by Claire Fogel
That was the last thing I needed to hear. I exploded.
“But I suppose my tears are unimportant, right? It’s okay if I get hurt because of her behavior. Is that what you’re saying?”
He looked shocked. “Of course not. We hated knowing you’d been crying. We never wanted you hurt. How is whatever you’re feeling our fault?”
“Dad, Adam is gone. I blame Mom for that, for being so overprotective. And I blame you for not trying to talk him out of leaving.”
He didn’t say anything right away. He sounded confused. “This is all about Adam?”
I hadn’t meant to yell at him. I nodded, fighting back tears again.
He put his arm around me. “Sweetheart, I asked you several times if you were in love with Adam. You always said you didn’t know what falling in love felt like. Quote, unquote. You said he was a close friend. When did this change?”
“The day you and Mom got married.”
I looked over at him. “Dad, you told me that Elves mate for life, that once an Elf gives his heart, it stays given.” I felt tears forming again.
“Cara, you believe that Adam is your mate?” He sounded dumbfounded.
“I do. He is the only man I’ll ever love. And you let him leave. Why didn’t you try to talk him into staying?”
“It was his decision, Cara. I had no idea you and he felt so strongly about each other.”
“Let me ask you this, Dad. If you’d been the one who raised me, and I’d fallen in love with Adam, even though I’m sixteen and he’s ten years older, would you have sent him away?”
He didn’t answer right away. Then he sighed. “No, dear, I wouldn’t have sent him away. Many of our Elven couples fell in love when they were quite young. It’s not unusual in our world.”
I just nodded. My life would have been completely different if my father had been the one to raise me.
“Cara, you’ve given me some things to think about. The only thing I didn’t mention was that Adam asked if he’d be welcome if he came back some day. I told him he would, that he’d always have a home with us. I sincerely hope that means he plans on returning eventually.”
I shook my head. “Dad, we both know there’s no guarantee he’ll ever come back.” I felt a tear running down my cheek and heard a deep sigh from my father.
“Sweetheart, all I can do is tell you how sorry I am. I wish I’d been aware of your feelings. Let’s go inside now. You can go up to bed. I’ll talk to your mother. I don’t want either one of you crying. I love you both.” He reached over and gently wiped away my tear.
He opened the door and got out of my car, holding out his hand to me. I slid across the seat and got out with him. He held my hand as we walked to the house.
When we got inside, I went straight upstairs while my father went into the kitchen where my mother was waiting.
That night my sleep was anything but dreamless. I kept dreaming of Adam kissing me, over and over, as though it was on a loop. Every time was like the first time, the roaring in my ears, and the ground moving beneath me. I don’t remember how many times I woke up with a damp pillow against my face. It was endless. I’d probably need the glasses with the tinted lenses in the morning.
Life really wasn’t fair.
After that, the atmosphere at home was quiet. Actually, it was more like an armed truce. Mom didn’t question me about anything, and I didn’t say much to her. At dinner, my father made conversation with both of us, but we only responded to him.
I was still angry with my mother for her overprotective meddling, and with Adam for leaving without a word to me. I did understand that if my father had been aware of my feelings for Adam, he would have made some effort to keep him with us.
The rest of that week went by in a kind of dull blur. School, homework, my various art projects, and dreams at night that left my pillow damp. I didn’t talk to Kevin about what was bothering me, and I barely talked to Sean at all. When he asked me if I was going to Friday night’s game, I said no and his face dropped.
He still wasn’t able to play football. Until his surgeon felt that his broken nose was completely healed, Sean would be sitting on the bench. His former Elven bodyguard, Gabriel, would no longer be there to help the team. Gabe had played for Thornewood High a few times, but without Sean and Gabe, the rest of Thornewood’s football season would be challenging, at best. Sean was obviously stressed out about this.
As his friend, I knew he needed my support, but I didn’t have any to give.
It was unfortunate that Amy and I had no classes together. She understood, and I could talk to her. We had lunch together, and I began driving her home after school when it was my week to drive. Kevin and I still took turns. I was beginning to get hurt looks from Kevin, which I hated. I would have to confide in him soon. Knowing Kevin, he probably suspected why I was so unhappy.
Kevin’s patience finally came to an end one Friday a few weeks later when he drove me home from school. He pressed the button to lock all the doors in his Jeep so that I couldn’t get out.
“Short stuff, I have been your best friend, confidant, and protector since we were five. Shutting me out while you withdraw from life ends now!”
He turned the ignition off and faced me, wrapping one long arm around the back of his seat. I could see how pissed he was.
“Cara, when has there ever been anything you couldn’t talk to me about?”
I just sat there, looking down at my hands.
“Look, I know you’ve unloaded to Amy, but she’s being a real clam, strange as that seems. She won’t say a word about you. I may have to resign as your other best friend if you refuse to tell me what the hell is going on.”
Those last few words were shouted. Kevin had made his point.
I turned and looked into his intelligent hazel eyes. “Kev, it’s really hard to talk about, and I didn’t think you’d want me crying all over you. I haven’t cried on you since kindergarten.”
