Home for the Holidays: Mr Frosty Pants, Mr Naughty List

by Leta Blake

  “I don’t know what all I like you for,” Aaron admitted as he turned the lamps out as he’d been asked. “But I want to find out.”

  “Me too, baby. Me too.” RJ cuddled Aaron close and kissed the top of his head. “Now sleep. Tomorrow we can find out more to like about each other.”

  “And I’ll be off your naughty list?” Aaron asked as a tug of relaxation took hold. It did bother him to be on RJ’s naughty list for having actually disobeyed, even if he hadn’t been able to stop himself from coming.

  “We’ll see. I’m sure I can find a way to help you get off it.”

  “By helping you get off?” he asked hopefully.

  “Shh.” RJ kissed his hair again. “Sleep.”

  From outside, the sound of carolers reached them. Aaron recognized them as a group from one of the downtown churches that went door-to-door every year as well as wandering up and down the streets of the city.

  As the tune of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” floated in through the walls, Aaron slipped into sleep with RJ’s arms tight around him.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The weather forecast was calling for a snowpocalypse on Christmas Eve, but no one really believed it. It was Tennessee after all, not the Finland of RJ’s stories, and the dire snow predictions the weather people hyped every winter almost never came to pass.

  The past week, Aaron had slept late, read books, scrolled social media, and pretended to look for new jobs while snuggled up on the sofa with a hot guy. He also had a wonderful orgasm almost every day.

  This was the greatest Christmas ever. Well, aside from the single text from his mom that Aaron hadn’t replied to:

  Christmas Day starts at 11am. Bring the casserole like we discussed and a well-considered apology.

  With nary a snowflake in sight so far on the twenty-fourth, Aaron rode in the passenger seat of RJ’s borrowed SUV out to Strawberry Plains with a green bean casserole balanced on his knees. RJ had made it himself, saying that his mama had taught him that he was never to go to anyone’s house for a meal empty-handed.

  On the back floorboard, there was a Jell-O salad that Aaron had made, a favorite from his childhood that he always brought, though he couldn’t say now just why. The little cousins seemed to enjoy it still, but he didn’t even bother putting any on his own plate anymore.

  “How many people am I going to have to impress today?” RJ asked, putting his hand on Aaron’s thigh and squeezing.

  “Around thirty people will come and go throughout the day, but my cousins will be the ones most interested in you. But don’t worry, they’ll be so distracted by their hellcat kids that they won’t have time to do more than wish they could interrogate you.”

  And me, he thought. Aaron was glad his father had prepared the family for the fact that he’d be arriving with a male lover, and God, he hoped his dad hadn’t used that word. Though he still really liked it. Even if he no longer hoped it also meant fleeting.

  “Anyone I need to be warned about? Aggressive huggers or shoulder clappers? Or homophobes?”

  “I’m not sure about homophobes,” Aaron admitted. “I think they’ll keep it to themselves since we’ll be in my dad’s home. But my cousin Rory Lynn is a big hugger, and her husband Nails is really fond of those aggressive bro-dude taps that knock you over. You know the kind.”

  “Closeted?”

  Aaron laughed. “Maybe? But I don’t know. He’s always had girlfriends.”

  RJ nodded and made the turn down the farm’s driveway. There were half a dozen parked cars near the farmhouse, and one of the goats was out headbutting the wheels of his cousin Woody’s big-ass truck.

  “Looks like most of them are already here,” Aaron said, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “You have your epi pen? In case you get into accidental eggs?”

  RJ grinned. “Yeah. But I’ll be fine. Don’t worry so much. I’m used to navigating my allergy.”

  Aaron bit into his lower lip in worry. “Promise?”

  “Of course. You ready?”

  “I guess.”

  RJ peered at the house. “We can take a minute before we go in.”

  “Two weeks ago, I never imagined that I’d be here with you.” Aaron spoke slowly, trying to figure out how he felt about what he was about to say next. “Never imagined I’d be here with anyone. Ever.”

  “It’s a big change.”

  “Yeah.” He broke into a smile. “A good one.”

  RJ squeezed his thigh again. “Ready?”

