The Joining Tree

by Claire Fogel

  Amy stopped by to drop off a pumpkin pie on her way to their neighbor’s house. The Strausses and their next-door neighbors had been sharing Thanksgiving dinner for years. Amy collected hugs from all of us as we thanked her for providing our dessert.

  We sat down to dinner at three o’clock. By four o’clock the turkey and all the other goodies were just a memory. I think we were all comfortably full as we relaxed over coffee and tea.

  I couldn’t help noticing the looks Conor and Arlynn kept exchanging. Conor finally told us he had an announcement to make. Arlynn’s face was so pink, there was no doubt in my mind what kind of announcement it would be.

  “I thought my closest friends should be the first to know,” he said, looking just a wee bit nervous. I was smiling already.

  “On the first warm day this Spring, Arlynn and I will say our vows under the Joining Tree. We’d like you all to be there.” He sat down abruptly, blinking rapidly.

  My parents immediately got up to congratulate the red-faced couple, my father slapping Conor on the back and Mom hugging Arlynn. I was next in line to kiss Arlynn on the cheek and congratulate her. I whispered in her ear, “I knew you could do it.”

  She whispered in my ear, “Cara, this will happen for you too, I know it will.” I nodded, even though I had no faith at all in that eventuality.

  When I turned to Conor, he wrapped both arms around me, whispering, “You’re next, little sister.” I think I snorted. Yeah, in my dreams.

  No one was in a hurry to leave, especially since we now had something else to celebrate. Mom got out a bottle of champagne, my father popped the cork, and we all toasted Arlynn and Conor.

  I said, “Sean will be here in a little while. I know he’ll want to congratulate you too, so I hope you’ll stick around.”

  They nodded. Conor said, “I’ve been looking forward to seeing Sean again. I don’t think I’ve seen him since he left for college. By the way, Cara, are you and he seeing each other again?”

  “Uh, no, not really. But we’ll always be friends. I keep hoping he’ll meet someone else while he’s away at school. I’d really like to see him happy.”

  Conor looked sympathetic. “I understand.”

  Arlynn nodded. Her voice was soft. “We want to see you happy too, you know.”

  Mom and Dad exchanged glances, Mom wearing a pained expression, Dad simply nodding. “She will be. There’s not a doubt in my mind.”

  I forced a smile. “Hey. This is supposed to be a celebration. I’m as happy as I can be right now. I love my work. I love being home with all of you, and my Art Gallery will become a reality very soon. That’s all I need.”

  There was still some champagne left, so we toasted my Gallery.

  At six on the dot, the doorbell rang. I jumped up, smiling. “That’s Sean now, right on time.”

  When he walked into the kitchen, he seemed delighted to see Conor and Arlynn and to hear their big news. “Congratulations to you both.” Smiling, he added, “Saying goodbye to your bachelor days finally. It’s about time.”

  He shook Conor’s hand and kissed Arlynn on the cheek. “I guess I should welcome you to the McKay family. The news will make my parents happy.”

  Mom handed Sean a cup of coffee and invited him to sit down with us. Everyone wanted to know how he was doing in college. He talked about football and his future plans in the Communications field.

  Finally, he looked at me and said, “Do you feel like taking a ride?”

  I said I did, so we said our goodbyes to everyone and left the house.

  When we got outside, I asked, “Where do you want to go? If you just want to talk, we can sit in the car and talk, you know.”

  “Yeah, we could, but I don’t really want to sit in front of your house, Cara.”

  We got in his Caddy and he drove to Thornewood Park, situated a block from the high school. The sun had gone down. It was twilight.

  “Okay, Sean, what’s on your mind?”

  He leaned back against his door and just looked at me. Finally, he asked, “Has anything changed for you in the past year? It’s hard for me to realize we haven’t really been together in almost a year.”

  I smiled. “I know, but we’ve always kept in touch. I appreciated the emails.”

  He nodded. “But nothing has changed for you, has it?”

