Shopaholic and Sister

by Sophie Kinsella

  The minute I got back from Mum’s last Saturday I joined, and put up for sale the Chinese urns, the wooden giraffes, and three of the rugs. And in three days they’d all been sold! Just like that! So the next day I put up five more rugs and two coffee tables. And since then, I haven’t stopped.

  I quickly click on “Items I’m Selling,” glancing at the door every so often. I mustn’t be long or Luke’ll come in and see me, but I’m desperate to find out if anyone has bid on the totem pole.

  A moment later the page appears… and yes! Result! Someone’s bid fifty pounds! I feel a hit of adrenaline and punch the air with a whoop (a quiet one, so Luke won’t hear). It’s such a power kick, selling stuff! I’m totally addicted!

  And the best thing of all is, I’m killing two birds with one stone. I’m solving our clutter problems — and I’m making money. Quite a lot of money, actually! I don’t want to boast — but every single day this week I’ve made a profit. I’m just like a City bond trader!

  For example, I got £200 for the slate coffee table — and we certainly didn’t pay more than a hundred for it. I got £100 for the Chinese urns, and £150 each for the five kilims, which only cost about £40 each in Turkey, if that. And best of all, I made a cool £2,000 on ten Tiffany clocks I don’t even remember buying! The guy even paid in cash and came to pick them up! Honestly, I’m doing so well, I could make eBay trading my career! I can hear Luke getting mugs out in the kitchen, and I click off “Items I’m Selling.”

  Then, very quickly, I click on “Items I’m Bidding On.”

  Obviously I joined eBay very much as a seller rather than a bidder. But I just happened to be browsing the other day when I came across this amazing orange vintage coat from the fifties with big black buttons. It’s a total one-off, and no one had made a single bid on it. So I made a tiny exception, just for that.

  And also for a pair of Prada shoes, which only had one bid on them, for fifty quid. I mean, Prada shoes for fifty quid!

  And that fantastic Yves Saint Laurent evening dress, which some other bidder got in the end. God, that was annoying. I won’t make that mistake again.

  I click on the vintage coat — and I don’t believe it. I bid £80 yesterday, which is the reserve price, and I’ve been trumped with £100. Well, I’m not losing this one. No way. I quickly type in “£120” and close down, just as Luke comes in with a tray.

  “Any e-mails?” he says.

  “Er… some!” I say brightly, and take a cup of coffee. “Thanks!”

  I haven’t told Luke about the whole eBay thing because there’s no need for him to get involved in every mundane detail of the household finances.

  “I found these in the kitchen.” Luke nods toward a tin of luxury Fortnum and Mason chocolate biscuits on the tray. “Very nice.”

  “Just a little treat.” I smile at him. “And don’t worry. It’s all within the budget.”

  Which is true! My budget is so much bigger now, I can afford a few luxuries!

  Luke takes a sip of coffee. Then his eyes fall on a pink folder lying on his desk.

  “What’s this?”

  I wondered when he was going to notice that.

  “That’s for you,” I say casually. “Just a little thing I’ve put together to help you. My ideas for the future of the company.”

  It hit me in the bath the other day. If Luke wins this great big pitch, he’s going to have to expand the company. And I know all about expansion.

  The reason is, when I was a personal shopper at Barneys, I had this client named Sheri, who owned her own business. I heard the whole saga of how she expanded too fast and all the mistakes she made, like renting six thousand square feet of office space in TriBeCa which she never used. I mean, at the time I thought it was really boring. I actually dreaded her appointments. But now I realize it’s all totally relevant to Luke!

  So I decided to write down everything she used to say, like consolidating your key markets and acquiring competitors. And that’s when an even better idea came to me: Luke should buy up another PR firm.

  I even know which one he should buy! David Neville, who used to work for Farnham PR, set up his own firm three years ago, when I was still a financial journalist. He’s really talented and everyone keeps saying how well he’s doing. But I know he’s secretly been struggling, because I saw his wife, Judy, at the hairdresser’s last week and she told me.

  “Becky…” Luke’s frowning. “I haven’t got time for this.”

