Home for the Holidays: Mr Frosty Pants, Mr Naughty List

by Leta Blake

  “And I’m sorry you never loved me, because I couldn’t help but love you.” Joel’s lips twisted and his throat clogged. “But I’m done now. No more. I’m gay, and I’m in love, and I’m not going to be your whipping boy or let you tear me down. I’m through with you. The nurses have my number, and they’ll call me if I’m truly needed.”

  Joel turned away, but he paused in the doorway. “Goodbye. I hope you find a way to not die a miserable fuck.”

  He didn’t look back.

  Casey closed Joel’s laptop on the notes he’d made for a social media strategy for the Joel Grimsbane pen name. After petting Bruno for a bit and thinking, he found some blank paper in a kitchen drawer and started mocking up branding for Vreeland’s Home and Garden and jotting down ideas for drawing in a younger crowd.

  Things like: fresh coffee to sip as customers strolled the store and checked out the outdoor plants, a sandwich chalkboard at the front entrance with a daily quirky quote and drawing (that Angel girl could be in charge of that), and monthly “medicine in your garden” meetings for instruction on the uses of herbs and other plants. He knew there had to be plenty of people in Knoxville who could speak on that subject. Local Osteopaths or chiropractors or herbalists or something.

  He also made notes about seeking out locally made garden ornaments to feature during a “local craftsman day” where the artist could come in and show off their work. It could be a real draw to have some bearded hipster redneck carving their wooden garden sculptures with a chainsaw in the Vreeland parking lot where everyone could see.

  And there was more.

  Casey was bursting with ideas for how to get Vreeland’s on the Knoxville millennial hipsters’ map. He was certain he could turn the store around in less than six months.

  Bruno, who was stretched out at Casey’s feet, looked up at him and sighed.

  Casey stroked his silky ears. “We’re going to do this, Bruno. No matter what my folks say or do, or what Joel thinks now, we can make this work. His books, the store, our relationship. All of it. Don’t you agree with me?”

  Bruno stared soulfully at him, sighed again, and dropped his head down, closing his eyes.

  Casey hoped that was a yes. He kept swinging between ecstasy and terror, and optimism and despair. He couldn’t let Joel see anything but his hope, though, or he’d use it to try send Casey home. And he wasn’t going home. Not yet. Not when he truly felt alive for the first time and knew Joel loved him.

  He stood and stretched. Bruno opened one eye and looked up at him, then closed it again. Casey meandered over to the tree, checking out the ornaments again, remembering them from Joel’s old house in Belmont Hills.

  Glancing under the tree, Casey found two small packages wrapped up with his name on them. And another package for Bruno. He wondered when Joel had had time to do that.

  Casey had picked up something for Joel when he was out with Courtney the day before. God, had it only been twenty-four hours ago that he was joyfully telling his aunt all about Joel while watching her try on more shoes than he could count?

  Shit. His gift for Joel was in a bag in his bedroom at home. Casey had thought he’d have plenty of time to wrap it and bring it to Joel in the afternoon on Christmas Day.

  Sucking his teeth, he paced around the living room before grabbing his phone. There was a text message from RJ including a photo of him relaxing in a hotel bed with a tall, skinny, shirtless guy who must be Pan Soldier.

  Wishing you a Merry Christmas, dude. Give Joel my love. Hoping for the best for you both in the new year.

  Casey sent back a smiley emoji and an all-caps MERRY CHRISTMAS and then fielded his next new text, which was oddly from Theo. It was simply a Christmas tree emoji and the words, “Merry Christmas.” Casey replied the same way he had to RJ, sans the all-caps, and quickly moved on.

  Pulling up his last text stream with Aunt Courtney, he scanned everything she’d sent the night before, all outraged for him and worried. He’d messaged her in the morning to let her know he was all right, but now he needed a favor. He thumbed in his request and hit send.

  After her response came through, he grabbed his jacket and headed out. It smelled like snow was coming, and he took a deep breath of the ozone scent before ducking into his SUV and turning the heater on full blast.