  “I’m afraid not. I wish it would, Sean. I feel like I’m in Limbo too.” I let out a deep sigh.

  “Yeah, Limbo. That’s the perfect term. I feel like I’ve been in a holding pattern for three years, Cara. I’m tired of this.” It was obvious that he was no longer going to pretend he was fine.

  “Haven’t you been dating?”

  “Yes, but it never means anything. Because it’s not you.” He sounded angry.

  “I’m sorry. But if it’s any consolation, I know exactly how you feel.”

  He didn’t say anything for a few minutes.

  Finally, he said, “We both want something we can’t have. I feel so tied to you and I can’t seem to break that tie.” I could hear his frustration. “Cara, I need to break this tie.”

  “I know you do. What can I do to make that happen?”

  “Maybe you should be brutally honest with me. Tell me the difference between your feelings for me and your feelings for Adam. I need to know!”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This wasn’t going to be easy.

  “Sean, you gave me my first kiss and it was perfect. You were my first everything. I’ll never forget you. I always liked being close to you. I was sixteen and it was all wonderful. Until we broke up.

  “Then I met Adam and disliked him immediately. But my father thought he was better equipped to protect me from all the mayhem that was going on at the time. I’m sure you remember.”

  He nodded. “Go on.”

  “Adam was the one who convinced me to accept your apology when I wasn’t speaking to you. He knew I’d feel better if I got all that anger off my chest. He didn’t think I was being fair to you. So I accepted your apology and then we both felt a lot better.”

  He nodded. “I remember.”

  “As I got to know Adam, we gradually became closer. He understood me and I began to consider him a close friend. I think I had a crush on him too, although I did my best to ignore it, mainly because my mother had made such a big deal about the difference in our ages. She and my dad both had a talk with Adam on that subject. He’d been told to keep his feelings to himself, that he was too old for me. He agreed.

  “It was such a gradual thing. I wasn’t sure what was happening. I just knew I loved being with him, and I missed him when I wasn’t with him. Then my parents got married and Adam was a part of that too. He was always with me around that time.

  “After the wedding, he kissed me. Really kissed me. And my entire world came apart. The ground beneath my feet began shaking, and I felt things I’d never felt before. I guess that’s what happens in the Elven world when you come together with the person you’re meant to be with, your mate. I have no other explanation. From that time on, I knew I’d never want anyone else.”

  He looked skeptical. “One kiss, Cara? Is that all there was?”

  “Yes. One kiss. I haven’t been the same since.”

  “But then he left, right? And that didn’t change anything for you?”

  “No. He took my heart with him when he left.” And I knew how ridiculous that sounded. But it was the truth.

  He shrugged, looking kind of beaten. “Sounds like you want the impossible, and I can’t provide it. It also sounds like a fantasy, Cara. Has it ever occurred to you that you may be kidding yourself?”

  That question annoyed me and I know I sounded annoyed. “Yes, it has. It’s also occurred to me that I may spend the rest of my life alone. But can you blame me for not wanting to make another man be second best in my life? I couldn’t do that to you, Sean. You deserve to be first.”

  “I see. Okay. I am officially giving up. You’ve been totally honest with me, so I’ll
be totally honest with you. There was no way I could have loved you more, Cara. You’ve been everything to me, everything, for ten years. I’m done. Now and forever. There will be no more emails, no more phone calls. Don’t even send me a Christmas card. I want no further contact with you.”

  His voice softened. “I’m not mad at you. You never promised more than you could give. I know that. But I have to be free of you. I have to give myself the chance to love someone else.”

  “I know.” I could feel tears running down my face.

  He pulled a small photo out of his wallet. “Here, I think you should have this.”

  It was the photo taken at our Senior Prom, me in my black and white gown, and Sean in his white dinner jacket. We really had made a beautiful couple.

  “Thanks. I’ll treasure this.” My voice shook. “I’ll miss you, Sean. But you deserve to be happy.”