  “But it’ll be useful to you!” I say quickly. “When I was at Barneys I learned all about—”

  “Barneys? Becky, I run a PR company. Not a fashion store.”

  “But I’ve had these ideas—”

  “Becky,” Luke interrupts impatiently. “Right now my priority is bringing in new business. Nothing else. I don’t have time for your ideas, OK?” He stuffs the folder into his briefcase without opening it. “I’ll look at it sometime.”

  I sit down, feeling a bit crestfallen. The doorbell rings and I look up in surprise.

  “Oh! Maybe that’s Jess, early!”

  “No, it’ll be Gary,” says Luke. “I’ll let him in.”

  Gary is Luke’s second in command. He ran the London office while we were living in New York and on our honeymoon, and he and Luke get on really well. He even ended up being Luke’s best man at our wedding. Kind of.

  The wedding’s a bit of a long story, actually.

  “What’s Gary doing here?” I ask in surprise.

  “I told him to meet me here,” replies Luke, heading out to the entry phone and buzzing it. “We have some work to do on the pitch. Then we’re planning to go to lunch.”

  “Oh, right,” I say, trying to hide my disappointment.

  I was really looking forward to spending a bit of time with Luke today, before Jess arrives. He’s so busy these days. He hasn’t been home once before eight all week, and last night he didn’t arrive back until eleven. I know they’re working hard at the moment. And I know the Arcodas pitch is important. But still. For months and months, Luke and I were together twenty-four hours a day… and now I hardly ever see him.

  “Maybe I could help with the pitch,” I suggest. “I could join the team!”

  “I don’t think so,” Luke says without even looking up.

  “There must be something I could do,” I say, leaning forward eagerly. “Luke, I really want to help the company. I’ll do anything—”

  “It’s all pretty much under control,” says Luke. “But thanks. Do you want to come out to lunch with us?” he adds kindly. “You’re welcome if you don’t mind a bit of shop talk.”

  “No. It’s fine.” I give a little shrug. “Have fun. Hi, Gary,” I add, as he appears at the front door.

  “Hi, Becky!” Gary says cheerfully. He’s tall and well-built with a broad, amiable face. He’s worked for Luke for three years, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look angry, or even rattled.

  “Come in,” Luke says, and ushers him into the study. The door closes — then almost immediately it opens again and Luke looks out. “Becky, if the phone rings, could you answer it? I don’t want to be disturbed for a few minutes.”

  “No problem!” I say brightly.

  Answering the phone is not what I meant by helping the company.

  I wander down the corridor toward the sitting room, feeling deflated. I’m an intelligent, creative person. I could be a help, I know I could. I mean, Luke and I are supposed to be a partnership. We’re supposed to do things together.

  The phone rings and I jump. Maybe it’s Jess. Maybe she’s here! I hurry to the receiver and pick it up.

  “Hello?”

  “Mrs. Brandon?” comes a man’s raspy voice.

  “Yes!”

  “It’s Nathan Temple here.”

  My mind is totally blank. Nathan? I don’t know any Nathans…

  “You may recall, we met in Milan a few weeks ago.”

  Oh my God. It’s the man from the shop! I should have recognized his
voice straightaway.

  “Hello! Of course I remember! How are you?”

  “I’m well, thank you,” he says. “And you? Enjoying your new bag?”

  “I absolutely love it!” I can’t hide my enthusiasm. “It’s changed my whole life! Thank you so much again for what you did.”

  “It was my pleasure.”

  Down the line I hear the click of his lighter. I’m not entirely sure what to say next.

  “Maybe I could buy you lunch,” I blurt out. “As a proper thank-you. Anywhere you like!”

  “That’s not necessary.” He sounds amused. “Besides which, my doctor has put me on a diet.”

  “Oh, right. That’s a shame—”

  “However, since you mention it… As you said yourself in Milan, one good turn deserves another.”

  “Absolutely! I really owe you one! If there’s anything I can do, anything at all…”

  “I was thinking of your husband, Luke. I was hoping he might do me a small favor.”

  “He’d love to!” I exclaim. “I know he would!”