He nodded, a slight smile on his face. “Babe, I didn’t mind then, and I wouldn’t mind now.” He hesitated for a long minute. His voice was soft as he added, “I have a feeling this is all about that one Elf I haven’t seen around lately.”
I nodded, feeling tears forming again. “Adam’s gone. He didn’t even say goodbye to me.”
Looking surprised, he asked, “Are you in love with Adam?”
I looked him in the eye. “I am.”
He leaned his head back against his headrest. “Wow. I had no idea it had gone that far. Did he feel the same way?”
I hesitated. “I don’t know. I think so, but he never said those words.”
Kevin snorted. “I heard him call you ‘love’ dozens of times, and I wondered about that. When did you suddenly decide you were in love with him?”
“At the wedding. He kissed me, really kissed me. It blew my mind.”
“Babe, the guy is a lot older than you. He probably figured your parents would disapprove, even be angry with him. Maybe he thought he should leave before it got to that point.”
“Then he should have left before he kissed me, not after!” I couldn’t help yelling.
“Would that have made it easier for you?”
“To be honest, no, not much. I think I’ve been in love with Adam for months. I just didn’t realize that’s what I was feeling.”
“So what are you going to do now? Drop out of life? Ignore your friends? Wallow in this obvious depression? Snap out of it! Your life is far from over. We have our senior year to enjoy. You have Art School to look forward to. I have no doubt that you’ll be a successful artist some day. And, not that it’s any of my business, you’re breaking Sean’s heart on a daily basis.”
I groaned. “I’m not in love with Sean. He knows that. That’s not something that will change, Kevin.”
“I know. But completely shutting him out this way? That’s really cold, babe.
“At least be his friend. He has feelings too, Cara, and you’re ignoring them completely. This isn’t li
ke you.”
He was right.
“I can be his friend, but I can’t be more than that. He wants more.”
“Just let him know you’re still his friend. We should all be trying to enjoy this year, especially after the past six months that we’ve all lived through. You most of all.”
“You’re right. But I don’t think I can just stick my broken heart in a drawer and forget about it. It really hurts, Kevin. ”
“I know, but you need to start enjoying life again. Our lives are really just beginning.”
I sighed. “Is the lecture over now?”
He chuckled. “Yeah, lecture over. Now come to the game with me tonight. Amy will be there. The three musketeers, as we used to call ourselves. Okay?”
I was reluctant but I couldn’t bring myself to say no to Kevin.
“Okay. Now I have to tell my parents I’m going out.” I rolled my eyes. “They may faint from the shock.”
He chuckled. “The celebrating will probably start as soon as you walk out the door!”
I grimaced and nodded. “See you around six.”
When I walked into the house, my father was in the kitchen. Mom wasn’t home from the bookstore yet.
He smiled, as he always did, no matter how gloomy I looked. “How was your day?”
“A little better now, Dad. Kevin just finished reading me the riot act. I’m going to tonight’s football game with him and Amy.”
“Excellent! You need to make an effort to get back to normal.”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure what normal is anymore, but Kevin’s determined to make me start enjoying our senior year. He’s not giving me any choice.”
“Good for Kevin. I’ll have to give the boy a raise.”
I couldn’t hold back a weak smile. “I’ll make myself a sandwich. You and Mom can have dinner at the usual time. I’ll be leaving around six.”
I started walking out of the kitchen as he said, “Cara, does this mean you’ll start talking to your mother again? I really think it’s time.” His green eyes showed me how important it was to him.
“That’s going to be harder, Dad. I don’t think my relationship with Mom will ever be what it used to be. You both have to let me make my own decisions from now on.”
He nodded. “All right. But if you happen to make a bad decision, just know we’ll still be here for you.”
“Sounds fair. I’ll be down in a few minutes. I just want to change my clothes.”
I ran up to my room. Tonight was the right time for my red Thornewood High sweatshirt. And, of course, boots with my knives tucked inside. The threat was over, but I never wanted to feel defenseless again.
Once I was dressed, I thought about Sean. Maybe I should call him, just to say I’d see him at the game. I owed him that.
When he picked up the phone, he sounded shocked. “Cara? Is it really you?”
“Yeah, really me. I think I owe you an apology. I’ve been depressed for weeks and I’ve been ignoring you, along with everyone else. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t take my problems out on my friends. I’m going to the game with Kevin and Amy tonight. See you there?”
“Absolutely. I’ll be on the bench with the team. Can we get together after the game?”
“Okay. Maybe the four of us can go out for burgers or pizza.”
“We haven’t been to the Pizza Palace in months. Cara, just hearing your voice is a treat. Don’t change your mind about going out, okay? I’ll see you at the game.”
“Okay, Sean. See you later.”
He sounded so happy. Kevin was right. I didn’t want to hurt my friends, no matter what I was going through.
I ran downstairs and found a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the table waiting for me along with a glass of milk. My mother must be home.
She came downstairs just as I was finishing my sandwich. “Thanks for the sandwich, Mom. I’m leaving for the game now. We’ll probably go out for pizza afterward. See you later.” It was the most I’d said to her in weeks.
I kissed my dad and left the house.