  I got out of the car. “Go home. I need to walk.”

  Maybe a three-mile walk would help me stifle all the regrets and sadness I was feeling.

  His big car sat there until I was out of sight. I didn’t think I was the only one wiping away tears.

  I pretended to be happy for the rest of the Thanksgiving weekend, I talked to Kevin over the phone, and spent most of my time with my parents until I had to drive back to school.

  The day before I had to leave, I decided to take a walk into the woods to my favorite spot. The place by the stream held a ton of memories for me, but I felt I had to face them one last time.

  I was halfway through the backyard when I heard my father behind me.

  “Want some company, Cara?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not in the best place emotionally right now, Dad.”

  He took my hand as we walked into the trees at the foot of the backyard.

  “I know that, dear. You’ve been upset since you came home from your date with Sean. Can you tell me what happened?”

  “We’re cutting all ties. We won’t be seeing each other again.”

  We’d reached the stream and sat down on the flat rock, the center of my personal refuge.

  “Is this because of Adam?” he asked.

  “Essentially. Sean deserves more than I can give him. I want him to be happy. He hasn’t been since I told him about Adam. His solution is to cut all ties with me.”

  “But that’s making you unhappy.”

  “Yeah, but I’ll get over it. Sean really needs to get over me.”

  “I see. I’m really sorry you’re both unhappy, dear.”

  I shrugged as the tears began to flow. My tear ducts obviously had a mind of their own, and my father’s shoulder was handy.

  Mom sent me back to school with a bag full of leftovers from Thanksgiving. I wouldn’t need to go grocery shopping for a few days. I hoped I wouldn’t have to explain my present state of mind to Aidan Fox. He would have noticed, I was sure.

  At dinner in the Café that night, everyone was talking about their holiday weekend, and parties while they were home. I was able to get away with just smiling, laughing at the appropriate times, and not saying much.

  There was another Art Show scheduled for the week before Christmas at the Manhattan Gallery. That gave me a good excuse to spend all my evenings drawing and painting.

  Per Miss Galen’s advice, I would only be exhibiting four pieces of my work, two pen and ink drawings and two watercolors. I dropped them off to be framed on my next weekend at home. From that point until Christmas, I could relax.

  Mr. Callahan emailed me a couple of web sites he wanted me to check out. They were for several Art Galleries in the northeast. He thought I should start familiarizing myself with the way they were set up and being run. He also hinted that he thought springtime during the New Year would be an optimal time to open a gallery!

  Since he had been keeping track of my art show earnings, I guessed we were ready.

  After I had spent time looking at all the web sites he’d sent me, I asked him to start looking around Thornewood for the perfect retail space for our Gallery. We had already decided we wouldn’t need a big space to start with, but the right location was a must. The Gallery was beginning to seem like a reality rather than just a dream, and that lifted my spirits.

  Unfortunately, my dreams were doing their best to ruin my mood. One night my dreams would feature Sean and all the “firsts” I’d experienced with him. I’d wake up with an acute case of sadness.

  The next night it would be Adam, the way he used to tease me and hold my hand, and that one kiss that rattled my whole world. After those particular dreams, I’d wake up angry, ready to smack someone.

  I thought I looked more haggard every day.

  Aidan called one night and asked if I was in the mood for pizza. I’d painted right through dinner time at the Café, so I told him he’d be saving me from starvation—or from peanut butter and jelly, take your pick. Half an hour later, he arrived with a large pie, loaded with all my favorite toppings.

  “You must have had a good Thanksgiving, Aidan. You’re very chipper tonight.”

  He laughed. “Chipper? Yeah, I guess so. Career-related, though, not personal.”

  “So what’s going on? Are they making you Police Chief? You deserve it, of course.”

  He shook his head with a smile. “Well, I’m in line to make Captain, although it’s not a sure thing. I have a lot of competition for that spot.”