  “I am.”

  They managed to get inside without being headbutted by any goats. Inside, the house was warm, cozy, and already overrun with people. Aaron’s little cousins Silas and Garner shot by “flying” old-model airplanes from his father’s collection. The youngest cousin, Annaliese, was crying and arching back out of her mother’s arms, screaming for a cookie, while her older sister, Ruby, stood on a chair nearby eating one and dancing to the Christmas carols playing from his dad’s stereo.

  “Cracker! Let me take that!” Aaron barely had time to thank his cousin Rory Lynn before she swept the Jell-O salad from his hands, and his other cousin LeeLee swooped in for the green bean casserole from RJ. They both looked like they wanted to greet him with hugs and beg for an introduction, but there was a sudden shout and crash from the kitchen and a child’s wail rose up from the middle of it.

  “That’ll be Raisin,” LeeLee groaned, and she and Rory Lynn took off with the food to see what was going on.

  “Raisin?” RJ asked.

  “Like I said. Nicknames. It’s a thing. Sorry.” Aaron grinned. “Hope you don’t mind if you end up with one?”

  RJ shrugged and winked. “I’m a fan of Santa, myself.”

  Aaron motioned for RJ to take off his coat and scarf, and they tried to hang them up in the overflowing coat closet. In the end, they sort of draped their coats over other coats and hoped for the best. Then Aaron rolled back his shoulders, put his chin up, and decided to get this over with.

  “Come on, let me introduce you around.”

  RJ seemed to blend right in, which was a surprise and a half. In some ways he was a better fit in the family than Aaron, what with his rough-sounding voice, hyper-masc presentation, and guitar-slinging lifestyle. RJ might not be a farmer or mechanic, nor was he into Harleys the way most of his male cousins were, but he had stories about life on the road, and a way about him that said, “Don’t fuck with me.” Aaron’s cousins could respect that.

  As for the female cousins, they were delighted, though in a completely different way. Rory Lynn and Candace cornered Aaron on the staircase.

  “So, how’d you meet him?”

  “At a club.” He’d already decided to obscure the full truth, though maybe he should have told RJ the plan because…

  “He said you were his teacher back in high school.”

  “He did?”

  Candace waggled her brows. “Indeed he did.” She looked like she’d been drinking already. Her cheeks and nose were red, and her eyes were alight with more than excitement over the holiday. “Is it true?”

  “I hardly remember him from back then.”

  “Oooooh,” Rory Lynn said. “That’s a little dirty, isn’t it?” She’d obviously been drinking too.

  “Definitely not the rumor I want getting around. For all intents and purposes, we met at a club downtown earlier this month. He was playing a gig and I was in the audience. We struck up a conversation afterward.” He shrugged. “Voila.”

  “Oh, voila!” Candace said, laughing. “You’re such a pompous prick, Cracker. I mean, come on. You’re sleeping with a former student. Don’t act like you’re all that.”

  “Admit it. He was a one-night stand that stayed longer than you expected,” Rory Lynn said with a chuckle.

  “Why do you care?” Aaron asked, feeling hot all over.

  “Look at him. Blushing like a virgin bride,” Rory Lynn said. “Oh, Cracker. You’re too much fun to tease.”

  “This is why
he hasn’t brought anyone home before now,” LeeLee said playfully, coming down the stairs from having put her toddler down for a nap. “Leave him alone or he won’t bring anyone else again.”

  “My hairdresser is gay,” Candace said. “And my dermatologist too.”

  Aaron stared at her.

  “Are they single?” Rory Lynn asked. “Because Jake’s cousin Brian is gay, and he’s single.”

  “And I’m not,” Aaron said, frowning in confusion. “So…”

  “Hey,” RJ’s voice carried up from the bottom of the staircase. “I’ve been looking for you.”

  Rory Lynn, Candace, and LeeLee all hustled away, smiling at RJ and squeezing his arms as they passed like they wanted to test to see if he were real or not. The noises from the kitchen—pots, pans, laughter—echoed down the hallway.

  “Everything okay?” RJ asked, coming up the stairs.