  At the local Starbucks, one of the few places open on Christmas Day, he dropped into his seat with a maple pecan latte in the signature red cup and waited, checking out the weary-looking travelers who shared the space and were apparently on their way to grandma’s house for Christmas dinner. But it wasn’t long before Courtney breezed in wearing a red coat, carrying his laptop case and the shopping bag from his bedroom.

  “Hey,” she said after she kissed his cheek. “I’ve got about ten minutes. I told your mother I was taking a post-Christmas breakfast drive to Starbucks.”

  Casey’s gut churned. “I’m sorry I missed breakfast.”

  She sighed. “Me too. But I get it.” She gave his hand a squeeze. “Anyway, your mom was distracted enough trying to figure out how to defrost Christmas dinner not to question me. She’s talking irrationally about halving the defrosted servings since you won’t be there and crying into her many mimosas. Oh, Casey. Your mother is so upset with you.”

  “Just with me?”

  “And your father. Let’s put it this way: there’s enough upset to go around. No one’s spared. Not even me, since I knew about Joel before she did.”

  Casey kept his mouth shut, mainly because so many thoughts tumbled through his head at once that he didn’t know where to start. Old childhood hurts shoved up next to the most recent ones, and he sat there with them, solid balls of pain in his belly.

  “It was a good idea to stay away, though,” she said soothingly. “It’ll give all of you time to cool off.”

  “Even though I’ve ruined Christmas?”

  “You didn’t ruin Christmas.” She snorted. “Your father did that.”

  “I won’t argue there,” he muttered.

  “Although you didn’t have to spring Joel on them the way you did. It wasn’t fair to Joel, and it wasn’t fair to them.”

  Casey sighed. He’d already figured that much out for himself. He’d thought the surprise of it would force them to treat Joel nicely. In a way it had, but he hadn’t counted on his father getting him alone and Joel overhearing it all. He’d also thought it would give them the opportunity to see how good he and Joel were together—how Joel could fit in if they just gave him a chance. But they hadn’t given him a chance, had they?

  “So, what are you going to do now?” Courtney asked.

  “Spend Christmas with Joel. He was going to be alone for it, so now he has me.” His heart fluttered, and he smiled a little.

  “I’m glad you’re happy with him. He’s a sweetheart. I talked with him just a little last night and even I could see how desperately he adores you. Stand your ground and keep your man.” She glanced at her phone. “Time to place my order here and head back. Before I go, I want you to know your mother loves you and so does your father. They’re trying to wrap their minds around your defiance, as they see it, but I have faith they’ll get it together. They’re not actually bad people, Casey.”

  He knew that was true, but it didn’t take away the sting from the night before.

  She waited in line for her drink and swung back around to kiss his cheek one more time before leaving. Her whispered parting rang in his ears, cliché though it was, even as she and her red coat disappeared out the door, “In the end, love is all that matters.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Casey paced the trailer from living room to Joel’s bedroom again and again, with Bruno watching him patiently from his dog bed. It was almost two o’clock now, and Joel still wasn’t home from visiting his father, nor was he answering his texts. Had something happened with his dad? Had his car broken down or worse? What if he was getting cold feet again and was avoiding Casey?

  He’d headed out earlier to one
of the few places open on Christmas to grab a takeout dinner for them both. Shoney’s wasn’t high class at all, and that was part of the reason he’d chosen it. Cheap, greasy comfort food—turkey, gravy, green beans, and pecan and pumpkin pie—seemed like the right way to show Joel he was ready and willing to take his lifestyle down a notch. Besides, it’d smelled amazing when he’d grabbed the takeout bag from the girl working the register.

  Now when he opened the Styrofoam containers to check on the cold food, he grimaced to see the congealed grease collecting at the edges of everything. Zapping it in the microwave would undo the damage, most likely, but he couldn’t do that until Joel got back, and just where was he anyway? Casey was hungry and worried, and ready to get back to the feeling of being wrapped up in each other again. Surely Joel was too?

  He checked the time again.

  What if there was an accident? He looked out the kitchen window to see that it is starting to snow. Folks were so bad at driving, even in just flurries, in Tennessee; what if Joel had gotten caught in some sort of Christmas traffic-related, snow-panic accident? He texted Joel again.

  I’m worried. Where are you?

