The Joining Tree

by Claire Fogel

  “Cara, that email you sent practically set my laptop on fire. What’s going on?”

  “Kevin, it’s been over a month since we talked. You haven’t been answering your phone, and Amy feels as though you’ve ended your relationship with her out of lack of interest. What’s going on with you?”

  There was silence on the phone. Finally, he said, “My workload here at school is killing, I overestimated how much I could handle and I’ll have to drop a couple of classes. I’ve only been getting two or three hours of sleep at night. I don’t mean to sound callous or uncaring, but I don’t have time for a relationship right now.”

  “It didn’t occur to you to alert Amy to these facts? She feels like you’ve dumped her, without even an explanation.”

  I heard him sigh. “Cara, college isn’t anything like high school. There’s no time for anything, not even enough sleep. I guess I’ve just been avoiding the Amy issue. And I know how bad that sounds.”

  “Well, I don’t think you can practice avoidance any longer, Kev. You should come home for Thanksgiving and lay it out for her. Either she’ll decide to live with your absence and total lack of attention, or she’ll decide to move on.”

  He sighed again. “Yeah. You’re right. It’s not fair to Amy. She needs a guy who’s gonna be there for her. I can’t be right now.

  “By the way, short stuff, are you all healed up from your accident?”

  “Yeah, Kev. But the driver who hit me seems to have disappeared.”

  “Wow, I’ve really been out of the loop. I’m guessing the police found that suspicious, right?”

  “Right. That’s when my father decided I needed a bodyguard again and sent Gavin to stay with me at school. He’s attending classes with me. It turns out he’s a talented artist himself. He’s a great roommate so it’s working out well.”

  “Holy crap, babe, you’re living with another Elf?”

  “Yes, Kevin. Get your mind out of the gutter. And Gavin’s a Halfling, like us, in case you forgot.”

  “Platonic, right? No funny business?”

  I sighed. “Of course it’s platonic.”

  More softly, he asked, “Still carrying a torch for the missing bodyguard?”

  I sighed more deeply. “Yeah. I guess you could call it that.”

  “Oh, babe. Well, at least your life’s not boring.”

  “Kev, will I see you at Thanksgiving? Please say yes. I really miss you.”

  “Miss you too, short stuff. I’ll do my best to get home.”

  Now I had to talk to Amy. It wasn’t going to be pleasant.

  It was late, but I’d be going back to school the next day, so I called her around eleven o’clock. She needed to know what Kevin had said.

  “Hey, Cara, this is a late call. What’s wrong?”

  “I just got off the phone with Kevin. He wasn’t answering his phone so I sent him an email that practically set his hair on fire. We talked for a while. He’s being forced to drop some classes. Apparently, he took on too much this semester.”

  “Well, Cara, I gathered that much. He’s always been an over-achiever. I guess he didn’t realize how much tougher college would be. Be honest with me, is he breaking up with me?”

  I hesitated. “I think that will be up to you, Amy. I’ve convinced him to come home for Thanksgiving so you two can hash it out. He admitted he doesn’t have time for a relationship right now. He knows it’s unfair to you. I don’t think he’ll blame you if you decide you want to move on.”

  I heard her deep sigh. “I guess I have until Thanksgiving to make that decision. Of course, once I see him that may change too. Cara, what would you do?”

  I snorted. “You’re asking me that question?”

  She chuckled. “Yeah, I almost forgot. You’ll wait forever for Adam to come back, won’t you?”

  “I don’t think I have a choice.”

  I continued to drive home every weekend, knowing that when winter set in, there would be fewer chances to come home. And then it was Thanksgiving and we had a four-day weekend. Even students who lived far away flew home for the holiday.

  We got home the night before Thanksgiving. Gavin came in to say hello to my parents but then left for Blackthorne Forest, my father’s camp, and Conor who’d become like a surrogate parent. Mom made Gavin promise to bring Conor and join us for Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday.

  Kevin actually did make it home on Thursday, pounding on our door around noon, wrapping me up tightly in his long arms, resting his chin on top of my head, which he knew I hated.