Feeling strangely energized, I decided not to wait for Kevin to pick me up. I walked around the corner to his house and caught him as he was getting into his Jeep.
“In a hurry, short stuff? You would have called me if you’d changed your mind, right?”
“I just didn’t feel like sitting around. I’m not really ready to talk to my mom.”
“You’re blaming her for Adam leaving?”
“Yes.
“By the way, I called Sean and told him I’d be coming to the game with you and Amy. I also apologized for the way I’ve been acting. He suggested the four of us go out for pizza after the game.”
He looked over at me with approval as he drove around the corner. “You did good. I hate seeing anyone as miserable as you and Sean have both been for the past few weeks. Tonight will be fun now that you’re back in the land of the living.”
He raised one eyebrow and grinned at me. I rolled my eyes.
When Kevin and I got to the football field, we spotted Amy up on the top row of the stands, waving like mad at us. We climbed up and joined her just as she decided to shout to Sean, who was sitting on the team bench. He turned around, saw me and grinned, waving to us. I smiled and waved back. Until the team ran on the field, he kept looking over his shoulder at me, as though he wanted to make sure I was still there.
Tonight’s game was against Parkersburg, another small town about the size of Thornewood. With Sean at quarterback, it would have been an easy win, but the game almost went down as a defeat until the last quarter when Billy Herron passed for two touchdowns. The crowd went crazy and, once again, I wished I had ear plugs.
As we climbed down out of the stands, Kevin muttered, “That was too close. Sitting on the bench must be driving Sean nuts.”
We waited for Sean until the rest of the team left for the locker room. When he came running over to us, the first thing he did was wrap his arms around me, hugging me with a big smile. Kevin and Amy watched us, looking satisfied.
When he finally let me go, Sean asked, “Who’s ready for pizza?”
Kevin drove us to the Pizza Palace, and the smells in the dining room were making all of us hungry. We’d ordered two extra-large pizzas. When they were put on our table, Amy looked at me with one eyebrow raised. “Better grab a slice, Cara. These two look like starved vultures.” I had to smile.
Both pizzas disappeared quickly and before we could ask, more Root Beer was brought to our table. Someone had already dropped some quarters in the old jukebox in the corner, and we could hear oldies playing in the background.
The music took me back to last spring when Sean brought me here for pizza. We’d danced to the oldies until we ran out of quarters. It had been very romantic.
I couldn’t help sighing. Sean must have heard me. Softly he said, “Good memories, Cara. Dance with me?”
Before I could answer, Amy jumped up and pulled Kevin up with her. “Come on, Kev. I know you can dance.” He looked a little sheepish as he glanced at me. Thanks to our mothers, Kevin and I had taken ballroom dancing classes a few years ago. Kevin was a really good dancer, which Amy had discovered at the last Spring Dance when his moves on the dance floor left her almost speechless.
I couldn’t help smiling when I watched them dancing. Since Amy was almost as tall as Kevin, they looked great together.
I turned to Sean, surprised to see the longing in his warm brown eyes. He covered my hand with his own and said, “I know you love to dance.” He grinned. “Come on.” He stood up and held out his hand to me.
How could I say no? I got up and followed him to the middle of the room, his hand holding mine. “Why Do Fools Fall in Love” was playing on the jukebox, one of my favorites.
When it ended, a ballad began to play. Sean murmured, “Another dance, Cara?” I nodded and he wrapped his arms around me while I rested my head in that comfortable place between his neck and shoulder. But it wasn’t the same. I’d change
d too much.
When I looked over at Kevin and Amy, she had her forehead against his cheek and he was holding her close. I don’t know why that surprised me, but it did. Were Amy and Kevin more than best friends? That gave me something new to think about.
Sean whispered in my ear, “You have no idea how good this feels, Cara. I’ve missed you.” His arms tightened around me. I had to admit that being this close to Sean was nice, but it was a different pair of arms I longed for.
The four of us danced to one more oldie, then returned to our table and gulped down our Root Beer. We were talking about different eras of music when I looked up and saw a tall, curvy brunette walk in with a good looking guy with long black hair, dark eyes, and an impatient look on his face.
Her eyes met mine, surprised. “Cara, hey!” She started walking toward our table when her date pulled her back rather forcefully and pulled her to a table on the other side of the dining room.
Sean said, “That’s Miranda Ross. She sure looks different than she did last year. I don’t like the looks of that guy she’s with. Do any of you know him?”
I’d had a few Emails from her over the summer. I’d used the verbal power of Vox to stop her from braining me with a baseball bat last spring when I’d started dating Sean. Miranda was obsessed with Sean and had been bullying every girl who’d even spoken to him. I found out later that she’d been going through a rough time at home, with an alcoholic mother and a dad who’d bailed.
Apparently, using Vox on a person could sometimes stop self-destructive behavior, kind of like re-wiring the brain. Miranda never knew exactly what I’d done, but she’d been a different person after that. I realized I hadn’t seen her in school this semester.
Amy said, “I know she moved out of Thornewood in August. She lives with her aunt in Greenville now.”
Sean said, “That guy must be from Greenville. Miranda looks a lot older than she did last year. I think she wanted to talk to you, Cara.”