  He stared at the phone, willing the three little dots to appear that indicated Joel was replying. Nothing. He groaned and shoved the phone in his pocket, and then put the Styrofoam containers of food back in the fridge, resuming his pacing of the hallway.

  Suddenly Bruno hauled himself up, an excited wriggle in his hindquarters, as he jolted out the dog door. Casey followed, his heart in his throat, and a sweaty excitement grabbing him hard.

  Joel squatted in the flurrying snow patting Bruno and passing him a new red Kong chew toy. He rose up to his feet and gave a strange smile to Casey, a kind of simpering grin that made Casey’s insides flip over.

  “Sorry I’m late,” Joel said, approaching slowly like Casey might pounce. “I should have texted. I didn’t mean to make you worry. I just needed to clear my head, so I drove around for a while and then stopped by the pet store. There’s one still open on Chapman Highway.”

  “That’s a long way from here.”

  “Yeah.” Joel swallowed and met Casey’s eyes sadly. “Sorry.”

  “C’mere?” Casey opened his arms, and Joel nearly dove into them. Casey held him close, smelling his hair and kissing his ear. “I love you.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you?”

  Joel nodded and clung even tighter. Casey tried to infuse him with his devotion, to fill whatever holes his father had left in him with his own affection.

  “I got dinner for us. Shoney’s.”

  Joel huffed a wet laugh, and when he pulled out of Casey’s embrace he quickly wiped his cheeks with the back of his hands. “Oh goodie. My favorite.”

  “Super classy,” Casey said with a wink, letting Joel’s emotion slide by without making a big deal of it. It wasn’t the time. He needed to help Joel feel safe before he probed whatever raw wound had been opened.

  “The pinnacle of class,” Joel agreed, shoving his hands into his jean jacket.

  They followed Bruno back into the trailer and past where he collapsed on his dog bed with his new toy.

  After dishing out the food and microwaving it warm again, they settled down at the little table for their Christmas meal. “To Christmas,” Casey said, lifting his beer for a toast.

  Joel clinked and then dug in. Based on the little sounds he made, it wasn’t too bad in his opinion. Casey tried a bite of the turkey and gravy first. It wasn’t bad.

  “How did it go with your pop?” Casey asked once they’d both eaten enough to offset the pangs of hunger.

  “It could have gone worse. In fact, I’m surprised it didn’t. I think I shocked him.”

  “In what way?”

  “I told him I’m gay and in love. And I told him I wouldn’t be coming to see him anymore.”

  “Joel…” That was a huge decision, and Casey didn’t know what to say.

  “I know you probably think I’m a dick to ever walk away from my pop, but…” Joel held up his phone. It showed twenty missed calls, all from his father. His voice was raw, almost broken as he whispered, “My voice mail is full of his ranting.” When he opened up his texts, he passed the phone to Casey so that he could read them.

  The invectives and insults were so abusive they made Casey nauseous. He handed the phone back to Joel and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not like this is new. And it’s definitely not your fault.” Joel rubbed at his eyes and sighed heavily. “I just wanted you to see what it is that I’m leaving behind.” He chewed on his bottom lip and looked away, like he was ashamed to meet Casey’s eyes even as he went on to say, “I’m not a cruel person, and it’s not like I don’t care about him. But I won’t take this kind of treatment anymore. From anyone. Not from him, and not from…” Joel trailed off. “I won’t.”

  “I’m glad,” Casey said, reaching out to take Joel’s hand and squeezing, relieved when Joel met his eyes again. “I mean, I’m not glad that he’s the kind of man who treats you this way, but I don’t want you to take it anymore either.”

  “You don’t think I’m a terrible son?”

  “No.” Casey stroked Joel’s hand with his thumb. “You deserve to be treated with kindness, Joel. Only ever kindness. And love. Because I love you, Joel.”

  Joel ducked his head like he was trying to believe Casey’s words.

  “I know it was hard,” Casey said. “I know you didn’t do this lightly. You never do anything lightly.”

  “Yeah.” Joel tugged his hand free and pushed his food around on his plate. “I hope I did the right thing.”

  “You’re a good man. If this feels right, then it is.” They ate in silence for a few minutes, the weight of Joel’s day coming down on them.