  He wouldn’t let go, and I was laughing when my father came to the door to see what was going on. Grinning, he said, “Welcome home, Kevin. I hope you’re planning on staying because I invited your father to join us too.”

  “Mr. Blackthorne, this house and all of you feel like home to me. Thanks for the invitation, and I’m glad you’re including my dad. My mom, of course, is working.”

  We all rolled our eyes. Kevin’s mother was a workaholic, even on holidays.

  When he finally made it into the kitchen, he practically lifted Mom off her feet.

  “I’ve missed you, Mrs. B,” he said as she laughed and insisted on being put down.

  “Well, it wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without you, Kevin,” she said. He’d had Thanksgiving with us since he was a little boy, and she was right. It wouldn’t be the same without him.

  Later, my father, Conor, Gavin, and Kevin’s dad, Kelly O’Rourke, went out on the back porch while Mom, Kevin, and I got our Thanksgiving dinner on the table. It had become a tradition, one we didn’t want to give up. Kevin reached things on the top shelves, helped with the chopping, and generally did whatever we asked of him.

  Thanksgiving dinner was fantastic, as always. We all stayed at the table talking and laughing, long after we’d all stuffed ourselves. It was Gavin’s first ever Thanksgiving dinner. The Elves celebrated Harvest in October, which he’d missed. Blushing like crazy, he told Mom it was the best food he’d ever had in one place, at one time, which made all of us laugh. Mom really put on a spread for holidays.

  After we’d polished off an entire pumpkin-cheesecake pie, the doorbell began ringing. I got up to answer it while Mom, Kevin, and Gavin loaded the dishwasher. The older men had gone out on the back porch with their coffee.

  I didn’t even have a chance to see who it was before I was practically tackled, wrapped up in a pair of strong arms, my nose against a chest that smelled of sandalwood and soap. Sean was home, and apparently extremely glad to see me!

  To be honest, I was just as glad to see him. I hadn’t been hugged or kissed with that kind of affection since August, and I’d missed it. I’d also missed his smile, his “hello, beautiful” greeting, and the affection I’d always kept at arm’s length. Maybe it was time I let him get a little closer.

  After all, I didn’t know if Adam would ever come back.

  Sean and I spent most of that Thanksgiving weekend together, either at my house, his house, the Grille, where he ran into many of his high school buddies, the Pizza Palace, where we danced to the oldies until we needed some air, or my car, where a lot of affection was shared.

  I couldn’t ignore or deny the physical attraction between us, and I was no longer pushing him away. I’d missed him. I’d missed the closeness, the long talks, and the knowledge that I was loved. Sean was everything I should want. Why did I have to want someone I’d probably never see again?

  We would both be going back to school on Sunday. “It’s only another few weeks until Christmas break,” he said on Saturday. “You’ll be home for two weeks, right?”

  “Yeah, unless I get snow-bound,” I told him. “But I’ll be home for as much of that two weeks as possible. However, I’ll have to spend some time painting. I’ve been invited to exhibit at another Art Gallery in Manhattan in February, and I have to get a lot of work done while we’re on vacation.”

  He had his arm around me as we sat in Mom’s living room. The bookstore was open and we had the house
to ourselves, although I knew my dad was apt to pop in whenever he needed to warm up. Our fall weather had finally turned frigid. I was hoping there wouldn’t be any snow until we got back to school.

  After nibbling on my neck for a few minutes, he pulled me closer and asked, “At least save your evenings for me while we’re home, okay? I’ll try not to disturb your painting time too much.” He smiled mischievously and whispered, “But you know I can’t resist you.” More nibbling ensued. I wasn’t complaining. Soon I was nibbling on one of his ears until I heard the back door open and close. My father was home.

  We looked at each other. Alone time was over. Somewhat regretfully, we got up from the couch and wandered into the kitchen to greet my father, who took one look at my flushed face and shook his head at us. “I think it’s time we all took a coffee break, Cara.”

  I chuckled. “Yeah. Would you like me to make the coffee, Dad?”