  “The bathroom downstairs was occupied, so I was going to use the one up here but got waylaid by nosy cousins. They wanted me to know that there are other fish in the sea if you throw me back.”

  “Is that what they said?”

  “Not really. But I think that’s what they meant.”

  “Kinda sweet of them,” RJ said with a grin. “Wanting to matchmake for you if things don’t work out with us.”

  “They’re probably mad I didn’t tell them before. Years of potential setups down the drain.”

  RJ followed Aaron up the stairs to the second floor and into the bathroom. “We can share,” he said, shutting the door behind them.

  With the door blocking out the waves of family sounds from downstairs, Aaron closed his eyes and lifted the toilet seat to take a leak. He put his hand on the wall over the toilet and leaned against it, trying to relax enough for his bladder to release.

  “Your dad’s happy I’m here,” RJ said. “That’s pretty cool.”

  With a sigh of relief, Aaron felt his piss surge, and he groaned as it hit the water in the porcelain bowl. He hadn’t realized how badly he needed to go. “I think he’s genuinely glad, but also I’m pretty sure he thinks he needs to make up for how awful my mom is being. So he’s being extra open-minded.”

  RJ scooted in beside Aaron, his cock out and already taking aim. There was barely enough room, but if they both held still and concentrated, they could piss together at once without making a mess.

  “This is nice, right?” RJ said as they washed their hands in the sink together.

  Aaron nodded. It was nice. No doubt about it. He was surprised to find that having RJ with him made him feel more real and less like a hanger-on of the family. This was his lover, his father’s house, and his Christmas. He wasn’t just an observer, around for a few days here and there while the rest of the Danvers clan were the real family. Not this year.

  Of course, when they went back downstairs, it was only a matter of time before the cousins broke out the embarrassing childhood stories. LeeLee even went so far as to get out his father’s photo album. There were some horrendous pictures of her in there too with terrible early-2000s hair and clothing, but no one seemed to care. RJ seemed to enjoy the old pictures, and Aaron was grateful LeeLee didn’t get out the actual baby book.

  The kids played and danced. Adults drank and laughed. And before long, it was time to exchange gifts.

  RJ had brought in a sack of small dollar items he’d picked out with Perri and Beau as gifts for Aaron’s little cousins. He passed out the carefully gift-wrapped trinkets to each of them and seemed gratified by the squeals of delight. “Amazing how happy a plastic kazoo can make a kid,” he said, laughing.

  “And how furious it can make their mother,” Aaron replied, nodding to where Rory Lynn and LeeLee looked like they might destroy the small plastic toys before the night was through.

  “Oops. Did I make enemies?”

  “Nah. It’s not that bad. One year, my dad gave my cousin Dem Buns a chainsaw. He was fourteen.”

  “Dem Buns?”

  “Long story. Involves bread buns. I swear.”

  “Right. These nicknames, man. They’re killing me.”

  Aaron laughed. “I know, I know. The kazoos will no doubt meet a grisly end, but we’ll be long gone by then.”

  “This is for you,” Aaron’s dad said, pressing a package into RJ’s hands. “And this one is for you, son.” He pushed a soft, wrapped square into Aaron’s. Probably a sweater.

  “I…” RJ stared at the gift. “I don’t have anything for you, sir. Just the casserole.”

  “And it was a damn good casserole,” Dad said. “Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing.” He waved his hand toward the present. “Open it.”

  RJ tore into it. No saving the paper for him. Aaron’s mother would have winced at the waste, but Aaron liked the enthusiasm. Beneath the paper was a picture in a frame, and when Aaron leaned closer, he felt a rush of heat go up his chest, neck, and into his cheeks. “Dad!”

  “I’ve got more copies. He can have that one.”

  “Dad!” Aaron repeated. He’d brought RJ to family Christmas, yes, and he was pretty sure he was in love, but they weren’t to this stage yet. No one got to this stage until they were engaged.

  RJ laughed and laughed, tears starting from the corners of his eyes, and he wiped at them with his knuckles. The cousins were curious about what had Aaron’s guy losing it like that, so they crowded around. Hoots were followed by exclamations that his dad had gone too far.