  “Is he there? Might I have a quick word?”

  If I get Luke to the phone now I’ll have to disturb him. And explain who Nathan Temple is… and how I met him… and about the Angel bag…

  “You know what?” I say, turning back to the phone. “He’s not in right now, I’m afraid. But can I take a message?”

  “The situation is this. I’m opening a five-star hotel on the island of Cyprus. It’s going to be a top-of-the-range resort and I’m planning a big launch. Celebrity party, press coverage. I’d very much like your husband to be involved.”

  A celebrity party in Cyprus? A five-star hotel?

  Oh my God. This would be so wonderful for Luke’s business! Forget about Arcodas. The Nathan Temple account could be fab!

  “I’m sure he’d love to!” I say, regaining my voice. “It sounds fantastic!”

  “Your husband’s very talented. He has a very classy reputation. Which is what we want.”

  “Well.” I can’t help but glow with pride. “He is pretty good at what he does.”

  “I gather he specializes in financial institutions, though. Would a hotel launch be a problem?”

  My heart starts thudding. I can’t let this opportunity slip away. I have to sell Brandon Communications.

  “Not at all,” I say smoothly. “We at Brandon Communications are skilled in all areas of public relations, from finance to big business to hotels. Versatility is our motto.”

  “Ah.” He sounds pleased. “That’s what I was hoping to hear. I attended a party run by your husband last year as a guest of a guest. A property investment launch in New York. Very slick affair, and a huge media attendance. I was impressed.”

  “In that amazing brownstone?” I chime in, delighted. “With the marble staircase and the champagne cocktails? I was there too!”

  I nearly add that I was the one in a backless red Donna Karan dress, but stop myself in time.

  “You work for the company, then?” He sounds interested.

  “I have a… small consultancy role,” I say, crossing my fingers. “Specializing in strategy. And by sheer chance, one of our current strategies is an expansion into the… er… five-star travel arena.”

  “Then it looks like we might be able to help one another out,” says Nathan Temple. “Perhaps we could set up a meeting this week? As I say, we’re very anxious to have your husband, Luke, on board.”

  “Please, Mr. Temple,” I say in my most charming manner. “You did me a favor. Now this is my chance to repay it. My husband would be delighted to help you. In fact, he’ll make it a priority!” I beam at the phone. “Let me take your number, and I’ll get Luke to call you later today.”

  “I look forward to your husband’s call. Nice talking to you again, Mrs. Brandon.”

  “Please! Call me Becky!”

  As I replace the receiver I’m grinning from ear to ear.

  There’s Luke and Gary, slaving away over their pitch — and meanwhile I’ve snaffled them a fabulous new client without even trying! And not even some dreary old bank. A five-star hotel in Cyprus! A huge, prestigious job!

  Just then the study door opens and Luke comes out, holding a folder. As he picks up his briefcase he glances over and gives me a distracted smile.

  “All right, Becky? We’re off to lunch. Who was that on the phone?”

  “Oh… just a friend of mine,” I say carelessly. “By the way, Luke… maybe I will come along to lunch after all.”

  “OK,” he says. “Great!”

  When he hears how I’ve been wheeling and dealing with top business magnates on his behalf, he’ll be totally gobsmacked! And then maybe he’ll see just how much of a help I can be to him.

  Just wait till I tell them the news. Just wait!

  All the way to the restaurant, I’m hugging my secret. Honestly, Luke should hire me! I should become some kind of ambassador for the company! A chance meeting in Milan — and this is what results. A brand-new client for the company. Luke’s going to be so impressed when I tell him the news. He’ll probably order a bottle of champagne straightaway.

  This could be an amazing new business opportunity for him! He could start a whole division devoted to five-star hotels and spas. Brandon Communications Luxury Travel. And I could be part of it, maybe.

  I could be the one who test-markets the spas.

  “So… still on the dinner we’re hosting,” Gary is saying to Luke as we sit down. “You’ve sorted out the gifts?”

  “Yup,” says Luke. “They’re at home. What about transport? Have we organized cars for them?”