  He agreed, I got the coffee pot going, and we all sat down at the table. I knew he wasn’t mad at us. My father and I had had a short but emphatic talk the previous night about relationships. I had admitted that Sean and I shared a physical attraction, but that I wasn’t about to go too far with it.

  He’d asked me if my feelings about Adam had changed in the past year. I said they hadn’t, and I could see the sadness in his eyes. “So he’s still the only man you want, Cara?”

  Despite feeling torn between Adam and Sean, I nodded.

  He only had one piece of advice for me. “I like Sean, you know that. It’s obvious he loves you. Don’t take advantage of him.”

  I said I wouldn’t, but I knew I was probably close to doing exactly that already.

  Sean stayed and had dinner with us Saturday night. When I drove him home around nine, we had a hard time saying goodbye. We’d had a really good weekend together and were both looking forward to seeing each other at Christmas. After one last kiss and a bone-crushing hug, he got out of my car and waved at me as he walked inside.

  As I drove back to my house, I asked myself if I was being fair to Sean. I had been honest with him last summer when I told him I was in love with Adam. I couldn’t deny that I loved Sean too, but it wasn’t the same. I told myself that he knew that. Selfishly, I didn’t want to give up the comfort and affection he gave me, but I felt guilty.

  I had to call Amy to find out if she and Kevin had worked things out, but he was probably still at her house, so I waited until bedtime to call her.

  Her voice sounded defeated when she answered her phone. Obviously, things hadn’t gone well.

  “Amy, you don’t sound happy. What did you and Kevin finally decide?”

  “We’re over, Cara. Kevin doesn’t love me, except as a friend. He’s more interested in college and his future. I think he got carried away with graduation, our trip to DC, and having time to relax over the summer. But that’s all it was. He was never in it for the long haul, I realize that now.”

  My heart hurt for her. I knew how she felt, probably the same way I felt when Sean broke up with me at the end of our junior year. That feeling of “being dumped” was devastating.

  “I’m so sorry, Amy. Is there anything I can do? You were there for me when my heart was broken, both times, and I’m totally here for you.”

  She snorted. “Yeah, have you met any cute guys at school who’d be perfect for me?”

  I remembered what Gavin had said. “Well, yes, actually. I mentioned to Gavin that you and Kevin were having problems, and he was shocked that anyone couldn’t see how wonderful you are!”

  “Wonderful? He called me wonderful?”

  “Actually, I think his exact words were “beautiful and lively.” He thinks Neal made a terrible mistake. He also said he’d love to have a chance to get to know you better.”

  “But, Cara, you’re taking him back to school with you tomorrow!”

  “Yeah, but Christmas break is only a few weeks away. Shall I set you up with my tall, blond and handsome roommate?” I couldn’t help smiling.

  “Yes! Definitely! Please tell Gavin I’m really looking forward to seeing him again. You are a friend, the best kind of friend, Cara. Thank you for caring so much.”

  I think we were both smiling when we hung up.

  I had one more call to make. It wouldn’t be as pleasant.

  Kevin picked up his phone with, “Hey, short stuff. If you’re going to yell at me, do it now and get it over with. I already feel like a sack of shit. I never wanted to hurt Amy, you know. I care about her almost as much as I’ve always cared about you. You fall into the ‘sister’ category, after all.”

  “Kevin, you did hurt her, and I hate that. And I really believe you’ll live to regret it. There aren’t many girls like Amy, you know.”

  His voice was dull as he said, “I know, Cara. But I’ve set this goal for myself at school, and maybe even longer if I go for my Master’s. If every year is as tough, or tougher, than this one, I won’t have anything to give anyone for years to come. Amy needs and deserves a lot more. I couldn’t ask her to wait for me.”

  “Well, good thing because Gavin wants a chance to get to know her. He thinks she’s beautiful—which she is, of course—and I’m going to set them up.”

  Silence on the phone. Then, “Wow, Cara, you really know how to twist the knife, don’t you?” His voice sounded choked.