  He looked down at me and chuckled. “You’d better hope I don’t get it. I’ll be stuck in the office so much, I won’t have time to have dinner with pretty teenagers. But how was your Thanksgiving? You seem a little, I don’t know, down, I guess. What happened back in Thornewood while you were home?”

  I sighed. “Old friends cutting ties, that sort of thing. Bound to happen, I guess. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

  I saw sympathy on his face, but he nodded. “Okay. But if you ever need a sounding board, or a shoulder to cry on, I’m available.” He stood and put his plate in the sink.

  “I’d better get home now, Cara. It was good seeing you, as always.”

  When I walked him to the door, he leaned over and kissed me quickly before he ran out to his car.

  “Night, Aidan. Thanks.”

  He waved as he got into his car and pulled away.

  I looked up and down the street, but there was no sign of the green van.

  I shut the door and got ready for bed, strangely disappointed.

  The following week my father again accompanied me to the Manhattan Gallery. Miss Galen had again raised the prices on my work. My father’s eyebrows shot up when he saw the price tags.

  I whispered, “It’s getting us closer to our Gallery, Dad. I’m not going to argue with her.”

  I was glad to see Win Mason again. Two of his extra-large street scenes were displayed. I had been thinking about Win in connection with my own Gallery.

  “How are you, Win? These paintings are fantastic. I really love them. My father and I are planning on opening our own Gallery in Thornewood, probably in the spring. Would you be interested in showing your work there?”

  He looked delighted. “Of course I’d be interested! I’ll take every opportunity I can get to show my work, Cara. Thanks for the invite. Before we leave today, I’ll give you my contact information.”

  He was standing in front of his largest painting, and over his shoulder I saw someone place a “sold” sticker on the frame.

  I whispered, “Win, turn around. One of your paintings just sold.”

  He looked around and broke out in a huge grin. “There is a Christmas!”

  We each took a glass of champagne off the tray being passed around, and toasted his success along with my proposed gallery.

  “I’ll see you in the spring, Cara, if not sooner. The holidays will really be happy this year.”

  A few hours later, both of Win’s paintings had sold and all four of mine had also sold.

  It had been a pretty good day; I wasn’t complaining.

  And then it w
as Christmas, and I was home for two weeks. The smell of pine and bayberry were everywhere. Mom was adding one or two new decorations every year. It occurred to me that maybe I should be adding some decorations to my studio. Right now it was “Bah Humbug” next door.

  The next time I went next door to my studio, I took some measurements. I decided the living area in front of my studio was too small. I wondered if I could have the wall dividing the two rooms moved to give the living area more space. I decided to call the contractor, Jeff Anderson, right after Christmas and find out. Maybe it was time for me to begin living like an adult—in my own house.

  I didn’t have anything special planned during the holidays, but Kevin was home and came over frequently. On days when Kevin didn’t come over, Amy stopped by. I missed the days when all three of us could be together—at the same time. Amy still didn’t think that was such a great idea.

  I missed Sean too. I hadn’t seen or heard from him since Thanksgiving, which made me sad. But it was what was best for him. Nevertheless, there was an empty space in my life, and I deliberately avoided The Grille and the Pizza Palace while I was home. Which frustrated Amy until I explained why.

  “Cara, you never told me that you and Sean had broken things off completely. I thought I was your best friend. Well, your other best friend.” She snorted.

  “I was too depressed, Amy. I just didn’t want to talk about it.”

  “Well, wasn’t it your idea?”

  “Sort of. Actually, I think it was mutual. I couldn’t give Sean what he needed, and he decided he didn’t want any further contact with me. I don’t blame him. He deserves to be happy, and he can’t have that with me. End of story.”

  “That makes me sad too, sweetie. You two made such a great couple.”

  I pulled out the photo Sean had given me and handed it to her.

  “Oh, the Prom. You two looked so gorgeous together. I remember he didn’t take his eyes off you all night. What a shame.” She sighed.

  Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. Then Amy asked, “It’s still Adam?”