and down Joel’s arms. Joel trembled as Casey whispered, “Let’s go on a date. Dinner and a walk. Downtown. Tonight.”

  Joel’s head spun wildly. “Tonight?”

  “Yeah. I’ll pick you up at your place. What time?”

  “A date?” Joel couldn’t wrap his mind around his life all of a sudden, and typically stubborn Casey didn’t seem to be asking so much as expecting. Joel should say no just for form’s sake. Just to prove he could.