  I immediately felt guilty for hurting my other best friend. “Sorry, Kev, but it’s what’s best for Amy. Now you can go back to school and devote all of yourself to your studies. I thought that was what you wanted.”

  I heard a deep sigh. “Yeah. I guess it is. Do you think Amy will still be willing to be friends? Are you still my friend?” He sounded beaten.

  “I think Amy will be, eventually. Not right away, though. As for me, I’ll always have your back, Kev. I love you like a brother. Which means I can still smack you when you get out of line, you know.”

  He finally chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Listen, have a safe trip back to school, and please keep emailing me, even if I don’t have time to reply. At least I’ll know you’re out there and still thinking about me.”

  I agreed and we said good night. He’d be taking the train back to New York City the next day.

  The next morning, Mom made my favorite Quiche for Sunday brunch, accompanied by home fried potatoes and baked apples. Gavin joined us, curious what Sunday brunch was all about. Conor had assured him he’d love it. Quiche was also new to him. He loved everything Mom put on the table and thanked her profusely, after apologizing for making a pig of himself.

  I’d already packed up our clean laundry and stowed it in my car. By noon, we’d had as much coffee as we thought we’d need, I gave Mom and Dad big hugs, said I was hoping to be back the following weekend, depending on weather, and we hit the road.

  Once we were out of town and back on the highway, I told Gavin that Amy and Kevin had broken up.

  “You mean I have a chance with Amy now?” he asked, a big smile on his face. He added, “Not that I wish any hurt for either Amy or Kevin, you understand.”

  I chuckled. “I know. When I spoke to Amy last night, I asked her if she’d like to see more of you. She said yes, absolutely. She remembers you from last year when you and Gabe were in school with me.”

  When I looked over at him, he actually looked excited.

  “So I figure you and Amy can get together over the Christmas holiday when we’re home for two weeks. Maybe you could double-date with Sean and me.”

  “Cara, that sounds great. Thank you.”

  Gavin wore that smile all the way back to Syracuse.

  The weeks until the Christmas holiday went by fast. I still struggled with oil painting but all my other classes were going well. The cold weather kept us indoors most of the time, so I had to pull out some of my older drawings to paint or recreate in pen and ink. When Miss Galen, who was now my agent as well as Francis Sullivan’s, had called me to ask if I would like to participate in the February Art Show in Manhattan, she said she was especiall
y interested in exhibiting more of my pen and ink drawings, so that’s what I was working on.

  Some nights Gavin got bored with television and came into the studio—which now held his sleeping bag—and just watched over my shoulder, the way Adam used to.

  “Cara, these pen and ink drawings tend to look as though they were drawn in another era. I think that’s what makes them so appealing.”

  No one had ever said that before. I began to look at my work a little differently.

  “From another era, huh? That’s interesting.” I smiled at him. “I think I like that. Thanks.”

  Occasionally, Gavin wanted to go to bed earlier than I did, so I would move my easel into the living room and put it in front of the window that looked out on Birch Street. One night as I gazed out the window, I saw the old green van drive by slowly. It was dark so I couldn’t see the driver, but since I still suspected he was the Good Samaritan who led me out of last year’s blinding snowstorm, his van was always a welcome sight. I wondered if I’d ever get a chance to thank him.

  By the following Friday it was snowing. Big, white flakes coming down like a curtain, the same way last year’s unexpected snowstorm had fallen. Gavin and I looked out the window together, duffels packed for the weekend but going nowhere.

  I called home and let Mom know we’d be staying in Syracuse for the weekend. She commiserated but said she was glad I wasn’t going to try to drive home. It was snowing in Thornewood too.

  Gavin and I bundled up and only went out to struggle through the snow to the Café because we’d run out of frozen dinners to make in the microwave. We were both craving something more appetizing for dinner.

  As we left the house, I saw the green van again, slowly driving along Birch Street. When it caught sight of us standing on the curb, it sped up and disappeared around the nearest corner. Once again, thanks to the heavy snowfall, I couldn’t see who was driving.