  “Uncle Rutty, that’s not nice,” LeeLee scolded.

  “I think it’s great,” RJ said hoarsely, still laughing.

  Aaron groaned and tried to scoot away on the sofa, but RJ wrapped an arm around his shoulders and dragged him back in against his side. The framed picture remained balanced on his knees, there in all its embarrassing glory.

  “Uncle Rutty, he’s naked in it!” Rory Lynn reprimanded, though she was laughing too.

  “Naked on Santa’s lap,” Woody crowed. “And crying. What the hell, Uncle Rutty, that’s messed up.”

  Aaron wiped his hand over his face, hoping the photo would disappear, but of course it didn’t.

  “It’s a great picture!” Dad said. “That was his first picture with Santa. And he was so mad about having to wait in line for it that he took all his clothes off in protest. Helen was furious, so she left me there with him. She said, ‘He’s yours. You deal with him.’” Rutty laughed too. “So I just led him on up to Santa, buck-naked, and the guy picked him up. Aaron screamed and screamed, and just when—”

  “Dad!” Aaron said desperately.

  “Just when Santa put him down, he walked over and peed in the potted plant. He was something else.”

  “Holy shit,” RJ said, laughing so hard that he could barely breathe. “Oh my God. Oh, baby, look at you.”

  Aaron couldn’t help but laugh too. “I had to go. I was trying to tell them.”

  “He couldn’t talk much yet,” Dad said. “Helen was so impatient with him. She tried to teach him sign language, but he refused to learn.”

  “But when he did finally talk, didn’t he do it in full sentences?” Woody asked. “I remember he went from being a grunting, pointing baby to speaking in big long sentences.”

  “That’s right,” Dad said. “I think he was waiting until he could do it ‘right.’ You know how Aaron likes things to be right.”

  “Prissy,” RJ murmured in Aaron’s ear, too low for anyone else to hear.

  “He just knows what he likes and is willing to wait for it,” LeeLee said. “There’s no shame in that.” She winked, clearly indicating that RJ was further evidence of this.

  Aaron took the photo from RJ’s hands and put it aside, tearing into his own gift—yes, a sweater—to hide his still-red cheeks. He was embarrassed but somehow thrilled too. RJ’s reaction was a gift that made the photo even better.

  The night wound down slowly. Cousins drifted off and out of the house one by one, taking their rowdy or sleeping kids with them. The snow started to come down around dinnertime, but th
ey ignored it, assuming that it wouldn’t stick. But by the time Aaron and RJ had helped Rutty with the dishes and put the house back to rights, the tire tracks from where the cousins had left were all covered up, and there was a good foot and a half of snow on the ground. RJ knew there was no way they were driving anywhere.

  “Might as well wait until morning,” Rutty said, clapping his hands on their shoulders. “The roads out this way don’t get salted and it’s dark. I’d feel better about you making it home safely in the morning light.”

  RJ didn’t protest, catching Aaron’s eye though to make sure he was comfortable with it.

  “You two can share your old room,” Rutty said. “I changed the sheets in case you wanted to stay over anyway.”

  RJ followed Aaron upstairs, and they both said an only slightly awkward good night to Rutty on the landing before going in separate directions. RJ pulled his phone out as he walked, sending a fast text to his mother to let her know that he’d gotten snowed in but that he’d be home for sure by noon the next day.

  “The kids are going to be so mad at me,” he said as he shut the door of Aaron’s old room behind him and gazed around with curiosity in his eyes. “I promised I’d be home for Christmas morning.”

  “We can get up early.”

  “They’ll be up before dawn,” RJ said, walking over to a framed photo on the wall. It was of what looked to be a seven-year-old Aaron kissing the snout of a baby pig by the barn. “Mom was complaining about how she won’t get to sleep in on Christmas Day for the next ten years.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. I wanted to come here tonight. I’m glad I did. Meeting your family was sweet. And that picture of you with Santa…” He laughed softly. “I can’t believe your dad gave it to me.”

  “I don’t think he understands the kind of relationship we’re in.”

  RJ turned away from the pig picture. “I think he understands perfectly.”