  “It was easier than I think it should have been, actually,” Joel confessed. “Especially for doing it on Christmas. But being with you the last few days, thinking about the future—with or without you in it—I realized that I can’t keep subjecting myself to his abuse. When I’m with you, when you talk to me like I’m…” His mouth twisted up, and he looked away.

  “I know.”

  Joel searched Casey’s eyes again, and his shoulders relaxed. “You really get it? I don’t need to say it?”

  “No, baby. I understand.”

  They were silent again then, the only sound Bruno chewing on his toy and the hiss of snowflakes hitting the windows and roof. A train went by, rattling the trailer and waking them from their pondering. They returned to eating, though the meal had become cold again.

  Finally, Casey asked, “What will you do if the nursing home calls you in to come see him?”

  “It depends on what they need. I still have his Power of Attorney, so if it’s a health issue, I can handle that over the phone if necessary. If they really need me to come in, then I’ll deal with that when it happens. Right now, I’m just looking forward to not hearing his abuse every day.” He tilted his head. “How about now? Do I sound like an asshole now?”

  Casey scoffed. “No. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself.”

  Joel’s smile wavered.

  “It’s okay if you cry or get upset.”

  “I know. But I don’t want to. Not right now.” Joel leaned forward and licked his lips. “I want to be here with you. That’s all. Let’s just be here together. No outside world at all. Just us.”

  Bruno made a disgusting sound with his toy, and they both laughed. “Just us and a big old dog,” Joel said. “C’mon, Bruno. Outside.” Casey watched as Joel lured Bruno into going out into the pale afternoon light by filling his new Kong toy with peanut butter and then tossing it into the yard. Bruno bounded out amongst the descending snow, eager to claim his treat.

  “Will he be too cold?” Casey asked, shivering as the cold air carved into the heat of the trailer.

  “He’s got the dog door. Besides he likes to romp around out there in this kind of weather. He’ll be fine.” Joel
shut the door on his dog tossing the Kong toy up and catching it again.

  Casey drew Joel into his arms, pushing his hands under his shirt to stroke down his smooth skin. He gripped his narrow hips and kissed him. They made out for a while against the front door and then slowly moved together toward the sofa in the living room, leaving a trail of clothes behind.

  Once they were naked, they collapsed on the couch together. Joel straddled Casey’s lap, groaning as he took both of their erections in his callused hand and jerked them together. Casey added his hand to tighten the tunnel their cocks moved through, and watched avidly as Joel’s head tipped back, his eyes squeezed shut, and he came with a sharp cry, spurting come across Casey’s stomach and chest. It wasn’t long before Casey broke open too, grunting in pleasure as his white jizz joined Joel’s on his skin.

  “Let me,” Joel whispered, getting on his knees between Casey’s feet and bending down to lick it up. He grimaced a few times, and when he finished, he wiped at his lips. “Mine doesn’t taste as good as yours.”

  “Cigarettes,” Casey said breathlessly. “But it’s okay. I like that it’s yours.”

  Joel frowned a moment, but then crawled up to straddle him again, collapsing against Casey’s body, and nuzzling his neck and hair. “All the more reason to quit.”

  “I don’t mind. Really. But you should quit for your health. That’s what’s important.”

  “I want to make it good for you,” Joel whispered.

  Casey wrapped his arms around Joel’s torso, holding him tight. “Baby, you are good for me. I promise.”

  “I like that.” Joel shuddered against him, as if the words cost him.

  “What?”

  “You calling me baby.”

  “I like it too.” He paused and kissed Joel’s neck before whispering, “Baby.”

  Joel dug in deeper, holding Casey tighter with both his arms and his thighs, like he was desperate and skin-hungry, and Casey wanted nothing more than to indulge him.

  Eventually, they broke apart and decided to use Casey’s streaming login ID to watch the Harkening Christmas special on Casey’s laptop. Bruno came back inside still carrying his slobbery toy. They heated up the takeout again and curled together on the sofa with more greasy food, more cookies, and Bruno dozing at their feet. They laughed and groaned at the storyline of the show, agreeing that it was schmaltzy as hell, but somehow they both loved it anyway.