  “I’ll get someone onto it.” Gary makes a careful note on a little pocket pad, then looks up at me. “Sorry, Becky. This must be boring. You know this pitch is pretty important to us.”

  “That’s OK,” I say with a demure smile. “Luke was just telling me how winning new business is your number-one priority right now.”

  “Absolutely.” Gary nods.

  “I expect it’s quite hard work, bringing in new clients,” I add innocently.

  “Yes, it can be.” Gary smiles.

  I so want to blurt out the whole story. But I must time my revelation perfectly.

  As the waiter pours mineral water for Luke and Gary, I suddenly notice three girls at a nearby table, nudging each other and pointing at my Angel bag. Trying to hide my delight, I casually adjust the bag on my chair so that the embossed angel and Dante are clearly visible.

  It’s just amazing. Everywhere I go, people notice this bag. It is the best thing I have ever bought, ever, ever. And now it’s brought Luke new business, too. It’s a lucky charm!

  “Cheers!” I say, lifting my glass as the waiter retreats. “To new clients!”

  “New clients,” Luke and Gary echo in unison. Gary takes a sip of water, then turns to Luke. “So, Luke, just regarding the last proposal we’re making… I spoke to Sam Church the other day—”

  I can’t wait a moment longer. I have to tell them.

  “Speaking of churches!” I interrupt in bright tones.

  There’s a startled pause.

  “Becky, we weren’t talking about churches,” says Luke.

  “Yes, you were! Kind of.”

  Luke looks bemused. OK, I could have managed this a little more smoothly. But never mind.

  “So, speaking of churches…” I press on. “And… er… religious buildings in general… I suppose you’ve heard of a man called Nathan Temple, haven’t you?”

  I look from Luke to Gary, unable to hide my elation. Both men look back at me curiously.

  “Of course I’ve heard of Nathan Temple,” says Luke.

  Ha! I knew it.

  “He’s a pretty big player, right? Pretty important.” I raise my eyebrows in a cryptic manner. “He’s probably someone you’d really like to network with. Maybe even get as a new client?”

  “Hardly!” Luke wrinkles his nose as though he’s found a worm in his apple.

&nbs
p; I pause uncertainly. What’s “hardly” supposed to mean?

  “Of course you would!” I persist. “He’d be a great client!”

  “No, Becky. He wouldn’t.” Luke takes a sip of water. “Sorry, Gary, what were you saying?”

  This is not going according to plan. I had the whole conversation mapped out in my head. Luke was going to say, “I’d adore Nathan Temple as a client, of course — but how does one get to him?” Then Gary was going to sigh and say, “No one can get to Nathan Temple.” And then I was going to lean across the table with a confidential little smile…

  “So, I’ve spoken to Sam Church,” resumes Gary, taking some papers out of his briefcase. “And he gave me these. Have a look.”

  “Wait!” I interrupt, trying to haul the conversation back on track. “So, Luke, why wouldn’t you want Nathan Temple as a client? I mean, he’s rich… he’s famous… ”

  “Infamous, more like,” Gary puts in with a grin.

  “You do know who Nathan Temple is,” says Luke.

  “Of course I do!” I say. “He’s a top businessman and… er… a high-class hotelier—”

  “Becky, he runs the seediest chain of motels in the land.”

  My smile freezes on my face.

  “What?” I manage at last.

  “Not anymore,” says Gary. “Be fair.”

  “Then he used to,” says Luke. “That’s how he made his money. Value Motels. Water beds thrown in for free. And whatever other business went on behind closed doors.” He pulls a disdainful face and pours out more water.

  “You’ve heard the rumor he’s considering buying up the Daily World?” asks Gary.

  “Yes, I did,” Luke says with a grimace. “Spare us. You know he has a conviction for grievous bodily harm?”

  My head is spinning. A conviction? But he seemed so nice. He was so sweet! He got me my Angel bag!

  “Apparently he’s reformed.” Gary shrugs. “Become a new person. So he says.”

  “A new person?” says Luke dismissively. “Gary, he’s little better than a gangster.”

  I nearly drop my glass on the floor. I owe a favor to a gangster?